


Looking

by bisexualreina



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Childbirth, Dana Scully Angst, F/M, Female Friendship, Implied Fox Mulder/Dana Scully, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Minor Character Death, Multi, POV First Person, POV Original Female Character, Parent-Child Relationship, Possible Character Death, Post-Canon, Pregnant Dana Scully, Stillbirth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:15:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 123,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26927977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexualreina/pseuds/bisexualreina
Summary: Dr. Marisol L. Mulder has finally gotten used to the idea of having a father after seeking him out after 25 years. However, when she hears of a his sudden disappearance and the sheer unwillingness of the authorities to find him, she finds herself jumping into his shoes to see where he could be, which means turning to the only person he ever trusted.
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Comments: 16
Kudos: 27





	1. Picture Frame

Marisol

_Always believe something wonderful is about to happen._

The feeling of tragedy always felt the same no matter the gravity. The feeling of someone tugging on your heart hard enough to pull it down to the deep, hollow pit of your stomach. This one felt no different, just embraced by the feeling of nausea, fear, and adrenaline. 

My father, the incredible, persistent, and troublesome, Fox William Mulder was missing and presumed dead.

This man, someone I had barely gotten to know in my twenty five years of life, the gift that whatever god ruled over this universe had gifted me, was torn from my grips by whatever force there was that wanted our family line snuffed out.

I stood trembling in the foyer of his drafty farm house, my eyes zoning in on the green, peeling paint that he had proudly showed me when I had confronted him all those years ago, his demeanor soft and curious, a hint of youth sparkling through the wrinkles of his aging eyes. 

The living room was atrocious, papers and boxes strewn over every item and empty surface, and for him, that was limited to his entire floor. Furniture was torn, shredded, and tossed around the home, broken glass littered the hardwood, and crunched under my boot, causing me to shudder and pull my scarf around myself as my mind raced ten miles a minute.

An x dimly projected on his window, glowing steadily through his ancient lamp that he proudly gloated about, how he had preserved it from the early nineties, and how it still managed to get the job done. I sucked in a breath and looked carefully under the shade, a thin piece of painters tape crossed into an “x” sat melted onto the bulb.

“Miss Mulder…” An elderly officer bellowed, making me spin away from his desk and tilt my head up towards him, sucking in a hasty breath.

“Doctor.” I corrected, making him raise an eyebrow at me, his age and upbringing plastering across his face almost perfectly as I put him in his place.

“I’m sorry…?” He questioned, but I just folded my arms and squared up to his towering stature and expansive waistline and shoulders, something that I had taught myself in my first year of my program, being the only person who had gone directly from my bachelor’s degree to my PhD program, and of course I was a lowly woman of color who should’ve kissed the boots of all the men who had paid their way in. Stand tall and stare down, no matter your stature.

“Doctor Mulder.” I exhaled before averting my attention back to the matter at hand. “Your father seems to be gone without a trace, now we are scanning the room as a favor for a fellow agent, but given the evidence, I don’t think we are going to find him.” He reported, making me narrow my eyes at him and inch closer, closing the gap between the both of us.

“You are joking, right?” I began, shrugging my scarf off and shoving it into my large purse. He shrugged and began to drift his mind off towards all things but the safety and well being of my father. “My father had hundreds of enemies, all of which probably had motives to take and or kill him. There are papers _everywhere_ in this house, and there has to be some DNA or piece of evidence here that can link us to where he is.” I cried, now crouching down to get a closer look at a pile of glass beneath one of the shattered windows, along with small droplets of blood.

“Look, blood, you can take some of that!” I called, some officers and agents moving like molasses to glance at what I was motioning to, but the large agent just dragged his boots towards me and yanked me to my feet with his beefy, calloused hand.

“Look, _Doctor_ Mulder. You aren’t an agent yet, you aren’t anything except a kid straight out of medical school who has a father who was notorious for being a grade a pain in the fucking ass, so don’t tell us how to search for him. We’ll get the evidence and we’ll do what we can, but from the looks of it, he’s dead.” He declared, his sweaty cheeks beet red from the simple physical effort that his threats took.

I watched in defeat as he began to clear out the house, unfazed at the fact that he was getting away without any regard to my father’s life. The cold draft of the winter wind sent my skin into a rash of goosebumps, but despair had yet to set in, pure determination setting in as I began to search the house for anything, just a morsel of information that could lead me in a direction to find him.

It was almost impressive how much stuff the great Fox Mulder had hoarded for living in this house for living in it for less than five years. It seemed like less of a home, but as a cluttered, crumb filled library of documents, maps, journals, and an ever growing collection of _adult_ films. I could barely walk without stepping on shards of glass, splintered wood, and sharp edges of everything.

I meandered towards his desk and brushed off cracked sunflower seed shells from it’s surface, my hand landing on a battered notebook covered in duct tape, bubble gum strands, and a sticker of a giant grey alien on it’s leather bound cover. I could feel a smile forming as I reached towards it, electricity almost radiating out of it’s mundane cover.

I sucked in a breath and unclasped the button on the front, my eyes landing on mindless scribbles of basketball, jogging times, and other regular things that one might document. However, the semi-blank page seemed to be the only one of the entire book. It was weighty in my hands and it felt well kept and attended to, which made sense, from the short time that I knew my father, he didn’t seem like the person to just let something fall through the cracks.

I skipped ahead and landed on a page with an intricate sketch of a redheaded woman next to scrawled out notes from his day apparently spent with her. Most of it was bursts of thought written around the sketch, nothing quite making sense to my head. Sketches of nails, hammers, crickets, and circus tents littered the page along with the repetition of who I assumed was portrayed in the sketch.

_Scully._

As I flipped through she seemed to be the only constant in the journal, or his life to be quite honest, besides her ever changing hairstyles, but even then it maintained it’s bright red shine. 

I sighed and slid the notebook into my purse and gave the apartment one last look before readying myself to leave. I scanned the room and nearly leapt for joy when I came across a cellphone, something I was shocked that the local authorities didn’t pay much attention to. 

I slid it open and scoffed at the fact that my once skeptical father was too technologically challenged to put a password on his phone. I prayed internally as I checked his contact list for this Scully woman. His contact list was short and only contained one person - the one I was looking for.

I ventured further and opened his messages to find again only one conversation, making this almost too easy for me. I whispered a pleased affirmation to myself and copied the information to my own cellphone before heading out.

…

I drove up to an open, glass home. The pond trickling in the front on either side of a small bridge-like walkway leading up to the front door. I killed the engine and sucked in a deep breath before sliding out of the driver’s seat, terrified that this woman wouldn’t help, that I would be on the hunt for a father that I barely knew, that she would be furious that I awoke her late in the night.

I faced the large wooden door and could feel my hands shaking as I raised one to knock. Mytrembling wrist caused my knock to boom much louder than I had wanted, sending fear straight into my stomach. There was no sign of a doorbell and no sign of her hearing my presence on her porch, making me feel like quite a fool.

I swallowed thickly and pushed my wire glasses that were slipping down my nose, fixing my hair to look presentable enough to have a conversation. This minute felt like an eternity, but I had told myself while I was in the car that I would stand here for five minutes, and then if nothing happened, then I would leave and begin my search.

My heart felt like it was in my throat, causing me to begin backing up, telling myself that this was stupid. I could do this, I had no idea how, but I would find him and it would be alright somehow. That was it, I was leaving.

I began to shrink away from the door when I heard it slide open, causing me to freeze in my tracks and turn. She was like the drawing, just older, her red hair was still vibrant, but it fell in a more modern cut that sat on her shoulders in a curled swoop. She had a thick blue robe that was faded and worn, tied securely around her tiny waist. 

“Can I help you?” She questioned skeptically, making me swallow and nod at her. Her eyes held an intensity that made me nervous to look directly in them, so I kept them at my feet. 

“Are you…” I began, opening the journal to it’s second page to get her name again.

“Dana Scully?” I asked, watching her purse her lips before sliding her hands out of her pockets and crossing them across her chest. “Yes, who are you, and where did you get that?” She questioned immediately, making my nerves spike as I looked her in the eyes.

“I’m Marisol, Marisol Mulder, I need-.”

“ _Mulder_ ” She gasped, catching me off guard as I tried to regain my train of thought.

“Yes…Doctor Marisol Mulder. I don’t know if you know my father, from what I’ve read it seems like you do. He’s been abducted and the cops didn’t do anything, and I think there is something going on that is putting him in a lot of danger… and more, and I didn’t know where to go, so I came here.” I breathed, watching as she swallowed and nodded at me.

“Okay…”


	2. Introductions

Marisol

I waited a beat as she internalized what I had said, skeptical to believe everything I had said. She chewed on her lip and held her hand out, motioning for me to give her the book that I had tucked under my arm. I needed this woman’s help, so if a raggedy journal was the only way for her to trust me, then she was going to get to read it.

I nodded and passed it over, watching her flip through it with a hint of a smile on her lips, followed by a wistful frown. “How old are you?” She whispered, making me raise an eyebrow at her and cross my own arms.

“Twenty five, but I graduated in a special PhD program out of my undergrad-.” I began, but she just waved her hand to cut me off, her mind wandering as she calculated things in her head. “Ninety five, I was born in ninety five.” I revealed, this information making her eyes water for a moment.

“Look, I know this is a lot of information, but this is a very urgent situation, I can let you pat me down, do a background check, whatever, but my father is in trouble, and I think you are the only person who can help me find him.” I begged, but she just chuckled and nodded at me, motioning for me to turn so she could pat me down, quickly checking me before patting my shoulder to let me know I was okay.

“I’ll help you, come inside.” She urged, pulling me into her house and slamming the door securely behind me. It was immaculately cleaned, the walls bare from much artwork or decorations, and the furniture seemed new and unused, as if she had never spent time to just relax and watch a movie.

“I will look and see where he could be when we get in the car, did you pack enough to last you a while?” She questioned from her bedroom, making me stammer at how fast she was moving to get her things. I was careful not to touch anything surrounding me, terrified that I would break one of her ornately crafted sculptures. “I brought a bag with some clothes and toiletries…why? Should I have brought more?” I called nervously, not exactly prepared to be gearing up for a spur of the moment road trip with this woman.

“Ah, that should be fine, but if we are out longer there are usually stores and stuff like that for you to get what you need.” She assured while dragging a bag out into the living room, now changed into a pair of dark pants and a periwinkle sweater, her red hair neatly pinned to the side. “But I would also prepare to be away from home for a while.” She warned, her short stature disappearing into a closet, returning with a long, black coat.

I swallowed and watched as she wandered into her kitchen, pulling out a package of dried seaweed and mangoes, tossing them into her bag. I slung my purse higher onto my shoulder and examined her lack of one, just the slight bulge in her jacket where a wallet or badge sat. “Why are you helping me? I mean I appreciate it, but you were so fast to get your things ready.” I asked nervously, watching her stop scrambling and pause in the kitchen, slowly turning to face me with a hint of pain flickering across her bright blue irises.

“This is something your father would get himself into. Plus, you have his smile.” She flashed, turning her lips into a small grin on the corner of her mouth, taking a breath before grabbing her bag. “Let’s get going.”

…

We sat in the interior of Scully’s black Nissan, similar to her home, it was spotless, the leather seats shined meticulously, and the absence of crumbs and straw wrappers told me that she rarely let anyone inside. She sat curled in the driver’s seat, her legs fitting comfortably behind the wheel as she searched on her tablet, maneuvering the complex site as if it were a simple webpage. The glow of the screen illuminated her angular face, each line and wrinkle accentuated, and I found myself staring, intrigued by this woman, and wanting to know more about what her life had been, and what it had been like with my father.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” She quipped without even lifting her eyes, making me blush and dart my gaze down to my lap in pure humiliation. “Sorry.” I muttered, glancing up to see her smirking at me before sitting up straighter behind the wheel, tossing the tablet into her bag that sat on the floor of the back seat. 

“How did you know my father?” I asked nervously, watching pain dance across her face once more as she sucked in a breath and turned to face me, making me unsure of her reaction to this simple question.

“We were partners.” She answered shortly, the weight behind her words warning me not to push it, but giving me the peace of mind that she at least knew him enough in that sense. We both sat in uncomfortable silence for a moment before she cleared her throat and looked over at me, causing me to jump and wait for a tongue lashing, but she was calm and still.

“He… _never_ mentioned me to you?” She whimpered, making me feel some empathy for this poor lady who seemed to be much more than a partner at work. I bit my lip and shrugged at her, unsure of how to answer the question with compassion.

“To be fair, I only met him a year and a half ago, he just told me that he got busy a couple months ago…I’m not sure what he was up to, but I guess he just didn’t feel comfortable sharing personal things with me quite yet?” I shrugged, my stomach dropping as I watched her bat back a tear with her perfectly manicured hands. 

“He was with me… we had some things to take care of.” She explained, both of us now silent as our stories began to link together, filling in blanks that had been left by the man we were now searching for. 

“Look…if this is too awkward…I get it, I’m sorry I dragged you out of bed, this was a mistake…” I stammered, beginning to feel the onsets of my anxieties building in my chest as I fumbled for the seatbelt, desperately trying to unclasp it and climb out of the car. I knew my bag was still in her trunk, and my car was parked in front of her house, but I would find a ride share service to take me back and we would part our own ways.

“Marisol.” Scully stated frankly, locking my passenger door to catch my attention, my heartbeat now ringing in my ears as I glanced up at her and swallowed. “Look, I want to find him too, you’re not forcing me to do anything I don’t want to do, okay?” She explained sternly, her eyes filled with something that I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

“Look, no matter how he felt about me, or what he has told you, he is very important to me, and I want to find him just as much as you do.” She breathed, glancing down at the steering wheel before putting it into gear.

“Did you find something?” I asked carefully, but she just shook her head at me and began driving, making my stomach twist at the thought of taking on the open road without a lead in sight with a woman whom I barely knew. I watched as she barreled through her neighborhood, the Washington streets wet from the cold rain. Her lips were pursed and I could tell that she was analyzing every word that I had spoken since I showed up on her doorstep.

….

It had been hours since we had left her garden of a home, and the sun was beginning to peak over the clouds as we drove. I had taken over and out of the corner of my eye I could see the older woman fighting off sleep, trying her hardest to stay awake for me, despite my many assurances that I would be fine. The music was turned on low in the one earbud that I had on, keeping me alert as I sped down the deserted road.

“The airport should be coming up soon.” She yawned, making my eyes widen at the realization that we’d be flying somewhere, and I had only packed enough clothes for the weekend. “Wait a minute, you didn’t say we were flying anywhere?” I exclaimed, but she just yawned and sat up a bit straighter in her seat, trying to blink away her exhaustion.

“Well yeah, unless you would rather drive to Oregon.” She offered, making me grumble and begin to imagine what a last minute flight across the country would cost out of some small town airport like the one we were coming up on.

…

I bit my lip as I filtered through the array of books on the shelf within the airport. It was small and crammed, and the air smelled like stale coffee and bread. My arms were filled with packages of crackers and a muffin for the flight and however long we would be in some stuffy rental car. 

I could hear the overhead speaker calling for boarding of our flight, making me groan and stare at the long line of eager shoppers who were looking to check out as well. I stuffed the book back on the shelf and marched on towards the one terminal filled with gates where Dana was perched in her seat, tapping her boot against the grey carpet, her blue eyes darting up at me in exasperation as patrons shuffled into the ramp.

“Sorry, I wanted a book.” I sighed, making her gather her bag and sling it onto her shoulder, nearly dragging me to the line as I yanked my expensive ticket out of my coat pocket, passing it to the young woman behind the counter. I could feel my hands trembling as I followed the short woman down the ramp, her stride confident as if she had done this millions of times, compared to my shrinking one, absolutely petrified to ride on one of these metal flying death boxes.

Humans were not meant to fly, the idea of a whole group of us plummeting to our deaths on some island while in my _condition_ made me even more wary to continue with this flight. Dana seemed more agitated than usual after our small dispute at the ticketing counter where I had refused to let her purchase my ticket, her wide eyes narrowing at me as I raced over to the next available kiosk and shoved my card in. I watched her lips press into a line and scrunch angrily as she gathered her bag and stomped off to the gate.

I shuffled down to my seat and scooted beside her, storing our bags overhead due to my extra inch and a half that I had on her. As I reached beside the useless man who slid his bag in with ease, struggling to get it into the bin, I felt almost a flutter move across the expanse of my middle. I released a strangled gasp and nearly dropped the heavy duffel bag onto my head, the man swiftly catching it before it hit my face, tapping it into the bin. “Jesus, hurry up.” He grumbled, taking my other bag from me and setting it neatly to the other.

“Excuse me, sir?” I heard Dana begin from our row, my eyes widening with embarrassment, but she remained unbothered in her seat, her eyes simply raising over the thick black brim of her glasses. “Shh, please.” I begged, getting her to glance over at me in exasperation, but I anxiously shook my head at her. “He was being rude! He should have just helped you and been polite about it!” She whispered back, appalled that he was going to move on not chastised. 

“Dana, I mean it, it’s fine.” I muttered, buckling my seatbelt immediately after. I watched as she pulled out an old, bound journal, similar to the one I had found of my father’s. His had been beaten and worn, and her’s was similar, but it seemed like just the age had done that, each page was neatly pressed, no creases in the paper, and fancy cursive filled each page to the brim. I expected it to be messier, with her being a doctor and all, but it was neat and polished, pink highlighter emphasizing the importance of each page.

She was a scientist, organized, neat, and ready for an emergency to happen at any moment.Before she could notice and shift with discomfort I averted my eyes and focused on the dirty, germ infested tray in front of me, my fingers instinctively picking at the dried skin of my cuticles. The fluttering continued, and it was a reminder for me to pull the seatbelt away from the waistband of my pants and across my thighs, just like the internet had told me to do in cars.

Everyone continued to board and I could’ve kicked myself as I turned my phone over for the first time in a while, the screen full of messages and missed calls. 

_Valerie_

“Shit.” I muttered, sending a swift text to my blonde friend who was set to come and spend some months with me after my panic induced phone call to her a few weeks ago.The fluttering in my abdomen being the only worry that I had at the time. My small apartment was in disarray from the emergency, and my hasty packing that I had done making it look like an intruder had come and thrown all of my things all over the floor.

The flight attendant began announcing safety protocols while demonstrating the overhead oxygen masks, my eyes now glued on her, and I could tell out of the corner of my eye, that Dana was not. The plane roared to life and I could feel the tires beneath us roll down the runway, making my heart feel like it was in my throat. Sweat began to dampen my forehead and my shirt, making me fan the perspiration away. Sweat was new, the fluttering causing the most of it for the past few months, and I was not a fan, especially in moments like this.

The engine roared once more as the lights shut off and all the windows came up, everything I had seen happen in those plane crash movies. I sucked in a silent breath and felt my hands clamp down on the armrests, one of them gripping onto a wrist that was sitting atop of the armrest. 

“What the- oh god.” I heard Dana mumble to herself, cautiously glancing over once more before reaching her other hand over to pat the one that was gripping her wrist. I wanted to apologize, shrink in embarrassment, but all I could focus on was the dropping of my stomach and down to my toes as the plane took off. She chuckled softly beside me as we continued to ascend.

“I hated flying too.” She revealed, her gravelly voice invading my thoughts and somehow snapping me back into the present, and out of the pounding fears that were invading my mind. “W-what?” I managed, my hand dropping to the seam of my seatbelt, picking away at it to avoid holding onto my middle.

“We would travel tons, your father and I. He loved it, thought it was a part of his super spy, government journey. If there were empty flights he would sprawl out and nap. As I flew more and more I got more comfortable with the idea.” She shrugged, raising an eyebrow in my direction, the plane now leveling out in the air. 

I exhaled slowly and released her hand sheepishly, crossing my arms over myself in embarrassment. Before I could thank her a bump in the air caused her face to go pale, her hand going to her mouth as her body seized. My eyes widened as I pulled the front pocked forward where a paper bag normally sat, but it was void. I panicked and hastily dug through my bag in hopes of finding something, but she just yanked it out of my hand and tossed the small pouch of my electronics on my lap, vomiting into it. I looked down and said a silent prayer of thanks that my wallet and phone were in my lap, and that my laptop was above, because it sounded as if she was releasing a demon into my purse.

A flight attendant rushed down the aisle with a plastic garbage bag and another larger one for my purse, telling me not to bother with trying to rinse it out afterwards. I heard Dana gasp as she finished, collapsing into the seat, sweat covering her forehead. I sucked my breath in and took the bag from her shaking hands, tossing it into the garbage bag, taking the other one from the lady who just wrinkled her nose and tied it up.

“Here.” I muttered, taking my water bottle from the front pouch, uncapping it before handing it over to the shivering woman beside me. “Are you okay?” I whispered as she took the water, swallowing breathily before taking a small sip.

She remained silent for a moment and caught her composure, swiftly batting a tear away before shaking her head to try and assure me. “I’m fine.” She whispered, settling into her seat before shutting her eyes, covering them with her hand.

I sighed and rubbed her shoulder briefly before sinking back into my own seat, taking a few more breaths before taking a glance at my watch, another four hours until we were back on the ground.


	3. Disbelief

Marisol

We both silently drove down the remote Oregon road, the redhead glancing out of the window from her curled state in the passenger seat as I swerved around a faded orange x on the pavement, her eyes filling with moisture as they trailed behind us. 

“Why do you think my dad is out here in the middle of nowhere?” I asked to break the thick silence in the car. Her stomach had calmed down since her spell on the airplane, and she fought me to carry her own bag off the plane, but by the shaking nature of her frame, I simply ignored her. 

“We’ve been here a few times, it’s the place that we first came to on a case, we’ve been back one time before…it was an important place for us.” She explained softly, her voice even more hoarse from her fit. I nodded at her and watched as her blue eyes laced with sorrow deep enough to touch her core.

“Is it a nice town? I’ve never been to the west coast.” I asked softly, but she just scoffed and straightened her legs off of the seat, brushing her hands over her sweater, fighting forcefully to push back a well of tears. “Ah, never mind.” I muttered, just letting the silence sit, she seemed content in it.

A small motel curved around the corner, a row of rooms vacant amongst a wet parking lot. The signage buzzing, inviting us in to drop our things off. I sighed and pulled into a spot, cutting the engine before shoving the key into my pocket. I could feel her shift beside me, her demeanor almost terrified to step foot in the motel.

“I’m going to go see if there are rooms available for us.” I nearly whispered, grabbing my wallet and phone from the console, slipping out of the car and down the way to the dimly lit office. A small bell chimed as I entered, the sun barely setting through the trees. There was a middle aged woman sitting behind the counter, auburn hair trailing down her shoulders as she chewed on a coffee stirrer, admiring her bright pink nails.

“Hi, can I get two rooms please?” I asked tiredly, somehow completely worn from just the driving and plane ride, and I could feel the onsets of a raging headache starting. She just nodded and typed fervently on the archaic computer, printing out some forms for me to sign before passing my credit card across the counter. She gave me a friendly wink before dropping two sets of keys in my hands.

I mutter a quick thanks before popping the trunk of the rental car, poking around to see Dana perched in the passenger seat, her hands knotted tightly in her lap as she stared at the room in front of the car, almost as if she had seen a ghost.

I grabbed the bags and kicked the trunk shut before knocking on the window, causing her to jump and gasp at me, her eyes now filled with tears, causing me to bite my lip and yank the door open with my free hand.

“I got the rooms, eleven and twelve, choose whichever one you’d like.” I shrugged nonchalantly, she nodded quietly and took the key with the big twelve printed on the tag, shuffling off gratefully, turning sheepishly to retrieve her bag.

“It’s been a long day, let’s get some rest and tomorrow we can look.” I whispered, trotting towards room twelve with the bag in hand, waiting for her to unlock the door so I could set the bag inside the room.

“If you need anything just knock.” I nodded, watching her nod at me and move her stare over to the full sized bed with forest green sheets. I took that as my signal to leave, shuffling out quietly with my own bag to the room to the left, shoving my shoulder into jammed wood, feeling it pop slightly then give way as I opened it.

It looked identical to the other, nothing special, and seemed to be a little less than I was expecting for fifty dollars per room. I sighed and tossed the bag onto the chair, pulling the waistband of my leggings down before stepping in front of the mirror. 

I watched in horror as my stomach slightly expanded and happily pulled out a thick coat from inside my bag, throwing it on to see how much it could hide, being almost three sizes bigger than the medium size I normally used. 

My phone buzzed once more, Valerie’s name coming up again, telling me she was worried, and rightfully so, I was never one to just take off and leave without warning. I tossed the coat onto the chair and climbed onto the bed, now only clad in a grayish green crew neck sweater, my black leggings rolled down to let the fluttering breathe and expand while I kicked off my boots to reveal my grey socks that I had pulled over my pants.

“Hi Val.” I greeted nervously, hearing her exhale in relief before answering, causing me to feel just a tinge of guilt. “I’m so sorry I just up and left, my dad went missing and the cops are doing nothing about it, so I went to go find him.” I whispered, the walls paper thin.

“By yourself? Are you like some sort of P.I. now? Also, is this safe? Mari you’re like four months along, it could be dangerous.” I heard Valerie worry, again causing that guilt to build inside of me, almost like the little parasite that was leeching off of my body to grow and thrive.

“I’m with a… _friend_ of my dad’s…she is a big help, and I’m fine. I know I scared you and I’m sorry for calling you like that, I don’t know how I just wasn’t aware that I’m- well, you know. This shouldn’t take long, you’re more than welcome to stay in my apartment as long as you like until I get home and even after.” I rambled, how I missed her and her messy blonde curls always tied up in a knot behind her head.

“Yeah I will, just be careful out there and try to take care of yourself and the little guy?” She requested, making me chuckle in slight discomfort over how casually she brought up this life changing thing in casual conversation. “I will, I promise. Don’t forget to feed the fish.” I reminded, making her chuckle and agree before signing off, leaving me alone in the silent room. 

The exhaustion was next level, but my brain knew that I wasn’t here to sleep and relax in some pervvy motel room. I was here to find my father, but the truth was, I had no idea where to even begin looking. I needed Dana to help, but she seemed to be going through her own warped mental spell, and she truly just needed rest.

I sighed and grabbed my boots from the floor, sliding them back on and knotting them to hug my constantly swollen feet, hopefully decreasing the pressure. It was damp in these parts, so I swiftly pulled my navy blue windbreaker out and slid it on, along with all other valuables that I would need.

Most of my handy items that I carried had been tossed after Dana retched all over them, so I settled with my phone, wallet, and room key. I saw the rental car key sitting on my table, but feared that Dana would need it while I was gone, so I made a mental note to slide it under her door before I left.

I poked my head out of the room and noticed the lights off in her room and that all movement had ceased on the other side of that door, telling me that she was out for the night. The key slid like a glove underneath the threshold and I was off, jogging down the street, keeping a hand in my pocket around the key for my own peace of mind.

The streets weren’t lined with lights like back home, and the chill of the wet Oregon air caused the hairs on my neck to stand up. The air felt almost electric, buzzing with energy all around.

“Can I help you?” I heard an older woman ask from her yard, the house faced the edge of the thick woods, and she just stood watching from her front patio. Her dark hair was greying and I assumed she was in her late forties or early fifties, similar to the woman I was traveling with.

“Oh…hi.” I muttered, shuffling towards the edge of her yard, careful not to step in. How would I explain my mission? My father was taken and we have no idea where or why, but we believe he is thousands of miles from his home because his partner and him took a trip here a few times.

“I’m just looking for someone, my dad is missing and I’ve heard that he’s been here a few times in the past.” I shrugged, but the woman just raised her eyebrow at me and shuffled down the path in my direction. Her eyes were filled with curiosity that put me on edge, causing my hand to grip around my key tightly.

“Nobody ever comes around here. What is your dad’s name?” She asked, the space between us diminishing, making my heart speed up, and the fluttering in my stomach to intensify.

“Umm, Fox? Fox Mulder.” I muttered, taking a step back as her eyes widened in horrific excitement, making me instantly regret telling her anything. “Yes, he was here once. Oh, I recall when your mother was pregnant with you, you’re so big now.” She gasped, making my heart drop at how intimately she knew details about me that even I wasn’t aware of. “Excuse me?” I stammered, but she eagerly gripped my wrist and led me towards her front door, my body going into autopilot mode as I stumbled behind her, her grip too tight to try and break.

“My son is out with some of his teenage friends, you know.” She laughed, her tone causing me to worry about the door that she had slammed tightly shut. I managed a nervous laugh and followed into her carpeted living room where she finally turned to face me.

“My my how you have grown. My husband must have gotten it wrong, he said you were a boy, but he was wrong, silly silly Billy, God rest his soul.” She whispered, her hand now reaching over to cup my face, causing me to flinch and take a step back.

“How do you know my father…and mother? Do you know where he could be?” I asked, trying to stand my ground, but my voice shook more than I would have preferred. She smiled widely at me and motioned to the sofa, sitting us both down beside each other. I swallowed and watched as she waved towards the empty space in front of us, the room dark with the drawn curtains.

“The first time they were here, your parents saved my husband from…well, who knows? But then they came back, it was nearly seven years, and they looked very different, but they were back and your poor mother, such a hard pregnancy she had, but with you standing right here in front of me, it was all worth it in the end.” She smiled, her cold hand slithering on top of mine.

“What…what else can you tell me about my mother?” I asked morbidly, the curiosity getting the best of me as the woman shifted on her seat, giving my hand another rub as she contemplated my request.

“She was so young when she first came to town. Her hair was long and fiery, and her eyes were wide and excited to be working, but so skeptical. When she came back it was shorter, she was older, time had been hard on her. She had a glow about her, and I could just tell. She didn’t smile much, but when she did, when she held my boy, it was brilliant.” She reported, almost as if she was telling a blissful story.

“Dana?” I whimpered, thinking of the woman who I had just met, the woman who was asleep in the room beside mine. There was a part of me that longed for Dana to be the mother that did so much harm, who gave up hope in me, who was willing to find my father. But there was a stunned dread with that thought as well. 

“When… when was this?” I cried, but she just rose to her feet and moved around the sofa, her hands tracing the nape of my neck. My hair was pulled into a bun on my head, granting her access, making a chill run up my spine.

“Please stop.” I whispered, her fingers stinging my skin slightly as they moved and danced up and down the small area, waves of fatigue and exhaustion washing over me. “Please… whatever you’re doing…” I groaned, but I could just hear a faint giggle, one that haunted me dearly.

“You are full of life, like your mother once was, aren’t you?” She asked with a strange excitement in her voice, but I seemed to be too tired to answer such a personal invasion to my business before my lights went out.

…

I awoke to a bright light glaring down at me, my hands and feet tied down to a table. My clothes now discarded and tossed to the side. I gasped at the thin sheet that barely covered my private areas, which were now emphasized due to my changing condition and the drafty metal. 

My mouth was bound shut with a piece of tape and my hair was pulled tightly away from my face, fear racing through my body. I gasped and whimpered out a cry, begging for help. That haunting woman could be heard above me, humming away along with the sound of a deeper, masculine voice, making my heart race.

I glanced over and noticed an array of needles, prods, and tubes, making me flinch once more on the table, trying to break free. She took an interest, a special one in the life growing inside of me. 

“Help me!” I tried to scream, the feeling of metal now rubbing my skin raw around my wrists and ankles as I tried to break free, the burning of tears threatening as I thrashed. The sound of a slamming door making me jump and involuntarily screech, followed by heavy footsteps.

“Alright, calm down. I’m just here to do a quick little procedure on your little one.” The woman shrilled, now dressed in a floral dressing gown, my cries of fear now intensifying as she brushed the sheet away revealing my stomach. It wasn’t showing, but there was a small curve, a slight bloat, but nothing to even insinuate that there was something in there.

“No! Please! No!” I begged, something that I never thought would be a reaction to this condition of mine. There was never a need to protect or defend, it was simply there, but nowit was the only thing I could focus on.

I watched in horror as she began rubbing her hand over my abdomen, something that sent a shock through my body as if she were dragging an exposed, buzzing cable over it, causing the dark hairs on my arms to stick up.

“This one is special, oh yes so special.” She grinned, my thrashing now intensifying as I tried to break my restraints and flee. I watched as she began to pull something over me, positioning it over my abdomen, almost like an old dentist x-ray machine, but much colder due to it’s metal.

“Stop! Please stop!” I tried to beg through the tape, the feeling of liquid running down my wrists and ankles, telling me that I was either bleeding or perspiring profusely. The fear was like nothing I had ever felt, it was sharp and cold and it ran through every fiber of my being.

Suddenly a loud screech and slam filled the upstairs part of the house, telling me we were probably deep in the basement, away from prying eyes. I screeched once more and gasped in terror as she squeezed my arm with all her force, pinching the skin in her fingers.

“Ah-! Stop!” I cried, but the look in her eyes was haunting. The machine hummed to life and I knew I had to do something to protect myself and the human inside me from whatever monstrous experiments this woman had planned for the both of us. 

The sound of wheels against the floor told me that this was probably a medical table, and with enough force I could probably jostle it out of the line of this machine. I watched as her attention moved from myself to the noise, giving me a short window of time to begin thrusting my hips from side to side to try and get it moving.

The loud screech told me the wheels were locked, so I only had one more choice. I sucked in a breath and thrust them with all my might, tipping the metal table onto it’s side, the woman releasing a scream as she raced over.

I tried my best to curl into a ball to prevent her from touching me as she approached, but a loud bang caused another scream to muffle through the tape. My eyes were squeezed shut, but a familiar voice caused me to swiftly open them.

Dana was at the bottom of the stairs with her hair pinned back and a long and thick trench coat flowing behind her like a cape, a sheriff behind her to apprehend the woman. I screamed once more to catch her attention, given that I was now on my side hidden behind a chair.

Instantly I saw her eyes look at the buzzing machine, a red light cutting through the metal of the table’s leg, telling me that it had much more invasive plans for my body. “Marisol?” I heard her call, resulting in another relieved yet terrified scream, her eyes finally darting in my direction.

I instantly felt myself blush as I realized that the sheet had fallen and I was completely exposed. She raced over and swiftly cut the restraints on my arms and feet, my body now shutting down from pure terror, unable to hold myself up or grab the sheet to cover myself. She gently pulled the tape off of my mouth and cupped my chin to look at me, her eyes wide with fear.

“I need a medic NOW. Call an ambulance!” She shouted while sliding her coat off, draping it around my shoulders as I simply struggled to keep myself upright on the cold cement floor. Her warm hands grazed my icy skin, catching her attention as she instantly wrapped her arms around me, her body still warm from being bundled in that jacket.

“Your body is in shock from what happened.” She reported, placing a hand against my forehead to take my temperature, biting her lip before hugging me close again. I didn’t realize my body was trembling until I tried to glance over at the sheriff who was detaining the woman.

“Come on, let’s wait upstairs.” She suggested, but my senses still felt like I was in overdrive. I shuddered and tried to climb to my feet, but my legs felt like a deer’s trying to find it’s footing. My feet were cold and bare, void of my socks and boots, which were now being collected for evidence as more people began to show up.

Dana’s hand carefully wrapped around my waist, and for being as tiny as she was, nearly dragged me up those stairs. As she pushed the heavy, wooden door open my eyes adjusted to the now rising sun behind the grey Oregon clouds, confusing my mind as to how long I had been down there.

There were broken plates and splintered chairs in the room, along with belongings everywhere, telling me that they had fought their way in to get me. My thoughts began to bubble inside my head and it felt like my chest was filled with lead as I stood in this room.

“What time is it?” I whimpered, but the sight of Dana’s watch told me that it was barely five in the morning. I don’t know what she had given me to knock me out for so long, but I feared for the tiny being inside of me, but what I feared more was telling the redhead about it.

“I need to go to the hospital- I NEED TO GO! WHERE IS THE AMBULANCE?!” I now shouted, the realization setting in that she could have already harmed it without that large machine and array of tools. Dana jumped and nodded at me, but with no help in sight my fear only grew.

“No! I need a hospital!” I shouted, pushing her away with all my strength, trying to burst out of the house that now felt so small around me, suffocating all of the air out of my lungs. The air was freezing and wet, but I didn’t care, I couldn’t be in there.

“Muld- Marisol!” I heard her cry behind me, but I just disregarded her and began stumbling down the street towards the sounds of sirens, maybe they were the help that I needed. “Marisol I am a medical doctor, let me help you!” I could hear her calling, but I shook my head and continued on, splinters and thorns digging into my feet as the ambulance pulled around the corner. “No!” I screamed, pure fear now taking over my thoughts.

I jumped into the street and waved my arms out for them to stop, but they seemed to be going too fast to even comprehend what I was trying to communicate to them. I felt hands wrap around my arm and pull my forcefully onto the street, my balance fading as I crashed to the floor.

“Ma’am are you alright?!” A man shouted as he jumped out of the back with his bag, another following suit also bundled for an emergency situation. I nodded fervently and tried to wrestle out of Dana’s tight grip, but she had me securely tethered to herself.

“I need to see a doctor! The lady inside drugged me!” I screamed, the small woman tensing at those words as she hung onto me, nodding at the medics who helped the both of us up and onto our feet.

…

I awoke to a dim hospital light, Dana’s coat now replaced with a blue gown and mesh underwear. My cheeks burned with embarrassment at how I had acted and I prayed that Dana remained asleep in the chair that sat in the dark corner. However, my wish was far from being granted as the slight shift in my bed caused her to jolt awake, her blue eyes bloodshot.

“Hi.” She managed, shocked to see me awake and composed, versus my hysterical outburst that had ensued just hours earlier. “The doctor said you’re fine.” She smiled, her jacket folded neatly in her lap.

I swallowed and looked over at her, trying to fight back tears before taking a deep breath. “Did the doctor say anything else?” I asked carefully, but she just pursed her lips and shook her head at me as she tried to recall any more information. “Nope, they just sedated you and said that once you woke up you should be fine to leave.” She reported, her voice full of both relief and disappointment.

“Marisol, why did you leave without me? What would’ve happened if I hadn’t found you? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if you got hurt.” She asked, no anger behind her voice, but something else, fear.

“I’m sorry, you were just so sick last night and I didn’t want to bother you or wake you, and I wanted to find a lead or something so that we could find him faster.” I cried, as if I were a second grader in trouble for doing something I wasn’t supposed to.

“I know you want to find him, but you can’t be running off like that, your dad and I met a ton of people back then, and many of them want to harm us, like that lady.” She insisted, but I just nodded and bit my lip, trying to keep my composure in front of this iron clad woman who commanded my presence.

“She kept saying she knew my mother…that she knew her when she was pregnant with me. Are…are you my mom?” I asked softly, terrified that she might lash out, call me a liar, or even worse, say she was.

The woman just pursed her lips once more and fought back a well of tears forming in her now dark blue eyes. She slid out of the seat and approached the bed, placing a hand on my leg. 

“No. I’m not your mother.” She revealed, the statement physically painful for her as she began to brush my hair back, looking at me with a sort of longing that I couldn’t explain. “You were born in ninety five, I wasn’t pregnant until two thousand and one.” She revealed, her voice heavy with grief, but she instantly swallowed it and with a blink of an eye was composed again.

“How are you feeling?” She asked to change the subject, making me swallow back what I was feeling and bite my lip. “I’m fine.” I managed, but she reached over and brushed a finger over a red area where the tape had irritated my chin.

“I’m _fine,_ Dana.” I tried once more, my voice now trembling as it tried to assure her, but she just looked down at me and raised an eyebrow in concern, the look alone causing me to slowly burst into tears, my chest shaking as I slowly leaned into her, my arms wrapping around my middle while she carefully hugged me.


	4. Hunting

Marisol

The both of us sat quietly in the airport as we waited for our flight to some irrelevant place in the midwest. Dana held a package of ginger mints and a ginger ale in her arm, quietly flipping through a book that she had purchased from the kiosk.

“I’m sorry I flipped out on you yesterday, ran into the street and all that.” I shrugged, still so mortified that I behaved in such a way as an adult, but she just chuckled and raised an eyebrow at me, shutting her book and stuffing it between her hip and the chair.

“Honestly, it’s fine. I get it.” She smiled, but I just scoffed and chuckled back at her and shook my head in complete disbelief. “Shouting at someone who has no intention to harm you like a lunatic? No.” I laughed, but she just crossed her arms as if she were about to raise me bet, leaning in to whisper.

“I got manipulated by a subliminal message that made me shoot at your father and a motel owner before running like a lunatic down the highway until I caught a cab.” She recalled, a hint of mischief in her eyes as she returned to her book, flipping through the pages before pausing momentarily.

“So I get it, something happens and we don’t feel like ourselves and we lash out to protect ourselves.” She shrugged.

I nodded at her and returned my attention forward, not wanting to pry any more than what she had shared with me, and by her standards, it was loads of information. I felt my phone buzzing and I was shocked to see the name of my obstetrician on the screen, most likely with my results that I had forwarded to her.

“I have to take this.” I muttered, gathering my things to shuffle towards a charging pole where people were gathered to try and get last minute juice on their devices. “Hi Dr. Chavez.” I whispered, my eyes still on Dana who kept checking her watch and the boarding countdown, popping a mint into her mouth.

“I looked at your tests and everything came out fine, your baby is perfectly healthy.” She reported, her voice rushed along with the sound of a commotion in the background, taking her attention. “I’m sorry Dr. Mulder, a woman has gone into labor, I have to go.” She reported, swiftly hanging up and leaving me in the dark.

I sighed and shoved the phone back into my pocket before taking my seat as they began to board, I knew I would have to tell Valerie about what had happened, but I wasn’t yet prepared for the panic that it would cause.

“Ah, I heard the weather is kind of bad, did you want a dramamine for the trip?” I asked, referring to Dana’s upset stomach that had ruined my things on the way over, but she didn’t even lift her gaze from her book as she shook her head at me.

“Are you sure? I just bought this bag and I don’t think it will be able to work as another barf bag.” I joked, but she finally looked up and pushed her glasses on closer to the bridge of her nose. “I don’t get motion sick.” She revealed, but I just chuckled and nodded at her. 

“I don’t, but, I’m pregnant so I’ve been feeling nauseated from now and then.” She shrugged, the news making my jaw drop involuntarily, my reaction causing her to nod and resume reading her self help book. 

“You’re pregnant?” I gasped, somehow overjoyed for this woman that I had only known for a few days, she nodded and looked up from her book, her lips scrunching together. “Yep, about a month along.” She muttered, my head doing some fast math as I realized that she had been with my father then.

“Is it my dad’s?” I asked cautiously, counting softly on my fingers, making a sad smile spread on her lips. “Yeah.” She whispered, batting a tear away with just the tip of her finger, blinking profusely to gain her composure once more. In the short time we had been together I should have noticed. Her mention of a caffeine dependency that she gained while chatting about her time with my father, yet she had swapped out coffee for herbal tea. All of her snacks that she had packed had been the ones that I myself had read about in the pamphlets that my doctor had given me. She was constantly chewing or sucking on one of those god awful ginger mints that she had purchased at the pharmacy store before our flight.

“That is why you’re helping me…” I muttered, making her concede and close the book, folding her hands across her lap. “Do you think that at my age I can’t care for a child? Or that a woman can’t be a single mother?” She baited, her voice now confrontational as she stared me down.

“What? No, Jesus, Dana. You just jumped at the drop of a hat to help, and when I asked you said that it was just because I have his smile.” I retaliated, making her shrink down from her defensive demeanor and nod silently, both of us waiting in the uncomfortable silence for our boarding group to be called.

“Look, if it were me, I would also just like for my partner to be around if I were having a baby, but I’m fully confident that you are capable. Sorry if it sounded like I wasn’t.” I decided to clarify, causing her to look up at me and nod gratefully, finally dropping what I had said before.

“Besides your dad, you’re the only person I’ve told.” She shrugged, making me feel slightly touched at the remark. “Its only the first trimester, so maybe that’s smart.” I questioned, recalling how I had barely told Valerie about my own weeks ago, and I was already a month into my second trimester, wanting to ignore this for as long as possible.

“Why though? If I lose my baby why should I have to be the only one who knows and deal with it?” She grumbled, the mention of loss causing her voice to waiver slightly as she pulled her sweater around herself protectively. “I don’t know. But if it means anything, you told me, so at least it won’t be you. If it were me… I just like my privacy, I don’t know how I would feel having everyone I know watching while I dealt…” I muttered, making her purse her lips once more into what could almost be defined as a smile, squeezing my hand before shoving her belongings into her bag as they called our boarding group.

“I also brought you some dramamine, since you get scared on planes.” She winked, the medicine so tempting as the memory of that horrendous feeling flooded my brain once more, but I feared that it would do terrible things to the fluttering inside of my stomach. “Oh, thanks, but I’m actually allergic…” I lied, making her raise an eyebrow at me in suspicion as I walked off, cursing my horrible lying.

I fumbled for my bag as I made my way down the runway, the sound of Dana’s heels behind me causing me to speed up and hop into the metal death trap that was costing me hundreds of dollars to find my god forsaken father. I once more shimmied down the aisle, getting stopped in a line of impatient passengers who were waiting on another woman similar to my previous situation, unable to reach the overhead bins.

I glanced around the burly man in front of me and saw that also like our conditions, she was carrying a fluttering kid as well inside of her. I watched as she struggled, her height and stature making it even more difficult for her to get the heavy bag up. I could hear annoyed grumbling, causing anger to bubble up out of nowhere and snap.

“Move you useless fucks.” I grumbled towards the large line of men that I managed to squeeze past, finally reaching the front of the line where the young woman seemed close to tears in embarrassment, her cheeks red and hot. I carefully set a hand on her shoulder and swung my bag onto my shoulder.

“Move.” I heard from the line, where Dana had squeezed with even more ease than I had, her short stature just there for moral support of the young woman while I hoisted the bag into the bin above, shutting it with ease.

“Take your time, don’t let them bully you.” I heard Dana whisper to the woman who was now weeping, offering a tissue and a gentle pat on the cheek. I sighed and the both of us slid into the row beside her, grateful that it wasn’t another sleazy obtuse man like the last flight who seemed to keep his gaze wandering in our direction.

We watched the line begin once more, passengers sliding their bags in and finding their seats while the woman continued to blush in embarrassment as they all passed with judging looks. I noticed her swiftly cup her left hand into her lap to hide the lack of a band, and in that case, a husband.

“Last minute trip?” Dana asked once everyone seemed to be settled, the young girl now looking up bashfully as she sniffled back her last tear. “Yeah, I live in Seattle but this baby’s family lives in Madison, they’re paying so that the baby can be born over there.” She explained softly, the intimate details of this conversation shocking me, especially how comfortable she was simply telling Dana, a woman she had never met before.

“Are you a surrogate?” She asked of the girl who seemed no more than sixteen, her brown hair tied carelessly in a messy ponytail. By the looks of her clothes and traveling conditions, she was not someone who was being paid handsomely to carry a couple’s child.

“No, I’m just a stupid kid, who made a stupid mistake.” She whispered, glancing into the screen on the seat in front of her, desperately trying to fix the stray hairs that were sticking out, some shedding onto her blue hoodie that hugged her large figure. “We all make mistakes. I’m just a little worried about you, are you with a parent or someone?” Dana asked softly, her tone gentle and patient with this complete stranger, different from the one she used with that woman who had hurt me.

“No, my parents won’t let me back home until I get rid of it. That’s the deal, so they’re picking me up from the airport there, and making sure I go through with it. They went up about a week ago so that I wouldn’t be able to pull a fast one on them.” She shrugged, making Dana bite her lip and look at me with some urgency.

“We aren’t leaving her alone.” She whispered into my ear, but I just raised an eyebrow at her for an explanation, I watched as she paused for the young girl to get distracted with her phone for her to lean over. “Adoptive parents are supposed to come and get babies with the presence of a social worker, this seems manipulative and suspect, of all parties involved, including her parents.” She whispered, I just shrugged in compliance and sat back in my seat, trying to center my thoughts as the engine roared to life once more.

“I fucking hate planes.” I complained under my breath, squeezing my eyes shut with all my might while gripping my knees to allow for Dana to use the arm rests that I took last time. I sucked in a petrified breath as we began to move, telling me that the worst part was coming soon.

“It’s almost over.” I heard her whisper, but I couldn’t even respond, my stomach was too busy doing somersaults to focus on what was being said to me. We began to pick up speed and I could hear her pop a ginger mint into her mouth, her other hand peeling mine off of my knee to squeeze.

“Just focus on how hard I’m squeezing your hand.” She whispered, squeezing softly before releasing, repeating that pattern until my brain began to fixate on it, distracting me from the dropping feeling of my stomach as we took off and began to ascend into the air.

“Relax your shoulders.” She whispered, giving my right shoulder a soft tap to unclench them and release the forming knots that had kinked up my back. “Good girl.” She replied, the feeling of the plane evening out allowing me to open my eyes at her and exhale after her gentle whisper to “breathe” and relax. 

“We have four hours until we land, try and get some rest, you had an exciting day yesterday.” She urged as I struggled to get comfortable in the seat, adjusting the jacket that I had begun draping over myself any time I felt particularly larger than what I was used to, but the fluttering inside me felt more solid today, causing the discomfort to increase.

“Okay, okay, relax. Goodness this flying anxiety is really something.” Dana muttered, pulling my shoulders in her direction, resting me against her shoulder while situating herself in the row. I wanted to fight it, but she was correct, the events of the previous day had left me shaken and unable to sleep, rendering me exhausted for our day of travel.

….

Dana slowly shook me awake, causing me to jolt off of her shoulder and nearly into the seat in front of me. The plane was landed and I could feel us rolling towards the gate, grateful that she chose to wake me after the terrifying landing. I blinked the sleep away and watched her lean into the aisle and whisper something to the teenager picking at her seatbelt, her eyes watering as she nodded at Dana.

“She’s going to ride with us.” She reported, tucking a strand of her strawberry hair behind her ear, before flashing her updated badge at the young girl who nodded nervously, her face going pale. “You aren’t in any trouble, we just want to make sure that you are giving your baby to people who are legitimate.” Dana assured, sliding out of her seat as the lights went on, telling us that we were able to de board.

I grunted and pulled our bags down, slinging mine onto my shoulder before passing Dana hers, giving the teenager a knowing wink before dragging hers down the aisle, one hand pressing momentarily on my abdomen as temporary support from the incredibly heavy bad, no wonder she was struggling with it, my shoulder was on fire simply from carrying it for two minutes.

“What is your name, love?” I asked once both of them caught up with me once out of the gate. The midwestern air was thick and wet, but it was also bitterly cold, making me wrap my hoodie tighter around myself. 

“Holland, Holland Darcey, but you can call me Holly.” She revealed, a grin finally spreading across her face as she nervously rubbed her hands up and down the apex of her stomach. Dana responded with a prompt smile and extended her hand, shaking hers firmly. “Dana Scully, and this is Marisol Mulder.” She introduced, the young girl giving me a blushing nod.

“Really it’s no problem, I have my parents waiting for me, they want to take me directly to the family’s house, I think they’ve been talking to them and want me to let them know that I’m here safely.” She shrugged, catching my attention at the mention of this family’s home, and as to why they were not here to collect her.

“No- it really is better if we take you, we want to make sure that you’re safe and not walking into anything dangerous.” I blurted out, unsure as to why I felt so compelled to bring this girl to safety. “Plus, you should really be put up in a hotel or something, you need rest, not to be mingling at dinner parties. I want you in bed with your feet elevated, they’re swollen from the flight.” Dana chastised, clearly upset by this whole debacle.

The three of us made our way down to the rental car counter in the tiny airport, everything in one large terminal, pressed against the ticketing counter. Dana was chatting softly with Hollywhile I exchanged my credit card information with the lady behind the desk, handing me keys for a cheap Civic, the noise behind me getting more and more agitated. 

I swiftly thanked the woman and turned towards Dana who had now put herself between Holly and two elderly people who were intimately raising their voices in her face. I muttered a quick “shit” before racing towards them, quickly creating a wall with my shoulders beside Dana, clearing my throat to make myself known. “Dana are they bothering you?” I asked firmly, using the tone I had to pick up during my program, but she stood unwavering, her body now standing twelve feet tall. “No, actually, but they are causing a scene and making poor Holly very uncomfortable.” She reported, her eyebrow raising as a challenge towards the couple.

The man had a balding head with grey hair circling his head. He looked no more than ninety pounds and his wife towered over him, almost five foot eight, also scrawny and malnourished, as if the only thing they ate was bone broth and liver for forty years. Her hair was stringy and greasy and tied into a slick grey ponytail, pressed against her light blue dress.

“Holland is our daughter and she is coming with us, you two are strangers and have no right to her.” The woman croaked, but Dana just tilted her head and took a step forward, causing them to back up. “Actually Holly is an unaccompanied minor, and she requested that we get her safely to her lodging, which in terms of her situation, which is most unusual, should be a hotel room. Why don’t you give us your address and we can get her there after she has settled in?” Dana narrated, the two parents brushing past her to try and yank on their now trembling daughter behind us.

“Holland, let’s go, Mr. and Mrs. Miles are waiting for you. It is impolite to be late!” Her mother bit off, yanking on her arm forcefully, causing her to cry out. I looked over and Dana looked white as a ghost, almost as if the name had sent her over the edge. “Mrs. Darcey! You are hurting your daughter. Now I am going to need you to take a step back.” I warned, but she just narrowed her eyes at me and released her wrist.

“And who are you? How old are you? Why should I be listening to a child?” She spat, but I just inhaled and crossed my arms, a tale as old as time, an old bat questioning my qualifications.

“I am Doctor Marisol Mulder. I have a PhD child and adolescent psychology and I am a victim’s advocate therapist in the fbi, so I will have you know that I am quite qualified despite my age. I am well aware that I am young.” I smiled, looking over to release her grip from the teenager’s arm.

“The address, please.” I demanded, watching the older man grumble and rattle off an address that Dana jot down and shoved into her pocket, her face thankfully regaining some of it’s color. “We will see you later this evening.” I nodded, swiftly turning and taking Dana’s arm into mine while urging Holly away from her parents and out towards the other doors.

I clicked the key and watched the lights of our rental light up. I exhaled and kept an eye on Dana who seemed visibly shaken beside me, opening the door for Holly who struggled with the low height of the car. I bit my lip and gripped her arm, carefully lowering her down with a bit more ease. “Give me a minute.” I whispered at the teenager, giving her hand a squeeze before turning my attention to Dana who was still perched behind me.

“Dana, what’s wrong?” I asked nervously, her hand shaking as it moved down to her abdomen, still flat and unsuspecting, tears glossing over her blue irises. “Hey, is it the…baby?” I whispered, now at her side, but she shook her head at me and tenderly brushed her thumb up and down on her maroon blouse.

“It’s nothing, but we just have to be careful around this family…I have a bad feeling about them.” She almost whimpered, I swallowed and nodded at her before glancing back at the car where Holly was perched in the back seat. “Okay, we’ll keep an eye out.” I assured, motioning for us to get on the road.

...

“Two rooms please.” I sighed tiredly to the motel clerk, the traveling, attacks, and fetus inside me draining my energy as she typed away to get me the keys. Dana and Holly were quietly sitting in the lobby seats, one looking as if her baby could splatter onto the dirty tile, the other seeming like she would pass out from stress or nausea.

I sighed and took the old rusted keys and wandered over towards the group, where Holly was mustering up the strength to situate herself in the chair. “I appreciate what you two are trying to do, but I should really be getting to the Miles’ house once I put my things down.” She whispered, causing Dana to perk up and shoot a glare over in her direction.

“Are you absolute sure? Do you feel alright?” She almost begged, causing the teen to try and scoot away in fear, her now intense worry for her making her shake in the seat. “I feel fine, I’m only thirty seven weeks.” She assured, I sighed and extended a hand towards her, the other landing on her back to help her up.

“Are you sure-?” Scully began but I just urged the young girl out of the lobby while handing her a key, turning to face the woman behind me. “Dana, what is going on with you? What is bothering you? Should I be worried?” I cried, making her stubbornly cross her arms and try to brush past me to avoid the question, but I blocked the way and raised an eyebrow.

“Come on, you’re scaring me.” I revealed, her once tense expression softening, less defensive as she began playing with the rogue strands of hair that had fallen into her face. “Their names, back then a boy with the same last name tried to hurt…me. I know we are far away and that it is a common name, but I’m just worried about it. I have two extra people that I have to keep safe.” She admitted, but I just exhaled and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. 

“I’m a big girl, Dana. You don’t need to worry about me.” I assured, leading her out to the strip of rooms where the young girl had set up shack in one of the rooms, giving us the larger one with two full sized beds with simple sheets and folded comforters at the edge of each. The rising sun told me that we had a full day ahead of us, and my need for the joy of morning coffee was infuriatingly strong.

“I’m going to go and wash my face and fix my makeup.” Dana announced, setting her bag on the bed before digging through the contents to reveal a red leather pouch that she shoved under her arm after shrugging off her sweater. Once I heard the wooden door shut, a soft knock booming from the outside.

Holly stood bashfully on the doorstep, her arms crossed around her body as she waited for admittance to our room. I chuckled softly and let her inside, offering her the edge of my bed to sink into while Dana freshened up.

“So you’re a doctor?” She finally asked while I touched up my own mascara, rubbing a brightening stick under my eyes to rid my puffy appearance from my face. It was something that I had picked up to counter the inevitable swelling of my features as my pregnancy continued, another method I had heard of to hide my condition.

“I am indeed. You are a high schooler?” I countered, making her chuckle and nod at me, playing with her hair that seemed like the least of her priorities at the moment, most of it thinning at the ends. “I was, then I met a stupid boy who told me stupid lies and boom.” She almost laughed, the story like a sorrowful joke to her. “Anyways, my school made me drop out, pregnant girl is bad for their image.” She shrugged, her voice heavier than before.

“But it’s a good thing I’m getting rid of it because then I can move on with my life.” She exhaled, her tone and dropped gaze making me bite my lip and pull up a chair to face her, careful to ensure that my jacket was still positioned to avoid any sign of bloating.

“Is this what you want, Holly? I know your parents won’t support you, but there are many resources that I can connect you with if you do want to keep it.” I offered, crossing my legs for me to lean my elbows on. She sniffled softly and shrugged at me, now picking at her nails which were raw and aggravated, making her wince in pain.

“I am sixteen, how am I supposed to do any of this? I need to at least finish high school and get a job.” She cried, but I just bit my lip and took her hands to stop her picking, bringing her attention up to my face as I plastered on a forced but genuine smile across my lips.

“Tell me what you want to do and Dana and I will make it happen.” I whispered, glancing over at the bathroom which was still locked securely with the water running, telling me she was busy inside. “I’ll let you in on a little secret.” I whispered, my voice almost inaudible for the young girl to hear.

I pulled out my phone and composed a message to nobody, simply typing in the words “i’m pregnant too” in the recipient box, causing her eyes to widen as I erased the message almost as quickly as I composed it. She shook her head at me in disbelief until I huffed and quickly pulled away my coat, lifting my soft shirt to reveal tight spandex beneath along with some high waisted pants.

“Does _she_ know?” Holly asked, but I just shook my head at her as a silent plea for her discretion, but she nodded knowingly and agreed. “Is it scary for you? You seem much older than I am.” She whispered, making me sigh and slide out of my seat shouting at Dana that we would be waiting for her outside, only getting a mumbled confirmation.

“Let’s wait out there.” I winked, helping her up and out of the room before securely shutting the door behind me. I leaned my bottom onto the hood of the car in order to keep an eye on the door to prevent any surprises from Dana who was tiny enough to sneak around and show up in any place without notice.

“To answer your question, yes, it is. I’m still hiding it, aren’t I?” I muttered with a hint of self loathing, causing the girl to chuckle and shrug in my direction before struggling to take a seat beside me. “Do you know what you’re going to do with it?” She asked candidly, her words like a reminder flooding through my brain every minute of every day for the past three and a half, almost four months. I bit my lip and shook my head in her direction, crossing my arms nervously over my chest as the anxious feeling spread through my body, weighing me down until I couldn’t breathe.

“No.” I admitted, both of us jumping at the sound of the door being dragged open by Dana who had changed into a navy long sleeved shirt, the cotton hugging her waist and arms, covered by a thick coat and simple black pants. The heels of her boots clicked across the wet pavement as she shuffled towards us.

I smiled and gave a subtle wink to Holly who just nodded in my direction before Dana could catch on. “Ready?” She sighed, reluctant to drop her off for the evening with these people. I could feel the tension in her bones, making me pull my jacket around myself and nod, reaching over to adjust a stray hair that had flown away atop her head.

“Yes.” I assured, giving her a supportive nod as we all dispersed into the car.

…

I pulled into the driveway of an old farmhouse, the blue and white paint peeling from the wood due to the rain and moisture in the air. A warm light was lit from the inside and I could see the silhouettes of different heads and bodies, their attention clearly on us.

“Do you want us to stay with you or pick you up?” I asked as I shifted the car into park, both Dana and Holly nearly shouting “stay” in unison. I nodded at the both of them and shut off the vehicle, motioning for us to dismount and make our way up to the front door.

I watched as Dana protectively took the lead on the young girl, keeping her body within a close proximity as she proceeded her on the walkway. I swallowed and watched as humans began to pour out of the house, most of them looking like small town characters out of a book of some sorts.

“Dana, relax.” I whispered swiftly before they reached us, the group led by Mr. and Mrs. Darcey who glared us down before clearing their throat for us to reveal their daughter who was positioned behind the both of us now. I took a step to the left and watched as Holly emerged nervously, her whole body slightly trembling as the eager family approached.

“Our baby is finally here.” Another woman cried, her tone ghostly as she instantly wrapped an arm around Holly, her hand now pressing against her stomach, causing the young girl to flinch at the invasion of personal space. The older woman’s actions causing more and more family members to begin encircling her, reaching and grabbing at the young girl, her eyes instantly finding ours.

“Everyone needs to back up!” Dana commanded, her voice no longer wavering or full of nervousness. Her one declaration causing the crowd to disperse and Holly to stumble back towards us, her face a ghastly white color. “You can’t touch without asking.” She bit off, putting herself between the both of us and the family who ducked their tails between their legs.

“Thanks for bringing Holland from the airport, but I think we have it from here.” Mr. Darcey shrugged awkwardly, reaching out for his daughter, but Dana stood her ground and narrowed her eyes at him as a warning. “Actually, she asked us to stay so we could give her a ride back.” She corrected, the others trying to think of excuses behind him, but without skipping a beat she took another challenging step.

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to feed us.” She shrugged, the family finally standing down as she gave one more tasteful glare in their direction. “Well let’s get out of the cold.” The woman shuddered awkwardly, everyone now shrugging as they filed back into the house.

I looked over at Dana who gave me an exasperated eye roll while dragging the teenager behind her, Holly now silently following, her hand discreetly wrapped around Dana’s wrist, and she knowingly let her.

“Come on.” I muttered, walking inside the old farmhouse which was lit with strings of warm glowing patio lights. There was only one old, tattered sofa and the rest of the furniture seemed to either be cleared out for the party, or missing from the decor.

“Is this a barn?” I muttered to Dana, who seemed equally as opposed to the inside of the house. The insolation seemed to be non-existent, the wooden walls only providing minimal warmth for every body present in the large room. Dana shivered beside me, but somehow the increased blood flow in my body kept me at just a slight chill.

“I guess.” She replied, tying the belt on her coat before sighting Holly in the crowd, elderly women encircling her with their focus on her enlarged middle. I watched as one of them handed her a cup of something, urging it for her to drink the contents, causing an uneasy expression to cross her face.

“Oh God, doesn’t she know not to take a drink from someone at a party?” I cried, making Dana snap her eyes in the same direction, but I was already making a b-line towards her, shoving my way through the populated group, tripping myself as I approached her, knocking the cup out of her hand, but by the wet sheen on her lips, I could tell that she had already consumed it.

“I am so sorry, are you thirsty? Why don’t you come with me and we can grab you something?” I offered, but another woman stepped forward with prying eyes and a pinched mouth. “Who do you think you are? This girl is here to give us her baby and we can treat her how we do over here, and it is none of your damn business. She was thirsty and we brought her something and you went and spilled it all.” She chastised, taking me aback as she pointed her nose proudly in the air.

“Well for your information, _ma’am,_ I am not convinced in the slightest that this is a safe environment for an expectant mother to rest up and prepare to give birth, and secondly, her name is Holly and she is a human being so you don’t just get to treat her like your own human vending machine?” I declared in exasperation, the young girl’s face tilting gratefully as she began her conversation again with one of the women.

Dana pulled me out of the group and exhaled tiredly, pointing towards the bowl of punch that sat in the kitchen, telling me that what they had given her truly was nothing more than a refreshment. I shrugged and leaned back onto the wall while the family mingled.

“So, do you think this is the family that you were talking about?” I asked the tiny woman who kept her eyes glued on the group while some of them climbed onto a pair of steps, clinking on their glasses to try and get the attention of the crowd.

“Attention! Please can I get everyone’s attention!” Mrs. Darcey called, catching the attention of everyone in the room, both Dana and I perking up to try and locate the teenager, but in the few minutes that we had stepped away, she had gotten lost in the crowd. I nudged Dana but she was already viciously scanning, stomping towards the group, but I swiftly grabbed her arm and turned her to face me.

“She could have gone to the bathroom, she’s thirty seven weeks pregnant, she could easily have to pee.” I suggested, making her exhale nervously and give me a cautious look before giving her attention back towards the Darcey couple who was happily preaching and thanking the Miles family who had joined them on the steps.

“I hope that with the arrival of our precious bundle of joy, we can further our mission of bettering this world and the next.” They cried, motioning towards a small group of mingling children dressed in aproned dresses and denim overalls, their demeanor trance like and calm, something odd for such young children.

“She’s not in the bathroom, Marisol this feels wrong.” Dana worried, pure concern now lacing her features as she ventured into the crowd, turning back to get me to follow her into the dense crowd of entranced family members. She moved swiftly through the group, but I was less graceful and stumbled into an occupied man, my hand landing on his nape to steady myself.

I winced as I felt something pinch my finger as I caught my bearings, the poor man hadn’t been phased by my stumble, his stance firm on the ground as he watched. I glanced down at my hand an noticed a trickle of blood across my palm, confusing me as to what caused that. Curiosity caught the best of me and I glanced over at the back of his neck where what looked like a small patch of fin-like growths were growing out of the skin. 

I swallowed and glanced around, noticing similarities on the majority of people around. “Marisol!” I heard Dana shout in exasperation, motioning for me to catch up and follow. I blinked away my confusion and wiped my hand against my shirt as I chased after her, the both of us wandering down what looked like a rugged hallway.

Dana abruptly stopped, almost making me crash into her, watching as she pushed back her coat, revealing a small firearm that she placed a hand on, giving me a knowing nod to let me know that she would protect us if it came down to it. “I don’t want to use it, but it’s better than nothing.” She whispered, urging me along as she wandered past a door, carefully tapping it open.

“She’s in here.” Dana whispered, back at me, her grip tightening on her hip where the gun was holstered safely in place. The room’s light seemed too warm, almost yellow, beaming from an old rusted light in the corner. I followed closely and scanned the area until I spotted Holly in one of the dusty felt seats, her face pale.

“That punch was terrible.” She breathed, exhaling largely before placing a fist in her lower back. “What do you mean? It tasted fine?” Dana questioned, her eyes landing on something in the room’s connected bathroom, making her rush off and rummage through the items on the sink.

“Are you okay?” I asked carefully, watching her nod and continue to rub at her back, pinching her eyes shut. “Yeah, it’s just tight around my back.” She complained, wincing once more before one of her hands gripped my wrist urgently.

“You’re bleeding.” She gasped, making me brush it off and press my palm against my shirt to hopefully stem the minimal flow that had dripped down to my fingertips. “Oh I tripped in the crowd and caught myself on one of those weirdo uncles and cut myself on some weird growth he had on the back of his neck, I hope it’s not infected.” I muttered, thinking it to be a wise idea to go and wash it off.

“Wait here.” I instructed, but the young girl gave me an obedient nod, definitely not moving from the spot where she was perched. Dana was crouched over the sink reading various labels on faded bottles, scooting over as I waved my nicked hand at her.

“Is there any antiseptic?” I asked hopefully, sticking it under the warm, running water while Dana brushed a piece of her fiery strands behind her ear and shook her head while continuing to read the faded stickers. “What did you do?” She asked tiredly, as if I were one of her young children who had played with the matches after deliberately telling me not to.

“This family has some weird familial skin growth on the back of their necks. I tripped and reached out to stop myself from falling and scraped my hand, I just don’t want it to get infected.” I muttered, Dana was softly muttering what I had said back to herself, as a way to process the words while reading, making her straighten her spine in an almost rhythmic motion, a glass bottle clasped in one hand.

Her face had tightened with fear and I could see the lines deepening on her face as a rush of memories and thoughts overwhelmed her entire being. Strong arms pulled me into the room where Holly was now grunting uncomfortably in her seat.

“They gave her castor oil.” She whispered before slipping the bottle into her coat pocket. For the weight of fear that sat in her voice, her hands were as steady as a rock, unwavering and sure of what they had to do. I watched as she crouched down to Holly’s height in the chair, whispering something before the teenager nodded, granting Dana consent to press on her middle.

The poor girl winced at the pressure, causing her dark chestnut hair to fall out of it’s ponytail holder and into her face, blocking her features for me to gauge. “Those dicks.” Dana grumbled under breath, only loud enough for me to hear, keeping the girl blissfully unaware.

“They gave her that castor oil and it sent her into early labor. These people aren’t barren, lonely parents, they are going to try and turn this baby into one of them.” She huffed, furious with the group that was growing louder outside of the door, telling me that they were probably getting closer. I had so many questions but I knew in my gut that I ran a high chance of getting verbally lacerated if I chose now to ask them.

“I saw a window in the bathroom, I think we can fit through it. I will go first, you help Holly up and onto the tub and then I’ll help you out.” I whispered, but Dana was already agreeing while helping Holly to her trembling feet. She whimpered out a couple of questions but Dana just raised a finger to her lips and swiftly moved her between the both of us before locking the bathroom door once inside.

“Look, both of you need to listen to me. These people are very dangerous, they are the ones who tried to do work on you back in Washington, and they are after this baby, that is why they induced her labor without her consent. We need to get out of here, get far away, and to a safe place.” Dana warned urgently, making Holly cry out in pure terror, the idea of having to go on the run in her condition bringing petrified tears to her eyes. 

“I know you’re scared, but I _need_ you to be brave for me, and no matter how uncomfortable it is, to stay quiet until we are in the car.” She whispered, placing a gentle hand on the now weeping girl’s face before urging me to climb up onto the tub and out of the window, hopping onto the dirt. My eyes immediately spotted a wooden milk crate, my arms dragging the heavy wood to the wall to give her at least a step to find. Dana carefully helped her onto the edge, her bony hands gripping the girl’s arms with all of her strength to prevent her from falling.

“I’m too big, I can’t lift my leg!” She cried, fear now choking her up as she went back and forth between Dana and I for a solution to her glaring dilemma. Almost as if a light had gone off in my head I steadily gripped her hips and turned her back towards me, nodding at my partner who seemed to understand my idea without me having to spell it out for her.

“Sweetie, sit down on the ledge for me and wrap your arms around Marisol’s shoulders and she’s going to help you out of the window.” Dana whispered, both of us guiding her hips to the small ledge while she linked her arms around my shoulders. “Okay I’m going to pull you.” I whispered, bearing her weight as I yanked her out, shuffling my foot to try and find the wooden milk crate.

I grunted quietly until she found her footing and released her grip on me, my attention on Dana who also seemed shaky getting onto the damp tub that seemed to have been recently used, due to the slick sheen and smell of pine soap. I could hear the heels of her boots sliding on the porcelain, making her focus as she gripped the ledge, the voices of the group growing louder.

“Come on, Dana, we have to go.” I urged, holding my hand out for her to grasp as she climbed out, but the banging on the door simply caused me to reach over and lift her out of the window and onto the dirt patch below. “Can you run?” I asked Holly who was now gripping the wooden fence beside us, breathing deeply. The thought of running crossed her mind and I knew it wouldn’t be a fast one.

“Okay, just hang onto my hand.” I whispered, nodding at Dana who pushed her coat back and kept her hand on her gun, her fingertips poised to defend us as I began to jog, feeling Holly’s breath hitch as she barreled behind me to keep up.

A crash notified us that they had broken the lock on the door and that our lead on them needed to be increased to put a substantial gap between us and the bathroom window. “Marisol, one of them has a gun!” Dana shouted while jogging behind the both of us, the panic in her voice causing my own to peak and pull Holly closer, but the knowledge of everyone’s delicate condition had my heart racing.

I heard her gun go off behind me, making Holly scream and duck, her pace slowing down to a stunned trot, her breath giving out. The rolling patches of dead, dry, grass mixed with circling dirt caused the jog across the field to seem endless, but the car was in sight, we just needed to get there.

Another round went off and I felt Dana leap onto my back, the sheer force and unawareness of her bodyweight knocking me down to my chest, the thud causing my heart to race. I felt her reach over to try and cover Holly who had been taken down with me, three bullets sinking into the spongey wooden fence above us.

I glanced over at Dana and felt my hand trail to the back of her head before the both of us nodded to get back up and make the last leg of the jog. With both of our help Holly was back on her feet, turning to see what was chasing us, but Dana pushed her towards me to get us back to our original pace.

The car was no more than twenty feet away and I felt my hand go to my pocket and graze over the key fab, the slight ridge on the unlock button clicking for all of us to nearly fly inside. I fumbled for the backseat and Dana did all but shove Holly inside, climbing beside her and locking the door shut, commanding that the girl do the same on her side. 


	5. Chasing

Marisol

I slid into the driver’s seat and swiftly locked us all inside, starting the car as bullets flew over our heads, luckily most of them had been wretched shots. “Go to the motel and get our bags.” Dana ordered, making me swing my head around momentarily in exasperation, recalling the sheer urgency of this escape that she had laid out for us.

“Dana no- we have to get out of here! Holly needs to be somewhere else!” I shouted while speeding towards the edge of town, my mind racing with the endless possibilities of where we should be going, but my gut told me anywhere but that hotel.

“No! Go back to the hotel right now!” She demanded, but my hands were barely functioning with the adrenaline racing through my veins. “I have clothes you can wear!” I fought back, but suddenly a hand clamped on my shoulder and squeezed urgently.

“I have the only picture of my son in my bag and I am NOT leaving here without it.” She cried, her voice no longer full of desperation, but anguish as her blue eyes met mine in the mirror, begging me to stop and get her bag.My mind automatically went to the festering life inside of me, and the unintentional but present connection that had already formed, tugging at my heart strings.

I groaned and swung the car into the parking lot, slamming it into park before rushing towards the heavy wooden door. The key shook in my hand as I shoved it into the hole, nearly kicking it down with all of my weight. Everything was how we had left it, Dana’s bag tucked neatly on her bed with a toiletries bag sitting beside the open pouch. I hastily grabbed everything and shoved it inside, eyeing a spare coat of hers that she had laid out on the chair which I swung over my shoulder.

“I got it!” I shouted, tossing them into the passenger seat while Scully quickly skimmed through the contents, assuring me that everything was in it’s place. The sound of tires skidding in the distance told me that we needed to get going, preferably away from the main road.

I chucked the gear into drive and sped around back, looking for a back road that I could take that would hide us from the main strip that they were speeding down on the hunt for all of us. “Can you slow down? I…I think I peed myself.” Holly requested, now leaning heavily into Dana who had perked up at her question.

“Holly, you didn’t pee yourself…” She muttered, silently cursing under her breath as she pat the inner leg of the girl’s leggings, the liquid coming away clear on the pads of her fingertips. I swiftly glanced back at the both of them before returning my eyes towards the thicket of the woods, and a small dirt path that had been paved for smaller cars like these. “Dana…what is happening?” I asked nervously, but the doctor was already unbuckling herself in the back seat to give her the mobility to crouch on the seat and face the young girl who now had watery eyes staring up at her.

“Honey, you’re safe with me…and with Marisol, I’m a doctor and I know what I’m doing.” Dana assured, her tone steady as she stared into the girl’s gaze, not even giving her the option to worry about trusting us while brushing Holly’s brown hair back behind her ear.

“I have three weeks left-! It isn’t ready yet!” She cried nervously, warm tears streaming down her face as she breathed out a hearty whimper. Her chest tightened and I could see her body seize with each intensifying surge, and I too wondered if this baby would be okay being born in such stressful circumstances.

“Babies come when they are ready, but I need you to just focus on taking some deep breaths for me when you feel you’re muscles tighten up. Just keep your eyes on me.” She instructed, her tone shifting from the bellowing protector to the tender doctor entrusting herself with one’s very life.

“Good girl.” She encouraged as Holly moaned through tight lips, keeping her eye contact with her. I bit my lip until I tasted copper, my nerves flushing me once more as the thick trees grew even more dense, my senses telling me that the overlay of trees and brush provided enough protection for us to drive without being seen by those crazy townies.

“All done?” She asked, both of them unclenching their muscles to take advantage of the break that her body was giving her, but I could still see Dana inspecting her surroundings, mentally check off things that she could use in this situation. “You have a string.” She observed, pointing at my sleeve of my sweater, but I just shrugged off her notification and continued driving. I suddenly felt the cold exposure of my arm as she pulled on the string, unravelling my sleeve, dark thread pooling on the console.

“Dana!” I shouted but she just took the threat to her teeth and disconnected it from my person with a precise bite. “Relax, you will get a new sweater from me when this is over.” She grumbled, wrapping it neatly and placing it into her pocket for safe keeping.

“Ow..ow! Dana this feels worse…” I could hear Holly warn, her voice trembling as she instinctively reached out and grabbed her wrist. Dana stiffened in her seat and momentarily before peeling away her tightening grip and intertwining it into her hand.

“I know, it’s the castor oil they gave you. It’s used to induce labor, but you’re only supposed to have a cap full, the bottle looked like more was used.” Dana explained as we drove, both of us coming up on a bank of a small cove, the water fresh and clear in comparison to the polluted rivers in D.C.

“Dana where are we?” I asked, scanning my phone for a signal, but as I expected, we were deep enough that all cellphone service was virtually nonexistent. The older woman huffed and glanced out of the window at the road that was running alongside the edge of the wood.

“We made it out of the town boundary, they normally don’t go past it, but we have to be careful.” She muttered, I sighed in some short lived relief, slowing the old rental down to a stop, trusting that we were thick enough into the woods. I watched as Dana took a centering breath as she untangled her fingers from the young girl’s, dancing them over to her hip where her weapon was holstered, swiftly removing it and handing it over to me, along with the clip and holder.

“Put this on, if something happens I will be busy and won’t be able to shoot.” She instructed, carefully helping Holly stretch out in the back for a moment, the gears in her head turning as she tried to think of how we could efficiently help this girl in such a confined space.

“Marisol, help me get the seats back all the way…” She rambled, adjusting the front chairs into a horizontal position, adjusting Holly’s thin legs over the headrests, giving me an example to copy before linking her knee like the other while Dana climbed into the front, balancing on the console.

“I need gloves…” She muttered, looking over at me in defeat, telling me that she had to do an internal exam, which could be dangerous and increase infection after being in that dirty house, covered in dust. I swallowed and glanced over at a water bottle from our flight, unscrewing it and shrugging in her direction.

“The baby will be okay if I have no gloves, but I’m wary to examine her without at least antiseptic.” She whispered while rinsing her hands off out of the car window, meticulously scrubbing her hands and fingers with her manicured nails, something I never quite understood, how an experienced and somewhat practicing doctor managed to keep her hands in such prime condition.

“I have sanitizer in my bag.” I offered, and she eagerly agreed, taking the small bottle from me and squeezing nearly the whole thing over her hands and fingers, drenching them with the strong liquid. A sudden gasp caused me to jump and nearly dent the felt roof of the car, Holly’s expression now tight and repressing some deep cries as she huffed through what seemed to be like a monster of a contraction.

“You are doing so well, Holly.” I encouraged, climbing towards the backseat to help her through that strong one, carefully rubbing her temple while gripping her shaking hand. Dana nodded at my affirmation and carefully rubbed the girl’s knee with her left hand, the other suspended in the air to prevent contamination of her sterilized hand.

“Okay Holly, you’re sounding more urgent, I’m going to do a quick exam and see how much time we have. It might be a bit uncomfortable so I will try and be fast.” She narrated, nodding for me to grip her hand tightly as she pulled at her wet leggings, pulling both pants and underwear to her ankles before beginning.

“Take a big breath for me, it’ll make it bit easier.” She instructed, reaching over to press down before while beginning the exam. I kept my eyes glued on the teen, wary that if I paid any attention or gave too much thought to what was happening on Dana’s side, I would spiral into a full blown panic attack, and Holly needed me present.

“I know, cold. You’re doing so well, I’m just feeling for…ah okay.” Dana murmured, the twitch of her arm making the young girl gasp and attempt to flinch, but she was keeping her steadily still with the simple placement of her free hand. Her forehead was pinched as she struggled to feel for whatever she needed. I watched as she softly bit down on her bottom lip, giving it one more try before sitting back to remove her hand. The three of us sat quietly as she sanitized her hand once more, flashing a look over in my general direction.

“Marisol, give me a hand grabbing some coats from the trunk.” She urged, sliding out of the front seat while I swiftly assured Holly of our timely return, handing her my torn sweater to hang onto until we came back.

Scully was rummaging through one of my purses and held my woolen scarf that I had brought tucked inside of her coat, turning to face me once I was behind the raised lid of the trunk. “Is she okay?” I wondered nervously, making her exhale inside her closed mouth, puffing out her slender cheeks.

“That _fucking_ castor oil. It softened her cervix much faster than I would have liked, especially with her being so young, and this being her first delivery, I want it to be as physically and emotionally stable as possible.” She bit off, grabbing some more bits of coats, beanies, and old shirts to tuck into her jacket.

“But is there an immediate problem?” I pressed further, glancing into the back window to see if anything had happened since we had stepped out to talk, but she seemed to be still enough to work through these while we deliberated. 

“I don’t see anything now, but I am worried with complications of such a rushed labor. She ran for a while when we fled, and when we had to hit the floor to avoid getting shot…I’m worried.” She warned, taking a tone that I hadn’t yet heard from her, unsure of her own abilities. I recalled an entry in my father’s journal, one of a similar situation that they had found themselves in while visiting Florida, his attempt at Spanish poor as he butchered the language and wrote curses of bad water and much more.

However, there were small doodles in corners of the page, portraits that he would scribble messily, capturing a more youthful essence of the woman in front of me. Scenarios of what he had been told were drawn out in different plots of the page, as if he was working out what the image had truly been. Dana crouching between the legs of a young woman who was bringing new life into the world, her voluminous red wisps matted against fuller, youthful cheeks. Images of guns being held to her head, octopi shattering the ceiling, and much more littering the pages, but what it told me was that she was more than capable. 

“Dana! Help me!” Holly screamed before I could give her any assurance, causing her to slam the trunk shut and leap into action, crawling back into the car while I fumbled for the back door. “Holly I know I said that I would stop doing this, but I need to check something.” Dana declared, worry now thick in her once convincing tone.

Holly’s tone also sounded frantic and full of hysterics followed by a shrieking scream that caused the birds to disperse away from the hood of the car. The key finally clicked and the door gave way, granting me entrance to the make shift maternity suite that was the back seat of an old Civic. 

“Dana I’m pushing!” Holly declared while shedding a thick stream of tears out of each eye, making the doctor panic and reach over to try and stop her, begging me with her eyes to get her attention. “No! Holly I know you want to, but it is imperative that you don’t push right now, Marisol and I need to move you so that your baby is okay.” Dana cried, urging me to distract her while the both of us began lifting her legs to the crumb ridden floor of the car. Dana swiftly kicked the pants and underwear at her ankles to the side and helped guide her towards the door, placing her hand on the handle before hopping out on the other side, racing around with her extra coat that I had grabbed from the motel.

I watched as she spread the long trench coat out on a grassy patch of forest floor, the damp, freezing air making it an impossible climate to deliver a baby in. Once I saw her situated I carefully draped my coat over the girl’s shoulders and opened the door for her.

Dana swiftly came to help her out of the car, but Holly was quietly humming to herself with her eyes pinched shut, slightly rocking back and forth on the edge of the seat, telling Scully to give her a minute. “Please- I don’t want to have my baby in the forest!” She begged, now fearful of the woman who only wanted to help her. “I know, and I know that it is scary to be doing this in such a different place then where you planned, believe me, but I promise I will take good care of you.” Dana was now begging, lowered to her height to try and get through to her.

I placed a careful hand on her shoulder and glanced down at the patient doctor who now carefully took her hands that had been pinching at her knees, tenderly brushing her thumbs over the tops until she at least seemed to calm down a little. The forest had gone still, the threats seemingly gone, but by the edge that was radiating from Dana’s body, I knew she was still terrified to move this girl anywhere. 

There was a shift in the way Holly was sitting, simply carrying herself throughout all of this. She seemed heavier as she transitioned, even the tone of her trembling voice growing lower into a gravel as she untangled her hands from Dana’s and moved them towards her shoulders. “Dana why is it coming so fast!” She cried out, the sheer sound causing her to stand the both of them up, slinging one arm over her shoulder while I grabbed the other, leading her towards the jacket that she had laid out next to a massive boulder.

“I don’t want to sit!” She groaned, letting us kneel her down atop the soft material, hopefully creating a thick enough barrier between her bare knees and the rocky ground, despite being in the patch of grass. “Holly I’m going to take a look, okay?” Dana shouted, trying to top her screams which were echoing through the thick bank of trees. I swallowed and held my breath as the girl once more positioned herself in front of her and gripped the doctor’s shoulder’s, but Dana was ducked behind her small frame, her hair now tied back and out of her face while she worked.

A tiny flashlight was beside her leg, shedding some light on what she was working on, also illuminating the furrowing of her forehead as she continued to examine, poke, and prod at Holly who was now groaning forcefully into Dana’s shoulder. “Holly, take a deep breath for me, and try and calm down.” She coached, using her clean hand to cup the girl’s mascara covered cheek. 

I felt my chest tighten as if I had left my body, watching as an onlooker who may have paused during their afternoon stroll in the woods. The fear in Dana’s face was greater than I had ever seen yet, the pressure of a life. She was a medical doctor, but from what I had read she dealt with the dead, those with nothing at stake, nothing to lose. Old guest badges from St. Joseph’s Hospital and many others had been littered in my father’s desk and shelves, telling me that she could’ve done a short stint in the bays and theaters, but nothing too extensive.

Dana was calm and steady, her hands poised to work despite her lack of sterilization, gloves, medicine, or tools, she was improvising as she went. Holly mustered all of her strength in accordance with the demands she was being met with to push her baby out. It began to lightly sprinkle, a mist coming down on all of us to christen this new life that was about to make it’s debut into the world.

I mindlessly rubbed the girl’s back between her trembling shoulder blades, letting her throw herself back into my grip while frantically gasping for air. I mustered up enough strength to push back with my chest, keeping her upright per doctor’s orders.

“Holly stop!” Dana shouted, the intensity startling even myself, the young girl immediately leaning her body weight into my own, the feeling foreign due to the company I keep that lacks all physical forms of intimacy. I swallowed and gripped the shaking girl while Dana muttered medical terms to herself, lost in her own brain while the teenager whimpered in my arms.

“Dana, what’s wrong?” I demanded, watching her eyes immediately meet mine at the sound of her own name, exhaling shakily before gently moving Holly off of her and onto her side, the damp forest floor now moistening the material beneath her, making the girl shiver. “She has a prolapsed cord.” She narrated hastily, lifting her trembling leg over her shoulder.

“Talk to me in regular terms.” I urged, carefully scooting the girl’s upper body into my lap to try and give her some sense of comfort while she was subjected to this agony in the middle of the wilderness. “The cord is coming out ahead of the baby and every time she pushes the head presses against it, I need to move it back up so the baby doesn’t suffocate.” She muttered, beginning to work on the young girl who was now sobbing into my pant leg.

“Holly hold my hand.” I instructed urgently, feeling her squeeze the bones while I softly brushed her hair back, shushing into her ear while Dana began. The feeling of helplessness began to creep into my chest as her shouting increased while the doctor began to reach inside, clinging to me.

“Please stop!” She screamed, her tone making our eyes water, making an urge wash over me to crouch down and hold her tightly, to try and keep her at bay. The begging choking me to my brim as I watched blood begin to leak around Dana’s knees, her arm jerking as gently as possible with what she was doing to this poor girl.

“Okay- another second!” She updated, her tone hastily elevated, but her terror had slightly decreased, getting a better grip on her own abilities, exhaling slowly before carefully removing her hand. Relief flooded my body as I watched her return back to herself, the self assurance telling me that we would be okay. “Holly, I’m sorry sweetie, I know that didn’t feel good. But, I have your baby’s head is sitting in my hand, you’re so close.” She now encouraged, and through my own blurry eyes I could see a hint of a smile rooting in the corners of her mouth while Holly curled up in my lap, pulling at my hand which I had previously offered for her to squeeze and yank on. I brushed back her hair once more and wiped away some of the sweat and misty rain away from her eyes, patting her neck from the running moisture. 

“Just cut me open and get it out of me!” She demanded forcefully, shrieking as if Dana had taken a pair of shears to her, but from what I could see it was just a red, wet head emerging into Dana’s awaiting hand. She carefully cradled it with one hand, the other pulling my scarf out of her jacket, her body heat keeping it warm while it rained. “I’m not doing that, Holly. Just give me one more big one. Can you do that for me?” She asked while keeping her eyes on the twisting head in her hands.

“Come on, I believe in you.” I whispered to the girl who was now uninterested in the commotion going on below her waist, her head buried deep in my lap while anxiously clawing at my hands. I bit my lip wistfully and wrapped myself over her once more, trying to at least radiate some heat onto her now ghostly skin.

“Someone please help me!” She shrieked, her eyes rolling back as she gave one final push, all of her air getting shoved out of her lungs while Dana adjusted the leg on her shoulder, readying herself with the scarf as the baby was thrust into the world, straight into Dana’s awaiting arms.

Just as a mewing cry erupted from the baby’s mouth the skies broke open into a symphony of thunder, lighting up the darkening air with electricity and rain. Dana instinctively clutched the screaming baby to her skin and slid her coat off, delicately wrapping the baby in the sturdier material.

“Holly we have to get you to the hospital. You need to hold the baby.” Dana now rattled off, passing the infant up to it’s mother, a tenderness now laced in her actions as the girl’s body seized once more. “Dana…why is it hurting again?” She grunted, a few seconds passing before a membraneous sac expelled from her body and onto Dana’s coat along with the many other fluids.

“It’s all there. Perfect, let’s get you up and out of the rain.” She grunted after the baby had been disconnected from the sac, tied off with the string of my frayed coat sitting in the car. The baby had settled as we swiftly helped the girl up, hanging onto her with all of my strength to make it from the patch of grass over towards the old civic. The baby wailed into the girl’s skin, making her release a sob and climb into the backseat. 

“Start the car and warm it up!” Dana called as she raced back for her jacket that was lying in the damp grass, wadding it up into a thick square that she carefully placed between her legs to absorb some of the blood. 

“Alright, let’s get going.” I muttered, watching her pile behind the girl and pull her into her lap, helping her adjust the baby comfortably for the car ride, her bony hand lingering on the baby’s cheek. “Yeah, let’s go.”

…

The hospital was colder than the damp air we had sat in, our clothes soaked to the bone, but I had gotten lucky, Dana’s dark blouse was stained with blood, rain, and everything else in the book, and looked hauntingly exhausted. Her tiny frame was curled in the waiting room seat, her neck cocked into the most unnatural position as she struggled to get a nap in, the cold air conditioning making her shiver slightly under the fluorescent lights.

The social worker had shown up and was talking to the young girl about her options, but about fifteen minutes into the conversation I watched them roll a tiny bassinet out of her room and into a separate addition of the nursery. I couldn’t blame her, no matter how much she had alluded to wanting her child, I could also see the fear, doubt, and terror that she harbored about raising this tiny human. 

I could hear weeping through the door and felt my heart crack slightly at the sheer weight of it. Dana seemed out for the time being, her slumber allowing me to slide out of my seat, draping my somewhat dry coat over her before wandering towards the nurse’s station, inquiring about the girl and her decision, but she was reluctant to share any information, informing me that I would have to ask her once the social worker was done with her.

I swallowed thickly and thanked her in defeat, wandering towards the pastel wall of the maternity ward, images of woodland creatures, smiling animals, and other gender neutral pictures of infancy danced under the long window looking into the nursery. I bit my lip and allowed myself one glance inside, my eyes finding the bassinet off to the side with a sunflower sticker on the clear plastic.

“Which is yours?” An elderly woman asked eagerly, an old camera strapped around her neck, her grey hair pulled back into a messy twist, telling me she had probably spent the night in one of those chairs Dana was resting in. I smiled tiredly and crossed my arms over myself, subconsciously trying to cover my body as I shook my head.

“None, I’m just looking.” I admitted, leaning in to see where her eyes were landing, a proud grin gracing her face as she pointed towards the first row. “My first ever granddaughter, Lucy Mae.” She announced, making it impossible not to smile at the pure excitement and pride that this woman was feeling about the squirming baby. “Congratulations, she’s beautiful.” I managed, turning back to face the window, a queue to leave me alone in my silence and thoughts, but she just took a step back and gasped excitedly.

“But when are you due?” She asked nosily, making my blood freeze and me whip my head around to address the woman who was already reaching to touch me. I abruptly stepped back and swatted at her hand, horrified at her announcement to what felt like the whole ward.

“You should really learn to mind your own business.” I bit off, crossing my arms before racing off to the bathroom. It seemed empty, allowing me to exhale and race towards the mirrors, turning before running a hand over my figure, and the woman was correct, there was a pop, subtle but there, my long sleeved shirt hugging my middle area. I needed to find Dana and get my jacket back from her.

Fear rushed through my veins as I protectively wrapped my arms across my chest, going to stomp out of the restroom when I heard a faint shudder come from one of the stalls. It sounded nervous, like someone was trying to hide their presence, but also like they needed some assistance.

“Is someone here?” I called, backing away from the door to try and see the shoes that were occupying the stall. I ducked and saw a pair of muddy boots, along with a black jacket tossed beside it, making my blood go cold once more.

“Dana?!” I cried, the volume of my voice causing the stall to unlock, revealing the woman hunched on the toilet with her arms wrapped around herself. Her head was dropped to her lap, shaking silent tears out of her chest, causing my worry to skyrocket. “Oh god, Dana what’s wrong?” I cried, crouching in front of her to grip her shoulders, but her hands just trailed down towards her pants that were taught around her knees, trying to hide them from me.

“Dana, please let me help you.” I begged, her eyes full of petrified tears, releasing a shaking sob. She relented after a moment and dropped her gaze back down to her lap, motioning towards her underwear while her other hand cupped her mouth to keep her cries at bay. I looked down and sucked in a breath at the sight of fresh blood staining her pink cotton underwear, making her turn white with fear.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay. Let’s get you cleaned up and checked in.” I assured, but she just sniffled and shook her head at me and sobbed once more. “The last one- I got lucky, I’ve run out of luck. I’m probably losing it!” She cried, the weight of her words causing me to discard the toilet paper I had grabbed, pulling her tightly into a hug, giving her a moment to wail into my shoulder.

“You are going to be okay.” I whispered, forcefully, but the sound of the door swinging open made her jump in fear and embarrassment, and I knew she didn’t want anyone to see her in this state. I exhaled and watched her eyes widen as she pulled away, begging me to do something, anything to prevent that from happening.

I nodded and pulled the stall door closed, clearing my throat to get the attention of whoever had just entered the bathroom. “Excuse me?” I called, the person going still on the other side of the stall, muttering an acknowledgment of my presence.

“Can you please go grab a nurse and ask for a wheelchair and give us some privacy?” I requested, the woman eagerly complying, the sound of her shoes swiftly exiting, leaving us alone once more in the empty latrine. 

I kept a hand around Dana’s as we waited, not acknowledging it, but keeping it tightly wrapped in my own until the door swung open, the nurse’s rubber shoes squeaking behind the clicking wheelchair. “Hello? Does someone need help in here?” She called, her voice young and vibrant, making me exhale in relief, swinging the door open to lead her down to the far stall.

“Aw sweetie what’s wrong?” She asked calmly, wandering towards the wall to press a blue button before pulling on a pair of gloves, motioning me out of the way as she took my spot. Dana swallowed and once more pointed towards the blood in her underwear, visibly shaking in front of the blonde woman who attentively listened and helped her to her feet, sliding her pants back up before walking her to the chair.

“Who’s with you? Is this your daughter?” She asked calmly, making Dana stiffen and go white at the question, prompting me to answer and place a hand on her shaking shoulder to try and calm her down. “No, I’m a friend.” I explained, the nurse shrugging as she unlocked the wheels and began to push her out of the bathroom.

“Alright then, let’s go, friend.” She winked towards me, my nerves causing me to jog after them out of the bathroom and down the hall until another nurse stepped in my way, explaining that it was family only until a doctor came to check on her. My chest felt hollow but simultaneously filled with the heaviest guilt I have felt yet.

She quietly led me to a row of chairs outside of the admittance room, the soft murmur of nurses leaking through the soundproof walls, causing my anxiety to skyrocket. She never should’ve been dragged into this, when she told me I should’ve gotten her a one way ticket back home while I searched for my father, not dragging teenagers through the woods, or running from townie gunfire.

Nausea twisted through me along with waves of anxiety and terror. I felt almost compelled to call off the search, to let my father just rest in a memory and not endanger one of his closest humans in his name.

…

The half hour had felt like four, and no word had come from the glowing room, but doctors and nurses had filtered in and out, glancing at me before vanishing behind the nurse’s station.

One of them pushed a large machine into the room, followed by another doctor, both of them muttering to each other as they glanced in my direction, only making my urge to burst into tears increase.

I held my breath as a nurse who was already in there emerged with a clear bag of Dana’s blood soaked clothes, holding it out to me. The sight of her making me jolt out of my seat with all of my energy, but she seemed to be moving in slow motion.

“How is she? How is the baby?” I cried, a smirk crossing her face as she dropped the bag into my hands, taking a tired breath before answering. “She’s fine, and the baby is perfectly healthy.” She shrugged, her tone too casual for the situation at hand, almost infuriating me on the spot.

“But she was bleeding?” I demanded, but she just breathed patiently and crossed her arms as if I was missing some grand point to what she had just said. “She was spotting, that’s perfectly normal, especially for mothers of her age.” She explained, her tone urging me to reach over and smack her, but I knew Dana would absolutely have my head if I caused a scene in the maternity ward. 

“Can I see her?” I asked tiredly, making her nod with disinterest, making me brush past her and enter the glass room. My limbs shook with nerves, I never liked hospitals, the image of seeing a loved one in such a setting made me uneasy and it washed over me, that cold memory. The body never forgets.

My hand moved in slow motion as it pulled the curtain back, revealing Dana who was calmly tucked under cream sheets. Her hair now void of it’s curl, pulled behind her ear, showing her face which looked freshly washed and void of all makeup. The sight taking my breath away nervously as she pressed her lips together and gave me a small wave, urging me to come farther into the room.

“Hey.” I managed, setting my hands on the foot of her bed, her boots neatly placed beside me, her tiny socks tucked inside. “Sorry about earlier.” She said, and if there was enough color in her hollow cheeks, they would’ve been blushing in shame and embarrassment.

“Wha- don’t be crazy, you have nothing to apologize for.” I cried, now instinctively moving to the side of her bed as she shrugged and took a deep breath, her hand moving down to her flat stomach, her mind clearly somewhere else. “I know this is important to you.” I added, and it was, she was someone who deserved a child, that unconditional love that they bring, not someone like me who was still petrified of the idea. She looked up at me and nodded quietly, clearly not ready to talk about what happened, and I knew not to push.

“Which is why…I think you should go home.” I declared, causing her to turn her attention towards me, but I just pushed on. “I never should’ve come and interrupted your life like this, putting the both of you into harm’s way.” I exhaled, my decision bringing me some peace that she would be okay, but also a twinge of pain, in the past few days she had brought me a sense of comfort that I never knew I needed. There was something electric about Dana Scully.

“What?” She muttered, glancing up at me, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at her, my mind made up. “This is my responsibility, he is my father, and you have more pressing things that you should be focusing on, one of them being your health.” I explained, but she shook her head at me and began to protest, her forehead scrunching as she tried to argue, but my brain could no longer comprehend.

“Dana, I’m leaving and you should go home. I can do this on my own.” I declared definitely, reaching over to give her hand a squeeze before setting her bag on the small table beside her boots, swiftly stumbling towards the exit of the room.

“Marisol Mulder stop right there.” She commanded, her words paralyzing me in the foyer of the room, causing me to turn and face the woman who had glassy tears in her eyes, caused by my guilt induced words, making my stomach drop. “Dana…” I begged, but she just wagged her finger, summoning me to the side of her bed.

“I’m not here because you guilted me into anything. Your father is the most important person, in a way that I can’t explain clearly, but he is. I didn’t know you existed, but you make me feel closer to him in a way that I can’t explain either. I know it is scary and hard, but I need to be here, and I want to find him as much as you do.” She began, her tone almost disciplinary as she stared into my soul from her bed.

“And I also need to make sure that you are safe for him to return to. Your father is going to come back home to _all_ of his children.” She declared, her expression grave as she reached out and gave my hand a gentle squeeze, something I wasn’t prepared for, causing my stomach to jump from my toes straight into my chest.

“I’m sorry, I’m not very good at this.” I whispered, my voice cracking against the rising lump in my throat, carefully reaching over and brushing a stray hair back before pursing my lips wistfully. “Neither am I, but we can handle it.” She responded, her grip on my hand telling me that we needed each other, and deep down we both knew that truth.

“How are you and the little one doing?” I whispered, sitting in the chair that sunk below the raised mattress of the bed, settling for that as physical protection from prying eyes since my coat was god knows where, probably soaked from the mud and rain in the back seat of our ruined rental car.

“Tiny, it’s almost six weeks, but doing okay. I was just having some spotting, which is normal…I know that it’s normal, since I’m a doctor.” She sighed heavily, almost angry with herself to how she handled this, her cheeks attempting a blush once more, along with glassy eyes.

“Hey…we all miss things when we’re close to the situation. You had a perfectly normal reaction.” I assured, but her eyes just filled once more as she battled her inner emotions, using all her strength to push those tears back for my sake. “Is there something more that is bothering you?” I carefully questioned, watching her side eye me cautiously, still remaining silent.

“You said that last time you got lucky…” I reminded, her eyes flushing with an agonizing pain that I hadn’t seen yet, her fingers now picking at the hem of the sheets while she stared straight ahead of her.

“I had a hard pregnancy when I was younger. Complications early on. When I was in my first trimester with him…I was hospitalized for abdominal pain, and then during my third trimester I got placenta previa…I’m just afraid that with my age…” She whispered, my heart crumbling as she fought back her tears, trying to force those traumas out of her head.

“Sorry…it was a while ago and somehow it’s still…with me.” She whispered once more, but this time I swallowed my own emotions and cupped her icy hand into my own, my teeth pinching the dried skin of my bottom lip.

“I was touched when I was seven, nothing gruesome like the cases that I see at work, just an older boy on the playground who hit my butt. I thought that I’d be okay, but years later I still feel sensitive in certain situations, and I’m almost twenty six years old. That is no different then having anxiety over a pregnancy.” I assured, trying desperately to instill this into her, and I knew she wasn’t stupid or naive, but I did sense that for a long time she had to be strong in the face of fear.

“It was scary.” She admitted, something I wasn’t expecting to hear from such an articulate and well spoken woman. The simple statement causing another wave of empathy as I took for granted the small life festering in my belly. “I bet.” Was what I could offer in that moment, those two words causing her to glance over at me and give my hand another squeeze, a nonverbal queue letting me know she appreciated my words.

Before she could say anything more the nurse who hand helped us in the bathroom entered with a comforting smile, her curly brown hair now tied up in a fluffy bun on the top of her head, a colorful headband tied around her hairline. “Dr. Scully are you feeling better?” She asked calmly, giving me a warm nod as she managed a “yes” while wiping her tears swiftly with the pad of her thumb before they could even fall onto her cheeks.

“Your hands are freezing, are you cold?” I asked softly so the nurse wouldn’t overhear, but my friend just shrugged and sunk back farther into the pillow that they had provided her. “Can she have some extra blankets? She’s freezing in here.” I requested, the nurse nodding at me before pointing towards the shelf behind her where a large stack of blankets sat, returning to her chart on the computer.

I quietly shuffled towards the shelf and pulled the stack down, holding them in front of my middle, taking any coverage I could get at this point. They were soft but felt worn in my hands as I spread one of them on top of her shivering body, carefully tucking her warmly inside. “Better?” I asked, the older woman nodding at me before gingerly waving me away.

“When can I get discharged?” She asked carefully, the nurse looking over her chart before exhaling slowly towards the doctor. “You should be good to go by tomorrow morning, just take it easy.” She urged, walking over to the bed with a new sonogram machine, reminding me of the horribly invasive one that they had used on me this early on.

“Oh, let me…” I muttered, gathering my things to rush out for some privacy, but Dana’s grip on my wrist nearly yanked me back into my seat, her strength astounding me even from a hospital bed. “You can see your…half sibling?” She whispered, making me scrunch my head as I truly thought about my relation to the child she was carrying.

I pursed my lips and gave her a supportive smile as another doctor entered the room, her dark hair carefully tied back into a sleek bun, contrasting against her porcelain skin. Shesmiled half heartedly and took a seat on the stool, rubbing the sanitizer into her hands before pulling on a pair of powdery gloves.

The nurse swiftly pulled away the blanket and lifted the sheet before pulling up a pair of stirrups from under the bed, adjusting Dana’s legs onto them. “Jesus…” I muttered, glancing over at her shaking frame in the hospital bed, her hand mindlessly squeezing my bones together in my left one. “Shh, it’ll be over soon.” I whispered, appalled at the way the doctor barely uttered a word to either of us, holding a gloved hand out to the nurse who squirted a gel into it to rub all over the wand.

“It’ll be cold, Dana.” She stated, the use of her first name causing my attention to snap up at the young woman who nonchalantly lubed up the sonogram wand. “If you could be careful, my…friend is a little nervous.” I requested in annoyance, but the lady just chuckled as if I had asked her to do a little jig for us.

“It says in her chart she’s done this before, she knows the drill, and that it’s not as bad as everyone says it is. Right, Dana?” The doctor laughed, but she remained silent still preparing herself for what was to come.

“ _Doctor_ Scully would just appreciate some care with this, please.” I requested firmly, making the woman wipe her smile off of her smug face and nod in my direction, her eyes landing on her chart as they softened in embarrassment. 

The room grew silent as she carefully inserted the wand, causing Dana to go rigid as the doctor pressed on her flat abdomen to feel where the wand was, wiggling it for a moment before a small figure appeared on the tiny screen that was rolled in.

“There it is.” The doctor finally pointed out, her finger pressing the screen right where what looked like a little ladybug was growing, nuzzled safely inside of her body. I couldn’t help but feel tears prick my eyes at the sight of it, her fear getting to me, but the sight of the small tangible life giving me hope.

I carefully nudged her and watched as she opened her eyes slowly, the two irises glassing over almost immediately, mindlessly squeezing me at the sight of her child. “Where is the heartbeat?” She asked nervously, but the doctor just smiled and removed the wand from between her legs, removing the plastic cover.

“Your baby is still too small to hear it, it will develop in about two weeks.” She explained, giving her a nod of approval before vanishing out the door and down the hall, leaving the nurse to carefully pull Scully’s legs from the stirrups, covering her back up with the sheet and blankets.

“Try and rest.” The nurse urged before leaving almost as abruptly as the doctor, the both of us unsure of what to say at this point. The day had been a whirlwind of horror, and I knew that once discharged Dana would be hellbent that she was fine, and want to continue right where we left off before meeting Holly, so I should urge her to get some rest while she had the chance.

“You need to sleep.” I shrugged, but she just raised an eyebrow at me and tilted her chin down to try and question my authority. “The nurse said to rest.” I reminded, grabbing another blanket from the pile and spreading it over her, trying to get them to weigh down on her to curb some of her anxieties.

“Maybe some soothing noises? Like white noise, waves crashing, or wh-“

“Whale noises?” Dana completed, cutting me off with a wistful smirk, sighing heavily with a hint of nostalgia as she stared at me intently. “Yeah…why?” I asked, but she just shrugged and blinked away a tear.

“You remind me of someone, in more ways than one.” She admitted, her tone sounding as if she had a story to tell, compelling me to take a seat beside her in the chair, waiting for her to continue. “Really? Who?” I asked curiously, a fond smile gracing her expression as she pinched her lips tightly in thought.

“A friend. She helped me and was there the day _he_ was born. I was nervous and she started making these ridiculous whale noises and for a moment…I forgot about everything. I though it was ridiculous that she was convinced that it would make me feel more calm while delivering a baby, but I was distracted for a moment, and it helped.” She recalled, a fondness lacing her voice, dipping slightly as her voice trailed off into a melancholy silence.

“She sounds like a very cool lady. I hope I get to meet this friend of yours someday.” I smiled, feeling slightly proud that I had brought her some comfort, but her face immediately dropped at my comment. “She um, she passed away about a month ago. Actually two of my dear friends passed…” She realized, blushing once more, but this time she didn’t apologize, she just let them sit in her memory in the air.

“I’m very sorry to hear that.” I whispered, giving her a trying smile, and she mirrored it back as a token of gratitude. The heaviness of the room seemed hard to bear, so I exhaled loudly and stood up, fixing her pillow while managing a grin, finishing up with turning the lights down over her, darkening the room.

…

The air truly did feel like icy winds piercing through my still damp clothes, and the muddy coat had dried only enough to drape over myself in the chair. The damn thing was broken and refused to recline, but I couldn’t find it in me to succumb to sleep, although the clock read nearly three in the morning, I felt the need to be up, ready to guard and defend if needed.

Dana had finally drifted off after I darkened the room, providing me with some solace that she was getting the rest she needed despite all of the traveling, morning sickness, and emotional turmoil she was enduring in the name of my father, which seemed like a regular occurrence in her life. I could feel the weight of my exhaustion and my own fetus tugging at my eyelids, and for a minute I allowed myself an acknowledgement of it’s presence inside me.

I reached down carefully and laid a hand on my popping abdomen, my fingers softly brushing against the material of my shirt. I was unaware of when it had decided to expand my body, but the fluttery feeling managed to shake me to my very core.

I silently cursed the exhaustion that was pulling me away from the hospital room, the shivering in my bones not even enough to keep me awake in this god forsaken chair that was putting a massive kink in my neck.

The fluttering pulled me farther and farther away, the image becoming more and more fuzzy as I struggled to keep it fresh in my brain, to keep Dana in my sight, but only became blurred with inky black nothing.

…

I awoke to the feeling of two hands nudging me back into consciousness. My eyes fought urgently to wipe the sleep away, pulling the jacket higher, exposing my icy limbs to hide my small bump that felt so real to me.

Dana was carefully urging me out of the seat, causing my worry to peak, that something was here to try and hurt her, to hurt the baby that had sent me into an emotional thunder dome. “What is it? What’s wrong? Why are you out of bed?” I demanded, but she just rolled her eyes and pulled me towards the small bed which was piled high with the blankets from the closet.

“Dana what’s going on?” I asked once more, but she shook her head at me and lifted the blankets, crawling under them before patting the mattress beside her tiny body, causing confusion to wash over me. “You’re freezing and there is more than enough room.” She assured, and her offer was tempting, but I could feel the damp chill of my clothes that held such a bone chilling effect.

“My clothes are too cold, it’ll freeze you up.” I argued, but she just shook her head at me and pulled on me harder, her hand so warm and inviting, but the sheer feeling of someone being close enough to feel that there was a human inside of me only made my blood freeze even more.

“I’m okay, plus you have to think about the baby.” I reminded, feeling a twinge of guilt at the comment, but it subsided, it was strong and I could tell that all my body heat was going towards him and keeping him warm. She just pinched her lips shut in signature Scully fashion and meandered towards the shelf that I had overlooked, pulling out a robe that was neatly folded. It seemed extremely oversized for the both of us, which was probably why she had foregone it and settled with two gowns, one wrapping around her back as an attempt at privacy.

“Let your clothes dry.” She sighed, no other motive behind her voice, making me exhale and nod as I peeled off my soaked pants, placing them on the window sill, my shirt was mostly dry, and the thought of standing topless with my tiny bump exposed was enough for me to break down in tears, so I settled and pulled the robe around myself and raised my eyebrows in her direction.

“Come on sleepyhead.” She smirked, climbing back under the covers, leaving a spot for me to take, but her eyes simply drifted shut, letting the choice be mine. I sighed and slid onto the mattress, still leaving enough room for her to take up, feeling slightly guilty that I was taking advantage of this.

“Your dad was always cold and would insist that I took the blankets, but then I would always catch him shivering.” She whispered once she felt the dip in the mattress, reaching over to rub her hands against mine, the heat radiating out of her body, causing the edge of my low body temperature to melt away, causing me to finally relax. I managed a chuckle before finally succumbing to sleep.

…

Dana walked a bit straighter as we made our way down the hall of the maternity ward, almost a bout of confidence in her stride, that she’d be leaving one of these wards properly, with her baby in tow. 

We came to the end of the hall and I glanced over at the room that we had been perched out of before all of the chaos had ensued. “Should we check in on Holly?” I asked quietly, poking my eyes in to the nursery to see if the excluded bassinet was still perched, but it had been moved, just leaving the rest of the rows untouched.

“Yeah.” Dana muttered, motioning for me to enter, my stomach twisting as I thought about the young girl who had an even crazier day than us. I exhaled and knocked before pushing the door open, revealing the teenager who was hooked up to a machine pumping fluids into her body.

“Hi.” I smiled, her face lighting up as the both of us piled into the room, my appearance looking like I had been smashed by a semi-truck while the other two seemed at least clean from the day before. “I thought you two left!” She exclaimed in excitement, making me chuckle awkwardly while Dana rubbed the bandaid on her hand from her own needles.

“Nope, we just had some things to take care of.” She responded softly, not willing to divulge the contents of her night, and all of the things that had shaken her completely to a young girl barely coming to terms with her own life. 

“How are you?” I asked carefully, noticing that there was no trace of a newborn’s presence. Dark circles deepened her youthful eyes, and the room seemed void of formula bottles, breast pumps, or diapers, confirming what I had figured. “I didn’t sleep very well.” She admitted, shame washing over her as she picked at her raw and bloody nails, unsure of what to say.

“I gave him up, to a different family, but a family no less.” She revealed, her voice cracking as she looked up at the both of us, petrified of our reactions. I swallowed and took a step towards her, sitting a leg onto her bed before wrapping her tightly in a hug, her arms squeezing me tenderly before looking up at the both of us, wiping a tear from the corner of her eyes.

“I called social services when you got here, they should help you find a shelter, at least until you feel ready to be on your own. And if you ever need anything, just give us a call.” Dana offered, passing a card off to the girl with an understanding nod.

“Thank you, for everything.”


	6. Onward

Marisol

I could’ve cried at the knowledge that I had my own bed in the new hotel that we had found after driving nearly four towns over. Funds seemed tight but Dana graciously offered this one and the next, it’s leg up from the other two making me exhale slowly as I ran my hands over the soft linen sheets, opposed to the scratchy wool ones that I could afford. 

I yawned and tossed my bag onto the chair before digging out my toiletry bag along with a brush and pair of sweats that I had become quite fond of at home, now never able to wear them due to the suspicion it would bring. Dana just sat quietly on the edge of her bed and kicked her heeled boots off, tucking her feet under her body while unclasping all of her jewelry.

“Do you need the bathroom?” I asked, and she luckily shook her head, still freshly showered from the hospital, but I still had the day old grime from our endeavor in the forest, and I had been looking forward to nothing more than a warm shower. I exhaled and opened the closet door to find a pair of white robes, taking the taller one from the hook and into the bathroom.

The tub was standard, but the mirror stretched horizontally across what felt like the entire bathroom. I made sure to lock the door securely, even shoving a sock under the crack to prevent it from opening, taking a breath before peeling my clothing off.

Slowly the layers came down and piled at my tired and compressed feet, the swelling begging my shoes to expand with them, instead of letting them puff to their size right now. My shirt was next to come off, along with my bra that nearly exploded as my breasts grew by the minute, and there I was, naked.

I took a shaky breath and examined myself in the mirror, the olive tone of my skin stretching into glassy scratches across my stomach, stretching with each day that this fetus lingered inside of me. The daunting idea of hiding this as each change became more apparent seemed impossible, but I couldn’t bear to tell anyone, especially the woman outside of this bathroom, who didn’t need to be worrying herself with the happenings of a pregnant woman searching for her father.

My hands came to cup my breasts, noting how they had filled out in the past months. After long days my back would ache from lacking the proper support to hold up these new additions adequately. Finally my hands came down to rest on the pop, the curve, the swelling of my obsessively flat middle.

I had done everything to prolong this from happening, cutting out salt and gluten from my diet, along with dairy that managed to make any person swell that the thought of consuming pints of ice cream. Keeping my stomach as managed as possible, along with the fear of my face expanding and puffing up, always the dead giveaway that a woman was carrying.

But now it seemed impossible, the bump only seemed to be expanding, tightening my pants to the point where deep indentions were visible in my waist from the seams and buttons. This fetus also called for the things that I had forbidden myself in order to keep this secret, but the sour tang of the massive tub of pickles had me constantly salivating at the sheer thought of it.

I had to keep Dana distracted enough to not notice, to continue on with this important task of finding my father so she wouldn’t discover this massive secret I have been harboring for what felt like an eternity.

I want to turn on the water when I felt a gentle nudge against my palm. It was different than the fluttering I had grown accustomed to, this one as if a kitten had pressed it’s head against the inside of my womb, sucking all of the air from my chest. 

I inhaled sharply and fumbled to the side of the tub, connecting my bottom to it’s edge as reality washed over my body. This was a human who was coming, who I wasn’t ready to face yet, but who I loved so much it terrified me into hunching over the toilet bowl. 

I retched loudly and fumbled for the faucet, turning the water on high blast to mask the sound, throwing up all the contents of my stomach, which just seemed to be bile and some water, my stomach aching from being emptied of it’s such little contents.

“Fuck me.”

…

“You alright?” Dana asked from beneath her glasses as she typed on her rose laptop, now changed into a maroon top and cotton pajama bottoms. Her hair was neatly brushed and tucked behind her and her skin glowed from the human that resided inside of her. 

I just pulled my robe tighter around myself and nodded, climbing into bed and tucking myself under the soft duvet, not wanting to have to answer any more questions out of fear of vomiting again. I curled into a ball and buried my face into the middle of the four pillows, taking controlled breaths to prevent another wave of nausea.

“Marisol?” She inquired once more, but I now feared that if my mouth opened once more my sheer stress would cause another fit of vomiting. “Have you eaten at all today?” She interrogated, and the answer had been no, our long day of traveling had been identical, and there had been no stops for breakfast or snacks on the way. I exhaled shakily and slowly shook my head, making her smack her lips in disapproval before clicking away at her keyboard, mumbling something to herself before I heard her phone ring.

“Can I get two orders of your tofu veggie stir fry?” I heard her order, but before I could protest she was already hanging up, her stare now landing on me as I shuddered under the blankets, not wanting to consume anything at all.

“I know you haven’t had any water today, you never drink it and I know you had no interest in stopping for a bathroom on the way so you are probably also dehydrated.” She frowned, a hand now reaching around me to help me into an upright position while she handed me a bottle of water, her expression telling me not to argue.

I inhaled and began to drink it, concentrating with all of my attention to not vomit water onto the soft sheets or the kind doctor in front of me. I managed a swallow and sat back, my body calming down as the painful hunger ate away at me, the muscles still tense from my nerves pushing everything out. 

“Please tell me you do not eat veggie tofu stir fry on a daily basis? That sounds terrible.” I groaned, the feline like movements against the inside walls of my stomach only making this nausea inducing anxiety worsen. She just chuckled and slid onto the bed beside me, raising an eyebrow in what I had now deemed her signature manner, before clearing her throat.

“I was sick when I was younger, I made tiny changes to my diet after I got well, and after a while I went vegan. I hated the feeling of my body just being unwell, and this helped me feel a bit better. The stir fry isn’t bad and the zucchini noodles are amazing, I promise.” She winked, but my insides felt like they were eating me up, making it impossible to breathe or function like a regular human being.

“Marisol, you’re shaking, what’s wrong with you?” She asked now in much more commanding tone while pressing her hand against my forehead like I had seen in the movies. I shuddered and pulled my knees close to myself, trying to choke out a filling breath to try and lower my heart rate.

“Nothing- well, I’m just having like a low- well moderate anxiety attack. I just feel like I’ve consumed ten red bulls and I am going to die.” I admitted, unable to get rid of that piling feeling on my shoulders, absolutely petrified of what was going to happen next.

“How can I help?” Dana asked softly, immediately giving me a hoop of space around me, careful not to overstep any boundary that I needed. I exhaled slowly and felt the gaping emptiness of my back, the way it felt like someone was going to spear it at any given moment.

“Just…” I began, reaching my trembling hands out to her, pulling her closer, dragging one arm around my back and shoulders, the other around my front. Once she understood what I needed she shifted comfortably beside me, the steady feeling of her heart beat against my side and arm allowing me to breathe a little more comfortably.

“Sorry.” I muttered, resting my damp hair on the base of her chest, squeezing my eyes shut as I tried to calm myself down, but another pesky nudge caused my unfilled, sharp nails to dig into the meat of my thighs, my breath getting hitched in my chest as I tried to bury my face into my knees.

“Hey-hey, shh, come on, take some good breaths for me.” She whispered calmly, pulling me closer to her chest, again the strong sound of her heart beating inside of her anchoring me back down as she held me. I felt my belly expand with air, giving me a small understanding that there would probably be more movement from the fetus. 

“Dear god why are you always so cold.” She mumbled, squeezing me closer to try and warm me up while tucking me farther under the covers, but the truth was that ever since this thing had started growing inside of me, it had felt impossible to raise my core temperature no matter the weather, and in this moment it felt like I would never be warm again.

“I’m just a cold person.” I shivered, her arms stronger than I had anticipated, but they weren’t going anywhere until I seemed warmed up and calmed down, softly humming as she wrapped the blankets around my tighter to keep me from freezing my bones off.

“I’m going to make you cold.” I argued, but she scoffed and looked in my direction, almost repulsed at the thought of me freezing her to the bone just as I felt. “This kid makes me so warm and it’s not even big enough for me to feel it. You’re like my own little ice box.” She shrugged, one hand playing with my curls that had fallen into my face, brushing it behind my ear before tucking her chin over my head.

“I feel like I’m going to die.” I admitted, the physical feeling making me groan and aggressively attempt at relaxing, Dana’s warm hand now carefully scratching at my scalp as she carefully shifted on the bed, the closeness snuffing out some of the edge, inviting me into safety.

“Tell me a story.” She suggested, her question making me perk up in confusion and try to glance over at her, but her grip was snug enough to keep me from moving to forcefully. I took a breath and figured it wouldn’t hurt to share the surface, she had agreed to do that for me.

“I’m also looking for my mom. Not like this, but kind of off to the side. She left me when I was two and I had been in and out of homes…nothing horrible like what they always say, but it was weird not having a parent. She kept my last name as my dad’s, I secretly think she always thought that she would make us a family and bring us all together, but she didn’t. It took a while to find my dad because he was so damn paranoid of the government hacking his information that it took me years to finally track him down. But there is no trace of my mother, and no willingness of her to find me.” I shrugged, my story rendering Dana silent, but thankfully I couldn’t see her reaction as I paused.

“I can’t remember it, or what she looked like. Whoever brought me in said that I was on a playground crying. That lady was nice and watched me for a few days until she couldn’t. Then I was put into a home until I turned eighteen.” I sighed, the story not as painful as it sounded, simply a bore to me after telling it for years and years, it was simply a condition I was forced t live under.

I felt my body relax as I wiggled out of Dana’s grip, glancing behind myself to find her batting away tears that were dripping in large wells onto her cheeks. “Oh my god, Dana please don’t cry.” I requested, wiping her cheeks with the backs of my index finger, but she shook her head at me and sniffled, trying to clear her throat.

“I’m sorry…things make me more emotional these days…you know.” She muttered, making me chuckle softly and nod in her direction. “I’m okay, I promise. I made a life for myself, and I’m proud of it. My father didn’t know I existed, and I’m getting him back because he is the only family I have left.” I shrugged, his partner’s eyes welling up once more into another fit of tears.

“Okay, enough of that. I hear the delivery man knocking.” I smiled, passing her a tissue before scrambling off of the bed, my wallet tucked under my arm secretly while she blew her nose on the bed.

The teenager looked exhausted and uninterested in the contents of our evening as I opened the door and took two large take out containers from him, passing over a twenty, allowing him the change before shutting the heavy door. The bowls smelled pungent and I could almost point out every ingredient included in the dishes, slightly ebbed that she had ordered this to nourish her poor unborn child.

“Dammit Marisol you have to let me pay for _some_ meals.” Dana grumbled, all of her tears now vanished from her face. I shook my head and winked, handing hers over along with a fork. She eagerly tore the top open and began shoveling the contents into her mouth, unlike the well mannered woman who normally ate her food. I warily opened the steamy lid and glanced at the white cubes that had been seasoned and drenched in veggies and sauces.

I exhaled and began, but the damn being in me flipped a switch inside my brain, causing me to mirror the woman on the bed and shove all of the contents into my mouth like a garbage chute. “Like it?” Dana gasped, making me glance over at her empty bowl and bashful expression.

“I’m just famished.” I grumbled, still finishing up, unwilling to give in and admit that it had been the best meal I had consumed in a while, but that also spoke to the lack of sit down meals I had eaten on this trip. She just giggled at my remark, the sound catching me off guard, it was light and bubbly, a warm contrast to the serious gravel that her tones normally took.

“See, I told you.” She gloated, but I just muttered something under my breath while scraping the contents onto my plastic fork into my mouth before tossing them into the bin. I stretched tiredly and draped my robe on the chair on the other side of my bed, slowly climbing back under the covers that were so inviting to me.

We had agreed that the air conditioning stayed on, because it was always easier to warm up versus cool off, but I hadn’t been kidding when I had noted that I was physically freezing, the adrenaline in my body still not helping things one bit.

I took another centering breath before reaching over to turn my light out, Dana already passed out on her bed, tucked comfortably under her sheets. Even in sleep her face still seemed worn from her scare in the hospital, leaving it’s lasting marks on her, causing my chest to swell with empathy for this woman.

I bit my lip and shut hers off as well, burying myself beneath the layers of material, desperately trying to warm my hands and feet enough to drift off. I could feel my teeth chattering and I settled with burying them into the pillows, furious that I was letting this comfortable room go to waste because of my cold feet.

…

I awoke to the sound of clicks on a keyboard, and four more layers of blankets on top of me. My eyes blinked away my exhaustion and the clock told me that it wasn’t yet three in the morning, but Dana seemed wide awake and typing away.

The warmth that the blankets gave off was almost perfect, but the nibbling chill in my feet was still lingering, but that was to be expected, and I wanted nothing more than to just drift back to sleep, and the fetus was encouraging it, that little devil.

“Dana? Why are you up?” I groaned, noticing how she was already half way dressed, glancing over at me as if I had just caught her red handed. I groaned and sat up, pushing my bedhead out of my face to try and get a clearer look at her and I had been correct, all she was missing from her all black suit was her heels that sat at the door.

“Are you…are you leaving?” I mumbled, almost shocked that she would just slip out in the middle of the night like this, without any mention of anything. She sighed and stood up from the bed, coming over to mine.

“No, I’m not leaving you or anything like that. I just found lead that needs some attention and I need to leave now to follow it.” She explained calmly, but the importance of the information didn’t match the tone at which she was speaking with.

“Well then wake me up next time.” I grumbled, pushing the blankets off of myself and turning the light on, it’s glow revealing that all of her stuff was packed and sitting at the door, making my stomach turn at the sight of it.

“Were you just going to slip out and not tell me?” I whispered, trying my best not to be hurt at the action because it was what I had done at the motel. “I can take care of myself Marisol, I’ve done it for years.” She reminded carefully, but bit my lip and looked away, unable to look her in the eyes without feeling some sort of anger.

“I know you can, I can too, but like you said there are bad people out there and they are going to try and hurt us. We are better together, you said it yourself.” I reminded, but she just pursed her lips as the gears in her mind turned.

“I know that is what I said, but this is something that I _need_ to do alone. Where I am going I won’t be in any danger.” She vowed, and I knew her word was something I could trust, she didn’t seem like someone who would just put herself into harm’s way for fun, she had too much to lose now.

“At least tell me what you’re doing or if you’re meeting someone.” I requested, crossing my arms over myself as she sighed and took out the notepad and pen from the bedside table, scribbling a name and number down before tearing it off for me.

“I promise I’ll meet up as soon as I’m done.” She vowed, but I still felt uneasy, us separating after all of the things that had happened to the both of us in such a short period of time. I nodded slowly and pulled her tightly into a hug, praying that my body wouldn’t start to tremble while hanging onto her small frame.

“Be safe. Call if you need me.” I requested of her before pulling away, but she just nodded at me and gave my wrist a squeeze before gathering her bag and coat as she walked out of the door.

I breathed out hastily and looked down at the paper that she had given me, now crumpled from the fist that I had made, gingerly unfolding it to read the name and number she had provided.

_John Doggett_

It seemed bland and vanilla, like he sold motorbikes to old men out in the country with long beards and leather. I simply sighed at the name and tossed it onto the nightstand crawling under my blankets once more, shutting the light off to try and get some rest, but my worry made that an almost impossible task.

I glanced at my phone and turned the ringer on for the first time ever, giving me some confidence that I would wake up if Dana needed me while I was sleeping. I had an urge to call Valerie, but I knew that would be unfair to only send brief notes of my condition and then summon her at two in the morning, so I decided against it and tried to make myself comfortable again, my eyelids drifting off to a deep slumber.

…

Two weeks had passed since Dana had left in the night, and after every unanswered call and blurred location, my worry increased that this John Doggett had done something to harm her or the baby.

In terms of fetuses mine had grown as well, and I was grateful for the sleety weather that this area of the country consistently had, allowing me to hide my now almost twenty week bump with my large jacket. The fatigue had begun to fade and I felt bursts of energy explode in the past two weeks, thankfully allowing me to hunt for both my father and Dana.

The hotel had become a reminder of how her promise had been a diversion to her leaving, something that I didn’t expect to become such a sore spot in my heart, but like I had said before, the body doesn’t forget. This is what I had wanted, I told her that in the hospital, that all I wanted was for her to end up safe despite all of this, and if she needed to get away without hurting my feelings, then I would accept it.

The town was small but had enough people circulating through it that it felt safe enough to function in, unlike the deadly one we had been in the past. I had settled enough and tried to figure out where my father could be, if he was on the run, if those people who had chased us were involved, and if the somehow wanted life of my unborn fetus was a part of all this.

I drew a bath and waited as the tub filled up with warm enough water to try and thaw my bones, but not enough to worry any mommy bloggers who warned against the evils of bathing while pregnant. I sat on the lid of the toilet and looked myself up and down, my body draped in the robe that the housekeeper would switch out for me.

My hand dropped to my lap once more and I reached over to feel the twisting and turning of the baby in my womb, making it now a conscious effort to hide it from prying eyes. The splash of water on the tile caused me to jump out of my thoughts and turn the water off to prevent flooding on this floor.

I began untying the tight knot done above my protruding abdomen until a loud knock caused me to jump and nearly break my neck on the now slick tile. I scoffed and slid on my slippers before shuffling out of the bathroom and into the tiny foyer where the light was buzzing.

I glanced through the peep hole and stared at the burly man on the other side, the antithesis of what my father was remembered to be, and how I had met him. “Who is it?” I demanded, cursing the fact that with Dana’s departure, also meant the departure of her firearm.

“John Doggett.” He called, his voice thick with an accent that I couldn’t yet pick out, but it sounded tired and somewhat irritated to be standing in the hallway. His name made my blood go cold and immediately I assumed he would be standing in the doorway to tell me about something horrible that had happened to Dana.

I swung the door open and pulled my robe tighter, balancing my arms protectively over my middle to hide it from this man who seemed like he could do equal parts damage to me. I sucked in a breath and waited for him to speak, the feeling of doom building up in my chest. 

“What happened to Dana?!” I demanded, brushing my hair behind my ear nervously, but he just raised an eyebrow at me and rested his dry, massive hands atop his jeans. “What do you mean? I was coming to meet her? She said that she was staying here?” He asked, just as confused as I was, but I wasn’t convinced enough to let him into the room.

“Who are you?” I finally demanded, confused as to why he was here, not with my friend whom he should have been protecting or helping or something other than standing in front of me without her. “I’m John Doggett, I was Dana’s partner after Fox Mulder died… well, kinda, then left her…I’m her second partner.” He muttered rubbing his stubbly face with a tattooed hand, completely confusing me with their relationship.

“Dana said that she was meeting you two weeks ago?” I reported, dread setting in even heavier as I watched him shake his head at me and cross his arms, not knowing of anything I was mentioning.

“I got a message from Dana Scully saying that she needed some information-.” But before he could continue I felt my body begin to collapse underneath me, my hand reaching out for something to catch. I tried to brace myself for the ground but it never came, hands dragging me into the room and setting me onto the office chair.

“Woah there, are you okay?” He asked awkwardly, grabbing a glass from the counter and filling it up in the sink before passing it to me. I carefully cupped it and took a shaky breath before sorting out what he had said in the foyer, trying my hardest to make it make sense.

“So you don’t know where she is? And I thought she was with you. She has been dodging my calls for two weeks and now you are showing up asking for her?” I exhaled, watching him shrug as he put the pieces together then nodded. I set the glass down and breathed, barreling into the bathroom to unplug the tub, draining the water before grabbing all my toiletries from the sink and tossing them into my bag.

I sprinted towards the closet and gathered one of my grey, cotton long sleeves that expanded so comfortably over my protruding middle, the material always managing to trap some of my heat in, along with a pair of black trousers that I slid on in record time, tossing the robe to the side as I strapped on my bra that was atop the sink, my breasts now bursting out of them and poking towards the edge of my necklines.

“Do you have a car?!” I shouted, struggling with the buttons, swiftly giving up before sliding the band over the buttons that kept my middle concealed enough during these bloated days. “Umm, no I was planning on taking another cab.” He called, making me groan in frustration and worry as I pulled my top on, thoroughly petrified that Dana was in a ditch or being sawed in half in some basement.

“I have one- get the keys from the counter!” I called, stumbling out of the bathroom to shove my swollen feet into my boots, slightly worried about the height it gave me, but they were warm and had gotten me out of much bigger predicaments than looking for someone.

“She said that she wanted to go visit Monica’s remains and then go to her house to see if there were any signs or information on these super soldiers, if there was anything about William.” He read from his phone, his voice dropping with a hint of sorrow at the mention of the man at the end of the phrase, I nodded and grabbed my jacket from the chair and instinctively pulled it around myself before shoving all my things from around the room into my bag, the man awkwardly shifting back and forth in the room, not sure where to find his place.

“Tell me where to find Monica’s house.” I demanded, unsure of who this woman was, but I knew that she had to have been important for Dana to sneak out in the middle of the night to try and find her. He shook his head at me and offered to take my bag from me, and although I wanted to be an independent woman and all that, the bag was heavy and I was not up for dragging it down the hall.

“Want me to get the car?” He asked, but I shook my head at him and took his phone from his grip, sending myself the address before tossing it back at him as we raced down the hall towards the staircase that I braced myself for, praying that I didn’t eat shit going down the flights.

“No- you’re not coming.” I declared, still not entirely comfortable with the thought of going on a roadtrip with a strange man who may or may not have kidnapped my friend. He scoffed in defiance but I shook my head at him and took my bag, racing down the stairs to pick up the pace and leave him in the dust, his footsteps pounding behind me as he struggled to keep up.

“I am getting her, you leave us alone!” I shouted, feeling quite naive that I had let him in on so much information already, jogging towards the bottom where the lobby resided, praying that it was packed with patrons that I could lose myself in.

“Leave me alone!” I shouted once more, the sound of his intensifying breath as he ran only pushing more on edge, a real fear solidifying in my core as I thought back to whether I would be meeting my end in a hotel parking lot. “Ma’am- uh, I’m not trying to hurt you I just need to help you find Dana!” He called, but the sheer knowledge he had and spouted off only scared me further.

“I can find her on my own!” I cried, tears burning the backs of my eyes as another image flashed through my mind, this time of Dana strapped to one of those tables with the glowing red light. This time it wasn’t the burning red laser that seemed to be the impending threat, but the pure helplessness that being tied down on a drafty table caused.

I should’ve followed her, insisted that she just wait two more minutes for me to change and be with her, not trying to backtrack her steps while she could already be in danger.

The lobby door was in sight and I pushed it open with all my might, luckily it was filled with eager convention goers looking to book rooms for the upcoming fantasy contest happening in the ballroom, giving me the chance to worm my way through the crowd.

The dark garage was a silent comparison to the loud voices behind the other door, my eyes landing on the civic on the edge of the lot, my legs carrying me as fast as humanly possible, throwing my bag into the backseat before leaping into the driver’s seat. I watched as the door to the lobby swung open, John’s expression shocked as I peeled out of the garage, shredding rubber to get as far as humanly possible from this place.

…

The sun was rising over the horizon and my maps told me that New York was drawing near after driving all night. My stomach grumbled as a reminder to feed the human bubbling and twisting inside of me, but in this moment I truly had no time.

An older cream house sat on a grassy hill, overlooking the watery coast, a view I could learn to appreciate if I wasn’t ready to pass out over sheer terror. I pulled the car into park and took a centering breath for a moment before grabbing my spare set of keys with the Swiss army knife attachment and shoved it into my coat pocket, being the next best thing to a gun.

The smooth pebbles scratched under my boots as I jogged to the front door, banging on the hollow wood that echoed through the walls of the beach house. There was no movement and I feared for what I would find or if it was too late. There was a shuffle on the other side causing my heart to go cold, my hand banging forcefully on the door to try and get it down.

“Dana! Dana if you are in here please say something!” I shouted, not realizing the sheer volume and anguish in my voice as I fought to burst the wood off of the hinges. The screws shuddered as my foot slammed into the door, giving me a glimmer of hope as I slammed more force into it, not letting it occur to me that I was technically breaking and entering.

I didn’t care. Dana could be on the other side and that idea was the only thing driving my strength, my eyes finally landing on a heavy rock that sat in the driveway, giving me an idea as I reached over and lifted the heavy boulder and tossed it, finally breaking the door free, followed by a guttural groan.

My legs sprinted inside and looked around at the nautical themed decor, modern enough to have been lived in for the past few years, but clearly abandoned as of late. I could hear a dragging on the higher levels of the house, but going off of what had happened to me I was drawn towards the basement door.

I sucked in a breath and pulled out my Swiss army knife from my pocket, glancing down the stairs briefly before creeping down the creaking wood, my hands trembling as they poised themselves to defend myself. I reached out for the swinging rope that was connected to a singular bulb, illuminating the empty basement, causing more dread to sink in that she wasn’t here.

Before another thought could run through my mind a set of footsteps at the top of the stairs caused me to spin around and point the knife in the direction of the threat. I felt my stomach leap into my chest as I came face to face with Dana who was standing idly on the top of the stairs, an agitated look in her eyes.

“Dana? Oh thank god!” I cried, hiking up the stairs while putting the knife away, but she flinched and backed away, a whimper coming out of her lips as I approached, holding out her hand to put some distance between the both of us, the look in her eyes telling me she had no idea who I was.

“It’s me…Marisol.” I cried, but she shook her head and began backing up, as if I were plotting her demise, my name foreign to her. “Doctor Mulder…” I tried, her eyes snapping up at the mention of my surname, filling with confused tears.

“Mulder…” She gasped, a hand dropping to her stomach, an instant reaction that made my heart both swell and break in one swift motion, making me try once more to get her attention. “ _You._ ” She cried, pain laced in her voice as she backed away from me, stumbling up the stairs.

“You are the one who took him- who took Mulder! You took him the first time and now you’re taking him again!” She shouted, the fear and betrayal in her voice raw as she tried her best to get away from me, sprinting down the hall.

“Monica!” She screamed, racing to the top of the staircase where I saw a woman materialize before my very eyes, most likely being the very thing taking over her rationale. I swallowed and took on the staircase, keeping a safe distance to prevent spooking her. 

“She wants to take it, she is going to steal this one like they took William. I can keep you safe here, you just have to join me.” The woman enticed, her dark hair blown into feathery wisps against her face, a style quite dated for the time, paired with a dark brown turtleneck and sandy pants, I knew her presence wasn’t legitimate.

I watched as Dana nodded in compliance at the woman, my brain still not fully comprehending what was happening, but all I could tell was how high up we were on the metal staircase. My attention was then instantly caught at the sound of her gun clicking, fully loaded and ready. I watched as she pointed it at me, making my stomach drop past the fetus who was now very apparent in my body.

“Dana…look, I know what she is saying may sound true, but I didn’t do any of this, and you know this. I came here to help you, whatever this person is saying is a lie, they aren’t real and they want you to hurt yourself and the baby!” I cried, trying my hardest to keep my voice as even as possible, but my own fear was getting in the way of that.

“No! I can only trust Monica- she was the only one and she’s gone and now I have nobody!” She shouted, her anxieties sprouting as she hyperventilated, the gun trembling in my direction, but before I could say anything I watched it begin to turn, my voice instantly rising in alarm.

“DANA NO!” I screeched, the volume causing her to drop the gun, the weapon falling down the stairs, shooting into the ceiling. The both of us let out a scream but this time she fumbled towards the railing, losing her footing.

I watched in horror as she gripped it, her eyes entranced and glassy, but also full of very real tears, making me change my approach with this. “Dana you aren’t alone. This ghost is telling you that everyone you had is gone, but you know that ’s not true, deep down. My father will be found, and until then I promised that I would help you and take care of you.” I vowed, but she just looked over skeptically at the furious ghost beside her, nearly snarling at me for trying to get through to her.

“She doesn’t just want to take her, she wants to _hurt_ her, Dana. Stay here.” She whispered down into her ear, making the small woman tremble out of fear, making her lean farther against the old railing, the metal creaking against her abdomen.

“No- please, Dana listen to me. Please!” I begged, inching forward with a hand outstretched, as a way to demonstrate my passive state that I was taking towards her, the shrinking space between us aggravating her even more.

“Whoever this person is, isn’t the person that you trusted. I watched her appear at the top of the stairs- she isn’t real.” I revealed, her bottom lip trembling as I tried to break whatever warped reality that had been keeping her content in this house. Her hair looked tousled, and there was a layer of dust from the untouched furniture covering her clothes. Her makeup was running and gathering under her eyes, truly showing how upset she was.

“This isn’t real, if you come with me we can find my dad and you can actually have a life with him, not like this.” I tried, the mention of him slowly convincing her out of the seal of her funk.

“ _This_ isn’t what love is supposed to feel like. You shouldn’t be afraid, you should feel safe- and I can tell that this…thing, makes you feel scared.” I slowly rattled off, my own eyes burning with this heart stopping feeling of limbo, her standing between both life and death.

“If not for me, and if not for yourself, please stay for the baby.” I cried, pleading with her to consider something else, for her to move away from the ledge, her eyes conflicted as they went between me and the other image of a woman.

She slowly began to move away, but I watched in horror as the woman reached out to push her, everything moving in slow motion as I leapt to knock Dana out of the way and into the dusty hallway, tossing whatever being that was over the railing in one swift motion. I petrified scream caused me to jump and glance over the stairs where a raggedy old woman was disintegrating into the hardwood floors.

I swallowed and turned my attention back towards Dana who’s eyes were wide with either realization mixed with a cold, heavy horror. Her arms were wrapped around her body as she shook on the ground, looking as if she was going to retch.

“Dana, are you alright?” I breathed, still keeping my distance from the woman who seemed to petrified to be around me just moments prior. My voice caused her attention to snap up at me, relief flooding her body as I waited for a response.

“Oh my god I thought it killed you.” She sobbed, a hand covering her mouth, making me exhale and crouch down beside her, carefully reaching a hand out and placing it on her arm. “No, that lady wasn’t whoever you thought it was.” I whispered, making her look up at me and nod, her whole body tossed into a fit of shivers. I waited a beat for her to begin calming down, her consent allowing me to place a hand on her back as her breathing began to even out.

“Do you think you can stand?” I whispered, feeling her nod against my arm, still struggling to calm her body enough for me to help her to her wobbling feet. There was a comfortable silence that sat between us, and I knew better than to interrogate why she hadn’t reached out to me, or slipped off the face of the earth leaving me riddled with worry. I carefully placed a hand on her back as we approached the iron stairs, going first to ensure that she wouldn’t stumble.

“I don’t remember…” She shuddered, almost as if she had read my mind while we slowly crept down, her hand gripping the railing, not trusting herself to make it out safely, or possibly with much more.

“That’s okay, you’re okay now.” I reminded as we reached the floor, her eyes landing on the disintegrating, bile like liquid rotted through the wood. I swallowed and eagerly put my body between her and the image of the person who had tried to take her life, and warp her mind in the process.

“Just don’t look.” I suggested, scooping the gun from the floor, now dragging the both of us out where the door was busted in, the sea air filling my lungs as we finally made it out. The damp moisture chilled my body and I turned to address the quiet woman behind me, but the sound of tires crushing the smooth pebbles made me defensively leap back, my hand finding the knife attachment in my pocket.

The man who had come to my room in the hotel room stepped out of the black mustang, instantly sending me into attack mode, my hand flying out to push Dana back and fend him off as best as possible. “How did you find me? Stay back!” I screamed manically, fumbling for the firearm in my pocket, unaware of how to properly shoot it towards him.

“Marisol no!” She instantly shouted, her hand pulling at the crook of my arm but I shook her off and went to fire as he grew closer, but her hands kept clawing at me, eventually knocking the gun onto the floor. “He came to the room- you said that you were meeting him and he didn’t know where you were! He lied to me!” I shouted, using my body to press against her front, but she just poked her head around me and slipped out from behind me, pressing a hand on my clavicle to keep me away from pouncing on the man.

“John is okay- he is okay!” She shouted, but I just eyed him and stood down as Dana softened her demeanor to face the man who just quietly waited for us to sort everything out, his hands shoved in his pockets. I watched as she exhaled deeply and hugged him, his big, burly arms squeezing her tiny frame, telling me that there was a history to these two.

“Hi John.” She finally acknowledged, a half smile poking on his face at the sound of his name leaving her lips. “Hi Dana.” He shrugged, his gaze floating up towards the large house with the busted door discarded on the stoop, both of their expressions twisting sadly.

“Dana what are you doing at Monica’s house? They said that they were going to sell it.” He whispered, keeping a watchful eye on me as I poised myself for any side tracked attack he was planning on us. Dana exhaled nervously and bit her lip, fighting back tears as she crossed her arms over her heaving chest.

“After…I couldn’t have William’s stuff in the house. When I left with Mulder she took it all and I never had the heart to look through it. I wanted to forget all of this- him. But now I need answers, someone took Mulder and we think he’s in trouble, and there has to be an answer in some of this. I thought I was meeting you to look, but there was a…thing pretending to be her, it nearly killed me.” Dana whispered, turning her body away from me to have this conversation, giving me the queue to give them some space while they talked about something that she wasn’t ready to discuss with me yet.

“Marisol!” I heard my friend call from ten feet away, motioning for me to join them again, nodding at the man who muttered something as I shuffled towards them, waiting patiently for what she needed me to do.

“Can you go and find us a motel? I need to look at some things in there again, this time with John and he’s going to drop me off when we’re done.” She requested evenly, my first urge being to drag her into the car with me and as far away from this house, but from the way she interacted with this man, and their attachment to the woman who once lived here, I knew all she wanted was some privacy to mourn.

I felt my jaw tighten as I nodded, biting my tongue and ignoring the tugging in my stomach. I glanced up at the man and stalked towards him, pointing my index finger into his chest with all of my strength to catch his attention.

“If she comes back with as much as a scratch, I swear to God I will kill you.” I bit off, my friend scoffing behind me, appalled at the threat that I was pounding into his brain, but it was the only way to make myself comfortable with ensuring her safety.

“A single scratch.”

…

The air had cooled down as I settled into our hotel room, given by the setting sun below the coast’s watery banks. I took a breath and continued my search into the databases that I had been given access to following my employment into the bureau, along with the perk of not having to pay for ratty hotel rooms out of pocket.

Dana would be okay, she could take care of herself, and the last time had been a freak incident, but the man still gave me an uneasiness, even if she trusted him enough to send me away.

I grumbled and pushed the slices of cucumbers away, reading that it helped with facial bloating, but tasted absolutely terrible compared to their sour competitors that were full of sodium that would shoot my already elevated blood pressure through the roof and cause me to balloon up, blowing my cover.

I sighed and took the remaining slices and tossed them into the bowl while dragging myself into the new bathroom. I settled with an old hoodie that I had purchased from my old university nearly four sizes too big for purposes like these, no clean bra, too bloated for pants, or a second trimester belly that needed to remain concealed.

I dug out my face moisturizer and began to massage it into my tired skin that seemed drier since entering this phase of my pregnancy, my forehead begging for some moisture. I sighed and crushed the cucumbers with my fingers to try and get it’s natural vitamins and all that out of it’s stiff pulp, smothering it under my eyes and cheeks, which had a habit of puffing up even on my clean days.

I leaned forward to get a better look in the mirror, but the swelling mass between my body and the sink made it difficult to reach forward and push at all of the blemishes and ingrown hairs, something that became a nervous tick of mine when I was a teenager. The sound of the door slamming caused me to jump and drop the bowl of cucumbers on the ground, making me silently curse and squat with a little more resistance this time to gather them.

“Dana?” I called, straightening my hoodie as I rushed out of the bathroom to where she was now perched on the bed, her black clothes covered in dust and sweat from the past few weeks. Her eyes looked red and swollen as if she had spent the whole day crying every raw emotion out of her.

I hastily grabbed a tissue from the box and crouched before her, dabbing under her eyes to try and clean her up to the best of my abilities. I watched as her lids fluttered shut out of either sheer exhaustion or grief, but either way I felt helpless while watching. 

“Did something happen?” I asked cautiously, a weight landing in her lap that I hadn’t noticed at first. I held my breath and looked down to find a blue hat with darker blue sketches of airplanes, soccer balls, and much more printed all over. It sprouted two long bunny ears and it looked no larger than my hand, the sight of it causing some alarm to fester inside of me.

“Dana, did something happen to you or the baby?” I pressed, but she shook her head tiredly, allowing me to breathe a bit easier, but still worried for her well being simply by how she was sitting. All of her tension was knotted tightly in the base of her shoulders and her clenched jaw, which was fighting immensely to keep everything at bay.

“Why don’t I give you some space, I’m done with the bathroom, why don’t you shower?” I suggested, making her open her glassy eyes at me and nod gratefully. I swallowed and handed her the bag that was at her feet and rose from my squat, my lower back groaning audibly as I hobbled towards my bed, grabbing my laptop from the side table to attempt at working.

I watched over the lid of my laptop as she gingerly laid the hat onto the bed, smoothing it out before going into her bag to retrieve what she needed. I exhaled and allowed myself to sink back into the bed, scrolling through more ancient reports, some of them even done by the woman to my left, others were less thorough with my father’s name stamped on the label, or that woman that I assumed both Dana and John were referring to - _Monica._

However there was one file that I wasn’t quite ready to open, at least without Dana’s blessing.

_William Arthur Scully Jr._

It seemed delicate, like an invasion if I just opened it with the care of a mundane newspaper, it was something that I needed to earn, but I felt like all of my answers lie there, in this mystery person. Once I heard the bathroom door click I moved my hand down to my stomach where my laptop was balancing, cupping the area with my palm as a tiny movement nudged me, even through the hoodie. 

It was stronger, it was larger, and it was there. “Calm down.” I whispered, as if my quiet command were to stop the fetus from moving inside of me, but as I turned to my side and softly rubbed the area, I could feel the movements grow drowsy and mellow out.

My mind drifted to who all of these mystery people were, and their importance that they had in our lives. Who was Monica? Who was William? Why did Scully look so wounded when she finally returned? My stomach ached at the thought of something wanting to harm her or harming her in the past, but at this point it was still unclear of how much she wanted me to know, and I was okay respecting that.

The bathroom door unlocked and I could hear her quiet footsteps limp onto the carpet, the robe pulled warmly against her body, but I could tell that with each step there was an influx of pain with each step. I tried not to stare and moved my hand from my stomach, reaching for my phone which was characteristically dark.

“Marisol?” Dana finally croaked, making me look up from my phone and clamor up against the headboard while she painfully slid onto the bed, clad in her soft cotton shirt that she had bought a pack of a while back, her lightweight sweats tied against her tiny bump. I wasn’t showing at the rate she was at, but this woman was the size of my pinkie finger, a bowl of pasta would make her bloat.

“Yes?” I answered, swinging my legs onto the carpet as she settled in. “I fell after you left, got pretty banged up and my ankle is sprained. If I tell you what to do, can you put the brace on?” She requested, her voice small enough to make me jump out of bed and grab the bucket of ice, yanking the plastic liner out filled with it.

“Dana…did you go to the doctor or something?” I asked softly, but she just nodded at me and flashed her emergency room bracelet that I also managed to overlook. I exhaled and grabbed one of the extra throw pillows from my bed and carefully lifted her right ankle which looked swollen and purple on top of it.

“How did you fall?!” I cried, recalling my threat I made to her stupid friend, and this was much more than a scratch. My thoughts were cut off by her voice, explaining how the attic latter had given way and she had landed on the joint, a physical representation of what had happened to her today, and in the past two weeks.

I nodded and carefully began to bandage her ankle, tightening the gauze until she nodded that it was sufficient. I exhaled and moved next to her, noticing bruises that had formed on the exposed patch of skin where her shirt had ridden up.

“Dana are you bruised?” I cried, carefully reaching to brush my hand over the spot, making her nod and break her eye contact with me before making a slight fist at her side. “Yeah, it was a hard fall…” She muttered, biting on her lip before glancing up.

“I also went because…I was bleeding again.” She wept, the words making my chest tighten, tears stinging the backs of my eyes. I sat up straighter to try and say something but she was already beating me to it. 

“The baby is fine, it was just scary.” She admitted, the first three months like an isolating trap that women could never manage to get out of. I felt my hand trail once more to the spot and hold it there, silently reciting a prayer to whatever was above to just keep this stubborn baby implanted inside of her until it was safe to meet.

“I’m really sorry.” I offered, watching her nod and take it calmly, her hand linking into mine that was still hovering protectively on top of her baby, pulling it tighter across her body, a physical queue for me to carefully pull her close to me and hold her tight. I could feel tears wetting my neck as she silently allowed herself to cry.

“Your baby will be alright.” I tried to assure, but she just sniffled and shook her head tiredly against me, a shaky shudder releasing from her chest.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” She admitted, making me purse my lips and pull her closer, my hands brushing her hair back while she wept.

“Then we don’t have to.” I whispered, pulling the blankets back for her to crawl under, handing a tissue over to her that she hastily used to blot her eyes before rolling over to face my bed.

“Get some rest, Dana. You’ve earned it.” I smiled sadly before spreading the blanket over her, iced ankle and all. I went to wander back to my bed when her hand gripped mine and squeezed, her unspoken manner of gratitude, love, support, and everything in between.

I squeezed back.


	7. Routine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Miscarriage/Still birth

Marisol

Leads were pieces of garbage that did little to bring us closer to the truth of where my father had gone. Two months of searching following that confusing day at the beach house only proved to wear me out, even without the now larger fetus that had invaded my body. Dana had thankfully made it out of the horrendous bout of fear that was the first trimester and even had proof to show it, the slightest shift in her body, pants that were getting too snug, and an appetite like I had never seen before. 

She seemed elated to have made it this far, but also there was still that lingering feeling of tension that came from two more emergency room visits due to implantation spotting, which we were assured was normal. Other than those scares she seemed over the moon about the budding life, and more than once I had caught her talking to it while running her hands up and down the smooth curve of her stomach, warming my icy insides that she was finally allowing herself some joy. I also couldn’t contain my excitement for the baby that she was eager to bring into the world, regardless of the situation that she was stuck in.

My figure had grown exponentially under the layers and spandex that I subjected myself to, but as usual I was able to write it off as an excuse for my chilly limbs or moist climate. It was beginning to be difficult to function however, simple tasks like keeping up with my old self, bending over, or getting up from seats seemed to be things that now required bouts of concentration and breath control. Even in the past hour the budding pain in my side was hard to ignore with every movement, and harder to hide my growing reactions.

I wobbled into the lobby of the hotel room with my charger in tow, looking at the complementary breakfast with such longing that I could almost taste the French toast, but settled for the bland oatmeal and lugged all of the contents back to the table where Dana was working intently, a plate of pancakes nibbled on beside her papers.

She looked up from behind her thick glasses and smiled at me, shuffling some things around to give me some space as I bunched my bag in front of my middle and slid into my seat, hunching forward with as much effort as possible to distract from the basketball shape that was desperately trying to burst from behind my spandex.

“So you’re saying that my father has special chromosomes or something?” I questioned, recalling the conversation we had been having before my laptop died, and Dana decided that she wanted another round of pancakes.

“I’m not sure, I’ve never tested your father for DNA or anything like that, but I am going through…our son’s DNA to try and pull out what is mine and what is his, but it’s a long process, I wish his friends or parents were around for me to ask.” She narrowed, but I shrugged and picked at my oatmeal before perking up.

“Why don’t you test me? Wouldn’t that make it easier to narrow it down?” I offered, she shrugged and agreed, marking something down before closing her leather bound notebook, returning to her half eaten pancakes, poking at the cold pastries before eventually deciding to consume them. 

“Go to this address and get your blood drawn and I’ll pick it up later.” Dana requested, but the thought of going out to run errands sounded less than ideal. The ebbing pain in my side made me shudder in my seat as I agreed, a hand running from my laptop across my stomach where I felt stress scratching at my insides, making me grumble under my breath to try and suppress the discomfort.

“Yeah, I’ll go in a bit.” I grunted, slightly relieved that we had taken some time to search for some leads versus our regular perilous cases that somehow never got us closer to where my father could be, because my body was beginning to feel more and more worn, the cramping growing a bit more intense as I shifted.

“Are you feeling alright?” She probed, but I just exhaled and rubbed the spot where the kicking was pressing against my spleen, shuddering at how intense it felt inside of me, as if the fetus was going to burst out of me at any moment.

“Yeah, my period is just really intense. I’m really bloated.” I groaned, trying to sound as casual as possible around the scientist who was eerily catching on to my physical responses and side effects to my third trimester. “Your face does look a little swollen, do you need a Midol or something?” Dana offered, but I just shifted and shook my head in her direction.

The kicking intensified, giving one last punch before falling still against my insides, the feeling catching me off guard, rendering me silent as I tried to make sense of what was going on. My hand rubbed the spot which was still sore from the movement and stress, waiting for another punch, but it was making me sweat this one out.

“I’ll be okay.” I managed, sliding out of the seat to gather my things before another tightening spasm washed over my lower back, cutting my train of thought off. “Oh Marisol, I think you bled through your tampon, you have a stain.” Dana pointed out, her words stopping me in my tracks as I spun around and stared at the chair which had a stain on it.

Frozen fear spread through my body and I could barely choke out a response, making it impossible to think of an answer to Dana’s expression of concern. “I guess I did.” I exhaled, rushing out of the lobby and up to the garage where our new rental sat.

The key shook in my hand as I fumbled to try and get the door open, trying to keep my tears at bay. I went to slide into the driver’s seat before a thought came into my head, dragging my spare coat on the furry seats.

Once locked in the vehicle I let out a shuddering breath before a sickening pain tore across the side of my stomach, quite literally sucking the breath from my lungs. I shuddered and pressed my forehead against the wheel, trying to think of all the times I had driven Dana to the emergency room for spotting, if she had experienced any of this, or if my pain tolerance was exponentially worse than hers.

I wanted to release a cry but I told myself that it would only make it worse, that it would blow my cover if I showed up anywhere with red, puffy eyes. I sent a swift message to Dana telling her that I would be out for the afternoon, trying to think about how long we had to wait for her in the emergency room, concluding that I’d be out by noon.

I slowly began down the road, slowly clutching the wheel as another stabbing pain tore through me, nearly making me retch in the front seat while a metaphorical knife stabbed through my insides. I waited painfully for another jab to my bladder, for a hiccup or twitch to tell me that this was just a close call.

“This is just like the spotting. I just need to take it easy.” I told myself, repeating the mantra as I picked up my speed, turning sharply as the hospital came up on my view. I had no idea how or where to park, but another tear through my side convinced me to just pull up to the front.

I nearly fell out of the car, the stabbing pain now lingering as if someone left the hot knife in my side and shifted it deeper with each movement I made. I bit my lip and gasped as I nearly crawled to the curb, one hand cupping my stomach while the other tried to wave someone down.

“I need some help!” I groaned, only loud enough to catch the attention of those surrounding, quick not to cause a panic. A nurse jogged over with a wheelchair and motioned to ask if it was me who called for her, but I could barely make a sound without the knife digging deeper into me. 

“I’m pregnant and I’m bleeding- I need help, it hurts really bad.” I gasped, leaning my weight on the opposite side of my body that was aching, the pain distracting me from the blood that was running down my inner thighs, soaking my pants all the way through.

“Okay, how many months are you? Bleeding is normal during the first trimester.” She assured, but I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut, fighting relentlessly to keep my terrified tears at bay as we passed little children wailing at the idea of stitches, the elderly slumped in seats, and roller skating accidents all waiting for care.

“I’m thirty weeks!” I cried, my voice wavering more than I would have liked, making her demeanor shift only in the slightest as she bypassed the long line of awaiting people, pushing me through the front doors. I watched as she passed the small triage bay of curtained people lying on beds, pushing me towards the elevator.

“Sweetie do you have anyone with you or someone we can call?” She asked carefully, but I could barely focus, the pain intensifying to an extent where my surroundings were going blurry. “No. I’m by myself.” I spat, but she just bit her lip and inserted me into the elevator at the sound of the bell.

“I think you are going to want someone here for whatever is about to happen, even if it’s a friend.” She urged, that and her tone telling me that something was wrong with one of us. I bit my lip and shook my head in her direction, staying firm on my decision. Calling Dana would only cause more stress on her behalf, and be a distraction from the work she was doing, and the work she thought I was out helping with.

I thought back to what her doctor had said to her during our last emergency room visit, low stress, taking it easy for the time being- and getting a call that I had checked myself into the hospital was not what she or the baby needed. The nurse finally pushed me into a lavender hallway, the lights much gentler than the fluorescent ones in the emergency bay, to create a welcoming ambiance for the expecting mothers.

I recalled the first time I had stepped foot into a ward like this, both Dana and I huddled in a stall, but it had ended like a movie, and I feared that I was not going to be granted the same fate as she was.

Another reason. Dana would stiffen like a log every time I brought her in, the memories of being in one of these rooms, being invasively examined by doctors and nurses who had little to no regard for her or her situation. She didn’t need to be reminded of that more than she already was.

“Can you stand for me please?” The nurse asked gently, but with my slight movement forward I felt another gush of blood leak down my leggings and into my socks, along with a nauseating pain that made my head spin. “No.” I gasped, feeling her shockingly strong arms catch me from falling forward, laying me on the bed that I hadn’t even noticed in the room.

The bright light shone above me as more nurses filtered in, their energy urgent as one began cutting my bloodied leggings off, along with my shape wear that I had on underneath, just including my underwear in the mix that got snipped.

There was a prick on my hand and a mask that was placed over my mouth, everything moving with a new intensity than when I had first brought myself in. “Check for a fetal heartbeat.” I heard a doctor command upon his entrance, making my head whip over weakly at the large machine that had been brought in.

My shirt was hastily scooted underneath my breasts as a nurse squirted cold jelly onto my stomach, waving it around while everyone else shouted orders over it, making it unclear of what was happening.

“It hurts- is it okay?” I finally croaked, my hands gripping the sheets below me, their silence causing my heart to audibly increase on the loud machine beside where I was laying. “Someone please answer!” I cried through the mask, but by the looks of their defeated faces, I knew something deep inside me that I didn’t want to admit until I heard it for myself.

“Ms. Mulder…” The doctor began, while nurses set up an extension to the bed, causing my anxiety to heighten. His salt and pepper hair was the only thing I could make out due to the bright light above me, but he just pat my freezing arm in support.

“You unfortunately lost your baby. Normally you would be able to have some more options in terms of your delivery, but your placenta is detaching from your uterine wall and there are some pieces missing, you could bleed out if you don’t deliver today, so your baby needs to come out now.” He urged, one of the nurses now cutting my soft grey top off of me with a pair of fabric sheers, slipping a gown onto me to make my best more accessible to them if there was an even bigger emergency.

“What?” I whimpered, looking over at the woman who was injecting my IV with some cold medicine while the doctor began to slide a large blue gown on over his scrubs. I attempted to push myself up onto my elbows to see what they were doing, but the sight of two forceps made all the color wash from my face.

“We gave you some medicine which will be inducing some contractions, but we are going to help you out by manually dilating your cervix up to a point, then your body will do the rest.” He narrated, my brain now switching, something inside me telling me that I had a job to do and that I would be able to deal with this at a later date.

“Okay.” I exhaled, dropping my head back as one of the nurses moved the bed to give me something to lay back on. They swiftly moved me bare feet into the stirrups that I had watched Dana climb into countless times, if she could do it then I could. 

I gazed down at my bump that I would only have for a few more hours, the one I had been so afraid of embracing in it’s most natural form, was now being torn away from me. My last memory of him getting painfully ripped from my grip.

Before I could think anymore I felt a cold, metal device insert inside of me, the sound of clicking gears inducing a feeling similar to a torn muscle, deep in my core. I gasped and gripped the railings of the bed, painful groans working their way out of my chest despite my locked mouth.

“I know sweetheart, this part is never fun.” One of the nurses encouraged kindly, but the hollowing emptiness paired with the deep pain that was rooting in my chest made it almost impossible to react to her. 

One of them carefully pulled my hair up and tied it with an elastic that was around their wrists, noticing how damp it was getting from the sheer perspiration that was leaking from my body. I let out a gravelly breath and looked over at the young nurse who was offering me her outstretched hand, something that I had grown accustomed to in the last few months of all this.

I gratefully took it and squeezed it with such force that I felt her wince, but the fear, anxiety, and sheer agony made it impossible for me to let go. My body felt cold, like I was hosed down and then thrown into a windy valley, making me shiver uncontrollably.

“Alright, and that is some more blood. We need to start getting this pitocin working or else mom could bleed out right here. Shelby I’m going to need you to start massaging her uterus while we get ready for forceps delivery.” He ordered, never once directing his energy to me. 

I watched as the kind nurse released my hand, her fiery red hair chopped into a clean pixie haircut, the shade providing me a small sense of comfort as if the real person I wanted was right beside me.

“What is happening? What are you going to do to me?” I groaned, weakly trying to lift my body to see what he was doing. The nurse attempted a smile before leaning all of her weight into my stomach, her hands massaging intensely around the fetus’ body. Now more than ever I forced myself to block out the image of a sweet, cherub baby, and replace it with medical terminology, images of cells formed together in jars, and other things that would make this easier.

“Please stop- ooh.” I moaned gripping the nurse’s wrist with all my might, but she shook her head apologetically and peeled my hand off of her, carefully rubbing my cheek. “I know it hurts sweetie, but you’re losing a lot of blood.” She narrated, “massaging” me once more, but the sheer force felt like she was punching all of my organs in.

Before I could complain again a tightness wrapped around my whole body, making me moan and drop from my elbows, a hand reaching towards the railing to grab while I subconsciously worked through it. The bright lights somehow made it all the more intense, making me gasp and toss my head to the side.

“Marisol, you’re holding your breath, I’m going to need you to breathe for me.” Another nurse urged, but holding it helped, it was a fight back against the intensifying pain and pressure.

“No- it hurts not to!” I bit back, opening my eyes angrily at the young nurse who seemed shaken at my response, it was probably the girl’s first week or so on the job and wasn’t yet accustomed to the harsh responses. Even in this state I found myself empathizing.

“Sorry. It just hurts a lot.” I grunted, tossing my head back to release exhausted breaths, but she just nodded at me and smiled, taking my hand that was peeled to the railing. “Slow and steady breaths, it will make it easier for this part.” She explained, letting me know that what was to come would not be pleasant.

“Can you just stay with me here? Nobody else is talking to me.” I begged between gasps, somehow mortified that I was now soaked to the bone in sweat. She bit her lip and nodded, grabbing a rag from under the cupboard, swiftly mopping up my neck and eyes, stopping the burning from the moisture I was producing.

I could now hear the doctor announce something, but the young woman urged me to keep my eyes on her, rubbing the top of my hand to keep my attention. “In just a minute doctor is going to slide some things inside of you, it might not feel good. Once he gets them around baby I’m going to pat on your tummy where I need you to push for me…Okay?” She explained, the thought of someone pushing on me again nearly sending me into a fit, but I knew the sooner I did this, the sooner it would be over.

But somehow that wasn’t as comforting as I thought it would be in my head.

“I don’t want to see it- it’s going to look scary and all messed up because of those things.” I rambled, wheezing out my words, but the nurse shook her head at me and carefully wiped away some more sweat. “No, your baby looks like a baby, and this won’t do anything to disfigure it.” She promised, bringing me little comfort either.

“But it is up to you whether or not you see it.” She reminded, her words finishing just as I watched the doctor nod at the other nurses, the one gripping my hand mouthing something before sliding an arm under my shoulders. “Okay Marisol, go ahead and give me a steady push.” She instructed, and as promised I felt her hand move to my lower abdomen, gently pressing on the spot where I felt the muscles squeeze with all their might.

I gasped and felt myself naturally curling into it, my body leaning further into hers, craving for someone to just squeeze me as tightly as humanly possible. A guttural noise came from deep within me as my body burned all over, flames licking every muscle, bone, and tendon.

“I know it hurts, you’re doing so well.” She encouraged, her arm being the only thing keeping me upright in this moment, my muscles too incredibly weak to do anything at the moment.

It somehow felt like hours had passed, but also mere seconds since the nurse had brought me upstairs, but a quick glance at the clock told me that I had been working for almost an hour, and I was barely beginning.

“Come on, Marisol. Some more deep breaths for me, your blood pressure is dropping. You need some more oxygen in your body.” She instructed, turning a dial connected to my mask, blasting cold air into my lungs. 

“Now go again.” She instructed, the tightening in my stomach telling me I would only have momentary breaks to catch my breath and prepare for the next one, the idea nearly bringing me to tears.

“I want Dana!” I shouted involuntarily, making a nurse perk up at my outburst, but the others just shrugged, not sure of what that meant. “Do you want me to call her?” She asked, but I shook my head slightly embarrassed at what I had just exclaimed.

“No- just please don’t leave me.” I cried, curling into that feeling once more, my chin now touching my chest from how far forward I was leaning, gripping onto the nurse’s hand with all of my strength. “Okay- okay! Breathe for me, doctor is going to put those things around baby’s head, you moved it down enough for him to pull while you push.” She explained, mimicking some deep breaths for me as I felt the cold metal invade my body. I was expecting much worse, but everything else going on around me just made it another aspect of this horrible moment.

“Forceps in. Now come on Marisol, I’m going to need you to push harder.” The doctor demanded, I broke my eye contact with the nurse and noticed his entire smock covered in my blood, my heartbeat audibly fastening on the machine.

“Please- don’t let them take it…my baby could be alive.” I heaved, shaking my head frantically, working myself up again as I caught another glimpse of him moving the forcep painfully inside of me, making me scream at the sight of my own blood.

“Marisol look at me, remember you’re only looking at me.” The nurse urged, turning my face away so I could focus on her brown eyes. I nodded and pushed once more, another one of those screams coming out of me involuntarily, but it felt good, to release something into the universe other than death.

I could feel movement coming through me, but it wasn’t the comforting flips and nudges, it was of cold metal sliding out, another burning feeling intensifying down there. “STOP! PLEASE STOP!” Was all I could manage, forcing my tears back, the heaving of my chest making the room spin as the patient nurse wiped my forehead, urging me for one more, but my body couldn’t do it, it was at it’s wit’s end and I feared that this was it.

“Please…don’t let them…” I begged helplessly, not quite sure of what I was asking for, but I knew that I just needed this all to end.

“You are so close, love. You are almost done.” She encouraged, but I shook my head frantically, tossing my white flag in, not ready to face the reality of what was going on.

“If you give me one more, then I promise you will be done pushing.” She bartered with me, brushing some hair out of my eyes as hot tears filled my eyes. I nodded in agreement and struggled to sit up, leaning fulling into the crook of her arm.

“You promise?” I questioned, making her softly chuckle and link her pinkie into mine, hoisting me up one last time as I released the most bone chilling scream I have ever made in my entire life. I finally felt one last tug and the metal release, deafening silence filling the room as I slumped back onto the bed. 

The kind woman carefully removed her arm and brushed my cheek as I gasped, her attention turning towards the baby that they tried to work on for what seemed like an eternity. As I struggled to catch my breath, the sounds of something pressing against the bottom table made me try and sit up, but the nurse shook her head at me and told me not to.

“Just focus on calming down, you did marvelously.” She urged, rubbing my arm before turning her attention back to the huddled mass of nurses and the doctor. Finally it seemed finished, all of them disbanding from the group before gathering the baby into a bundle of blankets, leaving it on the table.

Moments passed as I muttered out incoherent questions to both myself and everyone else concerned with the little being that was set between my legs. Nobody was listening, they wouldn’t answer my basic questions, everyone just staring at the silence.

“Marisol? Do you want to hold _him_?” The nurse finally asked, her words nearly stopping the beating organ in my chest.

_Him._ It was a boy, a baby that I had tried so hard to ignore now had a small detail that I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about.

“No.” I whimpered, my limbs growing colder and colder as she nodded sadly and lifted the bundle from between my legs, the blanket covered in deep crimson from whatever surface it had been set on.

The room began to spin and darken, the air in my lungs becoming labored, despite what had just happened. The doctor began to panic and I watched in paralyzed horror as he began pulling, reaching and pulling. It felt like someone was splitting me in half, but I didn’t have the strength to scream.

“Marisol?” I heard the nurse call, her voice like an echo that I couldn’t bring myself far enough up to respond to. The room was closing in, darkness washing over the bright lights and medical tools, eventually too much for me to handle, finally allowing myself to float into the black peace.

…

I felt cold. I wanted another blanket, not just for the stiffening chill in my bones, but for the extra weight of someone with me, the comfort it brought. My eyes felt like lead weights as they fought to open, my eyes only focusing on the thin sheet that I was tucked under. Everything seemed cleaner than the room I had passed out in, crisp and cold and white. 

I was alone in the bed and even my gown was new, now a softer blue tone, different from the green one that was slapped onto my body with sheer disregard for everything. I looked over slowly and saw a large metal hook with a bag of blood hanging from it, pumping into a line that was connected to my hand.

Tubes covered my arms and I could see the bruising that had already formed just from earlier. I looked up at the clock and saw that two hours had passed, and I wondered if that was enough time for me to get discharged from this place, my mind unsure how I would hide this from Dana’s detail oriented eye. I felt far from how I did before, but figured with enough convincing I could pass it off as normal, if I ever got over this horrible weakness.

My hand reached for the button on the remote that was placed in my hand by whoever moved me in my unconscious state. Pressing the red button felt like I had just ran a mile, drained and heavy.

I waited a beat as the same kind woman rushed into the room, her eyes lighting up at the sight of me. “Hi Marisol, how are you feeling?” She asked, and I didn’t know how to answer that in the slightest, my mouth just turning as I contemplated an answer to what had just happened to me in the last few hours.

“When can I leave? I need to get back.” I begged, not wanting to spend another second in this god forsaken hospital. She just chuckled softly and carefully laid me back onto the bed, keeping a hand on my shoulder, giving me a smile. 

“You will be here for at least three days, two if you behave and stay put.” She winked, but my trying smile only made her exhale and lean in a bit. “Are you sure there isn’t anyone you want me to call for you? That lady you kept asking for, can I get her for you?” She asked, but I just shook my head in frustration and bit my lip painfully, the lack of fluids in me making it split and bleed. 

“Oh dear.” The nurse muttered, grabbing a tissue and dabbing it, before applying Vaseline to it, her watchful eye prying an explanation out of me as to why I was refusing the one person that I wanted here more than ever.

“Dana is also pregnant, and she’s had some scares, she’s high risk, and I don’t want to worry her, she needs to keep this baby and this stress isn’t good for her, so please just let me go home.” I begged, making her exhale slowly and discard the q-tip into the bin before taking a seat on the vacant part of the bed. 

“I admire how considerate you are. Has your friend Dana lost a baby before as well?” She asked softly, but I just shrugged at her and attempted to sit up, but the muscle refused and shot another white hot rod through my body, making me stiffen and groan.

“I assume from what she says.” I muttered, making the nurse nod at me and sit me back on the pillow once more, choosing her words carefully as she tucked me in a bit tighter than I was originally.

“Then she knows what it feels like, and that it is ten times harder to try and navigate this in isolation and secrecy. She may be going through a high risk pregnancy, but you almost lost your life back there, and no matter what you try and tell yourself, it is always easier to share that load with someone else. She won’t think that you care any less about what she is going through, if you ask for some help.” She explained, making me choke back tears that were beginning to sting the backs of my eyes.

“I was a bad friend, she’s going to be so angry for keeping this from her.” I whispered, now reveling in horror about the massive lie I had told her, withholding all of this information from her. The nurse just shook her head and gave my hand a squeeze before getting up.

“If she is truly your friend, then she will understand and still love you.” She smiled, typing something into my chart before turning to face me.

“Just consider it, and let me know if you need anything.” She winked before leaving me to my solitude. My hands slowly moved up to my still expanded stomach, it felt delicate and tender, as if someone had bashed it in with a baseball bat, and I feared what it would look like when I removed the gown. 

I still looked pregnant, which was almost a cruel joke considering everything, but I could feel an almost net-like contraption holding everything together down there, along with two bandages taped to my engorged breasts. My body was telling me one thing that my mind was combating, that a baby should be here.

I wasn’t allowed to cry, there wasn’t anything pressing that I should be crying about. I never wished this, but I wasn’t kind to myself in regards to this situation, it was only fitting that I deserved the cards I was dealt, and all of the pain that came with it. Dana cared for her growing life with everything she was, and I never had that capacity, I was a defective host for this life, but somehow this loss felt heavier than it should’ve.

“Marisol?” A tiny voice croaked from the door, the familiarity making my eyes burn once more. How badly I wanted to jump out of this bed and into their arms, to feel safe and loved and protected from all that was cruel. But yet I wasn’t ready to face it, all of the deep shame that had overtaken my entire soul in this moment.

“Marisol what are you doing here?” It asked once more, making me exhale nervously and turn to face Dana who had dark circles under her eyes, from either crying or stress, instantly flooding me with a paralyzing guilt. I tried to sit up, make myself seem better than I was actually feeling, but my body could barely move, every limb feeling like cement blocks, sending twinges of agony throughout.

“Dana what are you doing here?” I croaked, but she just stood silently in the doorframe, making my heart slam in my chest from sheer anxiety. She entered slowly but kept her distance from the bed, trying to comprehend what had happened.

“I…I got a call, a doctor left me a voicemail, I thought it was your lab results?” She muttered, still trying to wrap her mind around what was going on. I pressed my eyes shut and bit down on my lip once more, but I could feel her reaching up and picking at her sleeve, a nervous tick that I had watched her pick up. 

“I’m fine, I didn’t want to worry you.” I admitted, some of it holding some truth, this was the last thing I wanted her to see while caring for such a precious thing, something that I had to mourn on my own. She didn’t buy it for a second and moved in closer, inspecting my ashen and pale complexion which was somehow still swollen from earlier. 

“Did you hurt yourself? Why are you in the maternity wing?” She shuddered, setting her bag down before rushing to my side, her hands brushing my hair back, but the idea of uttering those words made me fear for my emotional composure.

“I…uh. I lost a…baby.” I finally admitted, keeping my eyes glued to my purple arms which were still bruising from the invasive needles that they had wiggled around inside of me. I felt her breath hitch, but I couldn’t look up at her, my focus now solely on keeping the burning tears at bay.

“Wha- how early were you?” She gasped, her intense gaze now shifting to the deflating womb that still gave off the sick illusion that it was full of life and joy. “Thirty weeks.” I whimpered, my voice finally breaking as I looked over at her shocked face, a similar pain crossing her expression.

“What?” Was all she could muster, making the guilt pile on even heavier as I bunched the sheets into my fists, trying not to burst into a fit of tears. 

“Why didn’t you call? How? Are you okay?” She cried, her own eyes filling up as she tried to process, now leaning in to rub my forehead. “It was too much- you didn’t need to see all that. Plus it’s over now.” I cried, the words shaking as they came out of my mouth.

“Marisol…” She exhaled sadly, her eyes full of tears as she reached down and gripped my freezing hand, sitting in silence. “It was pretty scary. It hurt a lot, and I think I ruined the car.” I admitted, waiting for something else to come into my head, but nothing did.

“I didn’t look at him. I was too scared, and now it’s too late.” I cried, my voice almost inaudible to anyone else, but she heard it, leaning in carefully to press a kiss onto my hair, resting her cheek on it afterwards. “I’m so sorry.” She whispered, the simple phrase making my bottom lip quiver as the floodgates began to burst, spilling, hot, grief stricken tears down my cheeks, the liquid getting all over me as I tried to tame them, but they were relentless.

“I don’t know why I’m crying so much - it’s my fault! It feels - it feels like I’m dying, like my insides are dead with that little boy that I failed!” I shouted, unable to function anymore, but I could feel Dana collecting my broken body into her arms as she slid into the bed next to me, pressing against her. Humiliation invaded my lungs as I became aware of the hot tears that were wetting her blouse, but every time I tried to pull away she just brought me in deeper.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry I didn’t tell you!” I gasped, now struggling to get air into my lungs as I sobbed, but she just pressed her hand against my temple and slowly rocked back and forth, the steady sound of her heart soothing my incessant sobs.

“I didn’t even hold him because I was too afraid of what I had done to him!” I cried, the exhaustion clouding my brain as nurses rushed in to assess my screams, but I felt Dana just wave them off, shutting the door to give us some privacy.

“Do you want to see him?” She asked softly, my voice unable to produce sufficient sound, leaving me to nod at her while she carefully moved stray hairs that had stuck to my hot tears against my cheeks. “Okay.” She agreed, grabbing a tissue to dab at my cheeks, leaving me to gasp for air from all of the excitement. “Can you breathe for me? Take a deep breath.” She instructed, pulling away to cup my face in her hands, one hand brushing my tears away with her thumb. 

I shuddered at an attempt to regulate myself, but the space between us now felt too great, making me whimper and curl back into her chest, the safety too inviting for me to be away too long. I had spent the majority of the day feeling completely out of control, like I had been ravaged to save my life, but I felt secure there. 

“Whatever you are telling yourself, don’t. You didn’t cause this.” She pointed out, her words stinging as that raw feeling of guilt hit me once more, making me choke out another cry in disbelief. “Yes I did!” I garbled, now whimpering as I tried to lower the volume of my cries by clamping my mouth shut, only shaken sounds bouncing off of my chest.

“These things happen, it is horrible and painful and I don’t wish it on anyone, but they do. You are no more to blame for this than the woman who randomly got hit by a bus, life is just cruel like that.” She whispered, but I still couldn’t shake that feeling of guilt, the way she was comforting me, being so kind when I didn’t even have the courtesy to tell her.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” I cried once more, making her suck in a breath and swallow, breaking my heart into pieces at how I made her swallow this feeling for my sake. How I wished she would just scream at me, leave me alone in this hospital room to deal all on my own.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked softly, and she was entitled to an answer, but there were so many reasons that I couldn’t even pinpoint all of them. 

“I was going to give _him_ up…” I began, the thought of handing this person to a complete stranger now sounding like a grave sin after all that my body had done to him, the sheer idea making my hand reach up and cup my mouth as I wheezed another breath out.

“Plus this was _my_ responsibility, I got myself into this mess and I didn’t need to worry anyone else with it- I, I didn’t want to worry you with this. You had your life, you have your own baby to raise and all that. I already asked you to do so much already.” I cried, ashamed at my lousy excuses for reasons, but she just wiped my tears once more and gave me a calming look.

“I’m here to help, always. We’re family.” She insisted, resting her cheek on my head once more before taking a deep breath.

“Now let’s meet your son.”

… 

The same nurse entered with a small bassinet on wheels, the top covered with one of the hospital blankets, the mere sight of it enough to make my stomach turn. My bed was raised slightly for me to see a bit better, but the pressure on my incredibly sore stomach needed to be minimal.

Dana was still curled beside me, her legs folded underneath herself to help me with this next part. The nurse swallowed silently and removed the blanket from the top of the bin, revealing what seemed like the tiniest bundle. I felt my chest constrict and my arms tremble as she approached me, my arms now feeling like limp tubes incapable of bearing any weight.

“Ready?” She asked while rubbing my hand, but I could barely lift them, causing me to whimper before staring down at them in frustration, my eyes filling once more. “Yeah.” I managed, giving the nurse the okay to proceed.

I felt Dana shift and wrap her arms under mine, nodding at the nurse to set the small bundle in them. She silently exited and I felt my heart slow down as I gazed down at the tiny baby that was set in them, shocked at that instant feeling of sheer love that was slammed into my chest, running deeper than anything I had ever felt. He was tiny, the smallest thing I had ever laid eyes on, shocking me at how dramatic his entrance into the world had been.

“Hi.” Was all I could muster, not noticing the tears that had begun flowing down my face as I gazed down at him, trying so hard to muster up all my strength to memorize every feature of his little being.

“I’m so sorry.” I began, leaning forward to get a better look at who he was, who he would be, that reality aching me to my very core. I felt Dana brush my hair back carefully, tapping her head against mine as she shifted her grip on us. 

In the short time I was holding him I could feel his weight growing heavier and heavier, making my heartbeat quicken at the thought of letting go of him, having to hand him back. I swallowed and leaned in to get his scent, my eyes drifting shut as I absorbed him entirely.

“If you ever felt, like I didn’t love you, or that I didn’t want you - that wasn’t true, I just couldn’t keep you because of how much I loved you. I wish I could’ve kept you safe.” I whispered, pulling him against my chest.

“Now I have to say goodbye to you.” I whispered, looking over at the nurse who was standing by respectfully, I couldn’t recall at what point she had stepped back in but she was indeed present, her eyes lowered to the ground until I motioned her over towards the bed.

“Are you sure?” She asked, but I had said my bit, if I waited any longer I knew I never would. I nodded in response and carefully passed him over, watching tiredly as she bundled his bassinet back up with the privacy blanket and ushered him out, leaving me to slump back on the bed, utterly broken.


	8. Sore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: mention of postpartum depression and anxiety

Marisol

I hated healing. The feeling of my body struggling amongst the battered muscle, bruises, swelling and pain. I had been moved from the hospital back to the hotel after one night of blood transfusions and on the clock care of my nurses, but I had been discharged due to the capacity need for my room, under strict bed rest for at the least, two weeks.

The long trek up the elevator and down the hall felt like a marathon, given that I hadn’t even taken the short journey from my hospital bed to the small bathroom, and the complementary wheelchair that was in the lobby was only for helping those like me to the door of the room, everything else was all my own.

Dana thanked them warmly and ever so slowly helped me to my feet, the sheer strength that took making my head spin slightly, but her strong grip on my waist kept me upright as she helped me inside, leading me to the first bed which was laid up just for me.

I smiled sadly at the sight, the blanket was pulled back and I could see an absorbent pad layered on the white sheets just in case, along with a pair of my soft cotton sweats and warm long sleeve laid out. I exhaled weakly and slid onto the bed, removing the hospital provided top that was provided upon my discharge with Dana’s eager help.

Even the aggressive pull to get the neckline over my head caused my body to shudder with pain, still fresh from the past two days of wreckage to try and get me strong enough to leave that horrible place and never look back. I was too sick to get back home any time soon, and returning to town where I had slightly expected to perhaps raise my child in seemed like a cruel and ruthless idea, plus back home, I would have no one.

Valerie would help, but the worry and explanation would be too great. I watched Dana glance at me sadly and grab a bag of ice from the ice bucket, gently pressing it against my aching stomach which was now a deep purple from the angry massage I had received in order to save my life. 

“Try and relax, that’s your only job right now.” She urged while helping me into the warm top, the soft material comforting compared to the scratchy, exposing gowns that I had been subjected to due to all of the wires and tubes that had been inserted even after my delivery.

She then slowly began to scoot the large pants off of me and tossed them into the corner of the room, and with even more care slid new ones on, the material trapping all of my heat in and relaxing me. I exhaled and tried my hardest to pull the sweats on, but my arms still felt like limp noodles, void of any muscle. Dana just narrowed her eyes at me and helped me under the blanket.

“How are you doing?” I whispered, worried that all of this care taking was getting to her, but she just raised an eyebrow at me before leaning me against the pillow that she positioned for me.

“We’re perfectly fine.” She sighed, her answer bringing me such a relief, but also a swift blow to my chest. How badly I wanted her to have this healthy baby and never feel this deep rooted agony that was more painful than all of my physical ailments combined.

“But, you need to worry about feeling better. Let me worry about what we need and helping you. I’m healthy and I don’t mind taking care of you.” She winked, brushing a knotted curl behind my ear as I settled in. Her answer felt lightening, but the dense feeling of ache and sadness and fear was still thick inside my chest, waiting to be released.

I nodded tiredly and felt a dip in the mattress as she settled beside me, her eyes now meeting mine as she grabbed my bruised hand. “Now do you need anything from me? I can grab it all before I hop in the shower.” She offered, but I just shook my head quietly and squeezed her hand, grateful for her presence, her understanding, and the quiet persistence that always came with Dana Scully.

“Go shower, I’ll be fine out here.” I tried to smirk, but her mouth’s corners dipped into a slight frown as her fingers traced the outside lines of my cheek, her eyes full of an intense emotion that I could’t put my finger on. “I’m not sure how I didn’t know, you looked- I mean your stomach is still swollen. Your body was trying to get enough blood and fluids to the baby that’s why you were always so cold, you were probably anemic. I just…how did I miss it?” She whispered, her own guilt managing to ooze from her pores, but I instantly grabbed her hand to break her rambling thoughts.

“Because I worked very hard to keep it from everyone.” I stated, catching her off guard as her hands trailed down to her own stomach. “I was very afraid and I wore big clothes, lots of shape wear. Dana everything that happened was my choice, nothing is your fault.” I promised, the consequences of my actions weighing heavy as I watched her go through the past months in her head.

“What happened to you wasn’t a choice.” She whispered immediately, but I nodded slowly and bit my lip. “But keeping it from you was, and I hurt you.” I pointed out, both of us now sitting in soft silence amidst the glow of the lamp.

“I really am sorry I lied.” I tried one more time, but she just pursed her lips together and brought them into connection with my forehead before climbing to her feet. “And I meant it when I said that you didn’t need to be.” She reminded, a grace falling upon her shoulders as she let that go, the energy now released to the universe.

“Now go shower.” I urged, weakly trying to push her from the bed, resulting in a mischievous smirk in retaliation as she disappeared behind the wall, the sound of the door shutting and water allowing me to attempt at relaxing my body.

Everything felt as if it had been torn slowly from it’s place, leaving it raw and discarded and forever damaged. I sunk lower into the pillows and felt my eyes grow heavy, this bed much better than the one that I had spent the night in, and even then it hadn’t been a real sleep, just sporadic resting of my eyes in between emergency blood transfusions to keep me alive.

I myself wanted a shower, to wash all of my sins down the drain, and whatever had occurred the day before that left me so numb and confused, yet deeply devastated all at once. I had held him in my arms, my anonymous baby that I would never get to know, his future stripped from his tiny hands, leaving me with a plethora of “what ifs”. The hospital told me that they would handle it, but I still thought about where he was, if he was just tossed in some bin without a second thought, already forgotten by the doctors and nurses who had so carelessly brought him into the world.

My womb ached. Not because of all the hasty pushing that it had been subjected to, or all of the artificial hormones making it contract against it’s will, or from the doctor’s careless hands that had aided the nurse in pressing down on it, but because it was horribly horribly empty.

As I drifted off involuntarily, my body felt like it was caving in, pulling me back into the darkness that terrified me so, the one that I had worked so hard to get and stay out of. The black air around me felt like it was filling my lungs with lead, liquid smoke that was bogging me farther and farther down.

I was back on that table, somehow changed back into that revealing gown which was pushed far beneath my breasts, everything else exposed for that boorish doctor to split me open with his pure lack of regard for my body. I could feel each tug, each burning twist of my muscles, the cold look in his eyes as he and the other nurses worked on me like some dead mass of muscle.

I was cold, so incredibly cold. Even the nurse who had so warmly wrapped me into her arms despite all this was no help, everything just felt like a deep icy pain that was washing over my body. The clammy sweat covered my body and I could feel it trailing down my back, between my breasts and down the sides of my stomach, making me shiver from the dank air that surrounded me.

Everything was too intense, from the repeating physical feelings that were haunting me over and over, to the never ending blood that covered every surface, painting my mind as a massacre caused by my own body, to the deep rooted loss that left me feeling so alone it was haunting.

I cried out, but nothing happened- no sound came from my mouth and I shook like a leaf as I tried to produce anything, my voice raw as I attempted. I tried to thrash but I was frozen in this looping reality of horror, my eyes only able to focus on my manic doctor.

I tried to scream a desperate “help” but it just continued, the looping terror making me try to claw at everyone to get out. My lungs ached as the oxygen was slowly leaked from them, making them burn as they lost air.

It felt like I might vanish when I felt two hands shake me awake. The room was dark and the lamp had been shut off, but Dana’s two warm hands held my shoulders, one moving to the side of my face. My eyes tried to focus on her face in the dark night, but my head began to spin, my chest heaving as it tried to get in as much air as humanly possible.

“Marisol, you’re okay. You’re safe.” Dana whispered, fumbling for the light as I tried to calm down as much as physically possible. She rested a hand carefully on my chest where I could feel my heart racing, her expression nothing like the eyes that had just been staring at me.

The light clicked on and I noticed that she had been asleep for quite some time, her red hair pulled back into a thrown together bun at the base of her neck, changed into her sweats and top that I had grown used to seeing her sleep in. 

“What’s wrong?” She questioned carefully, her thumb brushing my cheek which was apparently layered in a sheet of petrified tears, the motion soothing as I worked to bring myself back to reality. This was my first attempt at real sleep and it was terrifying to think that this would be my reality every time I would try and get any kind of healing rest.

“It was happening again…” I whispered, my hand trembling as it reached up to grip hers against my face, the simple sensation of her fingers in my hand calming me down enough to try and speak properly.

“The doctor…he was so rough with me…and I can’t stop picturing what he did…” I whispered, dropping my eyes as I took a shaking breath, trying to gather my composure as best as possible, but Dana carefully squeezed my hand and urged me to take my time.

“He stuck metal things in me, I thought he was going to tear me in half, they were…fore…umm fore…?” I rambled, unable to recall the words for those large tongs that were used to pull my son out with such a brute force. “Forceps.” Dana whispered back, her eyes watering as she listened intently.

“I just lost so much blood that it was _everywhere._ All over the bed, the doctor, my gown, the baby’s blanket…” I cried, recalling the pain that I had endured, how bone chilling it had been, and how helpless I had felt in that moment.

“Dana it just hurt so bad. I don’t know why I’m crying about it now, but it was just so painful.” I wept, unsure as to why I was crying like this over something that was in the past. Nobody ever cried over the pain of a broken bone, or a root canal, but yet here I was sobbing over this.

“Hey. It’s normal to.” She cried, curling her feet under herself as she positioned her body onto the bed. I shook my head and tried to catch my breath, but it was still coming out in shuddering sobs from deep within my chest, her steady hand over my heart helping with some of the anxiety that was coursing through my veins.

“This is why you need support for this, what happened to you was traumatic. You are not supposed to have a baby like that, and what the doctor did, the way he acted was with blatant disregard for you and your physical needs. He did indeed save your life, but at a huge emotional expense.” She explained, her words glassy with tears as she reached over and wiped her eye with an unnoticed ease.

“You need time to heal both on the inside and out.” She reminded, I nodded went to shift, but a popping agony in the sore area between my legs made me groan involuntarily, the pain less dull, sharpening with each movement.

“It hurts.” I whimpered, making Dana pull the blanket away to reveal blood soaking through my grey sweats, staining the comforter and sheets, the absorbent pad gathering most of what was under me. “Oh goodness.” She muttered, grabbing her bag from the counter and returning with a pair of gloves slipped onto her hands.

“Marisol, I’m going to take a little look. I promise I will be gentle.” She narrated, carefully pulling my sweats down before moving to the mesh panties that I was bundled in, the thick bandage pressed against my body now also soaked.

Dana carefully pulled it away and bit at her lip, her face scrunching as she tried to asses the damage before ever so gently reaching towards my body. “Let me know if I’m hurting you, I need to check something.” She urged, the feeling of her gloved hand making me flinch at first, but then I relaxed when I just felt a slight contact.

“You busted a stitch, I can fix that really fast.” She smiled, taking a small syringe out of her bag along with a curved needle and thread. I stiffened when I saw her go in with the shot, jumping at the pinch before the pain subsided, she exhaled and began to work, quickly tugging before gathering everything onto the pad to throw away.

“Here is a fresh bandage.” She smiled, helping me into a new pair of the mesh underwear, grabbing me a new pair of sweats to slide into with her help. “Your bed is covered.” She grunted, grabbing another pad and pulling her own blanket back, smoothing it onto one sidebefore helping me balance on my legs out of bed. 

“Two quick steps.” She encouraged, helping me back under a new pair of sheets, crawling into it as well. “You can stay here, plus you’re freezing and I need to make sure that you are staying warm.” She grinned, grabbing another blanket from the closet to spread on top of the comforter.

I wanted to protest, but in all reality I felt quite at home, my friend was close and sleeping and I felt a little less prone to drift into the abyss with such a tangible anchor keeping me grounded. I watched as she finally slid onto her side, facing me as she began to drift off.

I tried to suppress the shivering of my bones enough to get some rest, but the movement made her eyes open slowly as she glanced over at me, carefully scooting closer before grinning. “Oh come here you big ice cube.” She grunted, more fatigue in her voice than she had intended as she wrapped her arms around me, humming softly until I felt her breath regulate beside me.

My eyes began to drift, causing my breathing to hasten at the idea of going through that again the shift in the tension causing her to hum and squeeze my hand once more. She was right there, everything else was not real and all I had to do was open my eyes to feel safe.

…

_One Week Later_

The stitches had begun to dissolve but the reality and weight of what had happened hadn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to face it head on, and for the moment the only tangible way I could function from day to day was distractions. Some days were better than others, and other days I would find myself bedridden without an ounce of motivation to move, eat, or even wake up.

Existence was hard when I knew in my heart that this little boy was somewhere off in the universe without so many things, one of them being a place to rest. My mobility was still limited, and I would still get glares from a now growing Dana when I would slowly pace around the room to get something.

The expansion of her middle was something that I worried about bother me. I had been so elated for her when I became aware of her union with my father to create this life, and was working tirelessly to reunite them back together for this baby’s arrival. However with the loss of my own son, it felt like a heavy weight to imagine someone else growing and loving and bringing a new life into the world just months after this.

But it hadn’t hurt me the way I feared, seeing happiness and love grow with her was something that warmed me even if it brought a little sting. She was conscious of trying to be discreet, not exclaiming to the world over the little milestones that she would reach, even after I assured her that it was alright to do just that.

The afternoon sun was rising over the hills and Dana had returned with an armful of papers and files, along with a large bag of samples and whatever else she had been eating for lunch that day, tossing her blazer onto the chair with a tired huff.

She prided herself on her healthy eating choices, especially in the early weeks of her pregnancy, but as she peered around the corner of her second trimester I could tell that her need for other non organic foods were a calling to her. I could spot the logo of an organic pad Thai place, but it seemed untouched and unopened.

“I brought you pad Thai.” She urged, setting the plate on my lap, but I couldn’t help and wrinkle my nose at the strong scent of the spices and whatnot. My breasts had become engorged and I had run in with a bout of mastitis in the following days of my discharge, and I found myself sitting in bed still clad in pajamas with large cabbage leaves stuffed in my bra.

My fever had gratefully broken and now I was just stuck with leafs on my boobs, finally getting an appetite back, and pad Thai was not what I wanted to fill my body with, but I was grateful that she had thought of me. 

“So, I was thinking, it’s time for us to leave here, to start looking for your dad again. You’re finally strong enough to travel and we have a new lead finally. Plus I have an idea of what they want.” She shrugged, but the idea of leaving the place where I had bore my son, such adark memory, but drawing me here.

“Oh…yeah I guess.” I muttered, climbing out of bed slowly, to try and find a pair of real pants and a clean shirt, but Dana just stepped in front of me and blocked my path. “I know we have a lead, but it just feels wrong leaving this place…where _he_ is.” I shrugged, making Dana nod at me and tug at my arm.

“I know, I have something for you, but we have to go get it.” She smiled, giving me time and space to gather my clothes to change and shower, being presentable was something that I had given up since getting discharged from the hospital, and this being my first public venture held some weight and pressure.

“Why don’t you wear this? It’ll be easier than leggings.” Dana suggested, handing me a black maxi dress with long sleeves. It seemed new and the tag was still connected to the side, but the comfort seemed ideal for my healing body.

“Thanks.”

…

Dana pulled up towards the edge of the grassy cliff that looked over the misty coast, also dressed in a black pencil skirt and blouse, a thick blazer pulled around her to keep warm. My stomach twisted as she cleared her throat and took a centering breath, shutting the car off.

“I brought you here because although you didn’t get to bring him home, this is where your son was born, and you deserve some closure at least before you leave this place. I talked to the hospital and I couldn’t get him, they cremated him before I could even get him for you, but I was able to get his remains.” She exhaled, pulling out a small jar from her purse, the size of a common compact.

“Is this…” I began, my friend nodding sadly at me before offering it over, my hands shaking as it took the smooth container and bore it’s weight in my palms while she watched me closely, clearing her throat before pulling out a smaller container from her purse.

“I didn’t know what you wanted to do with this, but I brought you here if you wanted to spread them, you can keep them, or if you want…” She began, unscrewing the smaller container to reveal a simple, gold necklace, similar to a locket, but with a sealed core.

“To wear him.” She finished, making my eyes water as I carefully took it as well, her eyes glassy as she tried to compose herself for the sake of her next sentence. “When I lost my son, I couldn’t let that weight of him linger, it was too much for me to bear, and I have- had nothing of him to remember him by. I didn’t want to keep everything of his, because it would keep me weighed down, unable to function, but I needed a piece of him, which is what I got when I went to the house with John. You lost your little boy too, and it’s only fair that you get the same chance.” She exhaled, making me smile sadly and nod at her, my whole body shaking as I slowly began to exit the car.

She began to exit, but I carefully grabbed her wrist and motioned for her to stay in the car, trying not to mean any offense, but this was something that I needed to do on my own, at least this bit.

“Give me a minute?” I requested, but she surprisingly nodded and sat back in her seat, rubbing her hands over her small bump in her figure. I thanked her silently and ducked out of the car, my organs threatening to fall out me as I wobbled towards the side of the cliff, the freezing water crashing against the rocks.

I found a rock that seemed smooth enough for me to settle on, the rough slabs still rough on my body as I winced into my seat. The jar felt heavy in my hands, the weight that Scully had been talking about, making me swallow as my attention moved down to it.

“I’m so sorry. I know I got to talk to you after you were born, and hold you, I still feel like what happened, your fate is something I could’ve prevented. Dana tells me that it’s not and that these things happen, but how can I accept that? I carried you for almost eight months and I should’ve been able to feel when something was wrong. I should’ve just trusted Dana and not worn those stupid Spanx to hide you. I was afraid, your dad is gone, killed and I didn’t think that you would be given the best possible chance with me, so I tried to make it through without connecting with you, but how could I? I felt your heart beat… _inside_ of me. I knew when you were tired, awake, uncomfortable, and excited, why couldn’t I feel when something was wrong?” I cried, choking out another sob as I leaned farther onto my legs, ignoring the soreness of my abdomen.

“I love you so much, but I have to let you go. It hurts so badly to do it, but I can’t keep you in that memory forever.” I sobbed, looking over at Dana who was eager to stumble out of the car, strutting towards me as I unscrewed the lid.

“Hey, it’s okay. You can do this.” She smiled supportively, rubbing the space between my shoulder blades as I exhaled nervously, hot tears still spilling down my cheeks as I began to shake the jar over the edge, the winds shifting towards the sea.

“I don’t know if I said all I need to say.” I whispered, but Dana just shrugged and sat down on a rock beside me, crossing her legs before taking a steady breath. “As a parent you never know if you say all of what you need to say, even in this situation.” She sighed, making me feel a bit better that the woman whom I admired even faced this similar dilemma.

I sighed and clasped the necklace around my neck and tucked it into the collar of the dress, the cold metal pressing against my goose bumped skin. I turned towards the woman and nodded in gratitude for all of this before rising to my feet with some assistance from the rocks.

I went to turn with the woman closely following, when I heard a gun click in our direction, making my blood freeze at the sound. It was like all of my blood had run cold, like it had just frozen solid in my veins while I tried to simultaneously feel by just the energy around my body, where Dana was.

I went still at the threat, my breathing becoming shallow as my eyes focused on whoever was threatening us. I felt my stomach drop and a slight cry come from Dana who was shivering behind me, her movements much more intense than a slight tremble.

My father was holding a woman at gunpoint, her dark black hair tangled and knotted as she fought to get out of his solid grip, the immediate threat causing Dana to draw her gun painfully, the man we had been searching for right there in our midst.

“Mulder! Let her go- it’s Monica!” Dana screamed at my father who had a strange look in his eyes, glassy with mania that wasn’t the Fox Mulder I had met a while back, and I could feel the edge in Dana’s voice as she went to barrel into them, but I forced an arm out to keep her at bay behind me.

“Monica is dead…” She gasped to me, a sense of awe lacing her fear as she pressed up closer against my arm, urging to get to them both despite the crazed expression that faced us, along with a loaded firearm.

“It’s either the baby or her- your choice Scully!” He shouted, his tone raspy and hoarse, nothing like what I had heard him use towards anyone before, digging the edge of the gun into Monica’s arm, causing her to whimper and comply in his arms.

“Mulder…” Dana tried, my heart intensifying with this as I stood between it, my approaching step causing him to point the gun directly at me, causing her to shriek beside me at the sight of approaching danger towards me.

“Her, or the baby. Either way I’m getting that kid and destroying it.”


	9. Who

Marisol

The cliff was drafty as my father waved his firearm around like a maniac, his incomprehensible threats causing Dana to shudder beside me, standing her ground stoically as she took another careful step towards him. It was then apparent that he had a bandage wrapped around his forearm, the blood soaking through as he struggled with this Monica lady.

“Mulder, let go of Monica…” Dana urged, but he just pressed the gun deeper into her ribs, making her wince and cry out, her deep brown eyes twisting in pain as she begged for our assistance.

A rustling in the overgrown foliage made him turn nervously to face whatever was threatening us, revealing a row of scales on his nape, similar ones on the woman he was clutching, my stomach churning when I realized this was not truly him, but those beasts that had chased us through the forest.

“She chooses the baby.” I urged, but Dana began to protest behind me, but he was no longer interested in the bet. “Then I’m going to throw her off a cliff.” He threatened, this imposter shouted manically, but Dana was still fixated on these two people who were so instrumental in her life, in the lives of those she loved.

“Mulder…I can’t give you the baby, it still needs me…to keep it healthy, and safe.” She tried to explain firmly, but he just waved the woman over the crumbling rocks, his back facing me as he continued to shout at the small woman. I sucked in a heaving breath and lifted the heavy branch that I had spotted, it’s circumference about as wide as my calf.

I silently groaned and swung it behind me and lurched forward with all of my might, cracking him in the back of the knees, causing him to release the woman over the cliff, his balance now unsteady. I heard Dana shriek but I just took another hearty swing at the man impersonating my father, his eyes almost causing me to stop.

“Marisol- why are you doing this?” He cried, his tactic with me shifting to one of exasperation, betrayal, and grief, nearly knocking me off of my steady roll. I felt the burly hands wrap around my shoulders as he tried to force me over the edge, the sound of angry waves causing my heart to stop.

“No!” I shouted, now thrashing angrily as this monster attempted to take me, to end my life once and for all after all of this. “I can’t get a shot!” Dana shouted desperately, her shoes scurrying around behind me as she searched for something to subdue him, but her actions were delayed, this was the love of her life in her eyes.

I managed to put enough space between us and slammed me heel into the bone of his shin, the sickening crack causing him to stumble enough for me to shove him with all of my might, his large hands clawing at me, to pull me down with him, and for a minute my footing slipped, and I could feel myself leaning.

I then felt a hand grab the fabric of my dress and pull with all of it’s might, catching me from my watery grave. Dana stood on my flank and her shaking hand was still holding a fist of the material that was on my back, both of our chest’s heaving as she stared over the edge, but before she could see anything I was pulling her with me back to the car, my legs moving faster than they had in weeks.

I could feel a wetness spreading between my thighs, but I couldn’t stop as Dana leapt mindlessly into the driver’s seat, speeding out of the clearing. There was a stiffness in her bones as she drove, clearly appalled at how I had thrown what she believed to be my father off of the cliff, murdering the love of her life right before her eyes, without giving her the chance to fix his mind.

“That wasn’t him.” I finally breathed, dropping my head back to the headrest to take some calming breaths after that adrenaline spike in my body, now aware of the stinging between my legs. “He had those things on his neck, like those people who were trying to steal Holly’s baby.” I grunted, making Dana glance over at me momentarily and shudder, one hand dropping to her stomach as she sped down the mountain and towards the airport.

“Dana…is there something that I should know about these…things?” I questioned, noticing the slight discomfort in her face as she pressed on, debating whether or not to continue down this personal path with her. She grimaced and glanced over at me, debating whether or not to tell me.

“Look Dana, you can keep to yourself whatever you want because it’s none of my business, but all I need to know is if those things are going to keep coming for us- because so far, this is the third time they have tried to kill me, and the second time for the both of us.” I pointed out, making her shudder at the reminder as she pulled into the rental car lot, cutting the engine.

When faced with her I noticed the reddening of her eyes, how this memory flushed them out of her system. “Dana you’re scaring me…” I admitted, but she just cut me off nervously and gripped the bottom of the steering wheel.

“They tried to take my baby-!” She cried, making me exhale and take on a more gentle approach with this topic. “My first baby…William.” She cried, the tendons in her neck straining as she forced back her tears in her throat.

“I’m afraid…that they are now coming for this one…even you.” She cried, making exhale as I tried to understand the terror of this threat returning almost twenty years later. I nodded and began to bite on my lip, hastily unbuckling myself.

“Well if they’re after me, then that’s a good thing, I can be a distraction to these things.” I muttered out loud, glancing over at Dana who seemed uneasy at the idea of putting one of us on the line. “It won’t come to that, but also, you have to let me, I’m an adult, I can take care of myself, that baby needs protection.” I pointed out, making her sigh and grab our bags as we raced into the airport.

…

“Ah shit.” I cursed while slowly scooting my sneakers off, the cuffs of my socks covered in blood. I routinely set them into the bin along with my laptop and carry on, following Dana who still seemed shaken from seeing someone look just like my father and do such horrible things. She hadn’t uttered one word since we had left the car, and I feared that this was all getting to her and she was internalizing it for the sake of the case, my father, and myself.

I watched her go through the machine with ease, but upon my turn the beeping and lights lit up, causing them to hover around me with a metallic wand, the noise screaming around my neck where my necklace sat.

“Ma’am, we need to scan that…” A TSA agent grumbled, startling me as he held his gloved hand out to me. I swallowed and unclasped it, dropping it into the plastic dish for them to test.

“There is some dust, or powder?” He announced, making me fidget in my spot, my feet tucked under the hem of the stretchy material, my hands running down the sore skin of my stomach, the twinge of pain in my chest blossoming as he carelessly tossed the dish off to the side as they did a quick test.

“What are you doing? Be careful with that.” I urged, but the man just ignored me and continued with the test, making my nerves bloom in my chest as a UV light was waved over it. “Ma’am what is this inside the locket?” He asked, while lifting the dish, as if I were plotting some horrible plan with my tiny necklace.

“Ashes, my son’s ashes you bastard.” I snapped at him, snatching it out of the container just as it passed the test, gathering the rest of my travel items before meeting up with Dana who was sliding her shoes back on and carefully placing her belongings back into her bag.

“Trouble with TSA.” I grumbled, wincing slightly as I took a seat beside the silent woman, lifting the skirt of the dress to reveal the lines of blood that had been trailing down my legs, catching Dana’s eye. 

“Marisol.” She urged, but I shook my head at her and slid my sneakers on, pulling my black jacket tightly around myself to venture farther into the chilly airport, and onto our next destination.

“I’m fine. Now let’s go find my real dad.” 

…

Maine was an odd place to be living after being cooped up in D.C. for most my life, but the sea coast of this town had a fresh air about it that felt like new start with all the answers ready for us to find, just sitting underneath our noses. Scully had grown, and so had her worry that these monsters were after her again, causing her to always have an eye over her shoulder, never getting herself into any direct danger.

The tiny curve in her body had turned into a full bump that she would fit underneath new maternity jackets and dresses. Her pencil skirts and dresses were replaced with ones with enough space for her to expand and breathe, all packed with a cinched waist. 

My chest would get a familiar pain any time I would glance and see a little foot or an outline of an elbow nudge at her, a reminder of how my son would twist and turn inside of me, a loneliness so great that it was nearly paralyzing. I had grown so used to the feeling of myself not ever being alone with him, even when the room had cleared and the night grew thick, but now it was hollowing, especially to watch the same happen before my very eyes.

My body had shrunk back to it’s normal size, the progress inverse for the both of us, but our need for the truth and answers had a very clear deadline, and it grew closer with every expansion of Dana Scully.

However, I had made up my mind that I would take on another role in this operation, to find my father, know who my mother was, and to help Dana find whatever sliver of joy she could in this situation.

The life of motels and hotels had become too much of a hassle, and we had settled into a rental home along the coast of the eastern shore, unsure as to when we would be leaving and how many of us there would be.

Dana sat perched on the cream sofa with a grey, woven blanket draped over herself while she balanced the computer on her knees, adamant that the heat from the laptop was bad to omit onto he baby. I watched from the counter as she worked behind her glasses, researching different dna patterns and spirals to try and understand what was so special about mine and my father’s.

“Do you want some of your tofu cubes or whatever?” I offered as I opened the refrigerator to peer at what was available to cook for dinner, but I just watched her wrinkle her nose at the suggestion and pull the blanket further onto herself.

“No, the baby wants meat, just tons of meat and cheese and all of that.” She groaned with self loathing as such a proud lifestyle vegan, her hands scratching at her stomach over the blanket and maroon top. I chuckled and watched her struggle to her feet, juggling her laptopunder her arm as she slightly waddled towards the counter as I began to pull out tubs of marinara sauce, shredded cheese, and whatever meats were inside the deli drawer.

“What did you find? Anything new?” I questioned, grinning in triumph as I dug out a sealed box of pizza dough, but she just deflated and scrolled through my file, exhaling through her pinched lips.

“I don’t know, it’s all just a bunch of everything and nothing at the same time. I think because I’m not your mother, there isn’t much for me to find in your genes, despite the fact that you and Mulder are both brunettes and that you had braces growing up.” She shrugged, leaning back into the stool as she tried to think between the lines of this information.

I chewed on my lips and rolled the dough out on the floured counter, pounding my hands into it’s folds to try and get it flat enough. “Do you think your son’s information could get you answers?” I asked carefully, making her exhale sadly and lean forward onto her elbows, twiddling her thumbs against the backs of her hands.

“It very well could, but I have no legal right or jurisdiction to that information. It was a closed adoption and when I found him he still had no right to him, it was just coincidence. Plus, he’s dead.” She revealed, the weight in her voice numb but aching as she nervously traced her fingers up and down the expanse of her stomach.

“What.” I muttered, leaving the dough on the counter to slide into a stool across from her and wait patiently for her to speak again, aware that she had already shared so much in that sentence alone.

“I lost a child too…two actually.” She breathed, the heaviness of one loss was already bone crushing, but two felt like the world might be crumbling from beneath us. She pinched her lips together and looked up at me, blinking the tears of her children.

“William…I had him longer. My miracle. I had to give him up to keep him safe, but they got to him anyways. I found him recently, both your father and I, and he was killed. So…even if he did have importance to this, I have no way to get his things.” She cried, I sighed heavily and gripped her hand, my mind coming to different conclusions as I sat with her.

“You gave him up for adoption?” I questioned, her head shifting to nod at me as I continued to think of an idea.

“Then I have access to his records, since I work with social services. I think I’ve even seen his name in the system a couple times.” I suggested, but she looked uneasy over the idea of me reading such a black and white analysis of who her son was, what had happened truly.

“It’s up to you.” I reminded, giving her elbow a squeeze before returning to the pizza dough, quietly kneading it while embracing the silence as she slid out of her seat, standing across the island, attempting to lean comfortably on the counter in front of her.

We sat in this for a while, my hands continuing to work the dough, slapping it onto the cookie sheet before pouring the jar of sauce onto the surface along with cheese and toppings. I went to go find my phone to at least play some music to soothe some of the tension in the room, but the slight groan on the other side of the island caught my attention.

“Dana…?” I questioned, glancing at the woman who was rubbing her temple, her face ashen as she released a shaking sigh, pinching her eyes shut. “Are you feeling alright?” I questioned, setting the ingredients on the counter before swiftly moving to her side, resting a hand on her shoulder, radiating what felt like electricity through her veins.

“Is it the baby?” I asked carefully, but she remained stoically still, her hand moving to hold her stomach while the other massaged her head. “No, just a headache.” She groaned, allowing me to help her back to the sofa where most of her office space was set up. She had acknowledged that this pregnancy was harder on her, although there were only mild complications in the beginning, she was older this go around, and that everything seemed to drain her energy from her.

I carefully helped her relax onto the couch with as much grace as a woman her size could at the moment. I draped the blanket over her and handed her a glass of water, along with two pain relievers. 

“Why don’t you try and rest? I will finish up with dinner and pack it away for when you’re ready.” I offered, watching her nod off before I could even finish. I pursed my lips and returned to the kitchen where everything still sat untouched, I swiftly discarded all of the unused containers and tossed my creation into the oven before beginning to tidy up.

I went to put the remaining items in the dishwasher when I also began to feel an ebbing pain on the base of my skull, wrapping up my head and sitting above my eyes. The pain felt invasive, as if it were searching for something, rejecting everything else, sound, light, touch. I gasped and struggled towards the counter, gripping the sides of it while trying to regulate my breath enough to prevent my head from exploding.

Then I saw him. My father. His face was clear, as if he was staring directly at me, much younger than before when I had met him, or the few times I had offered to stop by after long days of talking with kids and teenagers. I watched as he embraced a woman, one much taller than Dana, her hair dark brown like mine, and a formal suit on that seemed dated for this day and age.

The image then shifted to my father and his packed things leaving the house, no sight of anyone else as he shoved his bag into the cab. Where was he going? Was this when he decided that this was no more?

It switched to one final scene, I had now existed, and this woman was setting me on the playground, a trusting smile on her face as she straightened and turned away, no remorse or guilt in her step as she jogged away to meet with a woman sitting in the car waiting for her.

I was clad in the outfit that had crossed newspaper clippings trying to find this woman, this _mother_ who didn’t even have the decency to leave me at a shelter, or a hospital, or to just be brave enough to say that she didn’t want me. Maybe that is where I got my cowardice from, why I hid so much from the woman who just wanted to help me.

The crushing pain above my eyes only intensified as the image shifted, it seemed recent, Dana and my father standing on some docks, their expressions riddled with pain and loss as she whispered something to him, too silent for me to hear as she pulled his soot covered hand against the base of her abdomen. Faces and images warped, he was searching, calling, and prying, his expression desperate for something, anything, unscrewing and plugging countless things from his large, disfigured computer.

He was looking for something.

I then felt the pain get sucked from my body, as if someone held a vacuum over my head and pulled it out, making me stumble to my knees, clutching my head as I desperately gasped for air, completely terrified, and confused about what had just happened to me.

As I blinked I noticed smoke coming from the oven, making me grab the wet dish towel from the sink and pull the charred pizza out, the heat traveling through the soaked rag, making me shriek and frisbee toss it into the sink. 

“Fuck!” I shouted angrily, slamming the appliance door shut with all my might before opening all the windows to prevent the loud and sensitive alarm from going off. Dana had made her way off the couch and began waving the smoke out of the house with some papers, allowing me to take a moment and breathe,

I could feel a bile coming up in my throat, forcing me over the wastebasket to retch, gasping nervously as those images floated through my head. “Marisol?! Oh god- are you okay?” She groaned behind me, a hand landing on my lower back as I sat up and groaned, rinsing my mouth out in the sink.

“I saw something…memories I don’t have.” I revealed, watching her raise an eyebrow at me and lean back onto the counter, her hands connecting underneath her stomach to prevent her from scratching at it when she gets nervous, which would be inevitable given what I saw.

“There were some of my father leaving whom I’m _guessing_ is my mother- uh, my mother leaving me, you and him on like- it was like a dock and it was _dark._ Jesus it was dark…” I stammered, watching her bite back a comment and allowing me to continue rambling.

“Then I saw my dad, the house had things similar to how I had found it- he looked pressed and was looking for something, using his laptop, calling? I don’t know what he was doing- but I think it might be why they got him.” I rambled, making her bite her lip in front of me, her eyes filling with something I hadn’t seen yet from her, but I knew better than to push this woman, especially with such intense hormones racing through her.

“Let’s see if we can get into his search history.” She muttered, dragging her laptop over before pausing to look over at me, her eyes softer than before. “I’m sorry that you had to see that part of your life.” She offered, the image haunting as I leaned next to her to get a better look at her screen.

“It’s okay.” I muttered, but she just eyed me carefully and thought for a moment before exhaling. “I know I’m not your mom, but you know I’m here for you?” She asked carefully, an anxiousness in her voice causing me to perk up and glance at her, shocked at the importance of her question.

“I don’t need a mom.” I began, shrugging at the beginning of her question, causing her eyes to widen with what felt like pity, but I quickly followed through with the rest of my statement to prevent any water works.

“I grew up without one, and I think if I ever met her it wouldn’t bring any more positive sentiments. You aren’t my mom, and I don’t want you to be, because I don’t know how I would feel trying to relearn that role. You are someone that I struggle to find a label, you’re more than a friend to me, it feels wrong to just slap that on there.” I shrugged, eyeing the woman carefully who was now anxiously scratching her nails against the sides of her bump to try and calm her nerves.

I carefully removed her hands and set them on the counter, keeping them warmly encased in my own. “So far, you’re someone who loves me very much, more than anyone ever has, and I’m glad I can reciprocate it.” I smiled, watching her blink away tears as she turned back to the computer to try and do work, and to also hide the tears that she had begun to shed.

I smiled and pulled her into the crook of my arm and rested my chin on the top of her head after pressing a kiss onto her hair. “Oh Dana, you’re such a little softie.” I teased playfully, watching her giggle through her silent tears and bat them away with the back of her hand.

I was warm again. She had brought it back into my life, somehow me standing on her doorstep had allowed me to heal in ways that I could’ve never imagined, giving me a family that was expanding and connecting, and loving me, it was unlike I had never felt before. Even with the loss of my son, something still so heavy and painful, she warmed me even when it felt like I would just freeze over.

She continued to search until something finally alerted us on the screen, asking for a password. I groaned in frustration, but Dana didn’t even bat an eye, typing in a row of dots before the system processed and finally let us in.

Loads of files popped up eventually, the most recent in the top left corner where Dana hovered, her expression automatically dropping at the names of the files, hardening like a rock in my grip.

_The Truth_

_Answers (Do Not Open)_

They seemed simple enough, but Dana seemed shaken enough to slam the lid of her laptop shut, struggling out of my embrace to storm out of the kitchen and upstairs with a frustrated grunt, the mood in the room shifting exponentially. 

…

I wandered up the stairs after throwing out all of the burnt ingredients and clearing the kitchen as the night air pushed in. The windows had been closed and the smoke had been flushed out, and the oven was off.

I carried a pizza under one arm and softly knocked on the door to Dana’s room. The white carpet and fixtures shifted, but nobody came to answer, causing me to knock once more and push it open, revealing an empty room with the outside balcony open. 

The blankets on her large bed were rustled and I noticed that one was pulled off the bed, leading my eyes outside where the ocean was breathing chilled air inside. She was seated quietly on one of the papasan chairs, her fingers clutching the golden cross that hung around her neck, wrapped warmly in one of the blankets.

“Hi, I just came to see how you were doing, and I brought dinner since mine burned.” I offered carefully, unsure of her lingering anger, but she just smiled carefully and allowed me to sit the box onto the small table between the other chair and herself.

“Did you want to talk about it?” I asked, but she just bit down on her lip and sunk back farther into her seat, taking a labored breath before releasing it to the ocean. “I just thought it would be different this time, that I wouldn’t be a single mom again.” She admitted, her voice catching in her throat, making me nod and lean in.

“When William was born he didn’t come with me, he sent me with a stranger, and she became a close friend after, but at the time I barely knew her. I was so terrified, and then after he was born, he managed to find us. But then he was gone again, he made a choice to pursue something else. When I found out about this time, part of me was so relieved, because as much as I love William, that was a very miserable time for me, and I thought that I’d have him here.” She cried, her frustrations clear as she sunk back into her chair, her legs curled under the warm blanket.

I watched as the salty wind whipped through her red curls, making her shiver. I bit my lip and squeezed beside her on the soft chair, pulling my arms around her shoulder and leaning her head onto my chest, desperately needing to comfort her. It was like with every touch I could get a little bit of what she was feeling injected into my soul, helping her bear it just a little.

“I know I’m not my father, but I am here to be that person, if you need it.” I offered with a smirk, making her raise an eyebrow at me and lift her head to get a better view of my face. “You are going to be the father to my children?” She egged in disbelief, and without a second thought and nodded at her, pulling her closer into a playful hug.

“Of course, Dana, you’re a cutie.” I winked without taking a beat, curling my own legs onto the seat, slapping a smooch onto her cheek, making her squeal involuntarily, a much lighter sound than the grumblings she had made earlier in the kitchen. “Oh you are your father’s daughter.” She smiled softly, pulling the blanket away to let some of the cooler ocean air in as she relaxed into the natural curve of the chair.

“You got the pizza with sausage and onions.” She announced, her sense of smell impeccable and her hand fell to the top of her stomach, her chest slowly rising and falling as she tried to relax even further. Curiosity got the best of every judgement in my head, telling me it was too soon, but I learned to ignore it and moved a bit closer.

“Can I feel?” I asked carefully, making her open an eye at me, a slight grin appearing on her lips as she nodded at me, pulling my hand out from under my leg and towards the side where I instantly felt a little jab at my palm, nothing too intense, but enough to make my eyes water.

“I could tell exactly what people were wearing, with him…” I whispered, my throat tightening as I felt more excited movements against my hand, as if it were playing with me, using my hand as a kicking target. Dana shifted slightly in her seat and once again opened both eyes at me, urging me on to finish.

“I could tell when you would use your special shampoo, or were trying out a different toothpaste, even if the towels from the hotel had been swapped out. It was like he was getting me to slow down and take everything in. I wanted the greasiest, most disgusting, food I’ve ever wanted in my entire life, like a carnival on steroids. I couldn’t stand the idea of scarfing down seaweed chips or veggie straws or whatever they suggested. But I could tell it made him happy, he would move around and dance like this, and I’m…I’m happy you get a second chance.” I finally rambled, giggling through a tear, my eyes meeting hers as I felt another jab at me.

“You will have one too.” She managed, but before she could say any more I pulled my hand away and dug through my pockets, looking for the other item I had brought with me that I had found before anything got too heavy for the night.

“I have one more thing for you.” I announced eagerly, my hand finally coming into contact with the soft material in my pocket, pulling out a folded onesie and matching hat, which was split into two bunny ears that stood up it pulled correctly. The onesie was white and soft, covering the arms and feet with material, paired with a blush colored heart in the center. The hat was the matching blush color, and had the same warm material for all of the cold climates that we had endured so far.

“I know you don’t know what you’re having, and you can return it if you want if this one comes out a boy, but I couldn’t help myself. Since we probably won’t be having time for a baby shower.” I smiled proudly, Dana grinned stoically and took both from me, running her hands over the material.

“Oh my god.” She cried, cupping her mouth with one hand while the other clutched the material, making me fear that she disliked the gift, making me suddenly scour my brain for where I had left the receipt. 

“Where did you find this?” She cried, but I just shrugged and tried to think of the tiny shop along the main street that I had stumbled upon, this set being the only one left. “I can’t remember, why?” I asked, but she just choked back her words and took a centering breath before glancing over in my direction.

“My friend, Monica, she got William a hat identical to this one, just blue.” She cried, holding it close to her heart before lunging into me for a monstrous hug, the gesture moving as she carefully rubbed my back.

“Thank you.” She finally smiled, looking down at outfit once more, her eyes then moving to the pizza that had probably grown cold from all of our chatter and discussion. “So you are probably a girl then.” She questioned towards her stomach, brushing her hand down towards the jabbing appendage that was repeatedly knocking on her side.

“Who knows.” I shrugged, grabbing the pizza box to move us inside and out of the cold, despite her thick blanket that she had wrapped around her body, quietly padding behind me into the bedroom, kicking the doors shut with my hip. “I had a feeling with Will, and there is no way a boy is going to pop out of me.” She smiled, eyeing the box that I had now set on her bed, her fingers tracing the edge until it found the indent to lift the lid.

“God I’m famished.” She exhaled, foregoing the plates that I had brought up, nibbling on the end before shoving nearly the entire slice into her mouth, forcing me to look away and chuckle to prevent her from seeing, but I could just hear her rummaging through the box for more.

“Well, I’ll let you be.” I giggled, making her perk up from behind the opened lid, dusting her fingers off on the sides of her sweats, her eyes wide. “Don’t you want some?” She asked, realizing she had instantly devoured a good portion of the pizza in mere minutes, but I just chuckled and waved her away.

“No thanks, it’s all yours, that baby needs something other than those tofu cubes.” I winked, briefly pulling her into a side squeeze and placing a quick peck on top of her hair, but she swiftly wrestled out of my embrace and pulled down on my neck, planting one on my cheek before resuming to her pizza.

“Ah- Dana! Okay, good night!” I grumbled, resulting in a triumphant laugh from the short redhead who kept her eyes on the food in front of her as I waved back behind my shoulder, quietly shutting the door behind me before retiring to my room. It was simple with it’s bathroom attached to the back corner that looked out to the crashing waves, paired with a similar balcony that Dana also had, facing a differing corner of the beach.

I was silently relieved when she insisted that I take this room, the bathroom was ridiculously massive with a stand alone bathtub that looked like a giant, porcelain bucket, beside the glass shower that looked out into the ocean, claiming that if she used this room the tub wouldn’t go to use. I claimed it was ridiculous, but now there was nothing more that I wanted to do then to sink my sore muscles into it’s depths.

I slowly began to strip away my layers, first the burnt orange sweater that I had become familiar with, pulling the baggy material over my head and tossing it into the corner of the bathroom, revealing the maternity leggings that I had given in to while my little bean was still growing inside of me, but were now the only pants that could fit my awkward, kind of loose skin into them without bursting like a can of biscuits.

I slowly pulled them down and kicked them off before taking another careful breath before turning towards the mirror that was tactfully placed to inspect your full outfit after stepping out of the shower, or in my case, to shroud my eyes every time I felt like I would catch a glimpse of my naked body.

This time I felt brave enough to steal a glimpse, shedding my unwired bra that held my now regular sized breasts, a triumph after what felt like a war with mastitis and clogged or engorged ducts that only left me in more tears as I mourned the fact that it wouldn’t be feeding anyone. Next that came off were my sheer panties that I had slowly transitioned back into from the mesh, disposable ones that held me together down there.

I breathed slowly and looked up, the bruises had faded from dark purple to an almost invisible greenish yellow tint up the insides of my forearms and the expanse of my soft stomach. Everything physical had mostly healed, excluding the tender spots where my uterus occasionally twitched painfully as a reminder of the horrific expulsion it faced.

Where the soft tuft of fur that led down to the space between my legs once sat in it’s designated place was now scarred and forever changed, the one thing that always tugged at my heart. I ran my hand over the warm skin, feeling it blossom with goosebumps as I turned the running water on, testing it with the back of my hand until it got to a desirable temperature, plugging up the tub with the cap to begin filling it.

I poured in the unscented soap in and felt the medicated aroma fill my lungs with the steam. I went to climb in when it dawned on me that I left all of the lights on downstairs, making me grumble and shut the water off.

I pulled my plaid robe around myself and padded out of the bathroom and down the carpeted stairs where the kitchen sat dormant, the sight of Dana’s journal tucked neatly beside all of her belongings, reminding me of my father’s that sat untouched in my bag, still packed away from our plane ride which felt like years ago. 

The episode from earlier today told me that something strange was indeed going on with me, but bringing it up seemed to be unnecessary until I had figured it out quite yet. I sighed and shut all of the lights off before returning up the stairs.

I went to sneak back into my room until I heard my name getting called urgently from the other room, causing me to jump from my spot and into the residing suite to find Dana curled in bed with her glasses perched on her nose reading something on her phone, allowing me to take a deep breath that nothing was wrong as I shuffled towards the bed, taking a seat on the edge of the mattress to get a better look at what she was reading.

“Do you know who your baby’s father is?” She asked before biting down on her lip, making me raise an eyebrow at her and turn my head in suspicion. “Of course…do you?” I flipped back, but she seemed less than amused before returning her gaze back towards her notes.

“I took another look at your DNA and I found something that I didn’t think to look for at first, but you have a special addition after you gave birth to your son.” She revealed, making me shift uneasily at the mention of him and his father in this context, my arms wrapping around my waist.

“I had- have it too. Our sons have special DNA, mine was given to him, yours was created, so I _need_ to know who your baby’s father is.” She urged, the demand for information feeling like a hand reaching onto my throat, squeezing tighter and tighter at the thought of telling the whole story.

“No.” I managed to spit out, rendering her silent on the other side of the bed. I looked away and bit down on my lip, pulling at my robe to keep it from touching my throat that felt so constricted. “Marisol, I know it’s hard…” Dana began but I promptly gathered myself and backed away from the bed, feeling incredibly restricted in the moment, my breath burning in the back of my throat.

“I said no, Dana!” I snapped, an uneasiness turning into both fear, grief, and anger all slammed into one moment as I stared at the woman who carefully climbed out of bed.

“I don’t want to talk about them right now- you don’t know what I’m feeling!” I shouted at the patient woman, how I wished that she’d shout back, but she just held a hand out at me to try and reign me back in and calm me down.

“Believe me, I know more than you’d expect.” She whispered, but I just pushed farther away and shook my head in complete exasperation, my hand moving up to my head where the scabs had healed on my scalp, the place where I could hide my tick when I felt this feeling in smaller doses, or sometimes much larger ones.

“No! My fiancé was killed-! I watched him die in front of me and then the last piece of him that I had- my _son,_ was torn out of me like I was some kind of animal!” I screamed, the weight of my lingering words causing Dana to wince at me and take another step forward, her hands out in surrender as I shuddered out a sob, this spell coming on faster than it had ever come before.

I normally had time to excuse myself, to feel what I needed for however long it took, wiping off the excess if necessary, but this came like a crashing, angry wave, like the ones outside my window.

“You get to meet your baby! To hold it- to feel it! Your body works! You can talk about it because- because…!” I stammered through incomprehensible sobs, desperately gasping and clutching at my chest as another wave hit me, knocking me to my knees.

“Because you’re not broken!” I screamed into the carpet, the belt of my robe coming lose from the commotion, exposing the base of my chest where it began to dip into my breast, battered and broken from all of the trauma it had gone through. I caught the thick material and pulled it up nervously, glancing at Dana who was desperately crouching above me, her gaze entrapping me.

I shuddered and ducked my face into my arm, everything overwhelming me, but mostly fear and shame engulfing me like a beast, taking over my body like a puppeteer, and I was just the mouthpiece.

I scampered out of the room and slammed my door shut, racing back into the bathroom where my bath was patiently waiting, the water mellow and lukewarm. I felt my throat tighten again as I reached into the filled tub and unscrewed the plug, resorting to the shower where I normally retreated for these, the comfort of the four walls somehow soothing me during these spells. Before I knew it my robe was tossed onto the sink and my skin was tingling under my skin.

I hastily turned the hot water on, watching the steam fill the bathroom as I stepped inside and shut the door, crouching down to the tiled floor, hugging my knees close to my chest. I tried to recall whatever techniques I had read about in one of my articles for work, to try and break the cycle of thoughts in one of these, but all I could do was focus on taking deep breaths in between violent gasps. 

As the oxygen began to flow a little more evenly my brain began to clear just a bit, allowing me to place my hands on the walls of the shower wall, grounding me as I stared straight ahead, my brain fighting to slow down as I narrowed in on the grooves of the tile texture, the grout smoothed down to hold them in place, the way the overhead light glistened against it, bits of gems sparkling into my eye.

“1…2…3…4…5…” I repeated to myself, my heart now slowing down enough for my words to verbalize, my lips still trembling as I quietly counted up and down to myself. Thankfully this time the horrid images had remained at bay, not swallowing me whole like some of the worst waves.

The way I had snapped scared the living daylights out of me, how I had gone from one polar end to the next, absolutely losing it on the well intentioned woman who was probably packing her things up to leave in this very moment. I feared that something was wrong, that I had bumped my head, that something was injected into me during my hospital stay, that I was given the wrong painkillers upon my discharge, something that made me not act like myself.

I crawled out of the shower and pulled my toiletry bag off of the counter, grabbing the bottle of painkillers out of the pocket and unscrewing the top, hastily flushing them down the sink, petrified of what they were probably doing to my brain. 

I shivered at the feeling of the air brushing against my wet skin, making me shudder and crawl in it’s direction to shut off the water that was still blasting in the shower, keeping low to the ground since my legs still felt like jelly.

I didn’t feel like the strong woman who was ready to fight for anything, or against any threat that was to come in my direction, I felt out of place, like broken pieces all hidden behind a shroud which was my outward expression. I didn’t feel like myself.

I could hear a knock on the outside of my bedroom door, but the voice in my head told me to reach up and lock the bathroom, keeping me safe from the shame and explanation that was forcing me father down into the deep hole that I had to climb out of every day just to function.

…

I awoke still inside the confines of my bathroom, feeling heavier than usual. Every morning waking up had become a task for me, but one that I found myself able to overcome after some self encouragement and logic that told me it wasn’t right to stay in bed all day while someone else was depending on me to help find my father, the task I had dragged her along for.

But this time felt different. It was as if everything outside these walls were going to swallow me whole, like the weight of the world was going to crash onto me and this time it would just take me for good. I shivered under my robe and gazed at the stranger looking back at me in the mirror, the girl with dark circles under her eyes and knotted hair, shaking like a leaf with her back pressed against the door to prevent any unwanted visitors from entering.

I swallowed and held the engagement ring that I hadn’t worn in months, the one that felt like a boulder on my hand any time I attempted to wear it, serving as a reminder of the two people I had lost in such a short breech of time. I shuddered and slid it on my finger and focused on it, how the sunlight hit it, glistened softly into my eye as a reminder of the day that it had been first slipped onto my finger.

There was another knock at the door, but this time I could barely find it in myself to move, let alone call out to the person to leave me be. I pulled my knees close to my chest and rested my head on them, focusing on the rise and fall against my legs. 

There was another knock and this time it sounded more urgent, followed by a nervous whimper against the wood. My chest felt tight and I somehow found it in me to turn and lean my cheek against it, not fully ready to back away and open it.

“Dana…” I croaked, getting an exhale of relief from the other side, a slight pressure on the door made me realize that she was now crouching down to my height, her hand against the grain. “I don’t want you to see me like this.” I cried, and it was true, she had seen me while I was physically in shambles, but there was something so intimate about your appearance when your insides felt rotten and dead, and it was something that I was afraid to display to the woman on the other side of the door.

“Then just listen.” She requested, a slight thud telling me that she had also leaned her forehead on the door, exhaling slowly in my direction. “I’m sorry I crossed a boundary, that I pushed too hard. I know what happened to you is hard, and that by forcing you to talk about something personal I hurt you. I’m not asking you to forgive me because I know how new and raw this is, but I do want to make sure that you’re okay. I’m here to help you through all of this, and I love you too much to just let you carry this all on your own in a bathroom. So you come out when you’re ready, and I’ll be waiting here.” She cried out to me, her own guilt weighing heavily on her, but the things I had gotten angry at weren’t fair either. I sucked up all my pride and pulled my robe tighter, gripping onto the sink to find my balance before pulling the door open.

Dana seemed just as disheveled, her hair tucked behind her in a ponytail, revealing her swollen, red eyes. I stood nervously and felt my lip quiver as I stared at the patient woman in front of me, her hands anxiously resting on top of her stomach to prevent her from reaching out like she normally did.

“I’m sorry that I yelled at you. That I shouted at you about your baby, that was unfair.” I whispered, truly ashamed of the words I had spoken to her last night, but it truly did feel like another brain had invaded my body, turning me into the ugliest part of myself. She swallowed and nodded at me, taking a careful step forward, her eyes taking in every detail as she stared.

“You’re hurting, and it must probably suck to be going through this while I have a baby.” She admitted, her words causing me to nod nervously at her, my own eyes now full and unable to make out her face anymore. “It’s hard. I’m very happy for you, I can’t wait for you to have your baby, but…” I trailed off, unable to finish whatever the end of that sentence was going to be, leaning forward into one of her tight embraces, burying my face into her shoulder as tears fell freely.

“What you’re feeling, happens. I can help you and I can support you.” She whispered to me, but I just felt my chest release an anguished cry into her shoulder, gripping onto the soft material of her shirt as sobs choked out of me. “I just need you to not let go.” I cried, feeling her place a hand on the back of my head, her other one rubbing my back to help get some breath back into my body.

“Never.”

…

It still felt like I was in a fog, but I had managed to come downstairs and get through a bowl of cereal, the food feeling like lead in my stomach, but I knew it was important and Dana would force me to eat something much worse if I didn’t. The day had been mostly silent, she had spent most of it comfortably moving in time with me, getting things done both around the house and on her laptop, but I still felt odd.

I sighed and began to unload the ghastly dishwasher that gratefully only had a few items, and packed them away. I felt the shift in the room, telling me that another person was now sitting at the counter. I turned and found her typing away to try and figure out more information on the abnormality that we shared. 

I breathed out and took a seat across from her, quietly drumming them against the counter, trying to work up the courage for the next part. She raised an eyebrow at me from behind her computer and folded her fingers as she waited for whatever I was amping myself up for.

"My baby’s father…my fiancé…his name was Gibson Praise.” I swallowed, thinking back on the love of my life, the man who I believed I was going to spend the rest of my life with. As I prepared to share more I watched Dana’s eyes widen as she slammed her laptop shut and scurried around to my side, nearly dragging me to the sofa.

“Gibson Praise?” She asked absolutely awe stricken, but I just nodded and played with the ring on my finger that I had kept on since emerging from the bathroom. It was simple with a diamond atop the silver band he had picked out for me, finally glancing up to notice how shocked she was over this ordeal.

“Yeah, we were engaged for a year, then when I got pregnant…oh we were just so excited.” I trailed off, I could tell she was anxious for me to continue, but avoided pushing me further out of fear that I would explode again. “He was so…in tune with me, he knew what I needed and when I needed it, he was the best person I’ve ever been with.” I paused and thought back to that night, both of us curled on the sofa with my head against his chest while his hand lovingly stroked my at the time, toned stomach, the touch soothing as I began to drift off.

“It was night time, about a month before I had met you, and he said he got a package, he just went outside and when I turned to face him…it was like nobody was there, but they got him, they shot him dead in our hallway. They didn’t see me because I hid once I saw what had happened, but they killed him and took his body…I still don’t know where, and nothing was done about it.” I cried, looking over at her to see what she was doing, but she just remained respectfully silent and swallowed.

“I’m so sorry.” She whispered, but I shrugged and wiped a tired tear from my cheek, all cried out from earlier, feeling like there was nothing left in me, sinking back into the sofa, waiting for her to formulate a reason for sharing this, but she just covered her mouth and then struggled to find a new position.

“I knew Gibson.” She revealed, rubbing her stomach as she processed the information, making me sit up a big straighter to hear more about her apparent interaction with my late fiancé. “I knew him when he was like ten. When your father went missing, he helped me because he has that special DNA…so whatever _child_ you made probably had a lot of it. Even when he was a child he was a huge target, which makes sense why you saw what you saw yesterday.” She gasped, making me lean, desperate for more.

“What are you saying?” I cried, unsure of what she meant by my fiancé’s condition when he was a child, but she just bit her lip and ran towards the counter where her leather journal sat, bringing it back to the couch and plopping it into my lap.

“Look you aren’t going to believe me, I didn’t believe your father whenever he told me anything but I had to learn to because he was right…most of the time.” She prefaced as I nodded and flipped the pages open, landing on one with a small photo, a much younger Dana in a navy blue blazer standing behind a young boy who I could only place as my soon to be husband. His glasses were large and fell down his nose and he leaned forward playfully as Dana ruffled his flat hair in the photo, a more reserved smile spread on her lips.

“Is this him…?” I questioned softly, my fingers falling to the glossy image that she had kept in such good condition over all the years. She nodded proudly and pointed at his name beside the handwritten date, a fondness in her eyes.

“Your fiancé, he was a very special person, and because of this he was wanted by many dangerous people, and since you now have some of what he possessed, and your son most likely did, they will probably be after us both.” She warned, sliding off of the sofa to draw the curtains and double check all of the locks on the back doors.

“He could read minds.” She revealed with a pursed lip, waiting for my reaction, but it didn’t seem far off, what I had seen, what I had felt, it was like another person was guiding my mind to something they wanted to see.

I felt a stirring inside of me and then a sudden urge to find him, worry plaguing me. It felt off and different, but I knew that he needed to be found and dealt with. I feared that he would be an even bigger threat to us and that he needed to be found before this baby was born.

“I think my dad has something to do with this.” I blurted out, making Dana look up in shock and scoot closer, leaning in before looking down at the book that I was holding in my lap. “Why?” She urged, but I couldn’t give her a reason, the nagging feeling now deep in my stomach.

“I don’t know, I just do.” I shrugged, feeling her tug the book out of my hand and into her lap, the feeling slowly ebbing away, making me quite indifferent on the matter. “What I thought.” She muttered, a curious smile spreading on her face while squeezing my hand, another feeling of excitement spreading all over me.

“You can feel what others are feeling, it could just be that you’re a huge empath, or it could be that your piece of them both is just stronger than what happened to me, which makes sense because what Gibson could do…it was kind of scary.” She urged, my newfound hidden talent making me feel almost warm, like they were still a lingering part of me, even without being present.

“Do you think they’re together?” I asked, the question making Dana bite her lip and nod confidently, now sinking back on the sofa with both her hands around the kicking baby, softly rubbing where she felt the most movement.

“Definitely. I’d like to think that my two kids are together, somewhere better than this.” She smiled, leaving it at that for the remainder of the day. We both had a solid idea of what to do now, and with this newfound gift I was confident that my father was closer than ever.


	10. The Gift

Marisol

The house grew warmer with every passing month and the knowledge that Dana’s baby would soon be gracing us with their presence, but the feeling of my father being at the end of our noses was almost too much to bear this late in the game. I worried that the tiny woman would be facing the birth of her child without him, and what kind of emotional toll that was taking on her.

Her hair had grown out exponentially from the surge of hormones that had arrived during the advent of her third trimester, almost tripling as she neared the end of her pregnancy, the red locks curling in delicate tendrils that framed her face which had filled out from the extra human residing inside of her, and the occasional craving that could turn a decently calm woman into a demanding monster over a package of Oreos.

She had foregone most of her business wear whenever we needed to check on a lead or anything in relation to this case, just draping her large coat over whatever cotton long sleeve she had chosen for the day and maternity leggings, now a signature look. 

However, as the date grew closer and closer the less keen she was to leave the house, her nesting kicking in as she slowly drifted into her solitude from the outside world, fully prepared to bid it goodbye until she had a squealing baby in her arms.

She refused to discuss any plans of where to bring this baby into the world, leaving me to secretly look up maternity wards in the area, along with their route times with and without traffic, many times making the trip without her to just see if it was a decent commute.

I had read up on my emergency training that I had received upon joining the bureau, along with purchasing some classes to watch at night from the comfort of my own bedroom or bathroom, jotting down important notes just in case, but I prayed that it would never come down to this or my anxiety inducing self to bring this baby into the world.

I would slowly bring in supplies for an emergency kit that I had shoved under my sink, filled with gloves, gauze, muscle oil, fresh wash cloths, antiseptic, scissors, absorbent pads, and a stack of clean towels beside it. Dana would lose her mind if she found out that I was stocking up like this, but it eased my nerves, being prepared meant one less thing to worry about, but that didn’t mean that I foregone locking the cabinet to prevent her from finding it.

I had found solace in organizing, it was something that kept my mind at ease during this time of chaos, and currently the contents of my travel bags into the drawers along with all my other belongings seemed to be doing me well. 

I breathed evenly through my lips and reached to fold another shirt when I heard my name being called from the room over. I carefully sprung from my spot and straightened my blouse and sweats as I wandered into the other room where Dana had her laptop on in her bathroom, an obnoxious voice shrilling from her speakers.

I turned the corner to find her and witnessed her trying to pause whatever video was on her screen, her pillow from the bed clutched under one arm while the other fidgeted with the video.

“Can you help me with this? I am trying to do my prenatal class and I still have to set up my pillow and stuff and she keeps talking.” She grumbled before tossing the pillow onto the floor, shoving it against the shower with her bedroom slippered foot.

I raised an eyebrow and paused it, getting an idea as I quickly sent the link to myself, grabbing the speaker from my bathroom and placing it on the low vanity in the bedroom. 

“Here, so you don’t have to do this in the bathroom.” I called, going to grab her pillow and laptop for her while she just worked on getting herself into the bedroom, the feat leaving her slightly breathless as she gripped onto the bed frame for support. I heard her groan softly and wince, catching my attention enough for her to glance over at me.

“Just pelvis pain, it’s widening.” She explained as she waddled toward the foot of the bed, reaching over for her pillow that she positioned onto the bed as the class began, clearly a stand in for a partner, but I just rolled my eyes and moved it out of the way, causing her to look up at me gratefully.

“Well, let’s pay attention, please.” I urged, watching the lady demonstrate various positions, beginning with the partner behind the pregnant person, showing various breathing techniques that I couldn’t make out clearly over the loud nursery rhymes they had clipped over it.

I shrugged and slowly helped Dana onto the floor, climbing behind her once I felt she was balanced enough, leaning her back to my chest while listening closely to hear them instruct slow and steady breaths, something that I assumed would be mentioned after reading all of the instructions, articles, and videos.

I felt her lungs expand against my chest as she rehearsed her breathing, long, thoughtful breaths that she held then exhaled, her body slowly relaxing, something that she hadn’t been able to do fully thanks to her disrupted sleep schedule due to the little one playing with her insides.

“Good job.” I smiled, watching them switch positions, forcing me to nearly push her out of my lap and onto her hands and knees, glancing up at the screen with a deep breath, this one not making an entirety of sense, but I had heard of the benefits of being mobile during the labor process and figured this one wouldn’t hurt.

I went to help rub her back when I felt the familiar ebbing in my neck, swiftly moving up and over my head once more, sitting above my eyes. I winced painfully and sat back, dropping my head into my hands as another blue image washed over my consciousness.

It was the black beach, the hood of night covering the sky as my father sat perched on a rock that was three houses down. He grew closer and closer as I apparently moved towards him, urgency and anxiety racing through me as this played out.

He has a metal wristlet on, blood dripping onto the white sand, tainting it. He wistfully pulls out his gun and hands it over, gazing longingly before past me, his eyes full of tears as he rises to his feet, jogging off into the darkness.

I groaned loudly and felt the blue fog evaporate, making me gasp and crawl towards the bathroom, finally gaining enough strength to make it to the toilet, retching into it as my body purged whatever image had just filled it.

Moments later I heard Dana shuffle behind me, handing me a tissue for my mouth, curious about what had just transpired in my head. Someone was trying to speak to me, to get me down to that beach, and even with the slightest chance of it being my father, I knew I had to go.

“I need you to stay here.” I urged, climbing to my feet once my footing was back, brushing past her to go and find my coat and boots to pair with my lazy house clothes.

I could hear Dana attempting to keep up, making me spin around and grip her shoulders to stop her in her tracks, a pleading look now plaguing my face.

“Please just stay in the room and lock the door.” I begged, but she shook her head adamantly at me and crossed her arms against her chest, wanting the same thing as I did, to finally find my father.

“Marisol Mulder I may be pregnant but I am not stupid, tell me what is going on, I can handle it.” She demanded, making me sigh and concede, stuffing my feet into the waterproof boots that I had finally invested in, tying them up tightly.

“I think my father is around here, maybe on the beach, but I’m not sure if it’s him, and if things go south I need to be able to run away and get back here as fast as I can, and I can’t do that with you.” I explained, but she just raised an eyebrow at me and stomped back into the bedroom, wandering towards her dresser, pulling out a hand gun.

“I have an extra one for you, just in case.” She shrugged, passing it over to me along with the holster to wrap around my waist. I nodded and felt her reach around and strap it to me, safely loading it into the carrier, giving my other hip a pat as if to tell me good luck.

I assured her back that it would work, squeezing her shoulder before jogging out of the room which closed and locked with a solidifying thud. I breathed a bit easier and raced down the stairs, this being the most intense activity that I had done since my son’s arrival, and the breathlessness in my chest only reminded me once more.

The sliding glass door shut securely and the alarm system buzzed on my phone that was securely in my pocket, giving me some peace of mind that Dana would be alright upstairs in the bedroom, she herself also had a gun, so I didn’t worry too much for her.

I raced down the shore, the squishy sand under my boots making it even harder to jog down the coastline. I doubted that anything would even be out here, my vision was indeed at night and the sun was still shining behind an array of grey clouds.

Sweat gathered on my neckline and I wondered what I was looking for, looking behind me and all around to see if I was missing something. I sucked in a breath and moved forward, a person coming into view behind the fog, making my stomach twist because I knew for a fact that they hadn’t been there a second before.

“Hey…stop!” I shouted, picking up my footing as I chased after the person, pushing my body as far as it could go, my pace quickening as I leapt with all my might, reaching my arms out, knocking the balance out from their burly figure.

The both of us landed on the sand, his body weight nearly bouncing on top of me as we continued to struggle, but I finally found it in me to flip him onto his back and slam him down, using my legs as an anchor, immediately grabbing the gun and pointing it like I had seen Dana do countless times before.

Lo and behold it was him. The man I had been looking for for nearly eight months was laying beneath me, wheezing out a breath due to the knee that I had dug into his rib, pinching it tightly to subdue him. I waited a beat and gasped, unsure of what to do at this point, I had been imagining this reunion for months, what to say, what I would feel, if Dana would be with me. 

“Marisol? Oh god I was hoping you wouldn’t come.” He grunted, sliding me off of him easily, his arms much stronger than I had recalled, but I just frowned and kept the gun on him, unsure of why my gut was telling me something wasn’t right, and his reaction was one of them, he had been warm with me in the past, and this man felt distant and cold.

“I saw something! I had to come- we’ve been looking for you, where have you been!” I demanded, noticing the metal wristlet that looked embedded into him, my throat tightening at the image, waiting for an answer impatiently.

“Some dangerous people got me - they _still_ have me.” He urged, motioning towards his metal wrist, identical to what I had seen, but my mind was still blurry, trying to make out fact and fiction, it was still light out and he looked different.

“They know you can see things, they sent me here to try and find you…they want to do bad things to me…and to people I love…” He trailed off, making my worry intensify as I gripped the gun tighter, unsure of what to believe, my mind automatically drifting to the worst possible outcome.

“Like Dana?” I demanded, my voice shaking more than I would’ve preferred, but he just tilted his head at me and took a step further, shock filling his eyes, and it dawned on me that he hadn’t yet introduced the both of us, unaware of our partnership that had organically happened.

“Scully? You know Scully?” He gawked, but my step forward with the gun made him back up, keeping his hands up where I could see them clearly.

“Yes Dana Scully, who the fuck else! Now answer me!” I shouted, making his eyes widen at my fear induced hostility, surrendering to my clear advantage that I had in this situation. How I wanted to lower the gun and simply embrace him, to feel the relief that he was here, that he would be here to watch the birth of his child, to be present for the woman he loved, but the stakes felt too high, and the object on his arm felt like a bigger threat than all of this combined.

“Yes, Scully is in trouble, they want a second chance at our baby…and I am being controlled to do whatever they need me to do.” He explained, the horror that I felt was purely my own and I knew that he needed to get as far away as possible. I felt my lip quiver as my anxiety rose, telling me to get back home.

“I have to go back, I shouldn’t have left her alone.” I frowned, somehow feeling disappointment towards the father that we had turned our lives upside down for, who acted simply as if he didn’t want to be found.

“Is Scully okay?” He asked wearily, the desperation in his voice causing me to opt out of replying sarcastically, but frustration brewed in me as I glanced at him, contemplating that question. 

“I don’t know, how would you feel if you were in her situation?” I grumbled, not realizing the energy that was burning into me from the gun that I was holding, all of that exasperation, frustration, and anger, it was Dana’s.

“You should’ve just made wiser choices.” I frowned, his face dropping at the answer, before contorting into a grimace, somehow his expression began to morph into someone that he wasn’t. I cursed the vacant homes that lined ours, angry that nobody would bear witness to what was about to happen.

I gasped as another man’s face morphed in and out of his, his neck revealing those row of scales that I had seen on the people that hunted Holly. One of those soldiers.

I hastily fired into him, but it only seemed to subdue him for minutes, giving me a head start into figuring out a plan. I fired once more and felt something come loose out of a contraption at the butt of the gun, a silver stiletto.

My gut tugged at me as I fired one more shot, racing behind him to stab the object into the base of his neck, backing away as something began to ooze out, making me cough manically. I watched the thing die and felt one more thing tug at my instinct as I shoved the stiletto back in.

_Run._

My legs took me as far as I could go, racing up the beach and towards the back door, keeping the gun in my hand as I raced inside, hastily pushing the sofa against the glass, drawing the curtains to prevent anyone from seeing in.

Once the ringing of my heart in my ears quieted, I could hear the sounds of two voices softly conversing, one of them more agitated than the other. I drew the gun once more and instantly felt it, it was Dana. I could’ve kicked myself for bringing her up back there so openly, whatever that was, it wanted to know about her.

I climbed the stairs with more speed than I had ever done since staying here, creeping around the corner where I saw her bedroom door cracked open. I stalked in it’s direction and held the gun firmly in my hands, my racing heart nearly choking me as I came upon it, looking in to find my father talking evenly to a clearly distraught Dana.

I zeroed in on his neck and exhaled when I saw no scales, and a bloody cuff that looked torn off at his feet, crushed to pieces against the white carpet. I still felt on edge, swinging the door open with my gun drawn, batting the stray curly hairs off of my sweaty cheeks to get a more accurate look at him. Everything seemed how I had remembered him, but I still didn’t trust him or anyone he had been with.

“Marisol?” He questioned in exasperation, but I just inched forward with the gun, careful not to aim it anywhere near Dana who I now noticed had tears in her eyes. “Get away from her, now.” I growled, a ferociousness blooming from deep within my chest, he went to explain himself, but I continued to stalk him, putting my body between his and Dana’s.

“It’s me…Mulder?” He cried, but I shook my head at him and refused to let him into my head, unsure of what his tricks could include, even thought he had no scales, it didn’t mean that he wasn’t a threat.

“I said, back, up.” I demanded, finally making him back away from the both of us. He went to speak as Dana pulled at my arm to lower the gun, but I remained unwavering and stood my ground, something I was quite good at.

“It’s me, your father…” He tried, but I just shook my head in disbelief, Dana’s pleas worming their way into my brain, but I shook my head and felt desperate tears fill my eyes. “How can I know it’s you!” I shouted, keeping a hand between him and me, but Dana gave it one last effort, pulling at my arm, this time it fell, allowing her to grab the gun and unarm it. I trusted her and her judgement, she wouldn’t put herself, the baby, or me in harm’s way.

He wrapped his burly arms around me, my own squeezing him back for a moment until I felt as if I had enough, slightly pushing away from him. He felt the same, but the tense energy between the two caused me to shift in discomfort and glance over at my friend.

“Dana, you are about to have our baby, we need to be together, as a family.” He urged, something about his tone slightly off-putting, but he just batted his eyes at her while wrapping an arm around my shoulders, my discomfort rising as I was put in the middle of their dispute.

“I am almost twenty six years old…I’m an adult.” I reminded, slightly turned away at his eagerness to use me as an argument, but didn’t greet me normally, but he just shook his head and pulled me closer, as if the image would change the mind of Dana Scully, one of the most difficult swayers when trying to convince someone. 

“But we are a family who should stick _together_.” He pointed out, but Dana just shook her head in exasperation and wiped away a frustrated tear. She was not someone to cry at the drop of a hat, so I knew that she had been harboring this for a while.

“I know she is family, and for a while the only family I had, but that doesn’t change the fact that this time you made a choice.” She reminded, Mulder’s face dropping with disappointment as she stood her ground.

“When I was pregnant with William, you were _dead._ I had to bury you in the ground with our baby inside of me, and I wanted to blame you for leaving me with a child to raise without it’s father, but I couldn’t do that because it was something you had no control over. But you chose to leave afterwards, and that was the _hardest_ thing you ever made me do.” She cried out, the exhaustion and frustration evident as she moved forward, allowing me space to slip out and stand off to her side just in case she needed me.

“I had to give our son up because your search for the truth was more important than being here and helping me protect him!” Her voice had an edge to it, I didn’t know what their situation was with their first child they had together, but I knew that she harbored those feelings deep inside her, and now they were bubbling up with all her resentment.

“You were my _partner,_ not just with the X Files, but in life, and you left me to fend for myself when I needed you the most! When I told you, you barely bat an eye, meanwhile I had to go through all of his things with Monica and send it away! I had to send _him_ away- and the the thing that kills me, is that I never got to hold him again, you got to see him in that hotel room and hold him- I had to make peace with never doing that again, because that is my penance because _I_ gave him away!” She was now shouting, taking a step forward, her large stomach nearly taking up all the space between them.

“We got a second chance, Mulder.” Her voice was delicate now, as she dropped her hands to her large stomach, his reaching out and doing the same as they relished for a moment about what they had indeed been given. Her face now twisting into a grimace as a tiny foot ebbed at their hands in recognition of their parents.

"By whatever force _this_ happened by, we got it, and it’s a miracle, the greatest gift I could’ve gotten, and you made a choice to open up this can of worms all over again and put her life in danger- and I’m terrified!” She cried, hot tears falling down her face as she crossed her arms around herself, shaking in the same spot as she tried to force her cries out that kept getting trapped in her chest.

My stomach twisted and this was all too much, and he didn’t seem to see that. I shot a glare towards Mulder who was standing shaken across from her, unsure of what to say or do at the moment.

“I think you should go.” I whispered, placing a careful hand on hers that was pinching at her elbow tight enough to make the veins in her hands pop out. He shifted nervously and took a step forward, clearly upset that he had made her cry so suddenly, but she backed away from his touch, stumbling into me until I caught her balance.

“You need to leave, it’s not safe and she is upset with you being here.” I urged once more, not wanting to have to raise my voice. I watched him sadly nod and gather the pieces of the metal shard from the carpet before ducking out of the room, his heavy footsteps trailing down the stairs and out of the front door with a thud. The confirming sound allowing me to turn and face the woman who was shuddering back sobs, one hand moving to the side of her stomach while the other pressed into the mattress.

“Dana? Are you alright?” I asked carefully, rubbing her side, placing a gentle hand on her lower back, feeling it twitch under her skin. 

“I’ve been having these ever couple of hours today, since about six this morning.” She breathed, making me check my watch to verify that it was only one pm. “What? When was your last one?” I asked nervously, knowing that whatever stressful situation just occurred probably wasn’t helping with the tightening of her muscles.

“Maybe forty-five minutes ago?” She guessed, breathing slowly out of her nose until it passed, allowing her to sit up straighter and stare at me, her face still wet with tears from her outburst of frustration. I pursed my lips and hugged her tightly, allowing her to linger for an extra moment before releasing to sink onto the bed.

“Well, I read that you should get ready to go to the hospital when your contractions are three to five minutes apart.” I noted, but she just shook her head at me and let her eyes close as she tried to relax back down to a regular state again.

“No, I’m not going to a hospital.” She declared, making my eyes widen at her preference, making my heart speed up.

“Wha- why? Don’t you want an epidural-?” I began but she cut me off instantly and held a finger up to my lips, shaking her head once more.

“Believe me, I’d love one, but I don’t react well to that type of medicine, plus the last time I was about to have a baby they tried to switch it, steal it, harm it, and I just don’t trust them or believe that they are safe enough for me.” She sighed, leaning back slightly as her hands ran over the bedspread and I knew not to argue, her mind was made up and it was up to me to grant her wish.

“This is much nicer than where I had William.” She shrugged, catching my attention from thespiral it was beginning to go down, my curiosity getting the best of me. “Where was he born?” I asked, surprisingly getting a wistful laugh out of her before taking a pause to think, her weight shifting to one elbow as she leaned farther back to try and get more comfortable.

“I don’t remember the name of the town, but it was a gutted house or church or something. Monica, she found a bed and some other things and helped me, but it was so small, and all of those super soldier things showed up right as he was being born…” She revealed, wistfully rubbing the side of her stomach as she thought about it for another minute.

“Hopefully this goes a bit smoother.” She spoke into existence.

…

An hour had passed and her contractions had picked up ever so slightly, giving her three mild ones while I set up the room for maximum efficiency, but also comfort. She wasperched on the papasan chair that I had dragged in from the balcony to save from the now pouring rain that was coming down, pausing silently during her spread out waves, the tension in her silence telling me that she was getting one.

This time I heard a slight gasp as I made up the bed with a plastic protector for the mattress, stacking the pillows in an upright position for her to lean back on if she so chose to. 

“You’re doing so well, Dana.” I called, making eye contact with her from across the room while juggling more cushions and blankets.

She nodded at me and took another slow breath, repeating the motion for another fifteen seconds before relaxing back onto the seat, covering her eyes with her hand to try and ebb away the discomfort.

“I have to go and sanitize these, so I’ll be just out there in the laundry room.” I called out, but Dana just grinned and waved me away, assuring me that she’d be fine while I stepped out. 

Once the door was shut I took a centering breath and rushed towards the double doors where the dryer was, loading them so the heat would sanitize any germs off of the material, also to warm it up just in case. Once it began I raced into my bedroom and pulled my notebook full of instructions and notes that I had for this very moment, along with the key to unlock the bottom cabinet where all of my supplies sat in a bright green bin.

I decided against grabbing them now and left them be until her labor seemed to progress, it was still early and I assumed that she didn’t what a bin of scissors and latex gloves staring her in the eye. I dug through my things and searched for the swaddling blankets, onesies, and diapers that I had purchased per Dana’s request the last time I was out. I gathered the baby clothes and tossed them into the washing machine, wary to contaminate the baby with any germs from the store or outside these walls.

My heart was pounding and I needed to continue to ready the rest of the house, starting with locking and barricading the front door, and drawing the windows. The gun that I had used was safely upstairs, an arm’s reach away just in case it came down to that, but keeping that environment as stress free as possible was my biggest priority at the moment.

I never knew the reason, but I hastily threw a pot into the sink and filled it with steaming water, placing it on the stove with a low heat. My mind was trying to run through the possible reasons for why it would be needed, but I just settled on the fact that it was always smart to have boiling water at a birth, even if it didn’t make sense.

…

Two hours had passed and the progression of the baby had picked up slightly, her contractions started to come more frequently, and I was now no longer free to get things ready for the little one’s arrival, but parked behind Dana who was hunched over the bed moaning loudly as I rubbed my hands up and down the tight band of her lower back.

“You’re doing marvelous.” I encouraged as this one began to fade, allowing her to straighten out and continue pacing around the room and even out to the second floor landing, keeping myself a few paces behind just in case. I had noticed her preference for silence in between these, but I settled on soft music to pair with the pounding rain outside. I poked me head out of the room and saw that she hadn’t seemed to notice or care, her thoughts taking over as she slowly paced evenly.

“I’m so tired.” She finally complained as she made her way back towards me into the bedroom, I nodded apologetically and wrapped my arms around her, a dampness on the material of my shirt told me that she had begun shedding tears, something I wasn’t expecting in this moment.

“Hey, hey, why am I feeling tears?” She pulled away slightly and blinked them away, but her face was still slick with them, allowing me to take a tissue from the dresser and gently wipe them. She inhaled slowly and moved towards the bed again, leaning forward onto her forearms that were positioned on the mattress. 

“Another one already?” I questioned nervously, checking my watch to verify that she still had a good four minutes left in her break, but she just shook her head at me and continued to move her hips back and forth.

“No, but it helps to move.” She exhaled breathlessly, I nodded and scooted behind her, resuming my massage that I had been doing before that she had requested. Her back labor was something that I noted, however horrendous mine had been, my back never felt such an intense tightness as hers was feeling, making my stomach tighten at the thought.

“So why were you crying?” Not wanting to let it go without figuring out why she was so distraught just moments ago. She inhaled slowly and blew it out with ease, the silence telling me that more tears had probably begun to fall down her face.

“It feels wrong.” She admitted, causing my worry to heighten for a moment before realizing that she wasn’t talking about her physical discomfort, allowing me to relax and resume what I was doing while listening attentively. 

“What does?” I encouraged, but before I could get an answer I felt her back seize up under my hands, catching her off guard as her voice got caught in her throat, panic washing over her body. This one was stronger, it had grabbed her out of nowhere and she wasn’t ready.

“Oh my god!” She gasped, her back like a tight rubber band being stretched past it’s elasticity, and I quickly got to work trying to rub it out, my own panic rising slightly as she sunk lower into the mattress.

“It’s okay, just fifteen more seconds, you’re doing so well!” I nearly shouted over her moans,but the muscle just continued to tense, causing her to grab fistfuls of the comforter and squeeze as her vocalizations got more intense.

“Dana, deep breaths for me.” I almost begged, her shift in demeanor terrifying me momentarily, but I swiftly pushed it away, because whatever fear I was feeling, it was probably fifty times worse on her end.

I carefully moved from behind her to her side, crouching down lower so my face was level with hers, my hand moving to hers, allowing her to release the comforter and grip it with unimaginable strength. 

“Look at me, let’s do this one together.” I offered, shaking her hand to get her to look in my direction. The look of pure pain in someone’s eyes was never easy to stomach, especially a loved one, and this was no better, but I just took a deep breath and watched her carefully mirror me, exhaling slowly, which resulted in a loud groan on her end as she released her air.

My hand moved to her back once more and I could feel the muscles releasing slowly, the urgency in her groans also letting me know that things were easing up. I felt her grip loosen on me and she just exhaled tiredly, that one had taken it out of her, and I didn’t blame her.

“I need to lie down.” She groaned, allowing me to help her onto the bed with as much ease as possible as she curled onto her side. Luckily my proactivity had worked and she rested seamlessly in the slight valley of pillows that I had noticed she preferred to sleep in whenever she required help getting situated in bed. 

“You’re doing great, when I did this I was an absolute, hysterical mess at this point.” I winked, trying to ease the tension that was clearly invading her body, reaching over to pull her long, red locks off of her face, carefully brushing back in gentle, mindful motions, still nervous that she’d snap and bat my hand away.

“Yours was much worse.” She groaned with her eyes shut, but I just scoffed and recalled what had just happened moments ago. “Whatever.” I chuckled, sliding off the bed to go and move the things from the washer to the dryer, but she groaned once more to get my attention before I could wander off.

“I think you need to check to see how far along I am…” She groaned, making my eyes widen at the thought of performing something so invasive and personal, but this is what I was here for, to help, and I guess this was a part of helping. I watched her open an eye at me and catch a glimpse of the worry on my face.

“I will help walk you through it, but I can’t really do it myself.” She sighed, shifting on the mattress to her back, lying back on the pillows with little ease for a woman in her condition. I swallowed and rushed into the bathroom to grab my tub of supplies, my hands shaking with nerves as I rushed back in, setting it on the large bed.

I eyed a pair of nail clippers and took a quick glance at my hands, they weren’t overgrown and the stress of this past week, paired with a new nervous tick had caused me to pick and peel at them. “Yeah…make sure those are… _short_.” Dana urged, her tone almost playful until she exhaled slowly once more.

I hastily grabbed the clippers and cut away to make them short and uniformed, my hands shaking as I tore open the bag of gloves, pulling one out. Dana had shifted while I got things ready, a blanket now covering her lap as she struggled to get her pants down to her ankles.

“So…first I need you to relax.” She exhaled, positioning herself against the headboard with her pillow stuffed behind her. I nodded and took a breath before sitting at the edge of the bed, pulling the glove onto my right hand while awaiting my next instruction.

She took a breath and glanced down at me, carefully moving her legs open under the throw blanket that she was using for just a shred of privacy. She seemed nervous as well, and I couldn’t blame her, if I was in her position I would be terrified for what was about to come.

“Slowly and _carefully_ insert two fingers, reach up and feel to see if my cervix has widened, it could be early still so you probably won’t be able to fit many fingers, but just don’t try and stretch it…that will be very painful if you do.” She instructed, her voice wavering as I took a deep breath, one hand gently gripping her bent knee while the other did exactly what she was telling me to.

I felt her stiffen and look up at the ceiling as she puffed out a shocked breath, making my heart stop at her sudden flinch.

“Did I do something?” I cried, but she shook her head and attempted to relax once more, reaching out for my free hand, placing it on a specific spot on her stomach. 

“No, just a new feeling, and the glove is…dry.” She breathed, taking a short beat. “But this should help you feel.” She grunted, I nodded and carefully pressed down, finding the space that she was talking about, my two fingers fitting in the space easily, with enough room.

“Okay, so two fingers fit and there’s some room.” I reported, but she just nodded slowly and exhaled.

“Try another.” She groaned, her walls around my hand tightening, telling me to hurry up and get out of there before another one of those contractions hit. I tried another finger and it fit, a grin of excitement crossing my face as I slowly removed my fingers, discarding the glove into the bin that I had pulled next to the bed after she had threatened vomiting earlier.

“Three fingers.” I announced, making her open her eyes and reach out for me to pull her off of her back, sitting with her legs crossed beneath her, seeming less agitated than before with all of her weight pressing down on her spine.

“So six centimeters.” She converted in disbelief, rubbing the sides of her stomach firmly as her mind got lost somewhere before snapping back into this reality as I noticed tiny kicks responding to her touch on the top of her stomach.

I grinned happily and pressed on the spot where the kicks were peppering her, giving me the assurance that I hadn’t messed anything up quite yet, and her baby was still happy and healthy.

“The second baby does come faster than the first.” She shrugged, rubbing the spot where the foot was tapping her, right beside my lingering hand. I was slightly relieved at that fact, ready for this to be over and the baby to be here, but my stomach also turned at the thought of this getting more intense.

“Did you ever think of a name? For him…?” Dana questioned, clearly trying to take her mind off of things, making me pause and purse my lips and think of the blank box that I had left for him on the certificate, unsure of whether or not to speak it into the universe, since it had only lived in my head for six months.

“Franklin” I shrugged, her lips turning into a smile at the name.

“Franklin Fox Mulder-Praise.” I smiled softly, both of us slightly forgetting about what was happening in the present as his face carefully danced across my memory.

“That’s a beautiful name.” She smiled before looking back down at her hands, trying to get in focus for the next round of intensity, her brow furrowing as I watched the pain in her back slowly begin to ebb at her.

“Look up, look at me.” I urged, now sliding completely onto the bed, across from her as she began to prepare herself for this monster. She nodded and slowly raised her eyes to mine, but this time they were riddled with pain.

“Deep breath, come on, we got this.”

…

As the hours of walking, groaning, and pacing had passed, the rain persisted on, along with a setting sun behind the foggy cloud cover. My patience had been elongated with every contraction that felt like it wasn’t moving that baby anywhere, except Dana who would nearly drop to her knees with every one.

She had opted into the bathtub in my bathroom, her leggings discarded behind me, still clad in her soft long sleeved top, which was now soaked from the breasts down. She hung over the edge with her face resting atop her crossed arms that were resting on the ledge, humming through her five minute break. My own grey sweats were soaked to the mid thigh from standing behind her, carefully massaging her shoulders in between all of this.

“I feel another.” She whimpered, sharp pain lacing her voice as she reached back for my wrist while the other moved down to the base of her spine, gently lifting the hem of the shirt to loosen the muscles out. Her moan seemed more urgent this time, to tell me that something was happening.

“The head feels- I can feel it dropping!” She cried out, making my eyes widen, her urgent declaration telling me that things were shifting after hours of nothing. I felt her hand drop to find mine that was well under the water, pulling it to feel under her stomach, and lo and behold there was a head pressing down.

“Dana, let’s get you out, I read that you have to be out of the water for your water to break so I can see if everything is alright.” I urged, the rapid nature of all of this feeling quite overwhelming. She nodded in agreement and slowly pushed herself away from the edge of the tub, allowing me to link my arms under hers and help her rise to her shaking feet.

I stretched my back to grab a towel while she hung onto my arm, her contraction still not giving up. “Come on, I got you.” I reminded while wrapping the white towel around her shoulders, her breathing labored as I carefully helped her up and out of the tall tub and onto the bathmat. 

“Mmmm, this one is stronger.” She groaned, almost like a warning that something further was coming. Her eyes pinched painfully shut as she reached out for the sink as an anchor, giving me a moment to shake my own pants dry before returning my attention.

“Let’s get that hair out of your face.” Pulling her long red tresses into a twist atop her head, pulled away and off of her neck and cheeks that were perspiring from all of the work she was doing.

Almost like clockwork I watched a funny expression grace her face as she instinctively began to lower farther, a popping noise flooding my ears as liquid gushed out of her and down her thighs, absolutely soaking the mat below her.

“Oh my god!” She screeched, making me hastily look down, relieved to only find clear fluid soaking the mat. My hands were gripping her hips, squeezing to try and bring her a shred of relief, but nothing seemed to be working at this point.

“It’s clear, nothing is wrong.” I promised, racing around to wrap her arms around my shoulders as I squatted down with her, this position causing her to whimper and groan through her clenched teeth.

“It’s intense, I know. Once this one is finished let’s get you back to the bedroom.” I suggested, holding her sides as the muscles rippled down her back and into her tight stomach, causing her the most discomfort.

“I need it to stop!” She shouted, her volume and tone rising, catching me off guard as it hadn’t done that yet, thick with exhausted and worn tears. I had done this for what felt like ten minutes compared to this hours long ordeal or pure agony, and my heart broke for her.

“I know you do, you’re getting there, you’re so close.” I encouraged, lifting one hand to her weeping cheek, her whole body trembling from the pain. She nodded at me and lifted her hand to mine that was holding her face, squeezing it with all her might to get through this one.

“My back…!” She sobbed, but I couldn’t get to it from where I was positioned, forcing me to just watch while keeping her balance upright. 

“I know…shh… this one is almost done.” Feeling her stare straight into my eyes as she struggled, ten more seconds passing before she began to breathe a bit more evenly, the minute relief hinted in her eyes I hoisted her to her feet, nearly dragging her back into the bedroom, grabbing one of my large shirts from the laundry pile before helping her over towards the edge of the bed, guiding her hands to the mattress.

“Dana I have a shirt for you.” I exhaled, making her look up at me gratefully and nod, peeling the soaked one off of her clammy skin. She tiredly pulled the breathable cotton shirt on, allowing the radiating heat to release off of her body, the material loose, not hugging every inch of her back and stomach like the other one.

“Thanks.” She breathed, the exhaustion evident as she tried to relax as much as possible before it started up again.

I checked my watch and knew that she had about ten seconds of peace left, and that she would not be happy about not getting another moment to catch her breath. I squeezed her hips with my hands, making her moan loudly at the movement, causing me to jump and pull my hands away, but she shook her head at me and urged me on, that whatever I was doing was helping.

“No- please not again!” She cried out, her voice desperate for a longer break, leaning farther onto the mattress as a sudden gasp fell out of her lips, making me jump and rush around to see what was on her expression, her blue eyes had tripled in size and I watched her body seize in pain.

“Haaaah- it’s coming, it’s coming!” She declared, trying to climb onto the bed, rocking back and forth on her hands and knees, moaning loudly at the new sensation that invaded her body. I swallowed and felt my adrenaline peak, immediately glancing at the basket of supplies and pulled it to my side, spreading an absorbent pad between her shoulder width knees.

“Dana don’t push, I need to check to see if it’s okay for you to push!” I cried over her desperate pleas, pulling her soaked underwear down and to the side before quickly checking, but her cervix was still clearing, about a centimeter left to go.

“Okay, Dana! I know you’re feeling like you need to push, but you need to wait for this one to pass, then the next one you can!” I instructed urgently, but at this point hysterics were starting, and tears were falling freely down her face, all breathing exercises out of the door.

“This shouldn’t be happening!” She screamed, as I continued to watch to see if the cervix was clear, my attention catching at the anguish in her voice.

“What do you mean?” I questioned calmly, but she shook her head at my question and released another groan.

“I told myself that after William I wouldn’t do it- I wouldn’t have another! I shouldn’t be having this one!” She screamed, catching me off guard, causing me to leave my post from behind her, scooting in front of her, dropping my hand on top of hers.

“William would want you to be happy, you were so excited for this baby, and he wants you to feel that way again.” I urged, but she shook her head at me and groaned once more through her closed mouth, trying to muffle her vocalizations.

“No! It’s dangerous! Those things are going to come for it like they did with him! I’m scared, Marisol, I’m so scared!” She revealed, her breathing getting worked up, fighting the urge to bear down on her baby that was sitting right there in her hips.

“Hey- oh god, Dana, look at me.” I urged, tilting her head up at me, her eyes welled up with tears as she continued to sob her heart out in front of me. I felt my heart break, causing me to scoot closer and wrap an arm around her shoulder while the other held the top of her hand.

“You’re safe here.” I began, her watery eyes staring at me in disbelief, but I just nodded and feigned a look of confidence. She whimpered nervously and sucked in a breath, holding it to relieve some of the pressure, but I just shook my head and reminded her to exhale before speaking again.

“I am not letting anything bad happen to you, or your baby.” I assured, pointing towards the room that I had locked, bolted, and secured when we came in after her water had broken, aware of the nerves that she had in regards to this. 

“Nobody is coming in, you are going to have the privacy you deserve, and your baby is going to be born healthy and safe.” I vowed as the pain ebbed momentarily, causing her to exhale for a moment and lift her arms around my shoulders, straightening out her body into a more vertical position.

“Okay, so next one you’re going to give me a good push.” I urged, feeling her gasp tiredly and stare for a moment before nodding, getting herself focused for this next part. I pulled away slightly so I could look down and watch as she pinched her eyes shut and groaned primally into it, sinking lower into her knees.

“Good job Dana! Oh gosh, you’re doing great!” I cheered as she continued, her face reddening as she dropped it between her shoulders, taking gasping breaths as it quickly subsided. She looked up tiredly and tried to catch her composure, her eyes clouding and burning with sweat and tears.

“Hey, it’s okay, I got this.” I urged, grabbing one of the washcloths from the basket, gingerly wiping the sweat from her face and neck, moving the stray hairs away that were sticking to her face.

“Can you see the head yet?” Breathing heavily, but I shook my head wistfully at her, but she was quick to forget the question as another one came over her, making her bear down with all her might once more, shouting with everything in her, eager to get this baby out and into her arms.

…

It felt like ages that she had been kneeling in front of me in this position, struggling and pushing, the room now void of any natural light, just the glow of the lamp on the night stand to illuminate her exhausted and sweaty features, and the flashlight beside my own knee to help me see her progress.

“Why isn’t it coming? It should be out by now!” She sobbed, and there was some truth to her statement, it had been nearly two hours of pushing with very little to show for it, just frustrated tears, a dead phone battery, raw nail marks on my shoulders from her intense grip and hormone grown nails, and very little motivation keeping her at this, besides the piercing pain that just amplified in her body.

“I know it’s been a while, let’s try and move you to see if that helps.” I suggested, leaning her back onto the pillows, if anything it gave her a minute to relax and catch her breath momentarily. She exhaled nervously but eventually tossed her arm over her eyes, desperate for a moment of relief.

“I will be right back.” I blurted out without much context.

Once she was secured I raced downstairs and grabbed the pot of heated water that was still on the stove, the low heat allowing it to stay boiled for a while without causing a house fire amidst all this.

I grabbed the oven mitts and carried it back upstairs, setting it on the bathroom counter, dropping some of the washcloths inside of it before covering it with the lid for a moment, rinsing the others with cold water.

“Mmmm Marisol.” I heard her groan, a hand reaching out in the corner of my eye, the water shut off with my elbow as I raced back to the bed, carefully draping the cold rag onto her chest, the other dabbing at her forehead.

“It’s moving.” She cried, moving her thighs apart for me to check, too tired to move her neck down. I swallowed and carefully pulled one back as she curled into herself, a hand gripping my upper arm while it lifted her shoulders, the screech releasing from her lips making me jump from the sheer pitch and volume, nearly dropping her.

I blinked momentarily as I saw something move, making her groan and flinch at the feeling, tossing her head back to quickly inhale short pants before going again. 

“I feel it moving!” She exclaimed frantically, blowing short breaths out of her cheeks while squeezing my arms, but I couldn’t help but smile excitedly, gently moving her leg out of the way. 

“You probably did! Dana I saw the head for a second!” I exclaimed, setting her back onto the pillows before bringing the pot of water and washcloths to the nightstand after cooling down, predicting that soon she would be crowning and these would be needed.

“It burns!” She shrieked out of nowhere, making me drop the hot lid onto my knee, my own pain lasting seconds before I looked over at her, now perspiring even more from the steam. Like clockwork my prediction came true, the head now wanting out of it’s confined space.

“That’s the head Dana! It’s starting to come!” I shouted, just a sliver of it showing, making my heart jump out of my chest.

She exhaled painfully and reached out, motioning for me to help her out of this horizontal position and onto her knees once more. I complied and carefully lifted her leg to give the baby some more room, the position making her groan as gravity took it’s course.

“Please come out of me!” She suddenly begged, looking down at her body that she seemed incredibly frustrated with, squeezing my shoulders as she went to push again, half way through I carefully grabbed the rag from the pot and held it against the budding head that was beginning to emerge between her thighs and made piercing eye contact with her. It was about to start getting intense and I needed her to focus.

“I need you to breathe so nothing rips.” I instructed, but the desperation in her eyes told me that this might be impossible for her to do, her overwhelming instinct telling her to disregard what I had been saying and push primally into herself.

“I can’t! It burns too much!” She gasped, but I shook my head at her and looked down at my hand that felt more of the head with each breath she took, moving her baby without even pushing, giving me an idea.

“Dana, give me your hand.” I instructed, peeling it off of my shoulder and down between her legs where the head sat, guiding it to cup her baby’s head that was poking out of her, still not fully born.

I watched her eyes light up, the exhaustion and desperation, clearing slightly, enough for her to focus once more. 

“So your baby is right there.” I smiled, pushing her hair behind her ear, softly rubbing her sides in encouragement.

“It has so much hair!” She cried groggily, her thumb brushing up and down the baby’s visible scalp. I nodded and bat away my own excited tears, overjoyed that she was finally nearing some results.

“So keep your hand there and you’ll feel it coming.” I instructed, watching her face twitch once more as she focused on me, breathing slowly with a groan as the head nudged farther into her hand. 

“Come on- please just come out of me! I’m trying really hard!” Dana exclaimed, nearing the point where I feared she would throw in the towel, but she then gasped as the head slid out fully, resulting in a shocked and slightly panicked whimper. Her hand was shaking as it tried to hang onto her baby, but still gentle enough.

“The face.” I gasped once my eyes moved from the mother down to the baby, noticing the baby’s face looking straight at me as I ducked past her stomach, this simple fact explaining her prolonged labor and pushing. Everything in my articles had told me that the face should be facing her back.

“What?” She gasped breathlessly, relieved that it was finally out but now worried that something had happened, but I just shook my head at her and smiled widely, amazed that she was finally this far.

“Nothing, but you did it! The hardest part is over!” I cried in excitement, peeling her other hand off of my shoulder, guiding that one down to her baby that was now suspended between our two worlds.

“What are you doing?” She groaned as I positioned her hands around her baby, reaching hastily for a stack of towels to put beside my legs for the next contraction that would inevitably come in a few seconds.

“You’re going to catch your baby.” I smiled, holding her shoulders to keep her upright now that her hands were occupied, but she shook her head nervously at me, fear now flashing through her expression as she carefully held the turning head. 

“No…no I’m going to drop it- it’s not safe, I can’t!” She rambled, but I just cupped her chin to get her attention, blinking my own awe-stricken tears away before smiling at her happily, fully confident in her abilities.

“I will help you, but you deserve to be the first person to hold your baby.” I smiled, watching her nod back at me, tears gathering in her eyes as she bore down for one final time. I ducked down and carefully positioned her hands from the head down to the shoulders as they continued to emerge.

“Come on, Dana!” I cried, unaware that I had begun shouted, but she just shouted over me, ready for this to be all over and done with as the biggest part began sliding out, followed by an anguished scream.

“Please just come out of me!” She shouted one last time as she expelled the baby into her trembling, but awaiting hands, wheezing out a shocked moan and gush of fluid. 

“Oh my god!” She gasped, tears now flooding my eyes as I helped her lift the mewling baby from the cold, wet mat between her legs and up to her awaiting chest. Dana was now sobbing freely as she clutched the baby to her heart, unable to see it’s wailing face.

Their cry was so soft, as if they didn’t want to cause a loud and noisy scene, their tiny hands the only thing flailing from within her secure grip.

“You did it Dana, oh my god!” I cried, choking back an ugly but genuine sob before immediately draping a towel onto the both of them before helping her lean back and against the pillows. 

“I did it! It’s over and I did it!” Dana sobbed, her accomplishment mixed with the disbelief making me cry even harder as I pressed a kiss against her sweaty hair and watched her catch her breath as she shifted the baby comfortably onto her chest.

“Hi there.” She whispered to the baby who had now calmed down since being placed onto their mother, a pink little hand reaching up towards her chin and eyes before dropping back onto her chest. I carefully pulled the blanket away and lifted their tiny leg, smiling up at her mother.

“Its a girl.” I cried, but it felt like Dana had already known that, still crying freely over her baby, clutching her close before looking up at me, a hand reaching out for in my direction, pulling me closer to look over her arm where the baby was nuzzling farther into her.

“You did it.” Was all I could repeat, pure, unchecked pride flooding my emotions as Ireached over to brush my finger over her oh so soft skin. I could just eat her up, but I knew this wasn’t the time, Dana had done all the work, she deserved time with her baby.

“Thanks…for all of this.” She wept, making my own tears fall in touched sheets against my cheeks before moving her bang back that had fallen out of the messy twist that I had done in the heat of the moment, so she could get a better look at the baby who was now softly whimpering.

“Of course.” I smiled, watching her place the tip of her finger into the baby’s mouth to soothe her, she would eventually need to feed her, but that would come when needed. She shifted once more, wincing slightly under the towel to notify me of what was happening to her.

“I think it’s the placenta.” She grunted, no urgency behind her voice this time, completely enamored by the little being who she had started repositioning to put less tension on the cord that was still pumping blood into her body.

I nodded and moved back down to her legs, watching as she tensed for a moment before expelling the membrane onto the awaiting pad. I carefully examined it in the manner that they described it in the video, and everything seemed to be intact and well. She was truly done.

A slight cry coming from the baby’s chest caused Dana to bat a tear away and shift her arm to bring her closer to her face, one of her hands cupping her tiny head which was covered in matted hair.

I exhaled and looked down at the once pulsing cord, which was now grey and limp, telling me it was ready to be cut. I swiftly tied it off with the floss and watched she urged me to cut it, claiming that I earned it.

I looked up once it was packed away and everything had settled, my own high of adrenaline coming down. The image was almost too much for me, her child that she had been hoping and praying for was now in her arms, quite fittingly tangling her little fingers in the golden cross necklace that she had forgotten to remove when changing into my shirt.

“What? Is something wrong?” Dana questioned tiredly, but I just shook my head at her and brushed her hair back, unsure of what to make of my emotions, how enamored I found myself with the mewing baby who was preciously snuggled beneath the towel, or how truly proud I was of her.

“No.” I shook my head once more, pulling the towel back once more to get a better look, trying to brush off my tears. 

“I’m just very excited to have a baby sister.” I smiled, leaning in further to just melt into this memory, no pain, no fear, or anger at the unknown. Just pure joy and bliss that filled me up inside after feeling so much loss and emptiness.


	11. Presents

Marisol

I had given them some space. After my services were no longer needed and all of the commotion had settled, I figured it would be wise to let baby bond, to have that time that they needed together. Dana seemed to have a glow about her that made her almost unapproachable, like a stranger had taken up camp in the bedroom, and I was just a passerby.

She was now covered comfortably with my shirt discarded beside her, a blanket draped over her and the baby girl who was positioned directly onto her skin feeding greedily. I had helped by gingerly untangling her knotted, damp tresses from the elastic that it had ratted up against from all of her hard work, working carefully to prevent any sudden pulling or tugging.

“Are you comfortable?” I asked nervously, my watch telling me that only thirty minutes had passed since this little girl came into the world, and Dana seemed to have relaxed down to her regular self, farther from the primal, fear stricken being that I had watched impressively bring a baby earth side.

“I promise I’m fine.” She smiled as the baby hiccuped out one of her noises before de-latching from her mother, allowing her to softly pat a hand against her pink back, soft from all of the fluid her skin had absorbed. The room was still and peaceful, rain pattering consistently against the glass doors and windows, and I didn’t know what else to do, the dirty pads and medical equipment had all been cleaned and thrown out, and the wash cloths were tossed into the machine, my nervous hands twitching as I scanned the room for something to fix, gather, or scrub.

“Marisol?” I heard Dana request as the baby released a belch onto her mother’s chest. I exhaled in relief and shuffled towards the bed, awaiting her question or request, giving me something to do with myself as I felt so out of place.

“Could you possibly grab me some water, please? I think I finished it all.” She asked tiredly, her face and limbs looking completely exhausted from the entire ordeal and her ashen and chapped lips told me she was dehydrated. I nodded and glanced at the large water bottle that she had finished into her second hour of pushing, desperate for some fluids to give her any extra energy.

“Yeah…of course.” I smiled, feeling an inkling of nerves as I scooped up the bottle from the nightstand, rushing into the bathroom where I had moved the water filter a while back when she had requested something to drink in the stagnant point of her labor, hastily filling the bottle with my own trembling hands. I began to fill the pitcher in the sink once more, allowing it to filter while returning it to Dana who was waiting patiently.

“We should weigh and measure her.” Dana yawned, motioning tiredly towards her bag where a tiny hook with a scale attached to it was hung onto a thin blanket, perched behind a tape measurer.

“It’s simple, just spread the blanket out on the bed in front of me.” Dana instructed, using one arm to balance the sleeping baby on her chest, the other pushing her up from the pillows painfully.

“Hey, let me help.” I urged, going to help her upright, but she just grunted at the sheer effort that it took and lowered back down.

“Just take her and place her against the blanket like you are going to swaddle her.” Carefully pulling the blanket back, making the little one flinch at the cold that was instantly brought upon her brand new skin. She nuzzled further into the space between Dana’s breasts, mewling out a tiny cry.

I swallowed at the feat, noticing just how small she truly was, and I hadn’t yet held something so precious, yet so breakable yet. I took a centering breath and nodded, carefully lifting her curled body off of Dana’s chest, her body warm and soft in my arms from being cuddled so closely.

“Okay, now take the measuring tape and measure from the top of her head down to her toes.” She taught from her spot, fighting to keep her eyes open as I diligently worked, measuring her fifteen inch baby, moving on to her weight. This time I just set the contraption up and connected the top hook to the edges of the blanket, watching the needle move to just a mere five pounds.

“You’re a tiny one.” I smiled, finding myself cooing to the baby who just grunted and wiggledas I carefully set her back onto the bed. “You’re like your mom.” I laughed, glancing up at Dana’s smiling yet swollen expression, all of the blood yet to rush back into her system from all of her hard work from the day.

“Why don’t you get some sleep.” I suggested, the words nearly bringing tears to her eyes from the sweet temptation, but her blue irises just drifted down to her daughter’s identical ones, fighting internally. 

“I will keep an eye on her.” I offered, noticing how the newborn was drifting off, also tuckered out from her hard day of being born. Dana debated for a moment, chewing on her lip as she contemplated her first activity separated from this little life that she had been connected to for the better part of a year.

“I know it’s hard, you don’t have to do anything, but I also know you’ve been in labor for nearly fifteen hours, and pushed for almost three.” I pointed out, her body fully aware of these things, making her finally exhale and nod at me.

“Just wake me up if she needs anything, I can help.” She reminded, but I just double checked that everything I needed was in arm’s reach, terrified to let this baby out of my sight. 

“Just focus on getting some sleep, I’ll wake you up when she needs to eat.” I compromised, but at that point she was already out, sleeping soundly underneath the thin throw blanket and assortment of towels that had stains of her blood and amniotic fluids. I carefully spread another one on top of her, figuring they would all need to go into the wash, and to just make sure that she was warm while she got her rest, hitting the lamp switch before returning my attention to the baby.

I sighed and looked down at the alert baby in front of me, who had decided against her nap, taking in her scenery for the first time being away from her mother’s chest. I smiled and pulled out a tiny diaper from the bin and lifted her red little legs, sliding it under with ease before strapping it on.

She truly was the smallest thing, and when thinking about her in comparison to her mother, she was probably going to get her petite frame and stature. I couldn’t tell the true color of her hair yet, since it was still wet and matted against her head, the thick wisps curled in the places where Dana’s hands had once cupped her head, leaving tiny thumb prints in the layout of her hair.

She had opened her eyes for us, and I knew you could never rely on the color of a newborn’s eyes after they were born, but those were Dana Scully’s eyes that scanned her surroundings curiously, taking it all in, in just the short time that she had been on this earth.

However her flat, button nose was all my father. Reading up on how one delivers a baby told me that her specific position that she was forced out of, all twisted and tangled had caused her little nose to get pressed against the pubic bone, leaving it slightly red and swollen, but I couldn’t help but tap my pointer finger against it, smiling carefully at her.

“You’re so sweet.” I managed, grabbing the soft baby blanket from the laundry bin to spread onto the bed, carefully lifting her squirming form on top of it. The concept of swaddling never fully made sense to me, I always ended up with a crumpled blanket while everyone else in my home economics class managed to get the perfect fold, now was the true test.

I carefully tucked the corner of the blanket over her tiny arm, bringing up the bottom in one swift motion as her little legs tried to kick for freedom, actively fighting me as if she remembered my curious touch while she was still on the inside.

“You’re squirmy.” I muttered, grinning as I was deemed victorious against this little baby and her blanket, at this rate I was probably on my way to challenging Linus and his stupid blanket.

She seemed restless so I took a breath and carefully lifted her into the crook of my arm, feeling her settle for a moment before blinking her big blue eyes up at me. I couldn’t help but smile as my hand slid onto the underside of her back, softly patting it to soothe her, wearily sinking into the chair that was positioned in the corner of the room, shifting a pillow under the arm that was supporting her.

“I can’t believe you came, for a minute there I didn’t think you would.” Whispered softly to prevent any disturbances, and as tired as she was, I knew Dana’s senses were heightened, and with her baby freshly arrived, she would wake at the drop of a pin.

I shifted further into the chair and felt myself relax into the soft cushion, my finger reaching down to let her little hand grip, something I had always seen those who interacted with babies do, something I had looked forward to doing with my son, at least as a parting act of affection before handing him off to some eager family, but never got to do.

“You know, you have a little…um nephew?” I muttered, trying to think of her relation to my late son, the whole thing making my head and heart ache, but I persisted on.

“He would be your age, well, a few months older, but he isn’t here to play with you.” I whispered, her face so tangible, making my son’s feel like he was drifting to be just a memory as she sat comfortably in the same arms that he once did.

“I guess I should also introduce myself, I guess I’m your _older,_ god I’m _so_ old, sister, Marisol.” I cringed, but in everyone’s defense, my father did have some years on Dana, all of us trying to manage that odd part of this situation. 

“Marisol Lucia Mulder, and you…well you don’t have a name.” I frowned, Dana had never discussed baby names, claiming that she would just know, her heart would tell her the name of the little girl once she was placed in her arms, or in her case, born straight into them. I sighed quietly and just let the three of us sit in silence as she made her little noises, wiggling and scrunching her pink little nose at me while her hands reached up and batted her dark fingernails at it.

She seemed at ease with the energy in the room, the soft glow of the moon into the darkness, washing over the carpet and the sleeping inhabitant of the bed. My watch read nearly ten at night, not late compared to the past nights that we had stayed up, reading cases, attempting a recipe, or finding ourselves trapped in the little time capsules of conversations about god know’s what on the big sofas downstairs, but tonight it felt like it was the peak of dusk after the eventful day.

…

I had fought off sleep as I held the napping baby, my own fear of dropping her keeping me attentively awake for the past hour, periodically checking on my phone to see if anything new was happening, but mostly keeping an eye on the two worn out girls.

Dana had stirred momentarily in the past two hours, but by the internal clock inside this squirming little one, I knew she was ready for a feeding. Before she began to fuss I carefully slid her from the warm crevice of my arm into the bassinet that we had set up days before, which was positioned beside the inside of the bed where Dana was slightly curled, her body almost drawing her towards her child. 

Once she was safely settled I rushed into the bathroom and grabbed the pitcher of water, bringing it to top off the bottle that she had guzzled down before her nap. I bit my lip and recalled that she was quite literally running on an empty stomach, and that feeding her baby would drain her of those nutrients as well. 

The thought of waking her seemed unpleasant, but I knew it was now or never to get her up for that time. I sighed and placed my hand on her bare shoulder, the blanket shrugging off of it as my hand came in contact with her. She rustled under the pile of towels and groaned, opening a heavy lid to glance up groggily at me, the towel covering her now engorged breasts slightly damp.

“Sorry to wake you.” I winced, but she just brushed it off and allowed me to help her into a more upright position amongst the items scattered on the bed. “It’s been two hours and she keeps sucking on her hand, I think she’s hungry.” I shrugged, glancing over at the content little one who had her fist between her suckling lips.

“But I also know you haven’t eaten either, is there anything in particular that you want?” I asked curiously, but she shook her head tiredly, her eyes now swollen from the setting in exhaustion that now looked deeply riddled in her bones. “Anything, I’m so hungry.” She sighed, reaching her arms out as a silent request for her baby.

I swiftly sat two pillows in her tender lap, making extra care to avoid the sensitive area between her legs before scooping the baby up, blanket and all and placing her back with her mother, now greedily eyeing her source of food.

I didn’t know whether to leave or stay at this point, Dana had dropped the blanket completely at sat topless while trying to guide her little mouth to her breast, struggling for a moment. I bit my lip and figured that they could figure it out together, and that I could make myself useful in the kitchen.

I began to turn out and leave, but I could hear a stammering in the doctor’s voice for me, making me turn to see what she was requesting of me. At this moment her eyes were watery and the bite on her lip seemed tense with discomfort. I swallowed and shuffled towards her, the baby had latched easily upon her birth, but that also could have been just her natural instinct upon being laid upon her chest for the first few moments of her life.

“Let me help.” I offered, carefully sitting beside her on the bed, placing my hand across her back and onto her shoulder, simply as a reminder to try and relax, something I had been reiterating all day. 

“Is it alright if I touch?” I asked carefully, but she just nodded and almost laughed at me request, as if I didn’t have my hands all up in her business earlier this morning. I shrugged and just carefully shifted the baby’s placement before guiding her breast with a little more guided precision. 

She winced softly, just a tense hitch in her breath followed by a concentrated exhale as the baby hungrily fed. Dana leaned back once I watched her re-familiarize herself with the odd sensation which was breastfeeding. I could recall the familiar aches in my breasts, the constant weaning process that my body had gone through, bouts of clogged ducts, fevers, mastitis, and all of the things that made that experience slightly traumatizing for me.

“Are you okay here?” I double checked, handing her water bottle over with the straw pinched for her to access easily while working one handed. She nodded and finally sunk into the large cushions, allowing them to absorb her body, the baby feeding and falling rain being the only sound in the room. 

“I’ll leave you two to have some time together, then.” I whispered, carefully vanishing out of room to give them some well deserved privacy.

…

_Dana_

It had been the strangest feeling of familiarity, but also complete wonder of the newness that meeting your child for the first time brought. The buoyant, lively weight of her thriving inside of me, paired with the agonizing, painstakingly long journey into our world, she was now in my arms and it was a rush of newness that I didn’t know how to process.

The instant intensity of love that had rushed over me when I felt the soft, damp hair on her head that sat between my legs, that then came tumbling into my awaiting arms was something that was almost as intense as everything that had preceded it. I grappled with it each time, with Emily it wasn’t as instant, but it was as if there was a tether between the both of us, one that was still a tug at my heart even through death.

William was different, it was a similar wave of exhaustion, terror, and a fierce protectiveness that bloomed from my need to keep his little life as safe as possible from the impending threat that he faced outside of my womb. But even when Monica carefully scooted his wet little body under my shirt, it was like that tether that formed, adding another purpose to my already full and unique life.

This time was no different. She had come to me finally, after all of the pain, and work, and exhaustion, she was here safe and healthy, the slow rise and fall of her soft skin against my own as she fed a reminder of the capacity I possessed to love.

My hand cupped her little head, her hair no longer damp, but furry with her strawberry locks.Trying to take in every feature of this quiet little girl’s identity, from the way her body curled so perfectly into mine, as if every nook of my arms, chest, and neck were her own personal hideaways to reside in, to the silent observance she had of her surroundings at such a young age.

She hadn’t roared out a cry upon her arrival, the way William screamed his way into the world, demonstrating his strong and healthy lungs, even after Monica had handed him over and settled him into me, he still wailed. She just fussed at the sheer shock of it all, the cold air compared to the warm and comforting habitat I had provided, the sudden jostling, but still it was just a soft mewl to alert the room of her entrance and that she was indeed healthy.

I looked down and watched her feed, the way her tiny hands pressed against my breast and her face, her tiny fingers slightly tapping against the skin to soothe herself, but there seemed to be no distress in her small form.

She was _small_.

It had been the first thing I had noticed about her, like a little butterfly, so small and delicate in my arms. Regardless of my own slim frame, and how she had taken it over in such a short amount of time without much more room to grow, she truly was just the smallest thing I had ever seen. William was like a puppy, as I examined and counted her ten fingers and ten toes, I recalled how his had been longer, more distinct, immediately reaching for my face when he had been pressed against my skin, giving me the correct prophecy of his height that he had grown into. Her’s were petite, tiny appendages that reached and tapped softly against me, as an unintentional timer to remind me to switch breasts, attaching her to the other.

Once we settled I simply let myself just gaze at her through my hormone stricken, joy hazed tears, brushing my finger over her button nose, how swollen and red it looked, my head going back to Marisol’s exclamation when her face had been facing the wrong way the whole time, getting pressed, and squeezed, and scraped against my already narrow pubic bone.

“Sorry about that.” I whispered, my voice causing her blue eyes to look up at me, a recognition in them as she just snuggled further into the warmth of my body, the blanket only providing minimal protection from the cold world that she was now subjected to, causing me to rub my non supportive hand up and down her back in soothing strokes to keep her warm.

“You know, you have a brother, and a sister…well _two_ sisters…” I paused, the sentimental moment now lightened as I chuckled softly at what I was trying to explain with my exhausted muscle of a mind to my hours old newborn.

“Your- our family is a bit…nontraditional…” I began, my emotions choking me up, as I took in just the gravity of the moment, how I was truly in this room, tucked under these old towels, with my little gift as proof of what I had been fighting for, for what seemed like ages in the making.

“But they love you very much.” I assured, linking my finger into her grasp, unaware of the rogue tear that had escaped from my left eye, trailing down my cheek as she reciprocated the love that I had for her.

“You have, oh gosh, well there’s me, mom.” I began, my throat tightening at the thought of the other person involved in her creation, the pain and resentment I couldn’t help but harbor, but now that she was here, there was nothing more that I wanted than for Mulder to be here and meet his- our child, but he made this another impossibly difficult situation, where his presence would just put us all in danger.

“Your dad, he loves you so much, he’s not here not because he doesn’t care about you, or because he didn’t want to be present when you were born…but it’s just complicated right now.” I sighed, the general ache of that situation too heavy for me to feel while celebrating her birthday.

“You also have Emily and William, they aren’t here with us anymore, but it’s okay to talk about them because they’re your siblings too.” I assured, feeling somewhat alarmed that by focusing on the child I have now, versus the two that had been torn from my life in the past, that I would betray their memory somehow, this baby would know who they were, no matter how painful it was for me to bring up.

“And you met Marisol already, she’s your sister that you have here. She might need to warm up to you at first, but I know she loves you, no matter what, she wouldn’t have done what she did if she didn’t love us both very much.” I smiled, the creaking door making me look up at Marisol who was standing with a smirk on her face, leaning on the frame with a plate in her hands.

A stuffed sandwich was piled high with turkey and toppings, along with a yogurt cup and some cut up apple slices, the spoon balanced between her fingers while the other hand held some freshly dried onesies and the pink bunny ear hat.

“Pfft, definitely not.” She joked, setting the plate on the nightstand before sitting at my feet, her distance different from the physical affection that I had become accustomed to. I never minded her preference for hand squeezes, the gentle leans when she grew tired, or the curious but pained touches to feel the kicks, or how she would just be present and close, if either one of us needed the other, she was never more than an arm’s reach away, but now I could feel her tension, the uneasiness of her loss of a place.

I softly pat the spot beside me on the bed, but she just bit her bottom lip and waited a moment, internally debating whether or not she should, or give us the ever important “space” that she had been going on about all evening.

“Marisol, I don’t bite.” I reminded with a smirk, making her guard begin to drop as she smiled and scooted beside of me.

…

Marisol

I sighed and climbed beside Dana, not giving myself a second to kick off my bedroom slippers, leaning against the uncomfortable wooden headboard that was void of any cushioning. 

“Are _you_ okay? You seem different.” Dana blurted out once I got settled, watching her still from a distance, catching me off guard as I looked up at her concerned expression, but I just pursed my lips and moved closer.

“Yeah, I’m really happy, I just don’t want to get in the way, I know how important bonding is these first hours, skin to skin and just that time together.” I rambled, not entirely sure how to explain what I was feeling. Dana was different in my eyes now, after witnessing what I had, I was afraid to touch her the wrong way, to say the wrong thing, and ruin the most important day of her life.

“You’re not in the way, right now it’s just you, me, and her, and I want her to know the warm and loving Marisol that I do.” She smiled, the shift of her shoulder allowing me to move closer and lean my head on her cold shoulder, softly rubbing the baby’s foot that was sticking beneath her right breast.

“But, could you help me with one more not so fun thing?” She groaned while pulling the baby away, repositioning the blanket to cover herself before placing her satisfied baby into my lap with a grin. I nodded and carefully pulled her out of the blanket and brought her into connection with my chest, carefully patting her back until I felt a massive belch and dribble of spit up get onto my shirt.

“Oh goodness.” I giggled, pulling her back down in front of me before looking at Dana who was just smiling proudly, something oddly nostalgic in the way she gazed in our direction. 

“Well as much as I appreciate you burping her, can you help me out of this bed and over to the shower? I feel so gross.” She requested, already moving slowly out of the lounging position, making me nod and carefully maneuver to the other side of the bed where the bassinet was, thankfully setting the sleepy baby down before tending to her mother.

Once the blankets were pulled away I gasped at the stains of blood that coated the insides of her thighs, thankfully caught by the pad that I had replaced after tossing the other ones out.

Her skin was clammy from all the sweat that she had produced, before calming down her entire body was basically soaked, the sheer pain causing that odd physiological reaction. The bits of mascara that she had been wearing was now puddled under her eyes from the crying and sweating.

“Ready?” I double checked, swinging an arm around my shoulder, the slight height difference requiring me to also grip her waist with as much care as humanly possible. The minute her feet came into contact with the carpet I noticed the sharp inhale that came from her chest, requiring her to find her footing as she slowly rose from her position. 

“You doing okay?” I asked as we slowly made our way into the bathroom, both of us pausing at the sink while I hastily rushed over and switched the water on, giving it some time to heat up. 

“Yeah, it just feels like my insides are going to fall out, and that someone is stabbing my vagina with a hot knife.” She illustrated beautifully, the miracle of childbirth rearing it’s blunt head in regards to the aftermath, an all too familiar reminder of what the last six months had given me.

“I’m sorry, I can grab you some Advil.” I offered as she tenderly discarded the towel that she had modestly wrapped around her aching body, pressing against her still bloated stomach to steady herself, nodding at me in regards to the medicine. At this point I did know that her shift in demeanor was to assure me that she would be alright on her own, the strength in her legs and balance slowly coming back.

“I’ll be fine.” She finally verbalized before stepping into the privacy of her shower, drawing the curtain closed with a confident nod, allowing me to step out of the now steamy room and past the sleeping baby, the normalcy settling back into the bones of the house and dynamic.

…

I had changed out of my own stained and damp clothes from earlier, telling myself that a shower would be later, but for now a fresh change of clothes paired with a few splashes of water on my face and another sloppily tied bun on the top of my head, my curls preventing me from running a brush through them.

I had heard the shower shut off in the other room, my queue to gather my things that I had brought from the kitchen during my second trip downstairs, figuring she wouldn’t want to face the stairs quite yet. I shrugged on thick, woolen sweater over my new tank top, grabbing my pile of items from the top of my dresser.

I carefully pushed on the wood and knocked on the frame of the door, causing Dana to poke her head out of the bathroom, now clad in a cream nightgown with her soft pink robe untied as if she had just pulled it on. Her freshly washed red locks were tied loosely behind her in a bun, uninterested in drying them the way she normally did before bed, and I didn’t blame her.

“I have some things for you.” I revealed as she slowly waddled to the bed, climbing under now freshly replaced blankets and pillow cases, sinking excitedly into their comforting grip around her. 

“Do you?” She smirked, an eyebrow raising at me as I now eagerly climbed beside her, noticing the slight scent of warm vanilla and citrus emanating off of her now cleaned and moisturized skin, she truly seemed to be radiating with a new glow.

“So I only kept a few things from when I was little, being kinda bounced around and all that, _but_ I did keep the important things.” I began, unsure of why I felt so nervous with her eyes on me, terrified that my voice would break in front of this woman who seemed so intrigued with this part of my life that I was sharing. It made my skin rise with goosebumps, I normally would’ve just dropped it and left, not even enjoying when people read birthday cards I sent in front of me, yet here I was.

“I don’t know who gave it to me, but I had this blanket, it was so soft and warm, and even though I don’t know where I got it, I couldn’t go anywhere without it. I think it was because even without parents, or a true family, it made me feel like there was at least one person out there in the world that loved me enough to make me this. I still keep it with me, it’s super old and frayed and small enough for me to pack in every bag I own, but it’s one of the most important things I own.” I explained, taking the blush blanket out from under the pile of other things, spreading it across Dana’s lap.

“I’ve been hiding this for a few weeks, but I’ve been embroidering it for a while, and lucky for you both I finished yesterday, and once you decide on her name, I’ll put it right here.” I smiled nervously as her eyes danced over the rosy, fluffy material, the corner holding the message that I had spent weeks working on, the inscription in a darker pink thread.

_Just know, no matter what life hurls in your direction, you have your fall back on. I love you so much._

_All my love,_

_Marisol_

Dana gazed at it and rubbed the silky soft trim that stretched across her lap, her eyes glossing over as she played with the fabric between her thumbs and pointer fingers. I could hear a slight hitch in her breath, making me just grin and lean my head onto her shoulder, but I just felt her press a soft kiss onto the crown of my hair, letting it linger before peppering some more on.

“I love it.” She managed to cry, glancing over at the baby who was sleeping now clad in her white onesie and nail guard mittens, her pink hat sat atop her head to keep her heat in. I smiled and waited a beat before handing her two painkilling capsules and a glass of water with a smirk that I had also learned to master.

“I love you, Dana, you two are my family now.” I shrugged, the simple statement making her choke out an unexpected sob, violent tears now shedding down her face. I widened my own eyes and handed her a tissue before leaning back onto her shoulder, wrapping my arms around her right one.

“I forgot you’re super hormone-y right now.” I apologized, wiping her cheek with my thumb before returning to my post on her arm, the warmth of her robe comforting against the cold, rainy weather.

“I love you too, thank you for being my family that I needed, and for being the one person I can share this day with.” She croaked, her words struggling to get out as she continued to cry, making me chuckle softly and pull out the ice pack from the pile.

“Oh my goodness, you’re so tired.” I cried, brushing her hair back before holding the icy bag of artificial chemicals, sealed and frozen for relief, causing her to shudder at me as I carefully placed it onto the swollen and throbbing space between her legs, against those mesh panties that I had gifted to her after I no longer needed them.

She jumped at the cold, but then sighed gratefully. Still shuddering as her crying calmed down to just a steady shaking of her shoulders, urging her to relax. I sighed and thought for a minute and laid beside her, still keeping my head perched on her shoulder, the closeness comfortable now.

“What’s her name?” I asked softly, but she just released a steady exhale and took a minute to compose herself, not wanting this moment to be filled with watery tears that were rolling down her face relentlessly.

“Penelope.” She finally revealed, the name fitting for the little girl who seemed to take over her heart completely. I smiled at her and waited for her to continue, absolutely enamored with the title she had chosen for her.

“Penelope Julieta Luciana.” She cried, the last bit making me look up at her, her face now returning to her regular dreamy smirk, glancing in my direction with a knowing smile. This time I was the one with the unexpected cry, trying my hardest to keep it at bay before I got ahead of myself.

“I hope you don’t mind sharing.” I she giggled, but I couldn’t find it in myself to say anything quite yet, just bringing my cheek back down to her shoulder.

“The other two names?” I questioned, watching her shrug and reach a finger into the crib, slowly tracing the inside of her baby’s hand while thinking. 

“Julieta was Monica’s middle name, I wanted her somewhere in there, since she’s gone.” She recalled quietly, the room somber as she remembered her friend who seemed to be so important to her.

“And Penelope?” I questioned, trying to break the heaviness of the conversation that was clearly weighing down in her chest. She shrugged lightly and took a cleansing breath, chewing on her bottom lip.

“I just liked it. Then when I saw her…William was named after so many people in my life, in your father’s, and I wanted to use it to just honor them all, but I wanted her first name to be different, to stand alone and be her own.” She explained thoughtfully, leaning farther into the pillows.

“Why don’t you sleep, it’s late in general. I can get up with her so you can rest up.” I offered, but she began to protest, claiming she’d have to get up to feed her, but I just shook my head and explained how I’d bring her to her if she needed to eat. She sighed heavily and agreed, the end of her eventful day coming to a quiet end as she stared at Penelope who was also tuckered out.

She didn’t even move from her position, comfortable enough to nod off and pass out, reminding of her special talent of falling asleep in virtually any spot, in any position. I exhaled as I stared the night down the barrel of the night, aware that it was going to be a late one.

“Good night Dana.” I called out in a floaty whisper, sinking back into the comfortable chair in the corner, slightly regretting my offer, as I did not have Dana’s convenient talent and missed my bed, but there were two things that I was aware of. One being that she needed the bed in case she fancied sprawling out. Two being that she had sat up with me after my stillbirth. That first night in the hospital she laid beside me all night, holding me tight until I convinced myself to try and sleep, keeping a watchful eye on me after my traumatic event.

I owed her this, and I was happy to do it.


	12. Trying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: mention of suicidal thoughts, depression, blood, and gun violence

Marisol

The days following Penelope’s arrival seemed like a fuzzy blur of exhaustion induced spirals down the drain. Dana seemed to be at her wit’s end each time she would fuss, and my fear for her well being was on the rise ever since the baby decided to refuse sleep unless in the arms of one of us.

The day following her birth Dana had simply stayed in bed, nursing and changing the baby, also in the process of healing herself. However, as the days progressed I had noticed a change, she was still loving and tender towards her baby, but she had become quieter, not her normal sassy self that always had a reaction, comment, or just warmth about her.

Her skin had gotten sallow and there were dark circles under her eyes, but whenever she wasn’t holding the baby or nursing her, she was getting in some well deserved sleep. Breastfeeding had been painful for her, each time Penelope was passed over to her, I would see her wince at the contact, followed by her struggling to maneuver her breast in a fashion that seemed both comfortable and effective. 

Tears would always gather in her eyes but never lasted long enough for me to comment on them, especially as I felt like I now existed in passing. I was a body there to take her crying baby when she was at her breaking point, to do the burping when her feeding sessions seemed to take almost all of her mental and physical energy, or to just give her some time to breathe.

It had only been her third day postpartum, not counting the day Penelope was born, and this time I stood firmly in the bathroom as I heard her struggling once more to get her to latch on. Today was the day, the day that I would step in and help intervene, but the tiny voice in the back of my head still spread that tiny feeling of doubt, that she would snap at me, scream at me, demand that I mind my own business, but I fought it and told myself that it needed to be done.

I entered the room and watched as her neck tensed from choking back tears, the tendons nearly strangling her at the rate she was fighting it. Penelope’s cries only egging her on further as she kept trying to produce enough to keep her satisfied. I took a nervous breath and placed a hand on her back, causing her to jump, she had no idea that I was even in here.

“Marisol, I just need to feed her.” She bit off, the harshness in her words causing my heart to skip for a moment, but I knew it was just surfaced, nothing truly meaning to harm me. I shook my head and cleared my throat, making her anxious blue irises look up at me with now just anxiety.

“Just let us be!” She cried, trying to force it again, but I furrowed my brow and carefully took a seat next to her ankles, struggling to catch her attention, her whole body wincing as she yelped, her shirt now staining with droplets of blood.

“Okay, I’m stepping in.” I declared, wandering into the bathroom where a bottle of thawed breastmilk sat in a cup of once boiling water, shaking it before squirting a drop on my wrist, yanking a spit up cloth from the pile stacked high on the sink.

“No! Formula and the rubber nipple will confuse her! She won’t want me anymore!” Dana cried out hysterically, her eyes flashing with anger and concern at the sight of it, trying the other breast but to no avail, they were raw and gnawed at and she was in incredible pain, one of them bleeding onto her pajama shirt.

“It’s not formula, it’s your pumped milk from before, you need to give your body a break to hydrate, eat something, and relax. It will just be this time.” I promised, watching her finally submit to the suggestion, allowing me to scoop Penelope out of her arms while she carefully held one of the burp cloths against herself to stop the bleeding, silently punishing herself.

I wormed the bottle into her hungry mouth before scooting onto the edge of the bed, the image of her daughter scarfing down the bottle causing her to look on guiltily, breaking my heart. 

“She’s so hungry, nothing is working and she isn’t eating.” She whispered, her voice tense with thick tears in her throat. I bit my lip and positioned her into one arm, my hand balancing the bottle to allow me to reach over and squeeze her hand to catch her attention.

“Dana, please talk to me.” I begged, making her look in my direction, feigning confusion, but I just raised my eyebrow at her and tilted my head. She swallowed and seemed to sink into herself, wanting to disappear before having to answer this question.

“It’s harder than I thought it would be.” She whispered, now bursting into a fit of frustrated and equally terrified tears.

“Each time she cries and won’t stop I just keep thinking that I should know how to soothe her, that my body’s basic function to feed her should be working, that I’m the only mother on this planet who can’t and it terrifies me!” She shrieked, her whole body now trembling as her brain began to turn and work, quickly overwhelming herself, my hands now too occupied to help her.

“Dana look at me.” I instructed carefully, scooting closer to her so we were now face to face, reaching my arm out to land on her wet cheek, brushing her tear away while balancing the bottle.

“You are not alone in this.” I began, trying to engrain that simple fact into her head as she struggled to look me in the eye with her own watery stare, somehow ashamed for her reaction to her struggle.

“You are doing the best you possibly can right now, and nothing is your _fault_ or doing. She is a fussy newborn who hasn’t gotten the hang of her sleep routine, and even her crying is making me feel a little funny, and I didn’t go through any of the physical aspects of this. You probably feel all over the place because that is exactly what your hormones are doing to you.” I assured, a shudder shook her rib cage and I felt the deep pressure that was suffocating her from the inside, strangling her bones and muscles until she felt like she would break into a million pieces.

“I keep thinking- what if I just gave _him_ up because I couldn’t do it! I struggled so much then, what- what if I do the same with her!”She sobbed, the rate of the rising and falling of her chest quickening and I feared that she would hurl all over herself and the bed.

“Okay, okay, shh.” I cried, pulling her into my neck with my free hand, carefully rubbing the back of her head as she released her anguish onto my skin, dribbling down to the collar of my shirt. The ache seemed so great, so much that she had been fighting all on her own.

“You made a decision, and from the sounds of it, it wasn’t because you weren’t good at being a mom. You’re doing amazing, and I want you to feel amazing and most of all I want you to feel loved, Dana. You aren’t alone this time.” I whispered into her hair, her sobs still tearing out of her body as she gripped fistfuls of my shirt, clinging to an anchor that would keep her safely grounded.

I looked down at the baby who had finished her bottle in record time, causing her to shudder and pull away from me in order to give me the space to quickly burp her, thankfully she was always good about releasing a hearty one after her feedings, eager to get back to her nap.

Dana had refused the use of pacifiers in order to prevent any nipple confusion, but I watched as she leaned over towards the nightstand and picked a pink one up, placing it into Penelope’s puckered lips softly.

I carefully set her into the crib that was pinned to the edge of the bed that Dana gravitated to, her wide eyes dancing around the ceiling momentarily before they began to scrunch, readying herself to cry.

“No no…shh…you’re fine, mom just needs a break.” I whispered, carefully placing a warm hand on top of her stirring belly, rubbing it softly until she seemed to calm down, nodding off after a few moments, giving Dana and I some more time.

“Look, I’m not a mother.” I began, but she hastily shook her head at me, almost a desperation in her eyes as she disagreed with what I had just said, clearly upset by it.

“You are a mother, just because you’ve lost a child doesn’t make you or them any less!” She exclaimed, this obviously rooting back to her in some way, every emotion in her body spilling out in some way shape or form.

“You know what, you’re right. But I never experienced this before, but what I do know is that your feelings are valid, and that you aren’t crazy, or a bad mother, or broken.” Was all I could manage, unsure of what else would be comforting in this exact situation.

“How can I help you?” I asked softly, watching her shake her head at me and pull me so I was no longer face to face, our hips now beside each other. 

“Just, help me feel less alone.” She begged, her voice so small as I nodded and pulled her against my chest, recalling that gutting feeling that had plagued my body, mind, and spirit after I had lost my son, and how she had done the same for me.

I swallowed and gathered her with all my strength, allowing the steady hum of my heart bring her back down to this place, ignoring the tight grip that she had on my back, the fistfuls of fabric clenched until I silently coaxed the both of us back. My chin rested softly atop her head as she calmed down, taking slower breaths in unison with my own.

“I’m sorry.” She finally murmured, making me crane my neck to look at the woman who was now contently perched against my chest, her tears now creating a puddle on my fabric. 

“About what?” I questioned, wiping a tear away before she shook nervously and sighed, feeling a bit more reserved than she had been just seconds before, however with each hitch of her ribcage, I could tell she was still fighting for her breath.

“For snapping.” She croaked, but I just smiled and shrugged, trying to ease the tension in the room and her body, rubbing my hands up and down her arms until she slowly began to relax each muscle one at a time.

“We all snap, it’s okay.” I smiled, reaching to grab the yogurt cup that I had set on the nightstand, setting it into her hands with a spoon, urging her to begin consuming it. I could feel her quietly busying herself with her snack, allowing me to lie back and rest my eyes momentarily.

Sleep had now become a thing of the past, and although this was not my child, Penelope had taken a liking to the both of us equally, and with each wail in the middle of the night, I found myself dragging my body into Dana’s room and getting her, despite Dana insisting that she wasn’t tired and could get up with her.

She took the feedings, but I agreed to get the others, and lately my body felt like giving out, with each nap Dana would take, it would give me the time I needed to grab what I needed to make dinner, unbox diapers, or finally throw a load in.

I had showered once, and missed the feeling of caring for myself, so I could only imagine what Dana was feeling. My breathing began to even out, something I was growing more and more aware of, trying to shake the threat of sleep off because I knew the minute I succumbed to it, I would be out for days.

Dana’s body was warm against mine as she calmly spooned yogurt into her mouth, content in the moment, the steady feeling of her head moving against my chest somehow soothing as my own felt like lead, dropping to the side as sleep continued to fight with me.

“Marisol?” I heard her chirp from my arms, causing my eyelids to rise like lead, the muscles aching as I glanced down at her awaiting another request or question, but she was just looking up at me with her red, swollen eyes.

“Hmm?” I muttered, but she also narrowed her eyes before studying my face, a hand finding my cheek, brushing her thumb where my bags sat deep and swollen on my face from nearly four days and four hours of sleep shared between that.

“Have you been napping?” She questioned, referring to the times when she had gone down for rests, and I had assured her that I was just fine, doing the same, when in reality my nerves and anxieties were getting the best of me.

I had promised safety while she was incapacitated, and that is what I intended to deliver. Awake and alert, constantly learning how I could possibly get us all back to Washington, for Penelope to know the home that Dana had probably prepared for her all those months ago.

Our mission had shifted, in a way that I hadn’t expected, my father was found, but he was now a threat, and by the sounds of it, quite unwelcome in Dana’s presence, so it was no longer a mission to find Fox Mulder, but to save him from whatever grip had him and bring him home to hopefully make amends with Dana, and be present in Penelope’s life.

“What? Oh, yeah, I’m just resting.” I lied, my attention now being grabbed by the sound of someone knocking on the front door. I swallowed nervously and slid out of bed with panic on my face, Dana now hearing it too and tensing up. She was still sore, but she also nearly flung herself out of bed, putting her body between the crib and the door.

“You take your gun, I’ll go look.” I whispered, grabbing my own gun after shutting the door with a confident thud, the lock clicking immediately after. The gun that I now kept close sat in my dresser in the bedroom, sliding into my hand like a glove, poised to defend all that sat behind that wooden door.

I cursed myself for not even partaking in a nap, my head pounding from exhaustion as I stealthily slid down the stairs, the knocks growing more and more impatient, evident that they wouldn’t just vanish after a few moments of silence.

I swallowed and pulled the door open, my gun drawn on a brunette woman who stood a good head taller than me, her brown eyes intensely zeroing in on me. My breath got hitched as I recalled her face on that imposter all those months ago before we had settled in Maine.

My stomach then dropped as I recalled what her fate had turned out to be, now completely convinced that this wasn’t the real Monica Reyes that Dana had spoken so fondly over time and time again.

I swallowed and clicked my gun, making her eyes widen as she dodged out of the way. Her feet stumbled and I could tell that whoever this was had traveled a long way to get here, but I wasn’t about to let them in without a fight.

“Get away! Stay the fuck back!” I shouted with all my strength, firing past her into a tree, causing her to shriek and fumble for her firearm, but I just used her moment of disorientation and launched myself from the doorstep onto her, angrily wrestling her down to the sandy yard while she put up a decent fight back.

“Who the fuck are you!” I shouted, yanking her forward to get a glimpse at the back of her neck, which thankfully were void of any scales. My moment of relief was short lived as she hooked her leg around my hip and pushed me to my back with all her strength, nearly knocking the wind out of me while pinning me down.

“I’m Monica Reyes! Who the fuck are you?” She demanded, but I shook my head in disbelief and struggled to get her hands off of my wrists which were digging into the rocks and dirt.

“You’re supposed to be dead! Everyone said you got shot and died!” I shouted, looking up at her forehead where there was a small nick where stitches had sat, now nothing more than a faint line blending in with some of her wrinkles.

“You never answered me! WHO ARE YOU?” She demanded, but I knocked her hands out from on top of me, struggling to get away and to the gun that had been knocked out of my hand, a palm gripping my ankle to pull me away from the firearm.

“I’m Dr. Marisol Mulder you stupid bitch!” I grunted, trying to scramble away as her grip instantly released and she sat up straight, holding her hands up in surrender at the sound of my name.

I caught my breath and scurried from my knees to my feet, the weapon now poised at the woman as I glared at her, unsure as to why she had now surrendered. She was also heaving, the dust swirling around in the yard from the brawl, still not trusting her entirely.

“I…I was with your father, he escaped, and then he sent for me. He said that Dana didn’t want him around. They don’t have location on me, they were just holding me as an extra- they really just wanted your father to find you all.” She breathed, causing me to lower my gun to my side, watching as she slowly climbed to her feet.

What she was saying seemed true from the bruises around her bony wrists, the red marks that scraped her side and stomach that had ridden up from her shirt. Her clothes were monochrome white, simple sweats and a crewneck, wet and muddy from her journey here.

I swallowed and disarmed myself, grabbing her elbow to lead her towards the door. I felt less uneasy then when my own father had “appeared” to me at the beach, telling my that my gut instinct had been finally shaping up after such a long time on the job.

“Before we go in…let me see your neck.” I demanded, a light of sympathy flashing in her eyes as she lifted her brown locks and turned to her neck towards me, allowing me to feel just in case my eyes were fooling me. It was smooth and clear of any threat.

“I promise I don’t want to hurt Dana, I’m here to help her and you.” She insisted, her voice holding such a soothing energy to it. What an extra set of hands would do for us, the peace of mind it would bring to especially Dana.

“Okay, fine.” I breathed, still a bit uneasy as I led her into the house, conscious to keep myself between her and all access points to the other residents, unwilling to let her out of my sight. 

The cold draft nipped at my skin, causing me to close the door with a firm thud, careful not to make any unnecessary noise. She stumbled into the house and rubbed her arms up and down to try and generate some heat from her wet clothing from the moist air that she had most likely been fleeing through.

“Come with me, I have some clothes you can change into.” I offered, leading her up the stairs, bringing her into the room with me before securely shutting the door, another precaution to take to help ease my worry that I was making a dire mistake.

I pointed towards the dresser where my clothes sat, keeping my back up against the door as she gratefully rummaged through and took out a clean navy blue top and pair of grey sweats.

She changed slowly, realizing that I wasn’t yet ready to leave her all alone in this house, causing her to turn her back towards me and pull the clothing off, revealing her skeletal figure, the bones of her spineand ribs quite visible to me. I looked away, aware that she could feel my eyes on her.

“Where is Dana?” She asked nervously, but I just kept my back pressed to the door, my heart now in my throat at the mention of Dana, still slightly unaware if she knew about the baby that I was so pressed about. 

“I need the full story first, then I will _think_ about letting you see her. You’re clearly not a super soldier, but humans don’t just come back from the dead and show up like this.” I declared, watching her sigh and lean onto the bed, her fingers picking at the skin around her nails.

“I made some bad choices, after Dana and your dad fled. I was in danger and John left without a trace, so I figured that I’d keep my friends close, and my enemies even closer. When she needed me again I was Dana’s eyes on the inside, but it nearly cost me my life that night. I got shot, it bounced and the glass absorbed a lot of the impact, so it was superficial.” She began, but I refused to react yet, waiting a beat for her to continue as she cleared her throat.

“Then I was being dragged from the car, tossed into a van where these people…they _healed_ me, I don’t know why they needed me alive so badly. From what your father says my death was staged, how they did that? I have no clue. I learned later that Walter Skinner did indeed die, but they didn’t care about that. They knew that I was close with Dana when she had her son, that I was around them, and thought that I knew more than I did. When your father escaped, he left an opening for me, and they didn’t really care if I lived or died at that point. He told me to come and find you, where you’d be, and that it is important.” She finally revealed, the longing in her voice at the mention of Dana, and who she had been to her at that point in her life, was clear.

She wasn’t here to hurt her, there was too much love there.

“She might not believe you. She isn’t doing too well, and she could get defensive when I bring you in there.” I warned, the mention of her wellbeing on the decline caused her face to drop, she truly had no idea why she was sent out here, and what condition Dana Scully would be in.

“That’s fine. I’m here to help in any way I can, even if it’s not with her.” She whimpered, clearly still terrified that she would reject her, turn her away, and demand that she get as far away as possible, but I just prayed that she didn’t for everyone’s sake.

“Okay, follow me, and put this on your hands.” I urged, handing her a bottle of sanitizer that she vigorously rubbed up and down her hands, staying close as she followed me out of the room and around the short corner where the master bedroom was.

I gave her a warning look and knocked on the door, placing my face against the smooth wood. I could hear shifting against it in fear, Dana was poised and waiting for any threat to come her way.

“Dana it’s me.” I muttered, taking a beat before continuing. 

“I have someone, it’s safe and I’m armed. They aren’t going to hurt you or the baby, but you just have to trust me.” I stammered, steadying my voice to convince her that I had no ill intention to harm them.

“Do you trust me?” I asked, hearing her exhale at me and click the lock, her feet backing up against the crib. I looked at Monica and slowly twisted the knob to reveal her standing with the gun at her hip, clad in her pink robe that covered her engorged, blood stained nipples and spit up shirt, fear laced in her eyes as she defended her young.

“Monica?” She choked out, this person haunting her in so many forms in her past, the ghostly figure on the top of her stairs, the soldier who had taken her form to try and get her over that cliff and into the soldier’s arms, she was afraid and rightfully so.

Her loaded gun was raised instantly, but her hands shook as I stepped into the crossfire, holding my hands out to her, but she didn’t seem to doubt her abilities to miss me.I could feel Monica flinch behind me as she raised her hands to show that she wasn’t armed.

“Dana, no! I told you she isn’t going to hurt you two! I made sure!” I warned, but she shook her head at me nervously and trembled at the sight of her assumed, dead friend standing right in front of her in the flesh.

“You can’t know that!” She cried desperately, almost appalled that I would put her in this position, but I just inched closer, putting my body directly in the way of her gunfire, protecting this woman from any mistake this could bring.

“I do- Dana I love you both so much and I wouldn’t have brought her here if I had even an inkling that she would hurt you. I know it’s confusing.” I begged, my movement closer towards the gun causing her to flinch at me.

“Just move out of the way, Marisol!” She demanded, but I remained still, the panicked pitch at which she shrieked causing Penelope to wail from her crib, angrily flailing her hands out for someone to grab her.

“Dana.” Monica finally mustered, causing Scully to glance over my shoulder at the woman who stood stoically still, her hands out in surrender for her to see. The mere sound of her voice causing her to ease up momentarily, wanting so desperately for that to be the Monica she had once left.

“If you truly are Monica, tell me something that only she would know.” She demanded, her eyes still sharp with uncertainty as she set her hands down, moving an inch closer before taking a deep breath.

“The night you gave up William, you told me to leave after the social worker had left, and when I came later to check on you…I caught you.” She reminded, her words so delicate, knowing that if she pushed too far it would be too much for her, so she danced that line carefully, because I knew she quite literally took that secret to the grave with her.

“After you got back from your mom’s…I caught you, and your mirror had broke in the bathroom, and I just caught you with a piece of that glass…and just a thought tracing your mind. You told me you weren’t going to, you promised, and we cleaned it up together, but that is why I stayed over those following weeks.” She narrated, my heart hammering hard enough to split my chest open as I glanced at her with nervous eyes.

I watched her shoulders relax carefully as she dropped the unarmed gun to the floor, allowing me to kick out of the way and grip her now shaking shoulders. Monica was a foot behind me, her hand reaching out towards the redhead who was now embracing her with everything she had, both women weeping into each other.

“Oh my god, Monica!” Dana sobbed, her knees trembling as the taller woman embraced her, allowing her to nuzzle her eyes into my shirt that she was wearing. I allowed them their time and quietly slipped around them towards the screaming baby who was furious for being ignored for so long, quieting down as I lifted her against me, softly rocking her with my finger against the pacifier that soothed her.

They quietly conversed, making me smile slightly, returning my attention to the now calm baby who was staring up at me with the same teary eyes that had been crying at me earlier. I shushed towards her to try and soothe her even further, pressing a gentle kiss onto her forehead like I would normally after any burping or changing that I would do on her.

“There’s someone special who I think would also like to be introduced to Monica?” I spoke up, causing Dana to turn and face me with a watery smile, nodding in my direction as I passed her off to her mother, Dana’s face glowing with happiness and pride.

“I had no idea you had a baby…that you were even pregnant?” Monica cried, offering a finger to the now alert newborn who gripped it with ease, making Dana laugh and sigh tiredly.

“I didn’t either the last time I saw you. But she’s here, she came four days ago.” She revealed, carefully offering her towards the brunette who gratefully took her, bouncing her slightly before brushing her lips with her finger, animated faces lighting up on her expression.

“I hope you had an easier time then the last time…” Monica joked, the both of us almost scoffing in unison, causing the brunette to look up in confusion at our slight giggles, gently patting her bottom to soothe her. 

“She was a stubborn one, and this one over here had me doing gymnastics to get her out.” Dana chuckled before looking over at me with a wink, making me sigh and smirk at the both of them, sinking onto the bed, pulling my knees close as I watched them carefully.

“They’re both stubborn, actually. I thought I was going to have to force her to keep eye contact with me because she just wouldn’t listen.” I smirked, rolling my eyes at Dana who just chuckled and sat beside me on the bed.

“I was very lucky this time, Marisol took very good care of the both of us.” She finally sighed, making Monica smile at her comment and shift the baby slightly so she could get a better look, clearly enamored with the little bean.

“Well, you look beautiful, Dana.” She smiled, the comment clearly meaning more to the both of them, gauging by the way she bit her lip and smiled, capturing the image with her mind as she pulled her legs under herself on the bed, pulling her rob closed to hide the stains of blood.

“Does she have a name yet?” She asked openly to the both of us, but I just glanced over at Dana who was now fighting back her surge of emotions that recently had a habit of washing over her completely. I carefully linked my arm in hers and glanced at Monica, a silent nod telling her to be patient with her.

“Yeah.” She whispered, squeezing her hand as a gentle push to tell her what she had chosen for her daughter that would inevitably make her friend so happy. She took a breath and nodded at me, licking her lips before smiling.

“Penelope. Penelope Julieta Luciana.” She breathed, such a long name for such a tiny little being, almost completely swallowed in the blanket that I had gifted her upon her arrival, just a little hand poking out of the side.

“Julieta?” Monica cried, now getting choked up herself as her eyes went back and forth between the baby and her friend, but Dana just nodded and shrugged, to prevent any more unchecked tears from sprouting down her face.

“Why don’t I give you both some time?” I finally declared with a hearty sigh, kissing Dana’s temple before scooting off of the bed and out to my bedroom to hopefully try and get a nap in for a bit.

…

_Dana_

I watched Marisol scoot out of the room, exhaustion evident in the lies she was telling me about her sleep schedule, but I knew that she would refuse and fight it off as long as she could, watching over the baby, over me any time I had closed my eyes, even if she was a room away.

“She’s sweet, even though she did beat me up and wrestle me in the front yard.” Monica joked, taking her spot beside me, linking her free hand into mine, the similar electricity buzzing through her fingertips that I had felt the first time her hand had graced mine.

I traced the outsides of it with my thumb and smiled at what she had said, still taking it in that she was truly right in front of me, not that horrendous memory of what I had thought was the end for her.

***

_Mulder’s hand fit warmly over mine as he dragged my numb body through the warehouse, my son’s body somewhere still in that harbor. He had convinced me not to jump in, my first instinct to search until my lungs gave out, burning angrily from the cold water._

_They felt like lead as we came down from the wooden stairs where Skinner had dropped me off, but what we came upon was nothing short of a nightmare._

_The mangled body of our beloved friend sat beneath a black Escalade. In all of my years of searching body cavities of the deceased, on site surgeries, and many more, this nearly brought all of the contents of my stomach up, clinging to Mulder in pure shock._

_He felt cold with despair as we both stumbled towards him. I swallowed and crouched down carefully, the car still running, but somehow parked. I placed two fingers on what used to be his neck, no pulse emanating from his now cold body._

_“Scully, does he have a pulse?” I could hear Mulder nearly beg, but I just dropped my head and took a shaking breath, trying to comprehend the fact that he was truly dead._

_“The car is still on…” Mulder noted, scampering towards the front door which had been left ajar, making my heart hammer inside my chest. I saw his face go pale as he peered inside the tinted window._

_“Scully, stay there.” He warned, but I shook my head and moved closer, but he moved swiftly in my direction and made a wall with his burly body, gripping my shoulders to steady me._

_“Mulder…what aren’t you telling me?” I demanded, watching him swallow and blink his eyes furiously to try and keep himself composed enough for what he was about to tell me._

_“It’s Monica…Skinner probably shot her, she looks…bad. You don’t need to see that.” He finally revealed, making my blood go cold. She didn’t deserve this, a death without honor or peace, to be left in a running car._

_“Let me go! I can try and see if she is still breathing…!” I demanded, but Mulder held me steady, unable to fight through his steady stance, now furious that he was wasting precious minutes._

_“Scully…she’s dead, there is nothing that can be done…you can barely recognize her.” He explained sadly, but I just pushed him away and ducked behind him, my eyes finally coming into contact with what he was saying._

_The sight felt like it had stopped my heart, making me stumble back and retch onto the floor in front of me, gripping the car door with a trembling hand. I could hear Mulder coming up from behind, talking nervously on the phone as he called an ambulance, placing a gently hand on my back._

_“Monica…” I could barely cry, struggling to try and climb in the car to attempt at restarting her heart, but Mulder gingerly pulled me away, claiming that it would be tampering or some other kind of bullshit, but I fought him off, climbing into the front seat where her cold body laid._

_He had been right, she was unrecognizable from where I was sitting, the reality hitting me that she was gone, so many people that I loved had died in this warehouse and were gone from me._

_I carefully scooted a hand under her neck, disregarding the blood that now leaked onto my fingers, pulling her upright from her seat and into my chest. I could feel it soak through my blouse and jacked in horrifying amounts, smearing all over my neck and cheeks._

_“Scully…the ambulance is almost here.” I could hear him try and coax, but I couldn’t move, I couldn’t walk away, not with her just there for them to pack her up and ship her off._

_I knew what they did to bodies that had been killed, what the autopsy procedure was like, and I couldn’t even fathom that happening to her. I shushed quietly into her ear, aware that she wouldn’t be able to hear me, but it felt better than the silence and tears._

_“Scully, they’re here…they need to take her.” Mulder coaxed, the sound of shuffling behind me making me want to pass out as I held her tighter. His hand pulled carefully at my shoulder but I shrugged him off, not wanting to let go, to see her like this._

_“Scully…” He tried again, but this time I felt my anger bubble up, shoving him back with as much strength as I could muster, furious that everyone was hovering. He barely moved and inch, intercepting me in the process and dragging me away, allowing them to get in and work._

_“Fuck you, Mulder!” I shouted, trying to fight off his well intentioned embrace, unsure of where all of this anger was coming from, but he just wrapped his arms around my shaking shoulders, her blood spreading against the both of us, holding my head as the sound of a zipper filled my head along with the rolling of gurney wheels._

_“I can’t- I can’t let them take her!” I screamed, but he just dragged me out, leading me outside towards the water where I could catch my breath, the coppery scent fading as he sat me down on a rock, allowing me to catch my breath, reveling in the fact that she truly was gone._

_***_

“How?” I questioned quietly, glancing over at her while she quietly played with the baby, looking over at me with tired eyes, weary from traveling for miles and miles, taking a deep breath.

“It was just superficial, they took me though, that bastard always had eyes everywhere and the same people who took Fox- Mulder, they took me first. They staged it all, and kept me hidden away. When Mulder got out, he provided an opening for me and I took it. They don’t care that I’m gone, they thought I’d die on the way because it was so cold.” She narrated, her sheer will being the only thing keeping her alive and in front of me at the moment.

“He told me to find you, where you’d be, and to help you, now I see why.” She smiled tiredly, shifting Penelope as she began to fuss, her mouth puckering for another meal, making my body stiffen at the thought of her nursing on my sore breasts.

“I think she’s hungry.” Monica noted carefully, offering her over, my eyes lowering slightly as I took her and stared down at my shirt that I slid up, revealing my raw and bloody skin, causing Monica’s eyes to widen at the sight, instantly snatching the baby back.

“Dana…” She gasped, the ache making my eyes well up as looked down at my breasts that struggled so desperately to produce milk. My water bottle sat slightly touched on the nightstand, but I had no urge to completely down a whole bottle to try and produce it.

“You’re hurting yourself, and you’re probably not eating enough or drinking enough water to make milk. You know you can’t force it.” Monica cried, but I couldn’t help but sob, gently pressing the burp cloth against my breast.

“She latched on after she was born- it was no problem! But now she won’t and I’m somehow producing less than before, and she’s so hungry, Monica!” I cried, watching as she wandered into the bathroom where another bottle sat, probably still warm from the pot of water that Marisol had boiled.

I sighed in defeat at the sight of it, a symbol of my apparent age, withering body that had only managed to do the bare minimum, and the bond that would be broken due to that precious time being lost. Monica just moved closer and took a knowing breath before crossing her legs in the seat that she had taken, graciously giving me some space as I cleaned myself up.

“Drink some water, your lips are all chapped, and when she’s done I can cook for all of you.” She declared, staring me down until I grabbed the water bottle and fiddled with the edge of it, her eyes not leaving until I unscrewed the top and consumed it, holding it upside down to prove that I had finished it.

“Alright, now I’m going to give her back, I’m going to fill this up again and start with some of the food.” She almost warned, setting my little bean back into my arms, her body melting with mine once she got settled, feeding contently as if we hadn’t had a huge struggle together just an hour ago.

I slid out of bed and wandered with her still tucked in my arms, just to stretch my legs and introduce her to new areas of the only home she had ever known. She was focused on the bottle at hand, her tiny feet flexing into my hands at her satisfaction, the only sound being her eager grunting. I could hear Monica busying herself downstairs, causing me to poke my head into Marisol’s room, her door slightly cracked.

The lights had been left on, and she was passed out on top of her unmade bedspread, most of it bunched into a ball under her back, fully clothed from the outfit that she had been wearing for days. Her mouth hung open wide, and for a moment I saw a glimpse of her father, sleeping identically on his sofa, causing me to giggle and shut her light off.

Penelope had finished the bottle, allowing me to burp her without a fuss and to set her on the bed where I could keep an eye on her, carefully slipping her shoes off and undoing the bunched ball underneath her back.

“What’s happening?!” Marisol exclaimed, jolting awake from the movement, making me flinch and reach over to make sure she didn’t roll towards Penelope. I just exhaled and grinned, yanking the blanket over her with a pat to her shoulder.

“Mmm thanks mom.” She smirked at me, but I just rolled my eyes and scooped up the baby who was intently staring at the patterns on the blanket, her noises coming out small and intrigued.

“Hooo boy, get some sleep.” I urged, pulling my baby to my shoulder as I wandered out and down the stairs with as much concentration that I could muster, carefully gripping the handrail before turning the corner where Monica was boiling some water a box of pasta sitting on the counter besides the pot.

“I figured you have been having a ton of sandwiches, based on the bread and turkey containers in the trash.” Monica joked as I slid onto one of the stools, wincing at the hard wood that my bottom still wasn’t ready for quite yet.

“Yeah, Marisol has been so tired also, but she’s been very sweet and has been making them for me, and hopefully herself.” I defended, but the smell of an actual meal had my insides aching to be filled.

“So do you know how or when we can get Mulder back? Why do those things want him so badly?” I questioned, feeling Penelope nuzzle deeper into me at the mention of her father, something as instinctual as the sudden movement I had felt when he had laid his hands on her still inside of me.

“They are interested in what made William special. They already studied you and your eggs back then, so they figured that it had to be Mulder since he was the other piece of the puzzle. They have been testing him and checking him, and that is why they want Marisol.” She explained, making my brow furrow as I stared at her from across the counter, confusion now filling my brain as I held Penelope closer.

“You mean Penelope…the baby?” I questioned, but Monica just raised her eyebrow at me and shook her head, meaning what she had said before, so much of it sinking in and making sense. Her fiancé had been killed, most likely to try and get closer to her, sending a warning that she was being watched, slowly dropping those surrounding members of her circle until there was only one left.

“We have to find out who her mother is…” I muttered, fear now blooming for the sleeping woman upstairs, tapping my fingers against the counter as Monica slid her arms out to stretch while waiting for my answer.

“Mulder never told you?” She asked carefully, making me scoff at the question, running my hand through my hair to try and loosen it from the elastic. She truly had no idea of the things that were unfolding in the past few months, Marisol being the biggest one.

“He didn’t even know she existed, she found him before he and I got back together, but he never told me, we weren’t seeing each other, so he never told me.” I cried, my voice dropping off as I sat with my truth, unable to focus on much except the fact that he had kept so much from me.

“Her mom could be important, she should be alive…” I prayed, desperate for this woman to give her the closure she needed after tossing her away like trash. My child- children felt so precious to me, and the idea of abandoning them on a stoop, with no security in sight for them, made my physically ill. 

“You know…she resembles him, but I also see someone else in her that might be interesting…” Monica offered, pulling my curiosity in as I waited for her conclusion on the identity of this mystery bitch that had done so much harm. I watched her fumble for the name, her lips pursing.

“Diana, Diana Fowley.” She finally came upon, the name making my stomach drop at the mention of that woman, how vile she truly had been. I didn’t want to believe it, that she could stoop low enough to try and salvage whatever mangled family she had created with Mulder. It all hit me at once, the dark brown ringlets on Marisol’s head, sprouting in every direction, but when pulled back straight and ironed, it was identical to her’s.

Her nose was narrow, unlike the wider one that Penelope shared with their father, penciled in as a reminder of her maternal side, cursing myself for not catching it earlier. That woman always had something working in her anterior, the way she had coaxed Mulder into an operation that could have taken or ruined his life, trying to keep some kind of claim on him after all those years.

Yet she had one. All those years ago when she would glare smugly at Scully who would get an infuriating feeling in her gut at just the sight of the woman. Was it Marisol tugging at her all those years ago? Could family connections reach across space and time, was that why she always wanted to wring her neck, or was it just her steady instinct that she had learned to trust over the years.

“We need to get back to D.C. - Mulder is probably there, plus Penelope isn’t in danger and it will just be easier to function and figure this all out with everything we need down there.” Monica urged, but my stomach twisted at the thought of leaving everything here. This was where my daughter had been born, where we had all been safe in this tiny corner of the world, where we could hide out for the rest of our days.

“We can all still stay together, if it makes you feel better, but we can do a better job at solving this with close access to the bureau. We can get backup if we are in danger, and plus we will be closer to ending this.” Monica convinced, making me exhale and agree, slightly sad that we’d be leaving this place, the only home Penelope had ever known.

“Fine, I guess we should put the car seat in the car and out of the box.” I shrugged, Monica jotting that down on a pad before stirring the contents of the pot, draining the water into the colander that she had tossed into the sink, slowly adding the canned spaghetti sauce.

“Well baby, I guess we’re going home tomorrow.”


	13. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: mention of anxiety, depression, grief, miscarriage, and death

Marisol

Dana seemed more rigid than usual as the three of us tidied up the house for our journey back home, my heart slightly sad that we were leaving this tiny corner behind. She had urged that they had decided on leaving while I slept through dinner, leaving a bit of a disheartened wound that these choices were being made without me. She seemed comfortable with Monica, a history present with those two as well, causing my stomach to turn slightly that our building trust and relationship was something minuscule in her eyes compared to the years of history that she shared with so many.

I packed my things away swiftly, my clothes still warm from the dryer, setting the journal on top of my things before zipping everything up, a strange feeling in my gut telling me that our time together was coming to an end, the bound journal staring back up at me like a prophecy. My father had been located, Dana had done her job, fulfilled her promise, and by the terms of her agreement, was free to go and live her life without any ties.

I had mopped and cleaned my bathroom after Penelope had been born, sanitizing everything after I feared that she would come on the cold tile right there in front of my sink, but everything felt different, making my heart sink as I came to this conclusion. Dana would always be special to me, and I hoped she felt similarly, but she now had her child, her friend, my father who pined for her, and her him.

Never had I ever felt so alone. Large, extended families were wonderful to have, but I knew the nights would come when I’d be forced to return back to my home. I’d have to clear out the nursery items I had slowly accumulated, even though I had told myself that Franklin wouldn’t be mine, that he would provide another family with such joy, I still found myself buying small items for him as if it were a chore, telling myself that it would be an additional gift for whatever lucky family got him.

I hated the weight of loneliness, it haunted me growing up, and now it sat like a looming inevitable cloud that was waiting to come back. My bags were packed and the room was how I had found it, cleaned and made up for the next guest who would stay here, hopefully for a weekend of fun, filled with love.

I shuffled out of the room and down the stairs, not entirely in the mood for talking as I quietly loaded the trunk of the car with our things, slightly more packed since adding two more members of our group. Luckily Monica came with little to nothing, the space enough for all of Penelope’s things that she now required.

Monica just continued to strap the seat into the back while Dana bounced her newborn, the winds blowing against all of us, causing goosebumps to form on my arms. She turned her back against the air and pulled the pink blanket up higher, whispering into her baby’s ear to assure her that Monica was almost done, smiling at her as she finished up. Once everything was packed away I did one final sweep of the house, zipping my jacket up tightly as I circled it, insuring that it was empty.

I could hear the engine of the car turn on, telling me to hurry up whatever I was doing to conserve our gas. I took a breath and raced out of our beach house that we once called home, silently thanking it for the safety and security that it had provided us for the past few months. 

I shoved the key into the lock box that the instructions that told us about, closing everything up for good before racing to the car through the now falling rain. I could make out Dana in the backseat, staring longingly at the master window, the art of letting go working through her body as I hopped into the passenger seat, taking a centering breath.

We were going home.

…

The streets of Washington seemed quieter than usual, as if something was keeping the world indoors and away from us all. It was familiar but eerily different, and I wondered if it was me who had changed. The sun had set as we traveled through town, Dana now passed out in the backseat with her hand resting on the pacifier in Penelope’s mouth. I knew Monica had been helping, that she was able to get through to her a bit better about the feedings and healing, but I still worried, she still looked so tired and I reminded myself that it had only been five days, not even a week yet.

“Should I drop you at yours?” Monica asked with a yawn, she and I had swapped turns driving, and she insisted on the last stretch after fetching Dana’s car from the airport, finally returning our last rental. The mention of my apartment felt like my chest was caving in on me, my lungs forgetting how to work momentarily.

“Marisol?” Monica questioned innocently, but I just breathed out an sigh and nodded at her, pointing at the street to turn down, the sight of my neighborhood now suffocating me to the point of tears gathering in the corners of my eyes. 

“Yeah, I’m right up here.” I managed, pointing towards the English styled doors that lined the street. Monica gasped at them and pulled the car into park, glancing over at me in what seemed like exasperation.

“This is Dana’s old building…” She cried, making me bite my lip in shock, not entirely sure what to do with that information, but she seemed eager and excited at this degree of separation, telling me that we had always been bound by something.

“Unit 304.” I shrugged, her eyes widening, telling me that Dana probably resided in that unit as well all those years ago. I was in no mood for small talk and just smiled without letting it reach my eyes, blinking my clearly upset tears away to prevent myself from losing it and waking everyone in the car.

“Tell Dana to take care, I don’t want to wake her.” I whispered, concern filling Monica’s face at the comment, but I just waved her away, urging her not to worry, that it was simply just the late hour. She nodded at me and waved as I gathered my bag that I had kept on my lap since the airport, fishing my keys out as I scampered out as fast as humanly possible.

The fear of a real goodbye filling my chest, wanting to get out of there without revealing how I was truly feeling. My father was somewhere in town, and from what I could tell Monica was the safest bet for both Dana and my sister, no familial connection to either of them. Perhaps it was my own insecurities creeping up on me, but the finality of this whole thing was a little too much for me at the moment.

I dragged my exhausted body up the staircase, slinging my bag over my shoulder before reaching my door, the key working the lock until it swung open, everything how I had left it before leaving. Valerie had stayed for a few days, but I knew she hadn’t moved much from her stay, everything pristine and neat from how I had left it.

Gratefully I had cleaned for her arrival, leaving me a pleasant ambiance to come home to after a long day, but now it just felt like the pale walls were closing in on me. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the guest room cracked open where those items for my then unknown son sat, making me instinctually reach up to my neck where my necklace normally sat, but my hand just felt skin.

_Bare skin._

My throat tightened and I immediately tossed my bag onto the ground, tearing it open to search through all of my things. Clothes littered my living room as I pulled them out with all of my strength, anguish filling my lungs as I gasped out a panicked whimper while my fingers searched for my necklace, the only piece of him that I had left.

“Where are you?!” I found myself growling, tossing my bag upside down to shake the rest of the contents out, the only thing left being rogue socks and a few tampons that seemed like a laughable reminder of all that had happened.

I felt numb, paralyzed from the sickening realization that hit me. 

_I had lost my son._

In more ways than one he was lost to me. It had probably fallen down a crack in the bathroom, or between a cushion on the sofa that I had double checked for the big things, the pacifiers, the burp cloths, and much more, but not him.

How did I miss it? He was normally perched safely around my neck and I guess I had gotten comfortable, or was it something more taking place, which caused nausea to stir in my stomach. The joys of Penelope, of that loving feeling of family, of complacency, I hadn’t looked this in the face, and now I was feeling the aftershocks. 

Had I forgotten already? How could I as the feeling of an unfathomable darkness washed over me, a gasp begging to be let out of my chest, causing me to claw at it, my nails begging for my body to comply as it choked me from the inside.

I managed to brush past the mess and stumbled into the master bedroom that felt like a stranger’s, and it was, the woman who had left this home almost a year prior was not the same one who stood in the entrance now.

_She was gone._

My bed was made up and I spotted a sweet note written by Valerie, telling me that she missed me and couldn’t wait to hear about my _vacation,_ but my time away now just felt like lead on my heart. I fumbled for the drawer on my nightstand where my Advil was kept, falling to my knees at the sight of what I had forgotten was stored there.

A grey image of my womb sat neatly folded, the little head and hands proving to be too real for me. He had been once, a scary, no, terrifying reality to me, that I would be a single mother, and that I couldn’t do it, but now that was all I could find myself thinking about.

Dana’s pregnancy had been easier to stomach than I thought it would be, but seeing such fresh reminders of my own all around me, knowing that it would just be me in this house, that once I helped my father this would be my new reality.

I cupped my hand over my mouth and sobbed, something I hadn’t done in a while, my whole body trembling as the grief washed over me, somehow feeling fresh and new as the reminder of something new built up, which felt even crueler.

I once had hope, the bliss of the unknown, unaware of how it would all come crashing down in such an inhumane manner. Was it the pain knowing that Dana got to go home with her child, that she could finally return to the home she was excited to build and raise her perfect little girl in, and my own selfish motives brought me here. Did I think I would feel better if I had ended up giving him up? I would still be here in this apartment, _alone._

No matter what I was feeling, I knew I missed the small family that I had built, the secure trust and warmth of knowing that I had one person during all this. I was reasonable and knew that what we had been living wasn’t permanent, that eventually this would happen and life would force us to move on, but what I wasn’t expecting was the cloaking darkness that felt like it was weighing on my shoulders.

A shower, that was what I knew I needed, just a nice warm shower and some time. I was freezing suddenly, and the thought of warm, inviting water was something that I felt like I could benefit from.

My humble bathroom was nothing compared to the spa like wonder of the one I had stayed in while away at the house. My hands shook as they turned the spouts, the sight of steam calming me slightly as I stripped my body, feeling more bare without the familiar weight of my necklace, my child, on my chest.

My legs trembled under the water, causing me to stumble to my bottom under the water, the steaming streams soaking me to the core, my bones freezing as I shook. My hands crossed over the loose skin that gathered around my stomach, a painful reminder of what had happened, causing me to pull my knees against my body, just letting the water warm me and hopefully bring me back down to a regulated emotional level.

The sobs came out a bit easier under the water, wracking myself as I tried to release it all fully. I had tried to grieve in private with Dana, the support of another was something that was a huge help, but I didn’t want to depend on her for my emotional stability, especially with something so heavy. I was a victim’s advocate, I knew that it was unfair to put the heavy weight of this onto someone who wasn’t ready.

I tried to focus, but it all felt like it was flying out the window as I shrieked into my legs, praying that I wasn’t waking my neighbors. I could hear the buzzing of my phone, but my legs didn’t feel ready to carry me yet, and my heart didn’t feel like talking.

…

_Dana_

There had been a gnawing worry that was eating away at me knowing that Marisol wasn’t with us. I had full confidence that she could take care of herself, that she was a strong and capable woman, but it was unlike her to slip out like that. Characteristically warm and loving, she always left with at least a ‘goodbye’, but to vanish without anything, I worried.

Monica assured me that she’d call and check up on her, but each time she did I could hear the chime of her voicemail. She had claimed that it was late, that she had probably fallen asleep after switching off driving throughout the trip, but I knew she wouldn’t just ignore us like this. 

I thought back to what Monica had warned the night before, that she had been the target, and it made sense, but the hovering would only make her uncomfortable until I knew for sure how to stop it, and how to save her father in the process.

“Dana, why don’t you go and take a hot shower while I get her ready for bed?” Monica offered as I sat deep in thought, questioning everything now, but I was brought out of my questioning state and nodded, passing Penelope over as I padded down the hallway, my socks shuffling against my wooden floors.

The nursery sat not fully made at the end of the hall, and I felt my heart slightly sink, when I had left she had been just a hope that I clung to desperately, that she would just hang on for me to finally meet her, but now she was a full person, awaiting a place to come home to.

I closed the sliding door to my bedroom and bathroom, gingerly peeling my sweats off, carefully holding my tender stomach that had yet to deflate. The trip had done a number on my body and I couldn’t wait to step inside the shower, letting the water knead at my tired and aching muscles.

My hands massaged my shoulders, swiftly pinning my hair into a twist, not in the mood to wash it at this late hour. I slowly washed myself, keeping mind of the sore spots that I maneuvered with more care, taking some more cleansing breaths before shutting the water off.

The familiarity of my towel felt good on my skin, my hands working lotion into my arms and legs before rummaging for the cotton strapped neglige that I pulled over my body, stealing a glance of myself in the mirror. Some of my color had begun to come back, but my eye bags were still prominent and present, along with my sinking bump looked like my small frame was only seven or eight months along, as opposed to my _large_ frame that I had been living with just days prior.

I sighed and pulled my soft robe around myself, tying the belt to hug my body until I could dig out one of my aloe ice packs from the freezer for my ever aching nether regions. I checked my phone to see if Marisol had answered any of my calls, but it remained blank, and I had to chalk it up to the exhaustion, and her possibly needing some space from myself and the baby.

I sighed and poked my head into the nursery where Monica was changing Penelope into a warm sleep sack, passing her over with a peck on her forehead before giving me some time with her to put her down for the night. I took a breath and looked around at the half made room, the only thing standing was the crib, and even that I had a hard time trusting, recalling how sick I had been while putting that together. She seemed so content all zipped up, her pink little hat warming her furry head that was just covered in strawberry locks.

My mind drifted to the one who had gifted her the hat and the blanket that Monica had draped lovingly over the edge of the crib, her name half stitched above the little message that she had created for her, making her mind drift back towards the egging feeling in the back of my head.

“Mom needs to check to see if this is safe, but she’s doing it tomorrow because I am exhausted.” I whispered, carrying her into the bedroom where I had attached the co-sleeper upon my arrival, figuring that she was better in my room anyways.

My mouth tilted sadly as I stared at my bed, a familiar longing tugging at my chest as I realized that this was my second time coming home with a baby, without a partner that I could share this moment with. Ever since I had been a little girl I had imagined bringing my baby home while the person I loved snuggled up beside me while we watched them sleep, counting their fingers and toes and marveling in the joy of it all.

I knew that single parents were superheroes, hell I had been one before, but it felt like my track record was stunted with William, but I wished with all my heart that the man that I had created this life with was here with me. I sighed and pulled off my robe and placed her in the attachment that kept her safely distanced to prevent me from rolling over her.

My eyes drifted over towards her and watched as she kicked her little legs in the sleep sack before dozing off. She seemed so small in her little cot, causing me to resist the urge to reach out and grip her little hand, I needed to let her sleep.

Monica peered in with a soft smile, winking over at me before waving in my direction. I just exhaled at her and gave her a playful kiss to the air, watching as she silently ducked out and shut the door. I gave my phone one final look and felt my stomach dip at the blank screen. 

She had seen the messages but there was no response, and my calls went unanswered, I truly had no idea what to do. I figured sleep would give me a chance to let my brain think it over, surrendering to the exhaustion and passing out.

…

The sun peered through the wooden slats of my shudders into the bedroom, streaming across my bedspread in joyful rays, warming my tired body as the rustling on the side of the bed continued. My second eye finally opened and landed on Monica who was eagerly shaking my shoulder to wake me, an urgency in her expression telling me that something had happened.

“We found a match on Marisol’s DNA.” She revealed excitedly, the news making me glance at my baby who by some miracle was still sleeping, allowing me to slip out of bed and stumble for my robe that I had tossed on the grey chair.

“Is it Diana?” I nearly hissed through my teeth, my dislike for this woman already increasing regardless of her answer, but Monica just led me out to the living room where she had apparently fallen asleep the night before. I began to protest at my lack of hospitality, but her expression told me not to and that she would make herself comfortable later, leading me to her laptop that apparently had more clearance than my own.

Diana Fowley’s old photo sat smugly grinning on the screen. I didn’t know how I had missed it, Marisol’s nose identical to hers, slimmer than Mulder’s that seemed like a flat appendage compared to theirs. Her hair was characteristically brushed back into a frizzy swoop, unlike her daughter’s curls which she maintained or ironed out depending on the day, but both were dark brown, almost black.

The one thing I couldn’t get past was her rotten heart. The way she had treated Mulder, willing to toss his life away all for the sake of a larger conspiracy, and from what I learned, to try and reunite their family back to what she had envisioned, conveniently forgetting about the little girl that she had left on the playground all of those years ago.

I growled at the sight and stomped back to the bathroom to freshen up for the day, deciding against the blow-drier, just plugging the curler in to make it look like I had put some effort in to my appearance. While it heated I slipped out of my nightgown and pulled on a pair of cotton yoga pants, the breathable material easier to wear versus actual stiff material. 

Once a camisole was slipped over my head, a brush was run through my hair along with a few waves of the curling iron to hide it’s unwashed state. I could hear Monica packing up in the living room while I slowly gathered baby items into a vacant backpack that I owned, reminding me that I needed to get a diaper bag.

Penelope stirred for a moment as I pulled her out of her cot and shifted my shirt down, attaching her to my breast to give it another attempt after some rest, water, and food, feeling her settle and gnaw at me. I sighed and squeezed my boob the way I had seen the lactation experts explain during my rounds, feeling some of the product come, allowing her to eagerly suck and feed.

“Great.” I breathed, adjusting her until I had found a comfortable position for the both of us, slinging my jacket and backpack over my arm before shuffling out of the bedroom. Monica glanced over in my direction and grabbed my bag from me, shocked that I had gotten ready in such a short time period.

“You’re both going?” She questioned curiously, but I just shrugged at her and looked around for another explanation as to why I was fully dressed with a diaper bag and baby attached to my breast. 

“As opposed to…?” I questioned, both of us realizing that I was out of built in childcare, my heart sinking at the thought of my mother who would never get to meet her grandchild, recalling how much she had loved her time with William.

“I’ll just keep her in the car seat.” I whispered, but Monica just raised an eyebrow at me and rounded the corner, returning with a stroller that she had apparently assembled while I had been sleeping, her grin wide as she spun it around to show me the car seat that she had also strapped to the front.

“Perfect.” 

…

Marisol

The tub felt like a safe confinement from the aches and pains of the outside world. What I was feeling was enough for one lifetime, and I wasn’t planning on feeling any more. My chest ached for Franklin, the spot on my neck felt like it had been burnt with an acid, void of my final piece of him.

The hot water was still spouting, the thought of my water bill increasing poking into the back of my mind, but I still had no motivation to shut it off, my bones felt like ice and even with the steam I couldn’t get warm. I then felt fear tug at my gut, was this my empathy, it seemed ridiculous, I truly had nothing of his left, but all my energy had been put into the thought of him, and I was petrified that this is what he felt, what his life was like after he left this Earth.

My whole body felt like it was being held in a submerged tank of grief, refusing to let me up for air, slowly but deliberately drowning me, and I had no urge to swim up. There was so much guilt, for doing wrong by him, for grieving like this, for wanting Dana’s companionship even after she was adjusting to her own life changes. It was selfish, and I wanted to keep to myself, to my own little bubble of sadness, anger, and shame.

I could hear a solid knock on the front door, probably my neighbors complaining about the noise, but I just shrugged it off without too much of a care. I slid my head into the corner of the wall, resting my aching, bloodshot eyes that hadn’t gotten more than a solid six hours in the past week.

The knocks persisted and I couldn’t bring myself to be bothered. Exhaustion ached all over my me, tempting my body with sleep, but I somehow felt too wired for it, despite my critical need for it. My phone began to ring from the same spot that I had left it, on the counter beside my bag of unpacked toiletries that I told myself I would put away. It had been going off for the majority of the night, but the thought of conversing, of putting that mask on for those who would be inquiring about my trip, about the inevitable baby that they had been waiting on, despite my uncertainties, sounded like my own personal hell.

“Marisol!” I could hear faintly from the front door, not urgent enough to get me running, but as if I were a friend across the bar who needed their attention drawn. I knew my ears were now just hearing what they wanted me to hear, that it was too early for Dana to be over.

I sighed and closed my eyes before attempting to calm the shivering of my body enough to attempt sleep, the water providing minimal warmth for it to relax. It felt like footsteps had entered the bathroom, but I couldn’t bring myself to check. The sound of my metal shower rings sliding against the curtain rod had me rolling my closed eyes, now unable to move from this position.

_“Dana, she’s in here.”_ I heard a familiar voice cry, but I didn’t move, petrified with fear, my hands moving down to my bare breasts to cover them from exposure. Whoever had entered darted off, making a fuss in the bedroom before returning. The towel draping over my shoulders felt nice, but I was still nervous as to who was standing in front of me.

Their hand cupped my face, but I shrugged it away, unfamiliar with the sensation, the touch. I shivered once more, the shower curtain had been keeping much of the heat contained, and now I could feel the cold air waft against my frozen skin.

“Oh god, let’s get her out of here.” I heard a familiar voice cry urgently, hands gripping my shoulders to try and guide me to my feet, but my knees couldn’t bear the weight. I whimpered and felt myself stumbling into the tall figure that smelled of lavender and lemon, their arms holding me still as I struggled to open my eyes.

Monica. It was the brunette who I had wrestled just a day ago, now tightly holding me against her slightly rough coat, making me wince as it rubbed against my sensitive skin. My soap had probably rubbed against it, anything with dyes or perfumes causing my skin to break into hives and rashes. 

“Dana, I’ve got her.” She called, but the mention of her name nearly had me backing back into the tub, that was the first and last person I wanted in here for this. 

“No- please just go away, I don’t want any of you to see this. I’ll be fine- just let me…” I cried, pulling the towel around my bare body before looking over in what felt like shame, too petrified to let these women see me like this.

“Monica? What’s going on?” I could hear Dana call, the sound of wheels against my floor telling me she was probably pushing a stroller, occupied outside of the bathroom, thankfully.

“Just give us a minute.” She called over her shoulder, still keeping her firm grip on my shoulders while I shook in my spot, so incredibly cold. She pressed her lips together and carefully led me out of the bathroom, a hand on my back before reaching into a drawer for a shirt and some underwear, they were bare from what I had taken with me.

I gratefully took them and slipped it on, giving me some privacy from this stranger who I had seemed to allow into such a personal moment. She wasn’t doing any harm, and she just pulled the blankets back and urged me under them. I shook my head at first, but my soft sheets were almost welcoming, and by her patient but stern look, I knew she wouldn’t leave until I complied.

I slid under them and felt her drape my heavy blanket on top of me, placing a hand on my covered arm. I could feel some of her warmth that she felt, not just physically, but her contact made my nerves soothe themselves, there was a calming nature of this Monica woman.

“What is happening? Why were you sitting in there all by yourself?” She asked carefully, no condemnation in her voice, just some basic, human concern. I wanted to tell her, to spill my heart out to this woman, this feeling coming out of left field, but the pressure inside of me just felt like too much. I knew what I had experienced wasn’t for everyone, that I needed to keep that in mind when interacting with new people, and to safeguard my own heart.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I groaned, and most of that feeling was true, I had sat in that shower for a reason, because the act of verbalizing it was too much to bear. I hadn’t done it when I had been discharged and kept under Dana’s watchful eye, and I hadn’t after, out of pure fear of the pain that it would bring.

“Just please don’t let her see me like this.” I begged of the woman, but she just bit her lip and rested me back against my pillow, sliding off of the bed to grab some things, not giving me any more information, closing the door with a thud.

I felt silly. For her finding me in such a dramatic state. The loneliness had come out of nowhere and I didn’t know if this was normal, if it came in bouts like this. I studied children’s behavior, human development, I knew all these answers, yet my brain felt cloudy and unsure of what was happening to it.

The door creaked open and I feared that it was Dana, making me shudder and pull the blanket higher. How I wished this had happened weeks ago, when our minds were a little less cluttered, and our lives less busy. The loss of my control making me tear up.

Monica just slipped back in with a heating pad and more blankets, tucking the warm bag of rice under my duvet before covering me even more. There had been some worry, and I wondered who this belonged to, but I didn’t care enough to ask, sinking tiredly back from the woman.

“I know you want your privacy, and I will respect that, but Dana is worried, as am I.” She urged, carefully rubbing my arm, her energy strong as it got somehow absorbed into my subconscious. I shook my head at her comment and closed my eyes, now trying to block out the rising sun which had begun hurting my head.

“You don’t need to be, you don’t know me, and Dana shouldn’t worry, just tell her I’m tired.” I groaned, but she just frowned at me and leaned forward, not wanting anyone else to hear our conversation.

“I can pick out a hurting soul when I see one, and yours seems to be in so much pain that your brain is having trouble handling it. You lost someone, and you haven’t given yourself time to heal from it.” She predicted, making my eyes well up at what felt like such an invasion into my heart.

“I’m fine. It happened a while ago.” I breathed, even though there were times where it felt like just yesterday that the horrible man was splitting me in half to try and save my life, with very little regard for my son. I could feel the nurse at times, her comforting grip on me as I tore myself apart to try and give him a dignified entrance into this cruel world.

“How long?” Monica questioned, making my stomach turn at the thought of how old he would be, what he would be doing now, if he’d be happy with his new family.

“Six, almost seven months. That’s when my baby…when I miscarried him. I was thirty weeks along.” I cried, looking over at her, the calm expression on her face now pained with an empathy that I didn’t know if I was comfortable with.

“Dana was only three months along…I hid my pregnancy from her because I was scared and I didn’t want to worry her. She had some scares and I didn’t want her to see that. She found out anyway…I thought I had let go, that I had moved on. She got me a necklace with some of his ashes in it…and I think I lost it at the house.” I finally admitted, my voice foggy with tears as I recalled why I had completely gone off the deep end, heavy with that grief again. 

Monica nodded sadly and chewed on her lip, making me fear that I had just shared too much, that she would be turned away by the sob story that felt like the heaviest, ugliest parts of me. But she just sat in the silence and absorbed all that I was sharing, still rubbing awarm hand up and down my arm.

“I really was fine, but I got home and I lost my necklace…and I saw some of the things that I had bought. It all just got to be a bit much for me.” I admitted, but Monica knew better than that, something about her very in tune with my loss.

“I bet, and you are probably very good at hiding it when it does bother you.” She shrugged, making my lip quiver as I nodded in her direction, bursting into another fit of tears. I knew Dana could hear me, but I couldn’t stop, so I opted with clutching my pillow forcefully, burying my face into it while I let it all out.

“Oh goodness.” I heard her sigh, the warmth of her body vanishing from the bed, relieving me somewhat, but not enough to feel comfort where that burning emptiness had been cursing her body. I wanted to feel something, anything except for that wafting emptiness and crippling pain.

I gasped and sobbed and curled deeper into the pillow. It served as a good filler, my arms aching as I pulled it tighter. I could feel the ghostly weight of Franklin in them, how cold he had felt, the stillness eating me away, it was horrendous, like a phantom limb, but I still missed that sensation more than nothing at all.

There was another dip in the mattress, but I didn’t have the will or want to look up, but the gentle hands told me that it wasn’t Monica, it was much too familiar to be the taller woman’s. I shook at it and glanced up at Dana who had an even more concerned look on her face.

“I told her to not let you in.” I blubbered, fighting it all back, until the crying ceased, the mask I pulled on slipping over everything like a glove. It took a moment but the sobs had concentrated deep into the caverns of my chest, twitching violently until I reigned it back.

“I’m just tired.” I lied sitting up to prove it, to prove that the bout of sobs, the mess, the tenderness of my skin from the hot water, was all just my weariness of the journey home and some road trip fatigue.

“Monica told me…” She began, but I just shook my head to cut her off, climbing out of bed, still feeling completely frozen to my core, my lips shivering as they tried to focus on the oxygen that I was struggling with.

“Dana I said I’m fine, Monica is probably just worried because I told her about- well you know. It’s a lot to take in when you first meet a person! I’m fine, please believe me!” I wailed, my voice cracking more times than I had intended, the sheer volume of it causing Penelope to erupt into a fit of angry screams, my stomach dropping to my toes, nearly making me hurl onto my carpet.

“Oh god the baby-.” I stammered, stumbling forward out of pure guilt for waking her, knowing that every moment she spent asleep was precious time for her mental capacity. 

“Monica has her, it’s fine, Marisol.” Dana cried, my lies all too much to bear at the moment, the room spinning ever so slightly as I tried to grab my bearings. The turning of my stomach felt like fire, and stumbling into the bathroom was the only way to prevent a mess, slamming the door with a thud, spitting up the limited contents of my stomach.

I could feel hands on my shoulders, pulling me away as I heaved, but I swatted them away. “No- Dana, you can’t be lifting things. I’m too heavy!” I cried out, trying to fight her off, but she stood firmly, a hand gripping my shoulder, staring at me firmly in the eyes, her expression turned tense.

“I can take care of myself, Marisol!” She reminded, raising her voice firmly at me, her hands gripping me firmly, but not enough to hurt me. I shook my head to try and refuse, but she cupped my cheeks firmly, staring deep into my eyes before tilting her head up at me.

“I know I’ve been having some hard times, but the only way I have been able to handle them is by sharing some of that with the ones who love me most. You reminded me of that, this isn’t for us to bear on our own. I have you, and Monica, and even though he drives me absolutely up a wall, I have your father.” She breathed firmly, her words making my tears well up as I stared forward.

“You and I are more alike than I noticed, when I was your age I was the same way, I wanted nothing to phase me, or at least for nobody to know if it did. It was exhausting, and I learned that it is no way to live. I know I just had a baby, and that it’s been hard for me, but we are still a team, an equal bearing, even after this is over, when your father comes back, even when Penelope is ten years old and I’m up to my knees in orange slices and soccer cleats.” She prophesied, her words pushing me towards the brink.

“So I am going to ask you, as a friend, as someone who loves you so dearly, why haven’t you been sleeping, why did Monica find you sitting in the shower with water burning your skin, why did you ignore my calls, and then sob until I came to check on you? Why are there clothes thrown all over your living room and kitchen and your night stand drawer pulled out of it’s shelf?” She questioned urgently, my icy skin raising with goosebumps as her gaze forced me to stare deep into her deep blue eyes.

“I lost my necklace,” I began, her words feeling now like a blanket of safety, my hands reaching up to my clenching throat, feeling it’s bare skin that felt just as cold as my son’s that once sat in my arms.

“I came home and he is all around me, I see him in everything, but also I’ve never felt this horrific feeling of him being gone in such a _painful_ manner. It’s like they’re tearing him out of me over and over, and each time I’m left more and more alone. I am so relieved when you sleep, and she sleeps because I know you both are safe- oh how I love to know that you both are safe. I can’t sleep, but I don’t want to tell you why- it’s too awful, and I told myself that I was doing well, that I had moved on, and I haven’t!” I wailed painfully, watching her nod slowly while she listened, her grip gentler on my cheeks, brushing her thumbs up and down.

“I’m a lot less breakable than you think.” She shrugged, but I knew that sharing even the darkest parts of this with a new mother was irresponsible after losing one in such a barbaric fashion, unsure of what to say to that.

“I can’t sleep because mine never woke up.” I whispered, my voice small and tired at the ache that I had been sitting with, the statement making Dana choke back a cry of her own. I just crawled out of her grip back into the bedroom, shivering until I felt like I’d just fall over and die, I was so cold.

“Why am I so fucking cold!” I shouted, even the warm salty tears running down my face didn’t do anything to try and raise my body temperature. I could hear Monica come back in, followed by Dana who just emerged from the bathroom with a hot water bottle that she had found in my bins. The taller brunette helped me to my feet and back under the covers while Dana slipped the wrapped, rubber bladder underneath.

“You’re freezing.” Dana did note, glancing over at Monica who just chewed on her lip nodded, placing a hand on my cheek to check if I had warmed up any more, but it was notoriously cold.

“I think she might be in shock.” She tried to diagnose, but Monica shook her head and just pursed her lips at me while Dana climbed under the covers to try and offer some body heat, her chin resting on my shoulder.

“You said she can feel things and people? I think she’s feeling _him._ ” Monica guessed, making us both glance in her direction, my heart sinking even more than it already was. I feared that this was his reality, but I never truly thought that he hadn’t found peace yet, that it would take him this long.

“No…her dad would get like this too.” Dana tried to diagnose, but I shook my head and tried to breathe a bit easier, but I could just feel my stomach turning again. Before I could say anything Monica was grabbing a wastebasket and holding it under my chin as I curled over the bed, gasping bile into it.

“No- it’s him. I feel so horrible, I can’t explain it but I know that somehow I’m f-feeling him.” I shivered, the sensation more terrifying than anything. Both of them agreed and I could feel Dana trying to secrete her warmth onto my icy skin, rubbing her hands up and down my arms.

“I’m here, none of us are going anywhere. We can talk after you get some rest.” She breathed into my ear, the steady rise and fall of her chest and abdomen against my back calming me enough to melt into my cushions.

“Why _did_ you guys come?” I asked, but she shook her head and continued to hum softly, pulling my damp hair away from my face, twisting it into a knot to pull it off of my neck.

“I said we can talk after you get some rest.”

***

My head ached a bit less as my heavy eyelids opened, the morning sun now replaced with a less aggressive evening sunset. There was a slight guilt in my chest for sleeping the day away, but the solid mass existing already allowed me to just exhale that guilt out, knowing Dana and Monica weren’t going to let me pass it by.

As promised there was still a warmth on the other side of my bed, the red headed woman also fast asleep with Penelope in the stroller beside the bed, the little pram piece perfect for a portable sleeper. I smiled and noticed how she curled onto her side, a pillow under her head, another that she clutched against her body that she brushed her cheek against.

I sighed and felt warmer, my body still chilled, but less dense as I grabbed a thick hoodie from one of my drawers, slipping on a pair of my thermal sweats, settling on some thick tube socks to top it all off. I breathed tiredly and moved back over to shift the pillows around Dana who seemed perfectly at home in this apartment that she apparently used to occupy.

I needed some air from this room and tiredly padded out to the living area where Monica was perched on the sofa, flipping through my streaming services mindlessly, trying to find something to watch. I exhaled, causing her to turn and face me, a smile spreading on her lips.

“I was just bored, sorry.” She muttered, but I just waved her away and urged her to continue, happy that she also had made herself comfortable in my empty home. I rounded the corner and saw a pot boiling on the stove, filled to the brim with water.

“It’s fine, make yourself at home.” I shrugged, glancing over at the noodles that were cooking inside the pot, the scent filling me and warming me on the inside. “What are you making?” I questioned, making Monica twist to see what I was referring to, a smile plastering on her face as she scrambled around the couch and into the kitchen.

“Macaroni and cheese, I hope you like it.” She beamed, the thought of it making my stomach growl as I leaned on the sink while Monica drained the buoyant pasta into the colander, pulling fresh groceries out of the fridge, beginning to make a sauce in a large pan.

“I love it.” I smiled, my brain still foggy from this morning, making me think back to how hysterical I had been, my cheeks flushing with embarrassment. 

“I’m sorry…that we got off on the wrong foot, and that I snapped earlier. You’re really kind and you didn’t deserve my mood.” I apologized, she really was a sweet lady, even the way she talked to and about Dana, I knew she had a good heart.

“No worries, you were only trying to protect them, and don’t even mention it. I know you’re going through some stuff, and if you ever need an open ear, you can always chat with me, even if I’m not Dana.” She offered, giving me a wooden spoon to taste what she was stirring, warming the base of my stomach.

“Thanks, I really appreciate it.” I smiled, while she poured the noodles into the sauce, thoughtfully ladling some onto a plate that she had lined up on the countertop, handing one over to me.

“It’s almost six, I should go see if Dana wants to eat before she feeds Penny.” I yawned, setting my plate on the counter before gathering one of my cereal bowls to fill with the food, knowing it might be easier for her to balance while she fed the baby.

The house was quiet except for the quiet hum of the television as I shuffled back into my bedroom with the bowl and one of my largest glasses of water, setting it on the night stand before nudging Dana’s slumbering body awake.

I let my hand linger between her shoulder blades, reveling in the feeling of her lungs expanding while she rested, somehow my most comforting feeling on this planet. I could feel her shift as she slowly woke up, her groggy blue eyes flashing a tired smile in my direction, scooting up in the bed.

“It’s about that time, but Monica made some Mac and cheese.” I sighed, passing it over to Dana who exhaled and took it into her hands, shoveling a forkful of it into her mouth, immediately spitting the hot contents back into the bowl, gratefully taking the water and finishing it in a mere two seconds flat.

“Jesus, blow on it.” I joked, pulling one of my throw blankets around my still chilly body, I felt better, but still just a bit heavy, worrying that I may need some more time that we didn’t have.

“How are you feeling?” Dana questioned softly, now taking a moment to look around what I assumed to be her old bedroom, her eyes somewhat nostalgic, carrying some of that weight that I was feeling.

“Better, less cold, still sad.” I shrugged, not sure what else to say to that. It wasn’t a lie, but I also felt too weary to go into any more detail about it. Dana nodded and carefully pulled a ruddy Penelope from her pram, pulling a hook on her bra to reveal her still raw breast, however this time it was engorged and thankfully producing.

I offered a pillow, sliding it under the baby who hungrily latched, a red fist clenched against her cheek. Scully winced for a moment, squinting one eye until her body relaxed a bit, taking some steadying breaths to distract herself from the uncomfortable sensation.

“When I gave up William, I dove into my work afterwards, I didn’t even take the day off of work, because to _me,_ it was my choice, it was my decision to give him up and never see him again. I told myself that I wasn’t allowed to _properly_ grieve, which was false. I carried that little boy inside me, felt him move, kick, and bond with me, and I loved him very much. I still love him. I had to let myself grieve him because it hit me like this.” She whispered, her hand grazing the back of Penelope while she clung close to her mother’s body, her eyes moving from her feeding baby back over to me, somehow causing them to well up again.

“That is where I see myself in you, Marisol. Just because you were planning on giving him up, didn’t mean that you didn’t _want_ him.” She declared firmly, something she clearly clung to in her own heart, such a gut wrenching decision that one makes.

“That also doesn’t mean that you can’t grieve that loss.” Her affirmations making me curl my knees up against my chest, not realizing how close our experiences were, she truly had more of them, and I wondered how she was still standing, because days like these made me want to just fall.

“How do you do it? You’re still here, still standing, when I got my first period after Franklin…after it all healed, god I thought I would just die in that bathroom.” I admitted quite bashfully, but Dana just sighed at the question and looked down at the baby, taking a moment to think before tilting her head.

“I’m not always like this. There have been days where I’ve sobbed my eyes out, where I’ve regretted every choice I’ve ever made, where I wish I never stepped foot in that basement down in the FBI.” She sighed tiredly, and the weight in her voice felt honest, which is what I wanted, I couldn’t take another false sense of hope.

“It hurts like hell, and it’s so hard, there are days where you just stay in bed because your heart needs time to heal. I’ve taken time away from work, from family, even from your father because I needed to learn and figure out who my support system would be, what I needed in order to continue on in a healthy manner. But none of it is easy.” She shrugged, waiting a beat before glancing at me.

“People will try and tell you how to feel. That I should be grateful because this trauma ultimately led up to me being given my son. They will tell you that this made you stronger in the end, but you were already strong, you didn’t need this to come and rip you apart to prove any strength you had by pulling yourself out of this impossible grief for the world to see. You take your time, and cry your eyes out when you need to, and if you need additional help, Monica and I will help you get it.” She instilled in me, looking down at her daughter who simply pulled away and twitched, the image of her comforting as I looked down at the baby with love. 

“Can I? I’ve missed her.” I requested, making her breathe and nod. I felt her place the burp cloth on my shoulder before passing her into my arms. My sister was warm and cuddly and nestled into the material of my jacket as I lightly burped her, the belch into my shoulder making me chuckle.

“So, why did you and Monica come this morning?” I finally asked, recalling my question that I had before I drifted off, the mention of her name causing the brunette to enter and slide onto my bed, all of us curled atop the mattress.

Dana just spooned more food into her mouth, famished from her feeding session that Monica had apparently helped with without me.

“Well, we have some things that we need to share with you.” Dana muttered, but Monica simply shook her head and bit on her lip.

“We also found some things that we need to check down at the bureau headquarters tomorrow morning.” Monica almost warned, giving the both of us firm stares to not continue worrying about the matter, since what felt like the shortest of all days, was almost over.

“Alright, we go tomorrow.” I settled, waiting for them to begin packing up their things at the declaration that we weren’t going to discuss this until the morning, but the both of them didn’t move an inch, as if there was a looming threat or worry that I should be mindful about.

“Is it alright if we stay? I don’t want to try and get her into the car seat since she’s been sleeping so well.” Dana requested, making my eyes widen and nod, unsure as to where we would all fit since my guest room was indeed a mess of early trimester baby things.

“Yeah, you and Penny take the bed and the room, Monica and I can take my air mattress in the living room.” I rambled, feeling quite flustered as I went to pass the baby over to look for it, but Dana shook her head at me and scooped up her baby.

“Don’t be silly, this is your room and apartment.” Dana reasoned, but Monica just shrugged and pulled out a few blankets, sharing that she was fine with the sofa, the noise of the pump being too loud for Penelope’s ears.

“We can share then, we aren’t strangers to it.” I reasoned, and Scully agreed, grabbing one of my blankets from the bed while juggling her baby, motioning for me to follow out into the living room where she sat beside Monica on the sofa.

I followed suit and settled between the both of them before one of them clicked a movie on, all of us sitting in silence while releasing a cleansing breath. Whatever issue we found, or data or lead would be left for the morning, for now we would just breathe, and eat, and rest until our hearts and minds were up for something more.


	14. Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: description of an attack

Marisol

The rain was coming down in heavy sheets as we all piled in the car, both Monica and Dana silent as we silently shuttled our way down to the bureau. I was less than enthusiastic to return back to work after what felt like forever, and my secluded little office down in the basement seemed even darker following everything we had done.

The parking garage was filled with vehicles and people filtering in and out, the sight of it almost unsettling after being away from so many large groups. Monica muttered something to herself before turning into a spot behind a large pillar, putting us into a blind area from the cameras and general eye.

“Marisol, stay close.” The brunette warned, making me raise an eyebrow in confusion as I fished my badge out of my purse, pinning it to the outside of my heavy coat, the other two women doing the same.

“Should I get the stroller?” I questioned, but Dana just shook her head before scooping Penelope out of her car seat, finding it easier to just keep her in her arms. I grabbed the backpack and followed as they jogged towards the staircase leading down to the basement where my office was.

I watched them scurry around the corner into another wing of the floor, fiddling with the key pad that granted them access into the room, the door locking with a thud. I looked around at the basement office, how it was much more expansive than what it seemed on the outside.

I noticed the pictures of Dana and my father pinned to the wall behind the two desks, one with his name placard, the other with hers. Monica slid into her seat and began pulling up documents, Dana’s eager eyes causing her to silently motion for me to take Penelope while she dug around for some files in the large cabinet.

“Who is Diana Fowley?” I questioned, my eyes landing on the folder that was laid out on the desk beside other files that Dana was pulling out eagerly, her lip bitten down with her two front teeth. Monica glanced at the both of us and sighed as I settled into the chair with the squirming baby.

“So the people that had me, that had your father. They weren’t after Dana or Penelope, they already did their share of horrors to them and weren’t interested.” Monica began, the mention of that causing Scully to shift uncomfortably before lowering her eyes to the pages once more.

“They wanted to see if you were the special one. If your father’s _union_ with anyone else yielded the same products. They have been looking for _you_ specifically, and if you carried to term, they would be after him as well.” Monica revealed, the information instantly too much for me to process.

“What?” Was all I could muster, softly rocking Penelope who was wiggling and tangling her fingers with my hair. 

“We needed to find out who your mother is so we could see if she had anything to do with it, and we finally found a DNA match, but we needed to come down here in order to get more of her information.” She concluded, pushing the file towards me with a frown.

“Diana Fowley? That is who my mother is?” I choked bitterly, her name tasting like bile in my mouth, instant resentment piling on as I glared at her smug face, glancing back up to Dana who settled with all her papers.

Before I could say anything the swinging of the door followed by an aggressive shout caused me to jump, Monica shout, and Dana instantly grab her gun and point it. Penelope was now screaming in my arms as I lifted my head to see my father pointing his weapon at all of us. 

“Mulder?!” Dana shouted, her body now somehow moved between him and myself, protecting the wailing baby from whatever threat there was. I exhaled shakily and watched him waver at the sight of his partner.

“Scully? What are you doing here?!” He cried, but she remained unwavering until he lowered his gun and unloaded it, dropping it to the floor. She then breathed and slid the weapon back into her holster that she had begun carrying again, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Trying to see why these lunatics that were after you are now after Marisol.” She sighed tiredly, but his eyes seemed entranced on the woman, slowly inching closer before putting his hands on her shoulders, pulling her in for a hug.

“I’m sorry, Scully.” He whispered out of nowhere, his grip on her somehow therapeutic, allowing herself to lean into the embrace. There was something about those two, their energy and quite unfathomable love that was shared between them.

I watched as his hands fell to her waist, carefully landing on her tender stomach that could still pass as a pregnant one, but after seeing how this tiny woman had grown, it was definitely smaller than when he had last seen her.

“I’m sorry I missed it.” He whispered, his apology not that he physically hadn’t been there for this baby’s birth, but for the choices that he made, forcing her to make the decision of sending him away out of pure fear.

“You shouldn’t have had to do it alone.” He whispered, pulling away to cup her face, both Monica and I silent to give them their time together, my hand now keeping the pacifier in he mouth to prevent her from crying.

“I wasn’t alone.” Scully whispered, the both of us perking up as she squeezed his hands warmly, glancing over at the both of us who just widened our eyes at such an invasion of their moment together. I blushed nervously and waved them away, but Dana shook her head and walked towards the chair that I was sitting in, placing a hand on my shoulder to pull me against her hip.

“Your daughter was quite the doctor that night.” She smirked, making me chuckle at her well intentioned joke, reminding her that I did indeed have a PhD, making me an actual doctor.

“Oh…it was easy. You just kinda hold your hands out and catch.” I shrugged, raising an eyebrow before glancing at the woman who was now perched against the desk.

“Even then, you did that too. I just made sure you didn’t fall.” I giggled, but Dana wasn’t amused, just staring tenderly before brushing some strands of my hair back.

“You did much more than that.” She almost chastised, but I rolled my eyes and refused to go into it, but by the looks of it she recalled that day fondly, even if it was a mental and physical marathon for the both of us.

“Can I…see her?” My father questioned softly, his demeanor almost bashful, a side of him that I hadn’t ever seen before. Dana’s eyes glistened softly as the morning light shone in from the window that only showed the sidewalk, but apparently the rising sun. She nodded and gave me the okay to pass her over, adjusting her pink blanket to keep the cold out.

I watched as he awkwardly handled her, allowing Dana to carefully maneuver his arm so that he was supporting her neck. She carefully closed the space between them, her hand coming to rest on the sleeping baby. It was almost magnetic, the whole energy in the room like something I had never seen before.

“What’s going on?” I whispered to Monica, who was just watching happily from the corner of her eye, typing away on the computer to try and pull up some more files.

“They are just…ah just let them be.” She sighed, unable to articulate for me what was happening between those two, making me shrug and slip out of my seat towards the door, giving them some time together as a family, also desperate to find the bathroom after holding it all morning.

Everyone seemed to be distracted, so I simply slipped out and wandered down the dark corridor, my head trying to make sense of the last few minutes. I sighed and figured that I would never know fully what truly is between my father and Dana, but it was refreshing to see them together, even if it was just a short interaction.

The basement was darker than I had remembered, and I was slightly disoriented from coming around the corner, but it was all as it had once been, dreary and dull. I could see the light of the bathroom, it’s glare causing my head to begin aching, a hand moving to it’s side to try and rub the pain away.

I swiftly found a stall and relieved myself, the pain just intensifying as another familiar ache began up the base of my skull. Worry began to root in my stomach, making me swiftly clean up and begin to stumble back to the office, releasing a moan as it began to intensify. The familiar blue aura washed over me, sending me painfully to my knees, instantly clutching my head.

It was all hazy, an image struggling to break through, but it was stronger than I had ever experienced and I feared that I was dying. I tried to call out, to make a noise to alert the others, but a hand swiftly covered my mouth.

I wanted to scream, to fight, to struggle, but what felt like cracking in my brain nearly reduced me to tears. I could feel them lifting me off the ground and pulling me close, almost carefully, to their chest. It was familiar, like it had happened before, and I wanted to just relax, to let them hold me while this debilitating agony washed over my head, but I knew better than that.

I pried my eyes open as we slipped into another room, unable to make out much as the blue haze still washed over me, the gentle hands setting me onto what felt like a leather seat. There was some murmuring and the pain began to fade, making me sit up and hold a hand to my mouth, retching into the bin that someone was holding out for me.

“Thank you, sorry we had to do it this way, but we couldn’t have anyone following you.” A woman soothed, my chest heaving as I sat back, rubbing my eyelids before focusing on her carefully. She was older, seemingly a few years older than Dana, her dark hair greying across the top in silky wisps. There were distinct lines running around her mouth and eyes, telling me that this woman rarely smiled, other than the pinched smirk that she gave me. She seemed so familiar, but with the still dissipating haze circling through my head, I knew it was impossible for me to try and pinpoint it.

“Who are you? Where am I?” I panicked, but she just laughed dryly and took a seat beside my chair crossing her legs tightly before two hands fell to my shoulders. 

“I could tell you that, but I figured you’d want to talk with someone else more important.” She smirked, the sound of feet coming around my seat causing me to spin around for the first time, my heart pounding in my chest as I felt a gasp shudder out of my body.

“ _Gibson_?” I shuddered, the tall, lanky man in front of me, his hair grown out and curly paired with his circled glasses that replaced his contacts that he would always sport around me.

He was actually in front of me, flesh and bone and love. His mouth turned upwards at me like he had before, whenever I would steal glances of him out of the corners of my eyes, or shared any good news, or needed some extra love. Oh how I missed him, my body physically aching being so close and not embracing him.

I nearly fell out of my seat as I launched into his arms, clinging my arms around his neck, sobbing into his shoulder, my tears soaking his skin. I tried to pull him as close as possible to embrace him entirely, relishing in his presence, calmness, and being.

He felt as he used to, his scent still of his orange peel soap and knit sweaters. I felt his hand find the back of my head and cup it, squeezing me tightly to try and calm my shaking sobs, pressing a kiss onto my hair.

“Gibson- oh my god, oh my god!” I could barely wail out of my lungs, the tears getting stuck in my throat as I struggled to get them out, clinging to him with all my might.

“You were dead- I saw you die!” I wailed, refusing to pull away, that if I did he’d be gone, different, that I’d have my arms around a stranger and I would have made a fool out of myself.

“No, I had to fake it- when I found out that you were pregnant, I had to leave to keep you safe.” He cried, making me realize that he had missed so much when it came to the events of our life that we were supposed to spend together.

“Gibson, he died, I miscarried him- I lost our baby.” I cried, feeling that cold feeling of shame wash over me again, his hands moving down to my hips to pull me off of his body, his burly hands cupping my face before wiping my tears away.

“I know…it’s okay, Marisol.” He soothed, trying to brush my tears back with his thumbs, but I just frowned and took his hands, pulling them away from my face before glaring in his direction.

“How…how did you know? I didn’t tell anyone- I barely told anyone I was even pregnant?” I cried, but he was seemingly unfazed by what I was telling him, bearing my soul to the man I had planned to spend the rest of my life with.

“I- I had eyes on you, always. We were connected through him, and I could see what was happening to you. Those episodes that you get now, I used to get through him, but once…he passed, they stopped and for days I just felt horrible, I was so cold…” He trailed off, pulling my shaking frame into his arms, both of us sitting in this for a moment before the woman cleared her throat.

“So, now that we got to see what happened with your DNA mixed with Mr. Praise’s for the first time, we saw that it didn’t take, but maybe after a few more tries we can get…” But her voice began to drain the rationality out of me as I began to comprehend why she looked so familiar.

“You’re Diana Fowley.” I whimpered, scooting away from my fiancé to stalk towards the smug woman who nodded knowingly and placed her hands on my shoulders, a finger dropping under my chin to lift it, her eyes smiling into mine.

“Hello, Marisol. You’ve grown into such a beautiful young woman.” She beamed, the tone catching my attention as I fought to scoot away from her, anger brewing in my chest as I tried to comprehend what she was saying to me. Her awareness of everything sending me into a tailspin of rage.

“You knew where I was…for years?” I demanded, noticing how she had aged from the photo that Dana and Monica had shown me, her black hair now greying at the roots, more wrinkles lining her skin, forming frown lines around her mouth, crows feet lacing her eyes. Evil aged her, and I could feel a bile rising as I was met face to face with the woman who had abandoned me.

“I had to try and get your father back, for us to be a family…and I couldn’t do that, I couldn’t face you if I was unsuccessful.” She tried to explain, but her words felt like a cold web of betrayal that wrapped around me, her expression false and void of any true resentment for what she had done to me.

“So you just left me…you set me on a ledge at the park and just drove away. You didn’t even have the guts to take me to a hospital or police station or anything. You just washed your hands of me like I was a puppy you didn’t want anymore.” I tried to clarify, rendering her silent, without a true explanation for her choice to leave me like nothing.

I didn’t want to hear whatever inevitable bullshit that she would consider an explanation. I had meant what I said before, I grew up without a mother, and I didn’t want one, to truly understand that I was completely unwanted by this woman, was too much to comprehend. I had watched Dana regret and grieve her choice to give up her son, the way her choice sat with her every day, how she just wanted one more chance to hold him one more time, to be near him- this woman could care less that I was standing in front of her.

“Did you only come back into my life to do some kind of sick experiment on me- on _him_?” I questioned, my voice shaking more than I would have wanted wanted it to when referring to our son. She took a breath and shook her head at me, holding her hands out to me in a passive manner, trying to display her stance.

“No, I had nothing to do with the conception of your son. But I could help to ensure that your next baby is better than this one.” She grinned, a glimmer of hope in her blunt statement, hitting me like a bus as I glared at her, with enough force to burn holes through her.

“My _next_ baby? I’m not just going to keep popping them out until I get a winner. Hell, I don’t even know if I can handle tomorrow morning, let alone doing that again! How could you even say that? Treating me like some kind of… _thing_ with no feelings, no considerations. I can barely sleep anymore- I’m barely functioning with all of the love and help of others, and you want to risk that again?!” I found myself shouting angrily towards her, my hands twitching to strike her hard against her face, to strangle her throat, to inflict all of my pain onto her.

“Did _you_ know that this would happen? That our baby wouldn’t even have a chance at life? Did you keep that from me?” I demanded, now turning towards Gibson who just inched closer, shaking his head sadly at me, now carefully gripping my wrists to pull me into his energy, his composure slipping into my bones like tiny volts.

“No, Diana tested my DNA when she got to me, and when I could feel what was happening…she said that it was bound to happen, that they’re weak.” He explained sadly, this reality of what our union would be like causing my chest to tighten as I tried to take this all in.

“So every baby we make…will die?” I whimpered, my fiancé shrugging at me, the uncertainty too much for me to bear at this point. I could feel a sob building in my chest, wanting so badly to burst out of me and spill down my body, this reality too painful to bear. 

“That’s why I stayed with Diana, she said she could help, that she could fix me.” He tried to convince, tilting my chin up, but I shook it away and moved his hands down, sobs still threatening to combust, and there was nothing more that I would loathe, then to cry in front of this woman.

“We don’t need fixing- I’m, no, we aren’t broken pieces needing fixing.” I growled, my hand moving down to the still sensitive uterus that would twitch every now and then, as a painful reminder as to what had happened. The fit that I went through the night before begged to claim otherwise in my head, but I knew I had to convince him that Diana Fowley was not the solution.

“Marisol, you will want children someday, and it matters, whether you carry that baby inside you. This can be fixed if you just let us help.” She whispered, but I found myself swinging around to face her, my hot rage now boiling over as I lurched at her, knocking us both to the ground as I struggled to claw at her face, shrieks coming out of both our mouths.

I wanted to just obliterate her, my mind now flipping a switch as I struggled with arms now grabbed me, fighting to pull me off of her. I knew Gibson would try and stop this, but I just fought harder, her hand reaching to push him off of me, her leg now sweeping mine out from beneath me, pinning me to the ground.

The wind knocked itself out of my lungs, rendering me immobile as two others stomped in, dressed in black outfits. I struggled once more to get away, Gibson now trying to fight them off as they grabbed my arms and lifted me to a small table that was in the corner.

“No- you’re lying! Let go!” I screamed, recalling the experiments that they had tried to do on me when Dana and I had first set out, the drill, the lights, the immobility rendering my bones stiff. I still fought, twisting and turning as they dragged me over, kicking and screaming.

“Gibson!” I begged, but Diana just held her weapon out towards me, a threatening glare telling him that she would not hesitate to shoot me, even if it meant taking out her own flesh and blood.

I could feel my wrists pinning down to my waist with velcro cuffs, making terrified tears sprout from my eyes. 

“I don’t want this! Let me go!” I demanded and begged, but everyone ignored. I could feel the terror building as I came to terms with what was going to happen, my body was going to be _used_ and viewed as nothing more than a vessel for their science.

Hot tears continued to fall as I struggled. I then heard the sound of gunshots ringing through the room. Gibson must have moved, and I waited for a fiery pain to rip through me, but nothing came, just the men instantly falling to the ground around me. 

The sound of gargling blood made me wince and squeeze my eyes shut as I sobbed loudly and shook on the cheap table. I waited a moment for more movement, but I could just hear my father shouting over shocked screams.

Gentle hands fiddled with the straps on my wrists, making my eyes fly open and land on Monica who swiftly gathered me into her lanky arms and pulled me off the table, quickly checking to see if I was alright.

I clung to the hand that rested on my cheek and nodded nervously, catching my breath as I peered past her shoulder where my fiancé was pinned to the wall by my father who was demanding answers from him. I climbed off of the table and shuffled in their direction, pulling at his arm, fighting to get him off of the man I loved.

“Just let him go!” I cried, managing to get in between both men, instantly making my father back up and discard his weapon into it’s holster. Diana gargled on the floor beside my foot, her stomach stained with blood as Monica now moved to stem the bleeding, pressing buttons on her phone to get the security team inside to tend to the injured.

“Marisol what was he doing to you!” Mulder demanded, but I just flinched and pushed him away, keeping a hand reached out towards him to put even distance between him and my father.

“Nothing! It was her- she was trying to…I don’t even know…take something? One of her friends or whatever was out there tried to do it when I was pregnant-!” I cried, working myself up at the thought of what just happened, and what had happened nearly a year ago, the feeling still lingering in my body.

“You were…my god.” Mulder gasped, shrinking towards me to try and wrap his arms around me, but I swiftly brushed him away and hugged myself, feeling quite vulnerable in his pitying eyes.

“I thought it was just Scully…” He tried once more, but I shook my head at him and winced at the painful memories. This was never something that I wanted to repeat this many times, or explain to so many people who weren’t there to understand how truly upsetting it was.

“Well it wasn’t.” I spat, narrowing my eyes at him, wanting out of this room, away from her and the deceased men in the back of the room near the table. She called for me, begging and pleading for me to turn my back and face her, but there was nothing more that I wanted in that moment than to just spat on her and leave.

“You don’t know shit about what it means to be a proper parent, and what makes a woman whole or not. You deserve to rot in hell for taking Gibson from me, for keeping him locked away- for trying to tamper with my body. I know that you were a part of the people who did the same thing to Dana, and you deserve to rot in hell for that too.” I growled, crouching lower to the ground, clutching her face with my hand, my muscles shaking as it took everything in my power to not claw the skin off.

I released her and rose back to my feet, glancing around the room before stumbling out, needing some space from this all. Monica’s feet sounded like they were following, so I just paused and kept my back towards whoever was behind me and took a shaking breath.

“Please just give me a minute, I need to be by myself.” I pleaded, waiting a beat before rushing away and out of a dark hallway that I didn’t recall going through when Gibson carried me in, regardless of that, finding my way as it shot me out into the basement, between two bookshelves.

I rushed towards the restroom once more and found it blissfully empty. My hand clamped over my mouth as I found the farthest stall and sunk on top of the toilet seat, the other hand gripping the toilet paper dispenser while the other blocked my sobs back. 

My shoulders shook as I thought about the reality that I had been thrust into, Dana had assured me that I would get my second chance, my rainbow after the storm, but it seemed like that wasn’t in the cards for me. I wanted to build a life with Gibson, for a healthy child to be the product of love and commitment towards one another, but that would only seem to lead to more pain and heartache.

I felt invaded by Diana’s eyes, she had watched every moment of this painful journey I was on, and looked at it through a blurred lens, unfazed by watching her only daughter suffer so greatly. It felt like there was someone in charge of these big things, and it was a cruel game that they played when dealing my cards.

Gibson was back, we could hopefully marry some day, pick up where we had left off, and start fresh, but there was also a part of me that told me that I had grown out of love, that I was too battered to let someone pick apart the broken pieces. We had lost much, a child, each other, our future that we had envisioned so clearly as just two people who wanted to remain blissfuly insignificant.

I watched how Dana loved my father, how even in their hardest moments she had that lingering love that kept them bonded, and I feared that what I wanted and had was not the same thing. Sobs ached my chest as they shattered out of my body, my hand getting coated in salty tears, trailing down my face, hands, and the insides of my throat. It felt like the build up of all of this came crashing down in heavy sheets of glass, cutting me deeper and deeper.

My father was found, Gibson was returned to me, and Penelope was here and healthy. I should want for nothing more, the important things that mattered was secured, and we would be able to figure out our future if we decided to continue with one together. There were many other ways to create a family, hell, I proved that with the pure love that Dana and I showed towards each other, and how I could only trust her as my one true piece of family, and we shared no blood relation, but my mother was correct in a sense, I loved Franklin so much, and I hadn’t even met him.

I could hear the door open, and I quickly struggled to pull it together, clamping my hand over my mouth tighter than before, struggling to get breaths out of my nose. The door to my stall slowly opened and Dana stood with a compassionate look of sorrow on her face, crouching over to hug me tight, kissing my hair softly while holding me tightly.

“Your fiancé filled me in.” She whispered, softly stroking the back of my hair as I cried into her red locks, the contact calming my cries down as I pulled away, wiping my face with my palms, shuddering back a cry.

“It’s a lot.” Was all I could manage, just wishing I could go back to the times when we were eating her disgustingly satisfying veggie stir fry, searching for clues, and wandering around the country, away from all of this. When my son still greeted me with internal waves and flutters, no matter how much it scared me. I missed it dearly, and loathed this change and uncertainty that I was facing while sitting in a public bathroom.

“I know…” She frowned, not offering any far fetched ideas, or hope for the future, just giving me a minute to cry, her grip on me unlike the terror inducing ones of the others. I trusted her, and knew any motive she had wouldn’t hurt me in any manner.

“I just didn’t know how much I wanted it, or how much it hurt me that I might never be able to.” I found myself shuddering, her own eyes glossing for a moment while I finished speaking, pulling away to listen to me speak, her hand brushing mine.

“I love him, and for a long time I didn’t want to marry or start a life, a family with anyone but him, and now…I mean we can try, but the chances…they could all end up like Franklin.” I wept, furious with myself for reacting like this, trying to force the tears back.

“I can’t be mad at him either, he didn’t do this on purpose, he can’t control this about himself, no more than I can control what happened to Franklin.” I cried in exasperation, but Dana just stopped me and took my hands warmly.

“But you are allowed to be upset.” She reminded, her expression telling me not to argue, providing me with a sense of validation as I nodded in agreement. She pursed her lips and grabbed some strips of toilet paper, holding it out for me to blow my nose with.

I carefully helped her back to her feet as we shuffled out of the stall, my standing position allowing her to properly embrace me before turning me towards the mirror and sink, silently wetting a paper towel to clean my splotchy face up.

Before she could begin she noticed the aggravated redness around my wrists from the velcro, making her her stomach twist, her hand reaching over to brush against the skin softly, the motion making my lip quiver once more.

“Did she do anything to you?” She asked carefully, but I shook my head and rubbed my wrist gingerly to lessen the aggravation that the restraints caused, fighting the intense quivering of my bottom lip.

“Hey, remember what you told me when Penelope was born? When I was scared?” She whispered, but I just glanced in her direction, my mind in so many different places that I just remained silent.

“You are safe with us, I won’t let anything happen to you.” She cried, her own voice breakingfor a second before nodding and returning towards her task of cleaning the mascara off of my cheeks, freshening my face up to be presentable for the others.

“You’re going to be okay.” She whispered, taking my hand and leading me out of the bathroom.

…

Dana

It felt odd but comforting to feel Mulder just steps behind me with Penelope strapped warmly in her car seat, clutched tightly in his hand as we crossed the threshold of my home. Monica quietly wandered off to her guest room before pressing a kiss onto my cheek, Marisol adamant that she’d be fine at her apartment all on her own, but with all of the madness of the day, everyone felt a bit better just being together in one house.

Gibson had silently led her to the other guest room, both of them silent and foreign with each other, the events of the day leaving them emotionally exhausted for anything other than what they were displaying. 

“Where should I put her?” Mulder questioned quietly while holding the car seat, but I just motioned for him to set the seat on the coffee table, carefully pulling her out and into the crook of my arm. She squirmed for a moment until I managed to grip her pink baby blanket that Marisol had gifted her and draped it over her tiny body.

“She just sleeps with me in the co sleeper.” I whispered, motioning for him to follow me towards the bedroom where her outfits were still packed in my still stuffed bags from our extensive trip. He nodded and quietly tread behind me, watching as I spread the blanket on the bed, setting our tiny daughter on top, the lack of my body heat causing her to squeal momentarily.

“Shh, I just need to change you.” I whispered, rubbing a hand on her belly before looking over at Mulder who seemed to be entranced in the little human that we had made, a hint of sorrow in his eyes. I bit my lip and gripped his hand, pulling him closer to my side to watch the baby.

“Just keep an eye on her while I find her pajamas and diaper.” I whispered, replacing my hand on her tiny body with his large one, gathering what I needed all while keeping an eye on him, his gaze never wandering from the little being that squeaked from the slight draft of the air conditioner that blew against her face.

“Why is she crying?” Mulder questioned softly, his finger gripping her hand nervously, concerned that something had happened, but I just shrugged and managed a chuckle while unclasping the buttons to pull above her diaper, the cold now resulting in a full fledged cry.

“She doesn’t like the cold, and she likes to be held.” I managed, her cries intensifying as I removed her diaper and used the wet wipe on her, gingerly cleaning her up before switching her into the warm feetie pajamas that would keep her warm during the night.

“Do you want to try and put her to bed?” I questioned, scooping her and her blanket up to soothe her, softly rocking her until she settled on the skin of my chest, her tiny fingernails scratching. Mulder just nodded nervously and held his hands out allowing me to steadily position her so her tiny head was supported by his massive hand, the other holding almost the entirety of her body. I smiled and placed a hand on his arm, encouraging him to relax and take a breath.

“She likes to be warm, bring her a little closer.” I suggested, watching him pull her into the corner of his arm, allowing her to nuzzle tiredly and suck on her fingers to quiet down, instantly mesmerized with his daughter in his arms.

“I’m sorry, Scully. I really am, that I missed it- it was my fault and I put you in such a hard position. I should’ve just left things alone…I just can’t believe I missed it.” He whispered, now sitting on the edge of the bed while brushing a finger up against her nose before glancing in my direction. 

I sighed and turned towards the dresser where my clothes sat, grabbing a nightgown and new pair of mesh underwear, shuffling into the bathroom where my large sanitary pads sat, begrudgingly pulling mine down before changing everything out, slipping into the nightgown that accentuated the deflating nature of my middle, now more visible than the sweatpants.

“I wish you were there too, but we can’t change the past.” I sighed tiredly, climbing onto the mattress to settle beside him, crossing my legs underneath myself to watch him swallow back guilty tears and brush his hand over her blanket, her eyes making contact with his, both of them staring at each other, somehow recognizing one another despite the time apart.

“What was it like? Was it like the last time?” He worried, our last conversation together, besides the one in the office being more upsetting than either of us wanted to remember. I simply sighed and wondered how I would explain this to him, an experience so difficult to put into coherent words.

“No, it wasn’t…” I began, my brain going back to that afternoon and evening, what seemed like an eternity for her to finally make her appearance, the thought choking me up with sentiment and emotion.

“Like I said, Marisol was a huge help, I truly wouldn’t have been able to do it without her.” I shuddered, the thought enough to send me into slight panic, but Mulder just perked up and raised an eyebrow.

“Scully you’re a tough cookie, you could’ve.” He encouraged, but I just scoffed and rested my chin on my arm, the comment lingering for a second.

“I mean either way she was coming out,I didn’t have a choice whether or not I was going to, but having someone with me helped, I felt safe and taken care of.” I explained softly, rendering him silent, the wet sucking of our baby on her fingers being the only sound between the both of us, my fingers instinctively brushing against her cheek to try and settle her.

“She was almost born in Marisol’s bathroom, it started to happen really fast, but she _somehow_ got me back into my bedroom, probably adrenaline from the both of us…” I thought back, recalling her steady and protective grip on me as she dragged us back into the bedroom, never letting me waver on the way.

“She started to come fast at first…then she got a bit stuck for a few hours…” I chuckled, feeling like I was sharing an esteemed war story with him, the intrigue and worry on his face only fueling that sentiment.

“What did she do, Marisol? What did Marisol do?” Mulder stammered, now on the edge of his seat, trying to now gauge her weight from how she felt in his arms.

“She just hung onto me, there was nothing she could do. I was _so_ exhausted and she helped me stay how I was so that she’d keep moving. She couldn’t move from her spot so she got me water from the nightstand, umm she rubbed my shoulders, told me I was doing well.” I recalled, still touched by her efforts that night, and how she had truly been my tangible shoulder to cry on.

“After about two hours of that, I laid down to try and get some rest and for some reason moving just a little shot her down, so I kinda crouched…” I illustrated, Mulder’s eyes going wide as he gasped in complete shock that I wasn’t tucked away under ten layers of blankets doing that.

“You can do that?” He cried, the question making me involuntarily laugh louder than intended, both of us wincing, but Penelope seemed unfazed by the noise.

“Yeah…I was at home and Marisol was the only one there, she actually encouraged it. Anyways, she helped move and hold my hands to first, catch her head…” I smiled, my palm now softly brushing the wisps of her thick hair, the memory reacting with the hormones still floating through my body.

“…and then I caught her and pulled her out.” I shrugged, a smile now involuntarily flooding my lips as I looked down at our tiny baby, Mulder now in tears at the final bits of the story, his hand gripping mine with a comforting squeeze, tapping his forehead on mine.

“She was tiny and wet and slimy from all her fluid.” I laughed, but he just chuckled through his tears, the both of us settling in the silence, our gaze landing on each other as things managed to get serious again.

“I need to know that you are in this, that you aren’t going to take off and throw yourself into the line of danger, that could harm you or your family. I know she’s an adult, but your actions affect Marisol too, and she will try and make you think otherwise, but she worries about everyone and cares deeply, so I need you to commit yourself, the way you did to your work, to your family. Working for the X Files, helping others is fine, but we need to let the truth stay where it is and focus on our daughter, on our family.” I cried, but he just nodded fervently and pressed a kiss into my hair.

“Of course.” He vowed, pulling me even closer, the three of us cuddled warmly on the edge of the bed, my fingers still tracing Penelope’s hand that was fanned against her pink cheek as she finally drifted off.

“Thank you for being a family for Marisol. You didn’t have to be, but I appreciate that you did.” He breathed, the mention of his eldest daughter making my heart swell in every way that I could imagine, the rollercoaster of time and adventure nearly bringing me to sentimental tears.

“Of course, I love that girl so much.” I could barely muster, the statement feeling so mundane and bland compared to the connection that we shared that went so far past our mutual connection to the man sitting beside me, there was something electric about Marisol Mulder that I couldn’t quite explain, but I knew my life was better with her actively a part of it.


	15. Bells

Marisol

It had been a groggy morning in Dana’s house, the ambiance quite peaceful as I groaned heavily and rolled over in the guest bed, the warmth different than the countless motel and hotel rooms that we had occupied during the past year. The air conditioning blowing heavily over the bed as I dove deeper under the duvet, pulling over my chin to try and keep the world out.

Gibson was curled tiredly on a blanket on the floor, insisting that we take a night to be separate before we discussed what any future of ours looked like. We had lost so much in the period of a year, and yet it felt like just yesterday that I was showing up on Dana’s doorstep, petrified of the enigmatic woman that my father had written about, my only hope to find him.

He was home, and a chapter felt like it had closed. It was unintentional but I had brought him back into Dana’s life, to be a present father for my sister, and hopefully to be an active member of this strange and blended family.

I didn’t know what that meant for me, as I was an adult living quite freely and aimlessly before all of this. I prided myself on independence, somehow confusing independence for loneliness, choosing the path that ultimately led to solitude and a wound in my chest that only gaped larger with some of my losses.

My hand trailed towards the bare skin of my neck, the pads of my fingers tracing the area with longing, a reminder of the biggest wound of all. I sighed and pulled a pillow closer, appreciating the weighted blankets that Dana had furnished in her rooms, at least giving me a momentary blip of peace to fall asleep.

I could feel a dip in the mattress, causing me to glance over at Gibson who now fixed his round glasses as he rested his chin on the corner of the bed, grinning in my direction with a groggy sleep in his eyes. I watched as he stretched a hand out across the mattress, allowing me to softly poke my own fingers out from under the blanket and grip his.

“Hi.” I whispered hoarsely, my voice still not ready for the work of the day. He just chuckled out of exasperation at the sound, the lack of effort apparent in my morning greeting, his thumb brushing over my fingers, the both of us sitting in a blurb of comfortable silence. 

“How are you feeling today? I know yesterday was…unpleasant.” He gently prodded, the question making me suck in a breath, not realizing that the day was going to start out with such blunt reminders and memories of the day before. 

“I’m upset still. I didn’t want to meet my mother and want to shove her through a wall all at once. I didn’t want to learn that my fiancé was alive the whole time, and that our future together isn’t what I expected. I’m kind of upset that you never told me about yourself, about this gift or whatever that you had.” I admitted, the truth making my core feel heavier than it had when I awoke, making him bite his lip and carefully pull his hand away from mine while fixing his glasses.

“If I did, would you not have agreed to marry me?” He questioned carefully, making me slowly sit up and pull one of the sheets around myself, the gravity of what he was asking weighing on me as I tried to answer truthfully, for once in my life.

“It would have definitely changed things.” I admitted, my voice shaking as I pulled my knees to my chest, watching him pull away from the mattress and nod at me, urging me to continue truthfully, my stomach twisting into a knot.

“In what way?” He questioned, trying his hardest to keep the conversation going, no matter what was about to come out of my mouth. I bit my lip and rubbed my thumb against the band of the engagement ring that he had given to me what felt like ages ago.

“I just thought I knew everything about you, and in reality there was this whole other part of your life that ended up having massive effects on me. If I knew that there were genetics involved that would possibly affect our children…or our ability to have them, it is something that we should’ve discussed together, as equals in a relationship.” I cried, breathing out shakily as I fought the urge to cry so early in the morning.

“I’m not mad that you have DNA that makes it hard to build a family, because I know you don’t have any control over that, and there are many ways to have children.” I cried, pausing momentarily to catch my breath before powering forward, twisting the ring nervously around my finger to avoid any eye contact.

“I’m upset that you didn’t tell me about what you having special DNA meant. Dana told me that she knew who you were, that you understood what was going on from a young age, and never thought it important to tell me.” I cried, my voice now working up as I climbed out of bed, now pacing slowly as he watched nervously.

“I was afraid that you wouldn’t believe me, that you’d think I’m crazy.” He admitted, but I just shook my head at him and rubbed my forehead with my thumb, my frustration rising slightly.

“You should’ve just told me anyways. I have an open mind, and have seen a lot, but you had to have known that when something is different like that, and when I told you that we were going to start a family, then you should’ve told me so I could’ve looked for tests to be done, or for me to…God I don’t even know what I would’ve done, but you should’ve told me!” I found myself shouting, swiftly lowering my voice when I recalled that there were three other people residing in the house and a newborn probably sleeping.

“They tried to pin me to a table to _fix_ me, Gibson. They tried to drill into me when I was in my second trimester and I nearly died if Dana didn’t find me. I was a target that was chased all over the country and my father was taken from my entire family because you didn’t tell me. Dana was terrified throughout her entire pregnancy and refused to give birth in a hospital because she was terrified that those things were after her baby!” I bickered angrily, each reason building and building as he clamored to his feet to meet me where I was standing.

“I thought I was doing the right thing, that I was protecting you. I just love you so much that I didn’t want to hurt you.” He cried, gripping my arms desperately, but I pulled away gingerly and shook my head at him after thinking about how I was truly feeling in this moment.

“But you already hurt me by lying. I learned that keeping things from the people you love hurts just as much as blatant dishonesty. I did it and I was lucky because I was forgiven, and I should be more forgiving in return, but I’m struggling with that right now.” I cried, my whisper now raising in defeat as his hands dropped to his sides.

“I think I just need some time.” I whispered, his mere presence overwhelming my insides. I had struggled to grieve him, to get over the thought of him being gone forever, and having him in front of me was a lot in general, without adding the weight of all of this.

He nodded wistfully and swallowed as I twisted the ring off of my finger, it had come as such a comfort in the days that I had finally told Dana about his apparent passing, but now it just felt like a weight in my hand. He frowned sadly and allowed me to gingerly place it in his palm before taking a deep breath.

“Just hang onto it for me for a while, until we get back under control.” I whispered, his face twisting sadly as he looked down at the piece of jewelry that had once signified a solid union between the both of us, now just a painful reminder of what had happened.

“Marisol…” He whispered, but I shook my head in his direction and squeezed his wrist, tears gathering in my eyes as I looked on painfully.

“Just, I need time and maybe we can pick up where we once started, but right now I am still struggling with losing you and getting you back, losing our baby, and adjusting to all of that. This won’t be permanent.” I cried, but he was still rendered silent, nodding at me before taking a shaking breath.

“I just thought…I thought that we were so strong, that we were a solid unit.” He whispered, his long eyelashes webbed with his own tears, his words making my stomach turn wistfully before breathing out in defeat.

“I did too. Now I think it’s best if you head out.” I muttered sadly, watching him nod and slip the ring into his wallet, slowly folding the blankets that he hand slept on, placing them on the bed. I watched silently as he approached me, taking my hands into mine, both of us lingering in the moment, bringing my knuckles to his lips. The feeling of them brushing against my skin causing my breath to hitch, I missed it, his touch, the innocence that I felt when I was with him.

I felt my bottom lip quiver as I reached onto my toes and allowed my lips to meet his, the sheer connection bringing me into a state of painful memory, to the time when I truly believed that by this time I would be married to him, that our son would be born, before I even thought about giving him up to another family.

His lips pressed gingerly back, his hand cupping the back of my head. I could feel the shrinking space between the both of us, making me breathe swiftly and pull away, my thumb brushing against my lips in slight embarrassment.

“I love you Mari.” He cried, making my eyes well up once more and purse my lips before pulling the blanket around my shoulders to block out the ebbing cold and dull throb that was coming from the base of my neck.

“I love you too, but I need you to leave, and to just give me some time.” I cried, watching as he nodded and ducked out of the bedroom, the front door closing with a quiet thud, allowing me to dart into the bathroom to prepare as the ache in my neck grew, the familiar blue fog washing over my head.

I carefully crouched in front of the toilet and hugged the bowl, this time the image coming clearer, of Gibson with an arm pulled around and across my chest, the ring on my left finger glistening, his lips pressing against my temple while his hands rubbed the side of my once again grown stomach. 

I could feel the muscles of my brain contract at the image, now showing my eager family all around, Penelope tucked warmly into the pink blanket I had given her, snuggled tightly in my father’s lap while Dana smiled on happily, her hand gripping his. Even Monica was present with a woman draped under her arm. There was a glowing fire and everything felt warm, so warm, versus the aching cold that I was feeling once more.

Just as fast as it came, I could feel the pain releasing from my skull, and like clockwork I was hunching over the bowl hurling violently, weakly calling out for Monica, my mind racing to try and remember where I had put my phone before going to bed.

I gasped and numbly shut the lid, leaning back to catch my breath as Monica groggily shuffled into the bathroom, grabbing a cup from the sink and filling it with the tap, handing it over before sitting herself on top of the closed toilet seat.

“I saw your fiancé leaving…are you okay?” She asked mildly, her observation making me chuckle dryly and nod before burying my head into my knees to try and make sense of what I had seen, and the sharp contrast of that and the cold feeling running through my bones.

“I told him I needed time, and now I’m feeling that…cold again.” I admitted, making her frown sympathetically and purse her lips at me, glancing around the guest bathroom, everything tucked away in it’s place, perfectly in Dana’s style.

“Well, it is early on a Saturday morning, why don’t you try and get some more sleep? Try not and start your day off with that feeling in your chest?” Monica suggested, making me chuckle and nod at her, taking her outstretched hand to pull myself to my feet with a grateful smile.

“And, I’m sorry to hear about you and Gibson, taking a step back from love is always difficult, especially when you went through so much. If you need anything, you know I’m here.” She reminded, her voice small but firm, both of us not wanting to wake the rest of the house. I nodded gratefully at her and thanked her softly, unsure of what to do next, but I figured that a nap would be a good idea, realizing that I had sent Gibson away at nearly five thirty.

“Sorry, it’s really early. Go back to bed.” I blushed, but she just yawned and chuckled at me, her dark hair tousled from clearly a heavy sleep, squeezing my wrist before shuffling out of the room, shutting the door with a silent thud, allowing me to slide under the covers, my eyelids heavy with exhaustion.

…

It felt as if I blinked and the sun was now rising high into the sky, paired with the sound of Penelope wailing angrily on the other side of the wall. I checked the clock and it was nearly seven thirty, I had gotten two hours, enough to function as I slid out of my bed to see if everything was alright.

I poked my head out into the hallway where I noticed the car gone from the front, my anxieties intensifying slightly as I now followed the sounds of my sister’s angry wails coming from the room. I swallowed and pushed the door open to find Dana perched on the bed with Penelope screaming her head off while she tried to suction the boogers from her nose with the green bulb, raising her eyes towards me apologetically.

“Sorry- she sounded stuffy.” Dana giggled, mentioning that my father had gone out for coffee for the house and groceries that most likely had to be tossed upon her return back from our trip. I smiled and scooted beside her on the bed and gingerly rubbed the squirming baby’s foot, crouching over to press my lips against her wrinkly, red skin.

“Oh goodness gracious ma’am you just need to let your mom blow your nose.” I cooed, carefully holding her chin steady for Dana to clear out, wiping the edge of the suction on her pajama leg before setting it on the nightstand. I happily scooped her up and balanced her head in the crook of my thumb and pointer finger, watching as she yawned and stretched from her eventful night of waking up every two hours, making little noises as she squirmed.

“Want to help me give her a bath?” Dana half offered, half requested, gathering a stack of towels along with the baby soap and a wash cloth, a yellow towel with a duck hood draped over her arm. I made sure Penelope was securely wrapped against my chest before making my way into the bathroom where Dana was setting up the items, laying a towel down on the cold sink.

“Go ahead and undress her.” She smiled towards the both of us, alerting me that I could on the vast counter space where the towel was folded. I sighed and knew she wouldn’t be happy about it, but I carefully pulled her away from my chest and laid her out on the flat surface, unbuttoning her fleece pajamas to reveal a plain white onesie. I watched as her face contorted at the cool breeze of the bathroom, causing Dana to close the door without me having to say a word.

“I know mamas, you don’t like the cold.” I apologized, peeling her layers off until she was a naked, squirming bean on the towel, squeaking angrily at me for exposing her like that. Dana just chuckled and dipped her wrist into the water that she had plugged the sink with, settling that it was warm enough.

She dipped the small, smooth was cloth into the water and dabbed a dime sized amount of soap onto the fabric, beginning to wash and wipe down the squealing baby, reaching angrily to suck on her fist to try and soothe herself while her mother cleaned all six pounds of her, meticulously washing between every finger and toe while humming.

“I know my sweet girl.” She apologized once more, rinsing the cloth off to wipe off all the soap residue from her body, leaving her skin soft and delicate as always, this time just smelling like warm lavender.

“Can you go and grab her duck towel that’s right there?” She requested of me, taking hold of the baby as I hastily unfolded it and held it out, allowing Dana to plop the wet baby against my chest, my arms now clutching her as she started to settle, the feeling of her squirming body making me chuckle as I got a better grip on her.

“My my you don’t like bath time, do you?” I giggled, looking at Dana who just rolled her eyes and began to clean up, draining the water before leading me back into the bedroom.

“I didn’t meant to pry or eavesdrop, but I could hear you up with Gibson while I was feeding her, are you okay?” She whispered, but I just shrugged and carefully set the tiny newborn onto the duvet where Dana swiftly diapered her in no time, her attention still fixated on myself.

“I’m fine, I just need some time to think before I make a grand commitment like marriage after I found out about all this.” I shrugged, exhaling flatly before grabbing the baby lotion from the bed, lathering it into my palms to warm up before rubbing it on Penelope’s already soft skin, my fingers massaging her little toes up to her finger tips. I smiled softly at the squeal she let out, and tilted my head, my mind racing in a million different places.

“I feel like a hypocrite.” I exhaled, watching her glance over at me as she pulled the onesie over the baby before swiftly bundling her in the pink blanket, foregoing an actual outfit, pulling her top down to feed the baby, slowly rocking back and forth on her feet until she rooted for a moment, finding what she was looking for.

“And why is that? I certainly don’t think you are one.” She defended, but I rolled my eyes and pulled my legs under myself, now playing with the duck towel that I had unconsciously pulled onto my lap. I thought about the conversation, the argument, the pain that had been shared this morning, and how inadequate it felt to have these sentiments.

“I’m mad at him for keeping his…abilities, from me. But who am I to talk? I kept my entire pregnancy from you and at the time, never planned on telling you, and I just had to spring it on you because I physically couldn’t move at the time.” I cried shamefully, watching Dana wince slightly as Penelope fed eagerly, turning her expression before sighing.

“Look, keeping things from those you love will always be painful when the truth gets out. I knew you kept that from me out of a place of fear and pain, and what happened, God it is something I don’t wish on anyone. However, it’s different between you and Gibson because you made a promise to spend the rest of your lives together and build a family.” She explained carefully, her eyes meeting mine before dropping down to the baby who was clinging to her necklace.

“I’m working on it. My excuses are shit and I never should’ve kept something like that from you. You’ve proven yourself trustworthy so many times and I’m sorry. I know how much it hurts to have something kept from you, and I’d want a proper apology, and I think you deserve one.” I cried, looking down at my pants that had a loose string hanging, feeling the older woman settle beside me, using one hand to prop Penelope onto a pillow to free her grip.

“Like I said, I wasn’t mad. I just wished that I could’ve been there, and that you didn’t feel the need to protect me from something like that. I wasn’t some breakable little bird that needed protecting just because I was pregnant, you proved that multiple times with the things you were able to do. Despite everything you went through you still showed up for me when I needed it with her, and I just wish you knew that I would have, and still would do the same for you.” She shrugged, her words resonating deeply as I released a nervous breath and rubbed the indention on my finger from where the ring was once cutting.

“I was going to marry him, now I don’t even know what I’m going to do.” I sighed as Dana switched Penelope over to her other breast, a soft chuckle coming out of her mouth before turning to face me with a smirk.

“I know how it feels for someone to come back into your life - from the dead, and not be ready for it. Just take the time you need and work on what you need to work on before jumping back in.” She sighed, the idea that the both of us had similar experiences with the undead lovers in our lives was almost comical, causing a much needed laugh to escape from my lips, leaning my head onto her shoulder before quickly pulling away.

“Mulder found out I was pregnant yesterday, I think I may have spooked him.” I frowned jokingly, blowing air out of my lips, quite unsure of how that conversation will go, or how I will tell it in general. Dana just bit her lip before pulling Penelope off of her, passing her over to readjust her shirt and nursing bra.

“I can tell him if he asks.” She offered, making me exhale with some peace and nod at her suggestion. My hand drifted to my bare neck and sighed sadly, missing the weight of my son once more, my fingers stroking the skin longingly.

“God, this whole thing makes me so tired, and I know why, grief and trauma does that,” I paused, my mind spinning as I carefully began patting Penelope’s back, her tiny cheek rubbing against my shoulder, the feeling of her stomach releasing and a splatter on my shirt telling me she had spit up.

“I’m a victim’s advocate, but how the hell am I going to do my job when I can’t even take care of my own trauma?” I shrugged, pulling Penelope away with a half hearted smile, using my own pajama shirt to mop up her tiny mouth while Dana cleaned my shoulder up.

“I think maybe you should take a leave of absence? A break from work to just kind of process?” Dana suggested, her lips pursed together, the idea of not doing anything and being forced to face myself head on, feeling absolutely terrifying.

I breathed slowly and jumped at the sound of the door creaking open, Mulder strolling in with a carrying container filled with two iced coffees, one dark one, and a green tea. I nervously bat away any lingering moisture from my eyes and straightened my posture on the bed, both of us awkwardly greeting each other.

My relationship with my father hadn’t been the close, emotional one that many women have, I never felt the need for him to walk me down the aisle or give an emotional speech in my honor. Finding him had been a personal journey for me, but simply to get answers at first, the emotional connection slowly growing with the weekends that we would spend together, a dinner here and there, up until he had quietly vanished to go and help Scully with their journey to find their son.

The look on his face the day before had been an awkward enough experience for the both of us, but I knew that our relationship needed work. I needed to put the work in that I did with Dana to get to know him better, to try and build my family into what I wanted.

“I wasn’t sure what you or Monica wanted, so I got you some iced coffee…I put milk in it and I think all of the ice melted into it…” He offered apologetically, handing the drink out to me which I took gratefully, wrapping my lips around the straw, tasting the horrific concoction that he somehow managed to make, even if he purchased it from a shop.

“How are you ladies doing today?” He sighed, deep circles under his eyes clearly showing that he had never done a night with a newborn before. Dana just yawned and took the tea from his hand and greedily sucked it down, desperate for some kind of kick start without caffeine, even if it was the abundance of ice cubes, jolting her nervous system awake.

Before anyone could answer his question Monica also entered the room, every inhabitant of the house now gathered in the spacious confines of Dana’s master bedroom. The brunette just smiled and promptly walked up to my father and took her designated coffee from the holder with a wink, guzzling it down, equally as exhausted.

“I need to run a few errands, will you be alright here?” Monica whispered, but Dana just nodded despite my father’s nervous flash of his eyes, unsure of how to care for a newborn. “We’ll be fine, if you both need to go and get things done go for it.” Dana shrugged, and under normal circumstances I’d offer to stay behind, but given the recent events, I needed some air to breathe and clear my head.

“I’m going to go and run a few errands too…” I trailed off, glancing at the two on the bed, pulling my tangled hair into one hand, noticing the length that it had grown in the months that I had left it untouched while on the run. 

“Alright…” Dana questioned, snapping me out of my trance that I had fallen into. I blushed bashfully and swiftly handed the baby back to her, swiftly gathering my disgusting coffee before rushing out of the room, not entirely sure of what my day would entail.

I gathered a pair of clean yoga pants from my bag and one of the big crewneck sweaters that I had used to hide my growing belly all those months ago, but the rainy weather made it hard to care about what I was wearing as long as it kept me warm. I passed the bed and gathered my toothbrush before heading into the guest bathroom which was heavily stocked, telling me that before this, Dana had been ready for visitors that she didn’t have.

I smiled sadly at the hospitable woman who I could picture filling her bathrooms up just in case. I helped myself to a towel folded neatly above the toilet on a shelf, setting it on the counter before running the water to the Japanese style shower. 

My clothes slowly came off and piled at my ankles as I stepped out of them, sticking my wrist under the stream instinctively, a practice that I had taken habit of from checking the temperature on everything for Penelope. Once it was warm I slowly crept in and let the water spray down on me, relaxing my muscles as my mind began to run as it normally did during silent times like these.

My thoughts drifted to Franklin, but this time it was just a grey sadness that came up at the memory, at all of the resurfacing thoughts that came along with him, chewing on my lip. I sighed and let my eyes close before exhaling harshly, snapping back into my reality.

Today was going to be a deep breath, it was going to be filled with different habits that might help me feel new, at least as I tried to grapple with my thoughts in regards to Gibson, and how I could possibly reconcile with the man I loved deeply. I sighed and turned under the spout, feeling the pressure of the spray on my chest, causing me to exhale breathlessly.

The thought had crossed my mind many times, but I hadn’t yet acted on it, mostly due to either my healing body, the emotional withdrawal and self loathing that came in waves, but often left me too tired to do anything by the time my head hit my pillow, just leaving me to stare up at the ceiling. I felt so heavy, weighted down with so many things just in my own life, and this seemed like the last thing on my mind, until it wasn’t.

I had been scared, that what I did wouldn’t feel the same, that I wouldn’t enjoy myself the way I once had. In my past it had been something so freeing, just me and myself, but now that was the last person I wanted to face on my own. I just wanted to try and see, carefully trailing a wet hand down from my side, and onto the tender bundle of nerves that sat tightly wound after being ignored for so long.

I took a steadying breath before carefully stroking it, keeping to the outside cautiously as my chest began to take shorter breaths, my hand reaching for the handle on the glass shower door to steady myself. I could feel slight intensities of pleasure pulsate through my body as I tried my hardest to concentrate. My head felt full as I tried to enjoy it, but thoughts of everything plagued my subconscious, preventing me from fully letting go.

My body twitched slightly and I eventually gave up, sliding my hand out of my warmth and letting my body linger under the water, massaging my scalp with the orange scented shampoo, lathering the long locks before rinsing it out and down the drain. Once it was moisturized properly with the matching scented conditioner my hands ran up and down my body with the wash cloth and soap, washing away the tense exhaustion of my muscles and bones.

The shower was quick but needed, and once my hair was properly rinsed I shut the spout off and wrung it out with one hand, the other pulling the towel around myself to hastily dry off, dressing quickly. My reflection was still haunting as I pulled my long hair into a lower bun to keep the dampness off the nape of my neck.

I didn’t know what my day would look like, for months and months it had been filled with fears, searching, and heartache. However now that it was over it felt empty and hollow, and I needed to push myself to find something that I enjoyed doing.

I puffed my breath out as I gathered my bag with items inside of it as Monica also shuffled out of the house, a baby blue sweater wrapped around herself as she tucked an umbrella under her arm.

“I’m heading to the farmer’s market, if you want to come.” She smiled, her offer at least giving me a starting point to what my day could consist of, pulling my hood up on the jacket that I was wearing to protect myself from the rain. 

Stepping outside into the fresh moisture felt therapeutic to my soul, my head finding some peace as the cold droplets landed on my cheeks, washing some of the earlier frustrations of my life away. I climbed into the passenger seat and waited for Monica who came out with sunglasses and two coats that had gloves stuffed in the pockets.

“Let’s grab some coffee before, I’m sorry but your father is somehow shit at picking up iced coffee.” Monica joked, speeding out of the driveway with a soft grin on her face, her smile lines deep even as she drove unconsciously, humming along to the music.

“I’m trying to find myself.” I blurted out, making the brunette glance over and listen intently, simply urging me to go on. I took a shaking breath and leaned back into the seat my fingers picking at the hangnail that I had begun to work out, wincing at the pain.

“We are taking a break, and I need to find a way to deal and just heal before I can be a good wife.” I shrugged, taking a beat before glancing over at Monica who was just thinking deeply about what I was saying.

“I just don’t know what to do. Maybe I should go to therapy.” I muttered, making Monica breathe out a chuckle before turning around the corner towards a large building and putting the car into park and turning towards me.

“Therapy could help, you have gone through a lot, literally even in the last day. Losing a child can have so many effects on a person, but also a relationship. When Dana gave up William, when Mulder came back into her life, it was hard for them. I obviously didn’t see what happened firsthand, but I know that it did a lot and changed the dynamics.” Monica explained, her eyes looking over at the building.

“But there are little things that you can do to try and just help you feel a bit better.” Monica explained, pointing at the building where women and men were filtering in and out, the glass doors opening and closing with patrons.

“I lied, we aren’t going to the farmer’s market, I’m getting my roots retouched, maybe you change something, start fresh with a new cut or something? I think it’s important for you to focus on yourself and do something that will make you feel good.” She suggested, climbing out of the car with her umbrella and bag, racing towards the front, making me hastily gather my things and follow.

“Monica wait! I’m coming!”

***

Dana

It felt good to shower, every muscle in my body still aching with each movement, each day just making it more and more bearable to move. The feeling of the hot water melting the tense knots helped a bit as my hands moved down to my tender stomach, gently massaging it before rinsing the conditioner out of my hair, the sensation nearly lulling me back to sleep.

It felt like ages since I had washed and dried my hair since my life had picked up traction, and Mulder reentered, still a bit uneasy in regards to his presence. He voiced his regrets, but I also knew that it was something that he needed to work on, something that we could’ve worked on together during the nine long months that we had to prepare.

I breathed out a steady sigh as I slowly climbed onto the bath mat, patting my skin dry before lathering myself up with lotion, not completely phased upon realizing that it was the baby lotion that I had forgotten to put away following bath time. A brush was run through my hair, another nightgown put on for the day, and that was all I could manage for the time being, not wasting any more time with appearances.

Mulder was tiredly sprawled across the mattress with his full coffee untouched on the nightstand, deep circles under his eyes. How desperately I wished to sleep, to take this advantage to catch up on my rest, but couldn’t help peering over the corner of the co-sleeper, gazing at Penelope as I climbed back into bed. I felt a burly hand wrap around my waist, resting softly on the puffy skin around my middle, making a smile creep onto my lips, the same way it had done years ago.

“What are you thinking about?” He whispered sleepily, making a chuckle come out of my mouth before craning my neck to face him, a hand gripping his to pull him closer. Time felt like it stood still as my feelings swirled around in my head.

“Her, how perfect she is…” I began, pausing for a moment before breathing out slowly, vowing to myself to be honest this time, it had come easier with age, not caring about the comfort that lying brought.

“But also William, Marisol, and you.” The words holding a bitter weight as they came out of my mouth, now turning to face Mulder who had propped himself up and onto his arm to somehow listen better. I frowned and slowly propped myself against the pillows, my hands resting tiredly against my healing uterus, no longer the convenient arm rest that I had gotten used to.

“We talked briefly about it, but Mulder I am not playing any games. She is too important, and as much as I know I am more than capable, I don’t want to do all of this alone again. I also cannot watch you hurt Marisol.” I shuddered, trying my hardest to instill my boundaries and needs into him.

“I know, and I promise that I’ll be here and present. But Scully, I never walked out on Marisol, I didn’t know she existed and she found me before we went to go find William, I swear I didn’t walk out on her too.” He cried, his explanations somehow bringing me little comfort as I glanced over at the crib.

“Were you ever going to tell me about her?” I questioned quietly, my mind drifting to the young girl that I had come to love and trust over the past year, her young heart noble and good as she worked with me for the truth.

“I keep thinking- it actually haunts me constantly. What if she never showed up on my doorstep, would you still be out there, would she be all on her own, would she be dealing with this without anyone?” He lowered his eyes and I could tell that he hadn’t gotten that far, his intentions good, but it still caused enough hurt to leave a noticeable gap on the mattress.

“I love her, Mulder. She’s the strongest person I know, and normally I wouldn’t pry over why you left Diana, or who you slept with, but now that she is here and a part of _this_ family, I need to know why you didn’t tell me about this huge aspect of your life.” Firmly standing my ground, keeping eye contact while examining how his face contorted.

“I got caught up in the truth, in finding it and the answers, and when I found out that I had a daughter from my ex wife, I didn’t know how you’d react. Then you got pregnant and the whole thing just felt like too much.” He tried to defend, but the exhaustion in my bones was too fresh for me to accept that at face value.

“Mulder, you should’ve told me. Before you ran off we had intentions for this baby, for our future, and Marisol deserved more than to be just a secret kept in your unremarkable house. Your truth isn’t answers that you need to go off searching for, it is here in these walls. We can’t keep putting what we already have on the line for the things that you want.” I laid out,the tangible weight that I had been bearing ready to be shared with him.

“We both made choices that we came to regret when it came to William. Neither one of us wanted this outcome. You have a beautiful, intelligent, and loving daughter who has gone through hell and back for this family, and our baby girl, our gift.” I cried, my words drawing the both of us in for a moment, watching him lean down and press a kiss slowly into my lips, letting them linger before pulling away.

I bit my lip and refused to make eye contact, the feeling flooding my hormone and exhaustion hazed body with confusion. I could feel him frown and his eyes drop to the top of my head.

“I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry.” He pouted, my teeth now chewing on my bottom lip as I curled my legs under the blanket, unsure how to eloquently phrase my next words.

“I just think it’s been a long time, and we are both getting used to the notion of each other again. We should take it slow, get used to having a baby, and then see where we are.” I shrugged, watching him nod with a hint of sadness in his eyes, the both of us pausing in the moment before he quietly slipped out of bed.

“Are you hungry? I can make waffles.” He offered, a slight smirk of mischief in his eyes, still lingering from all those years ago, when he was taking bites out of my ice cream cones and teaching me about the boring act of baseball. I nodded and began to climb out of bed, but he just shook his head at me, wandering over to tuck me back in.

“Don’t worry, just go back to sleep and I’ll bring it here. You’re still walking funny.” He winked, just his demeanor reminding me so much of his daughter who had nearly insisted upon the same thing just a week prior. I sighed and nodded, this was off to a decent start.

“Um speaking of my ruined vagina, can you bring me one of the frozen aloe pads from the freezer before you start cooking…and a fresh pair of underwear?” I asked carefully, his face contorting for a moment before stumbling off, his aggressive hands opening and closing the drawers of the kitchen made me wince as I checked to see if Penelope was alright, but she just slept on.

“Where is your underwear?” He breathed, keeping the wrapped bad in one hand, digging through the drawer that I silently pointed to, rolling my eyes as he retrieved a delicate lace pair. 

“Not for a while, I need the _big_ cotton ones.” I urged, making him swiftly toss the neglige back into the drawer and pull out a pair of roomie briefs. An involuntary groan came out of my mouth as I removed my soiled pair from between my thighs, slightly shocked that my tired brain had forgotten any protection, luckily the bed was untouched for the time being.

“Sorry, this is gross.” I found myself apologizing, but he just shook his head and grabbed the undergarments from me, holding the untouched side before vanishing toward the laundry room to spray and wash them.

“This isn’t gross, from what you said last night, you were a complete badass, and gave us a daughter. I’ll help you clean up any day.” He smiled, watching as I stuck the pad to the lining of my underwear, the frozen aloe gel now thawing as I pulled it up, nearly melting at the soothing sensation.

“That good, huh?” He smirked as I reached down to adjust everything, letting my hand linger and press the pad against my body. “Yeah, it is, your daughter has a giant head that refused to come out, I am afraid to shit completely because of that. So yes my popsicle feels great.” I beamed, watching him laugh at the comment and squeeze my wrist, gathering the scraps of garbage before exiting to cook.

…

The waffles had been better than I imagined, even after revealing that I did not own waffle mix, forcing my former partner to whip out the flour and eggs from the kitchen. It felt good to not have the looming worry of impending doom lingering over my head, allowing me to just focus on the little one tucked inside my shirt, the skin to skin contact soothing her long enough to give me time to eat.

Mulder had returned after cleaning up in the kitchen, his shirt splattered with batter and syrup, making my nose scrunch at the sight of it.

“Why don’t you take your shirt off and hold her?” I suggested, mainly due to the fact that I didn’t want to be scrubbing waffle batter out of my sheets and pillow cases. He raised an eyebrow seductively but I just brushed it off, pulling my neckline down so her back was slightly exposed to the air.

“Please just sit and bond with your daughter.” I requested, but he was already removing his forest green shirt and discarding it beside the bed, sliding onto the mattress nervously. I carefully pulled our naked baby off of my chest and onto his, watching as she twitched angrily at the chill from the fan that was touching her skin, squeaking at the lack of warmth.

“Oh goodness, you are a sensitive one.” I found myself whispering, gathering her pink blanket into my hands before draping it over her bare body and Mulder’s chest, both of them settling as her cries dwindled.

“I actually have been meaning to talk to you, since Marisol and Monica left.” I began, recalling his daughter’s request following their interaction the day before that I unfortunately had not been present for. He cocked his head nervously as one hand secured the baby, his palm nearly taking up the entire expanse of her tiny back, holding her in place.

“Am I in trouble again?” He almost smirked, but his demeanor shifted as I bit my lip and shook my head over in his direction, unsure of what to say or how he didn’t even know about his daughter’s pregnancy while his ex was keeping such a close eye on her.

“When you were gone, what were they doing to you? How much did you know?” I questioned, but he just sighed and rubbed a hand over his right wrist where he had pried a device off when he had managed to find us in that beach house, a slight scar on the tender spot.

“I didn’t know much, I was locked away, umm I knew that they wanted to hurt Marisol, I didn’t know why or who- and I knew that you were in danger because you had the baby, but uh, that’s it.” He shrugged, his voice wavering with uncertainty as if I were interrogating him for a crime that he was found guilty of, but I shook my head in assurance before setting my hand on his.

“So I heard that you found out that your daughter was pregnant, yesterday…” I sighed, the mention of that what I presumed to be awkward, conversation making him nearly grimace and nod in my direction. I could see the gears in his head turning before cocking his head while he thought.

“She wasn’t too happy about it, did she give the baby up for adoption…” He questioned carefully, unsure of what this territory was, similar to the days following his return with no William in sight. I huffed deeply and shook my head at him sadly.

“No, she was going to, but then- look, she wanted me to tell you this, and she will probably come to you when she is ready to tell you herself and talk about it, but for now she asked me to fill you in-.” I rambled, mostly due to the fact that I didn’t know how to verbalize this story in such a detached context, his wide eyes the same as hers as they stared down on me.

“She didn’t tell me she was pregnant, she was scared and nervous about it. However, when she was thirty weeks, she had a complication and she lost the baby.” I revealed, watching him stare for a moment before sitting up a bit straighter, unsure of what to do with that information, his eyes welling up.

“Did you- were you there?” He cried, a desperation in his voice as he inched closer, but I just shook my head and placed a hand on his shoulder to keep his distance, unsure of what to say next.

“No. I wasn’t there when he was born. I didn’t know she was pregnant or that she had left the hotel and driven herself to the hospital. I was at the hospital by accident because she was supposed to be getting blood work done and apparently I am her emergency contact and they called me, and I came in thinking I was just picking up some paperwork.” I managed, my own voice quivering at the memory, one that I hadn’t gone back to in what felt like ages.

***

_That Night_

I had never seen a loved one grieve a child before. I had grieved my own, I had worked on countless dead corpses, but I had never seen anything like this before. The closest I had gotten was watching Mulder scurry around for the better part of a decade searching for his poor sister who was long gone before he could find her at all, and now it felt like a sick cycle of watching his daughter suffer the same fate.

She had cried herself into a delirious state of exhaustion following the nurse exiting with the blanketed incubator, her sobs rattling the depths of her chest as she buried herself into my body. The shock of it all had me paralyzed at the beginning, unsure of how to react or what to feel. I assumed that anger should’ve been present, but it never came. I did see how she anticipated it, from the moment I stepped into her room I could see how desperately she held every tear back out of pure terror that I would be angry, scream, leave, or chastise her after what seemed to be a traumatic event.

I had never seen a live human so white, her arms bruised and battered from the digging that the nurses probably had to do to find a vein quickly. Her body felt limp and heavy as it slept safely in the crook of my shoulder, her damp hair resting just above my underarm. I worried to hear what had happened, my eyes glancing at the folder that sat on the table beside her bed. 

My hand quietly took it into my lap and began to read her charts and reports of what had happened, my heart sinking to the pit of my own stomach. She had miscarried around nine thirty, my mind thinking back to where we were at that time- sitting in the hotel breakfast bar, the stain on her shorts. 

I pushed on and read further, her placenta had torn away from her uterine wall, leaving a huge piece of it behind as it began to travel down before the baby. The doctor had dilated her manually and repositioned the organ, but he had really done a number on her body just to keep her breathing and somewhat warm in the bed.

My heart felt in shambles, unsure of what to do or how to help- I had never needed to be this person before, and from the way she clung to me, I knew I couldn’t fall short. The same young nurse wandered in as I set the folder back down, repositioning myself on the bed to try and get comfortable.

“You must be Dana…are you her…older sister?” She questioned, setting the wrapped tray of needles, tubes, and other items that I was too preoccupied to identify, catching my attention with her words. 

“No…I’m a friend- I’m family. We only have each other. Why?” I questioned tiredly, her experience with her son draining me emotionally as well, shifting my hold on her so her weight was now just pressing against me, rather than holding her up.

“When it got really bad, her blood pressure started to drop and she started just screaming for you. We kept asking her if she wanted us to call you but she refused, she didn’t want you to worry.” The young girl shrugged, making my breath hitch as I looked down at her tense expression as she fought to sleep, desperately trying to give her body the rest it needed to heal.

“What do I do? I mean, I’m a doctor, I can look at her chart and all that, but how do I be both? How can I be there for her after all this?” I muttered, trying not to wake her, but my efforts were futile as the nurse just wandered over with the tray, and what I then realized to be a new bag of fluids and blood.

“No matter how many times we asked, she was adamant that she just do this on her own, so I think as long as you are here for her now, and love her, you’ll figure everything else out.” The nurse shrugged, her words striking a cord as I watched her get her things set up. I swallowed and brushed some of her stray, brown hair back, figuring that I could do that much when it came down to being a caring family member.

“Is she getting a blood transfusion?” I questioned as the nurse carefully nudged Marisol, her exhausted being waking from her less than restful nap, her head still weakly resting against the front of my shoulder as she stared at the young nurse without uttering a word. 

“Yep. Alright Dr. Mulder, let’s see an arm please.” She requested, gently moving her wrist out of her lap and against one of the pillows that was padded on her side, swabbing the backside of her hand before giving her a solemn nod, letting her know that she’d be sticking her soon.

“Don’t look.” I suggested, feeling her eyes slowly close against the fabric of my sweater, her body flinching as the thick needle inserted the tube into her blood vessel, the young woman now shuddering as the liquid began to pump into her.

“You should start feeling better, we don’t want to give you too much, if you want to go home tomorrow you are going to need some rest and we are going to watch you to make sure nothing happens after. You should be done in an hour, we want to keep you awake for the procedure so we can keep an eye on you, okay?” The nurse instructed, checking on her vitals before doing one last check that everything was as it needed to be.

“I’m so cold.” Marisol whispered, her voice hoarse and scratchy, only making my chest contract at the sounds that had probably caused it, my eyes welling up at the thought. Of her alone and scared while they did those horrible things.

“Where are the blankets?” I cried, not realizing how unraveled I sounded at her request, sliding off of the bed to search through the cupboards and shelves until the nurse pushed aside a cabinet and retrieved a stack of spare blankets for me.

“I’ll be back to check on you soon.” She called past me, giving me a comforting nod before stepping out. I breathed out and wandered back towards the bed with a smile, trying my hardest to put a genuine one on my face for her, tucking her in warmly.

“This should help you feel a bit better.” I whispered, helping her sit back with a little more ease, her skin icy from all of the oxygen that was slowly replenishing itself in her body. She just shook her head numbly and let a singular tear fall down her clammy cheek.

“I don’t think…god, I’m always just going to feel like this.” She whispered, falling back into a bit of silence, her heartbeat being the only sound in the room playing on the machine. I bit my lip and watched as her hands slowly moved towards the tender spot on her middle, still too sore for her to even sit up completely, softly brushing it up and down.

“I’m just really cold right now.” She cried once more, making me scoot a chair over and grip her frozen hand, my own resting on her wounded tummy. I knew if I took my spot again she would fall back asleep, so keeping the space was important at least for this hour, but it took all the strength that I had.

“You shouldn’t even be here after I lied to you…why aren’t you gone? You should be mad at me.” She wept, now refusing to make eye contact, however still keeping her hand tightly woven in mine.

“I’m not mad and I’m not leaving you here alone, okay?” I assured firmly, my promise enough for her to relax momentarily and exhale out a cry, her arms still weak to truly bear any weight, unable to reach up and brush away her falling tears.

“You don’t have to worry about anything right now, I told you I’m staying right here.” I vowed, taking a tissue to help clean her up for the time being, making a mental note to at least ask about her ability to shower or bathe, my judgement being that she’d still need at least a day before she was moving at all.

“I missed you.” She found herself weeping, quiet enough for me to do a double take before feeling my own tears build at the comment.

“I missed you too.”

***

“We stayed one night until they ran out of beds and then I took her home and just took care of her from the hotel, which was somehow easier.” I shrugged, watching my former partner’s jaw drop at the information that he was receiving, unable to process it.

“Did she need surgery? Wha- what happened?” He cried, unconsciously snuggling Penelope deeper into his embrace as he waited for my answer.

“No, her placenta tore away from her uterus wall and they had to get the baby out right there. They helped her out to move things along faster and she delivered him right there in the labor and delivery triage room. They did some pretty horrific things that I would never do if it were my call and she is still trying to work through those things, which is why she was so upset when she found out that Gibson was keeping his whole identity a secret from her.” I breathed, his face twisting with empathy for his daughter who had been subjected to agony after agony, guilt plastering over his face.

“I shouldn’t have gone- I never should’ve opened up this whole _fucking_ can of worms! I put my pregnant daughter through all of this and now look where she is!” He shouted, making Penelope flinch and squeal out an angry cry for being disturbed so suddenly, making me tilt my head and swiftly gather her from his arms as he jumped up to pace.

“Hey- stop it. This isn’t your fault and you know that. Don’t make this about you.” I chastised, catching his eyes as his expression softened, sinking back onto the bed where I was continuously rocking the baby.

“She made a choice to go and find you, and she was more than capable in making them. So don’t start with this. Right now she needs our love and support as she tries to work through this.” I urged, but he just shook his head at me and dropped it into his hands, struggling immensely with this huge bombshell that had been reared into his life.

“How?” He whispered, the same question running across my mind as I stared at his battered daughter in her hospital bed for the first time, feeling completely helpless in the face of grief.

“You love her, you let her know that she isn’t alone. And if she doesn’t take it give her time because she’s lost a lot and needs to come around to it on her own. Remember that she loves you even when you may not think it, because she does, she loves you so much that she came and found me to search for you. Just love her.” I urged, taking his hand into my own, watching as he nodded and squeezed it back. 

“Okay, thanks.” He whispered, his eyes glistening as he took a deep breath, holding his arms out for Penelope once more, whispering softly to her as I passed her off, watching the both of them wander into the hall.

…

The day had gone by slowly, and upon Monica’s return with freshly dyed roots I immediately noticed the absence of my cohort, making my face tilt into a frown. My friend inched into the room and grinned at me, filling me in on her trip to the “farmer’s market” with Marisol and the lunch outing that they had together, something simple enough for the both of them to take their minds off of the stress that they had both been under. 

I found myself nodding sadly, catching her attention as she cleared her throat and slipped her jacket onto her arm. “Marisol said she’s going to take the night to be on her own, that she needs to practice that, being on her own and all that.” Monica shrugged, making my chest constrict slightly.

“Sounds good. Well, have a good night Mon.” I breathed, her grin warming the room as she stumbled off, the entire house settling as it got ready for another marathon night of feedings, changings, crying, and walking. 

It had been the same as the others, little sleep and lots of attention towards the little girl who snuggled warmly into my skin, but I took it, knowing that one day she wouldn’t be this little, that I didn’t get the chance to snuggle completely with my other two as much as I wanted, that this was precious time.

Regardless of how precious the time was, the sun rose promptly, an orange glow washing over the horizon, prompting another day starting. I wanted nothing more than to stay in bed and sleep for hours, but I knew that my maternal need to be with my little one for some parts of the day would kick in, and I’d eventually have to pee.

There was a slight tapping on the door and I knew that only one person would be that conscious of the noise being made in the house, making me creep out of the bed and pull my robe around myself, the air still chilly. 

I tread down the hall and pulled the heavy wood to reveal Marisol standing on my stoop as she had done the first time I ever laid eyes on her. She seemed somewhat rested, but also just as disheveled as I was, her eyes slowly glancing up at me.

Her hair had more layers to it and I could see the darkened color that she had opted with, something Monica had probably convinced her to do that she was still unsure about. “Hi there sleepy head.” I smiled groggily, but she remained unmoving, causing me to frown and step outside, quietly closing the door behind me.

“I realized that I can’t do this on my own.” She blurted out, making me tilt my head at her and urge her to continue, fearful that she might burst into a wreck of anxious tears in front of me.

“I thought that it was too much, and no matter what you said that in the end I needed to pick myself up and get myself through this. I know I can get through this but I guess I’m saying that I do need help and I do need you. I don’t know what it was about this past year but I trust you more than I trust myself right now I guess I just- I miss how things were, when you were happy and I had my son who was still alive. I miss feeling light and distracted, and eating your stupid food. I know I can’t go back and I don’t know why I felt that way right after and now I feel so bad, but I know that I need your help.” She cried, getting all of her words out in one breath before taking a step back instinctively once she finished.

“I’ve missed that too. And I’ve missed you as well.” I admitted with a touched smile, watching as she carefully moved in for a hug, the both of us allowing ourselves to sit in nostalgia for a moment, void of ex fiancés, horrific mothers, grief, and baby spit up.

“We can figure this out, and I can make you some of my facon, your dad isn’t very good at cooking.” I giggled, her nose wrinkling at the mention of my plant based protein, brushing some of the tears off of her cheek, both of us walking back inside, feeling slightly lighter at the memory of the past. 


	16. Birthday

Marisol

The ringing in of my twenty sixth year seemed less than appealing following the year I had experienced. It had it’s high spots, the entrance of my family, finding Dana, and welcoming her child into this world. But somehow the weight of the entirety of my twenty fifth year felt like the sharpest growing pains of my entire existence, both physically and emotionally. 

I woke up to the sound of rain against my windows, the chill in the air of my apartment making me breathe deeply and pull one of my throw blankets around my shoulders, settling back into the fluffy pillows that brought me a shred of comfort, not wanting to crawl out of the warmth of my environment. 

Birthdays were always lackluster in the bleak setting that I grew up in, they were mine and mine alone. It was my debut into this world and it was left for me to celebrate on my own. Mulder and Dana had no clue of the significance that November twenty fifth meant, and it felt good to just spend the morning with myself and take a moment to reflect on my life and the past year.

It felt too dense to cry over, but too numbing to embrace every emotion into a space of mediation and contemplation, pulling my phone over towards my lap, glancing at the blank screen. My stomach ached from the last bits of energy burning up inside me, figuring that breakfast, or at least coffee would be a wise choice, and that I deserved it given the occasion.

I found the will to climb out of the warmth of my bed and wander down the short corridor into the rude blast of cold air into my kitchen. I groaned at the sound of wet drops against the wood floor and noticed the unlatched window that I had forgotten to fully pull down, allowing the morning rain to pour in. 

Once my feet were dried the idea of breakfast was back in my mind, but as I went through my refrigerator I noticed how sad and empty it truly was, settling on the plain creamer to pair with my brewing coffee. It would suffice and I watched anxiously as the maker slowly topped off the pot, allowing me to impatiently yank on it and fill up my periwinkle mug with the thick dairy that helped take the edge off of my caffeine. It was a silver lining in the bleakness following Franklin, I loved coffee, and it was the one thing I had allowed back into my life following my stillbirth. 

The lining was so incredibly thin, and you had to squint with all of your might to see it, but it was there, and it sat warmly in my mug. I sighed and stirred it, my heart jumping at the sound of a knocking at the door.

It was silly, and logically I knew that nobody would be showing up on my doorstep with large displays of celebration, simply due to the fact that nobody was aware of my special day. Nevertheless I shrugged the excitement off.

I had half a mind to just ignore it and settle into the welcoming arms of my sofa, I was on leave from work, and could use a morning to just be at peace, especially this one. I never spent my birthdays with family, even Gibson knew not to make a fuss around the day, and I had come accustomed to the stillness of acknowledging one’s existence all on my own.

I sighed and shuffled towards the white wood and decided on answering, keeping the chain intact for safety as Gibson’s face appeared on the other side, bashfully blushing with his arms behind his back.

“I know you said you needed space, and I’m just here to drop something off, as a friend.” He muttered, pulling a gift bag out from behind his back, along with a bouquet of freshly cut peonies from the cart down the road. 

I exhaled slowly and shut the door, taking a moment before unhooking the latch, not entirely sure if I should be opening back up to him. Nevertheless I pulled it open and watched as he handed it out to me, waiting for me to take the items as I contemplated momentarily.

“Gibson, why did you do this? We’re taking things slow, remember?” I reminded, but he just nodded and offered the items once more, making me sigh with a slight smirk and set my coffee down, taking the bag and flowers from him, not able to control the blissful inhale of the peonies that floated into my lungs.

I caught him gazing, despite the bedhead, drool marks, heavy bags, and dirty pajama shirt and sweats that I had been using for sleeping, unsure as to what he was impressed with. “It’s your birthday, and friends do things like this on birthdays…” He shrugged, making me scoff and shake my head at him, motioning him inside as I found a vase to fill for the flowers that would dawn my kitchen table.

“Friends don’t do things like this on birthdays.” I pointed out, but he just shrugged at me and promptly shook his head in my direction. He disagreed with what I had to say and was clear about that fact.

“They do, actually. I’ve just been your boyfriend for so long it got confusing, plus Valerie doesn’t like flowers, she thinks they’re cliche.” He pointed out, causing me to giggle and return to the foyer to retrieve my beverage, but he just held it out after apparently retrieving it from the table.

“Well thank you, friend.” I shrugged, yanking the caffeine from his grip before eyeing the bag that sat on the table, his face growing more serious as I curiously picked it up and began opening it.

The weight of it alone had me gasping at what was inside, a large white frame with painted glass was ornately wrapped in bubble wrap, with room for a small photo sitting blank in the middle.

“I don’t know what you have to remember him by, but I figured you have at least one photo or memorabilia to remember him by, you can put it in here to at least keep it safe.” He suggested, his words making my eyes fill up with unwarranted tears which began coating my cheeks.

“Oh god, you hate it. I shouldn’t have…sorry.” He cried upon seeing my face, he urgently tried to pry the frame from my fingers but I just waved him away and shook my head, taking a moment to stare at the time spent that he had most likely taken the night before.

“It’s wonderful, Gibson. I just wasn’t expecting this.” I admitted, the thought of unearthing the photo that Monica had so tenderly returned to my broken nightstand a little too daunting to do on my own at the moment.

“I just, I wanted to give you a way that you can honor him however you choose, whether that is putting him on display for everyone to see, or keeping him to yourself.” He shrugged, making me sniffle back softly and run my hands over the glass, careful not to leave fingerprints or smudges on such a thoughtful gift.

“Do you want…I can show you a picture of the sonogram…?” I offered, watching him nod slowly at me and agree. It felt odd slowly leading him into the bedroom where all of my belongings were, carefully setting the frame on the unmade bed that he loved so much when we were still together. 

We had spoken about moving in together eventually, but our bustling careers had kept us from finally doing it, both of us being fully aware of our inevitable union before our wedding, however I was now grateful for my own space. I sighed and slid the drawer open, pulling the photo out, sending an icy jolt down my arm as I sat down onto the bed.

“Here he is. All two pounds of him.” I shrugged, recalling that I was nearly four months when I had set out to find Dana and my father. He took the small sonogram photo from me and held it delicately, his eyes watering at the sight. This appointment was one that we were going to do together, I had surprised him later than usual when it came to pregnancy announcements, and upon his apparent death I was left to attend this one on my own.

“What…did you give him a name?” He asked carefully, handing the photo back for me to begin placing inside of the frame, sliding it into place before setting it on my nightstand, not entirely sure where I was going to keep it, or if I truly wanted it out and on display. 

“Franklin, Franklin Fox Mulder-Praise.” I breathed, his name still difficult, tasting coppery on my tongue as all of the memories associated with it haunted my entire being. He sat down beside me and set a hand on mine, the gesture kind, but making my skin freeze, causing me to carefully pull away.

“What happened, was he born alive or…?” He began to pry, making me immediately choke up at the invasive question, my throat feeling like it was strangling me from the inside out. Nobody had asked that before, and somehow it came out of nowhere and clawed at me until I managed to exhale shakily.

“I don’t want to talk about that.” I declared hastily, wrapping my arms around myself as he lowered his eyes and bit down on his lip. I rationally knew that eventually I would tell him, or fill him in on that horrendous day, he deserved to know what had happened, he was his father after all, and a victim in this as well, but my body rejected any mention of what happened to the both of us in that hospital bay.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to push…” He whispered, both of us sitting in silence unsure of what to say to that abrasive comment, leaving me raw and slightly shocked at his brazen nature of the questions.

“Maybe we can talk about it later, he is your son too, but I can’t right now, it’s still too…too raw.” I cried, my tears now pricking the insides of my eyes for a moment before finally glancing over at him.

He gave an awkward nod and I could feel my stomach turning as his own tears threatened to gloss over his big blue eyes. Normally I would reach out, push his fringe back, adjust his frames on his nose, but I felt a tension building in my chest as I sat with my conflicting feelings.

“But we’re just friends right now, friends who happen to be parents, but still just friends.” He reiterated, giving my hand an apologetic squeeze before gathering his things to leave. I followed in embarrassment and handed him his coat before sighing with one long breath, unsure of what was next.

“Thank you for the gift, and the flowers and for just stopping by.” I attempted, brushing the rogue tear away before leaning into a hug, his burly arms wrapping around my shoulders, just as I had remembered, my urge to just lean further growing with each second that I remained embraced. I exhaled and pulled away giving his chest a pat before opening the door for him, ushering him out and down the hall.

Once the door was closed firmly I leaned my back against the wood and let out a hearty cry for a moment, letting the shock of the conversation wash over me. A hand cupped my mouth per usual, letting the tears fall against the skin before brushing them away, grabbing a tissue from the shelf to blot my face and blow my nose.

As I cleaned myself up I could feel the buzzing of my phone of an unlisted number, making my eyes roll at the thought of work calling me after I put in my notice of leave. However as I slid my finger against the red button, it just called back once more, making my heart pound at the thought of Monica calling with an emergency.

I urgently picked up and placed the phone against my ear, waiting for Monica’s voice to answer bearing bad news, or a new crisis for us to have to deal with. Dana had been doing better with her anxiety, and her meditations seemed to be helping, but she of all people knew that it was never gone for good.

“Dr. Mulder?” A woman chirped, her throat getting lodged in her throat once she began to cross search the number, landing her on the hospital’s local number.

“This is she…” I could barely whisper, my heart now slamming in my chest as the woman on the other line took a short breath, taking her time to reply as every horrific scenario played back in my mind.

“This is George Washington Medical Center and we are calling because you are Ms. Diana Fowley’s emergency contact, she named you as such this morning and we are requesting that you come in for some last minute details, she isn’t doing well and we are predicting that she may not make it through the afternoon.” The older woman declared, her tone sympathetic but also detached to this call, figuring that she had done numerous amounts of these on the daily.

“What is her condition?” I managed, the woman sharing that she couldn’t disclose over the phone, making me groan and thank her for the message, absolutely infuriated with this woman’s audacity to firstly, stay alive, and secondly, to continue worming her way into my life.

I settled on a shower, just letting the water run over my body for a while until ultimately stepping out once the pads of my fingers were wrinkly prunes. The towels felt rough against my steaming skin and I settled on pea green trousers and a black turtleneck, shrugging my large, black coat over both before staring at my twenty six year old self in the mirror.

My matted curls sat frizzing on the side of my face, refusing to take the blow drier and iron to it, especially in the wind, humidity and rain. I had no time to worry about luxuries, tying one of my black headbands around the crown of my skull, allowing the hair to do what it needed to do.

It was off to see my _mother_ for one last time.

…

The hospital was cold and cruel as I marched my way down the illuminated hallway. Patients and loved ones stalked the halls, but I could feel the shift in atmosphere as I found myself turning into the ICU wing. 

My body tensed at the memory, how I had been moved to the emergency wing of the maternity and postpartum ward, the thought making my insides hurt. A kind receptionist handed me a sticker and motioned me down the row of rooms, pointing towards the last one. Lamps sat outside each room, and upon the sound of a faint beeping, a nurse stepped out and lit it, signifying the peaceful crossing over from one life to the other.

However, upon reaching the room, I felt no shred of grief or sympathy for the woman I was going to visit. I pushed the door open and found her hooked up to machines and wires, keeping her alive for only what I assumed to be a few more hours.

“Marisol.” She croaked, a smirk glistening over her expression as I stood in the doorframe, my arms crossed defensively over my chest. For a dying woman she seemed incredibly pleased with herself, only shooting my frustrations up and through the roof.

“Happy birthday.” She tried once more, her words now getting a rise out of me as I began tapping the toe of my boot on the cold linoleum, glaring through tight lenses at the woman who sat now suddenly interested in the day that she brought me into this world.

“Shut up.” I barked, stomping towards the machines that were pumping, glancing over for any papers that I now apparently had to sign off on, but it all seemed to be taken care of, which now made sense as she was still conscious and able to make her own decisions.

“What the fuck am I doing here? You’re awake, able to sign your own shit.” I grumbled but she just wheezed out a slight chuckle, her body wincing at the movement from within, somehow bringing slight satisfaction into my heart.

“I wanted to talk to you, to try and get it through your thick head that I can help you and your husband with your little baby problem.” She croaked, my blood beginning to boil beneath my skin as I stared at the pathetic woman in front of me, balling my fists to do everything in my power to control myself.

“Plus, I wanted to see you on your birthday.” She pointed out, her words almost making me violent at her assumptions, that she automatically deserved a spot in my life simply because she carried and bore me.

“I told you no- multiple times in fact, and you still can’t get it through your dumb fucking brain. I told you to stay away, to leave me the fuck alone. You already did enough, Diana.” I snarled, stomping towards her bedside with every intention to scream in her face, but the growl seemed to get my sentiments across.

“You are so stubborn, just like your father. Why can’t you see that I am trying to help you, as your moth..”

“You are _not_ my fucking mother!” I was shaking, my vision going red as I gripped her arm with all my might, wanting to squeeze until I felt satisfied, all of the bottled up resentment and anger blooming through my fingers.

“Then who is? That redheaded bimbo that you have been frolicking around with? She is the reason you never had a true family, the reason I could never come back to you and make us a family again.” She frowned, her words hostile as she spat them over at me, my grip growing tighter and tighter at the sheer disrespect.

“Don’t talk about her like that you _bitch_.” The words like venom licking my tongue, making the woman tilt her head at me to feign confusion, but I had little sympathy for her.

“You are the reason why I grew up without a family.” I finally managed, releasing her arm upon the realization that she wasn’t worth my time or more importantly, my energy.

“My my, so high and mighty up there on your horse.” She smirked, unfazed by the outburst that left my chest heaving and eyes watering.

“What are you talking about?” I grumbled, gathering my things that I had dropped in the process of screaming at her, shrugging my jacket back on that I had discarded, unfazed over the fact that it was on the floor.

“You are so quick to judge, saying I was horrible, but you are just like me.” She grinned, despite knowing that she was just saying to get under my skin, I couldn’t help but stalk towards her, my upper lip twitching.

“What did you say?” 

“I told you that we watched you,” she breathed, each word labored as it shook out of her mouth, “I know that you were planning on abandoning him- just like I did.” She gloated, my blood boiling at the mention of my past decisions.

“Shut your mouth.” I snarled, her words cruelly striking a nerve that nobody had yet to touch since I had gone through what had happened.

“You were too afraid to raise your son after you thought Gibson was dead- so you can’t sit here and lecture me for doing the same.” She explained evenly, my fingers twitching as they inched towards her, how they wanted to squeeze the very life out of her.

“It is not the same thing- you left me for your own selfish reasons. I looked for you for years, wondering why my mother left me at a park and never came back- he was going to have a family, people who could love him when I thought I couldn’t!” Furious tears shaking out of my eyes as I tried to articulate what I needed to say, too enraged to think clearly.

“But he’d still have that feeling, that dreadful feeling of being unwanted, not being enough, all of the things you felt.” 

I could feel my blood pressure rising, my vision blurring momentarily as the intensifying emotions in my body swirled and morphed into each other. How I wished that I had my weapon on me, or that we were alone so I could tear her throat out with my bare hands, my anger towards her debilitating.

“Maybe it’s for the best, you never seemed like the mothering type.” She shrugged as a nurse came in somberly, his face glancing at the both of us, taking in the energy of the room, swallowing thickly.

“Oh, you must be Mrs. Fowley’s daughter.” He stammered, but I remained unmoving frowning in her direction with disgust, shuddering out a dissatisfied growl at the comment, loathing my connection to her.

“No, I’m not. What are you doing in here?” I bit off, his tooth gnawing on his lip as he snapped on a pair of gloves, Diana’s breathing growing raspier as she began to struggle. Despite the horrific words shared, the sounds made the hairs on my neck stand, however I couldn’t bring myself to worry for the woman in the bed.

“I was coming to see if Mrs. Fowley would be able to be taken off some of the machines, but she seems to be doing worse…was she worked up while you were talking?” He worried, pressing one of the emergency buttons before hastily working on her, her papery eyelids now shut as he she croaked loudly.

“Unconscious.” He reported out loud as more nurses rushed in, his finger finding the blue button upon realizing that she was worsening.

“You’re her next of kin on her paperwork.” The nurse from the front desk reported, glancing over the chart that was at the foot of her bed. The small team stared at me with oxygen ready and the machine buzzing to life.

“Ma’am…?” She tried once more, my brain like molasses as I stared at the sputtering woman, my arms crossing as I recalled every horrific thing she had inflicted on my life, in both the past and present.

“Don’t do anything.” I whispered, my nostrils flaring angrily as they stared back at me in initial shock, their expressions softening as they set their items down, used to this response from most likely working in a hospice ward.

“Do you want a moment to say goodbye? Do you need a grief room?” The woman asked as they began unhooking her from the machines, her body naturally letting go, making two nurses step in front of me to shield my eyes.

“No. Just- I don’t care what you do with her. Just don’t call me about it.” I snarled, shoving between them to lean over the edge of the bed that she now laid unconscious in, her face contorted in a permanent grimace of death.

“Death is too fucking good for you.” I spat, noticing the engagement ring that she kept on her finger, the only desperate link between her and my father’s nearly permanent union. I scowled and slipped it off of her hand, angrily disposing of it into the garbage bin in the corner.

“Rot in hell.”

…

_Dana_

“What are you doing?” Mulder questioned as I used the squirt bottle while perched on the toilet, raising an eyebrow in his direction as to why he was standing in the doorway of the bathroom.

“I _was_ peeing, I can’t use toilet paper because it’s still a war zone down there.” I grumbled, sorely pulling myself off of the low seat, shimmying my pants up along with the mesh underwear that had become the newest article of my comfortable wardrobe.

“Something feels off.” I shrugged while washing my hands beneath the warm water, drying them off against the swollen middle of my body mindlessly. He just shrugged back at me and offered the baby over to me, but I shook my head sleepily and found my way back to the spot on the bed, crawling underneath the blankets as I watched the drizzly clouds pass.

“I don’t want to do anything, it’s so cold and sleety.” I breathed into the comfortable material of the pillow, the sounds of Penelope’s stretching and yawning behind me slowly lulling me back to sleep.

“Hey you two, there’s some extra breakfast on the counter, Gibson dropped it off.” Monica whispered into the room, making me groan and sit myself up, contemplating on the young boy’s random yet generous act.

“Did he say why?” Mulder yawned, his question making Monica pause for a moment and nod, her expression wary at the casual tone he took with it. My stomach twisted and I carefully took the rooting baby from my partner, her hand covered in saliva as she sucked hungrily.

“He thought Marisol was still here, he was dropping it off because it’s her birthday today…” She trailed off, her words making my stomach drop as I checked the time. Nearly noon, we had gone all day without acknowledging her birth.

My eyes widened as I stared up at my partner who shook his head defensively at me, raising a hand to speak.

“I didn’t know when her birthday was! I barely found out she existed a year and a half ago!” But I still glared at him in exasperation, smacking my free hand against his chest before prompting him to try and make right of his explanation.

“You don’t think in a year and a half a birthday might not have passed?” I demanded, but he shook his head once more and crossed his arms stubbornly, my own patience diminishing as I glared at him. “I was with you for most of last year, Scully!” His point only causing me to grumble and sit up straighter before positioning the baby onto myself.

“We are celebrating your daughter’s birthday tonight, so Mulder, go out and pick up some food, and find a fucking cake or something! Monica- I’m going to need you to take Penelope when she’s done so I can shower and think of what to get her.” I sighed, the both of them nodding hastily, everyone dispersing in order to try and make this up to the young girl who had done so much for everyone in the room.

…

Marisol

I sat numbly in my apartment, scribbling down my thoughts angrily like my counselor had advised, the release feeling easier as I allowed myself to get the emotions out and onto the page. It looked as if I had been possessed by other worldly demons scratching on the page, when in reality it was just my anger, grief, and despair.

I felt lighter as they released momentarily, the weight of the day still rushing through my veins as I packed the leather bound journal away into the side table, sighing tiredly as the evening began to commence on this twenty sixth year of my life. Birthdays always felt so sudden and short, but spending them like this was nothing short of ordinary.

I huffed at the knock at my door, figuring it was my tofu stir fry that I would never admit to eating by choice outside of that hotel room, but it reminded me of home and that sense of comfort that I craved. The door swung open to reveal Monica on the other side, holding my take out container.

“You are not eating this.” She declared before I could get a word in, linking her arm around mine before pulling me out of my apartment, barely allowing me to lock up and shut the light off.

I stammered as she nearly tossed me into the passenger seat, zipping the both of us down the main road and off to the suburban areas. I bit my lip as her music softly played, her Celine Dion greatest hits playing on her radio- _figures_ Monica Reyes loved Celine.

As the car pulled up to the house a wide grin formed on the brunette’s mouth, motioning for me to get out and follow, despite the dark lights that were normally lit on the outside doorstep. Once more, the older woman linked her arm into mine and unlocked the heavy wood, pushing it open to reveal Dana and my father sitting around a table filled with food and presents.

Balloons were strung from the ceiling and a banner ran from the back wall above the window. The three of them grinned widely before Monica could wrap her arms around me tightly, followed by a hearty _happy birthday._

My hand slowly rose to my mouth as I took in what I was looking at, my chest shaking as tears threatened to build, allowing Monica to hold me warmly, her fingers stroking my knotted hair with a joyful grin.

“We’re sorry, we didn’t know- we hope we can make it up to you.” Dana cried with Penelope latched to her chest, only her tiny foot visibly beneath the bib that she had been using to shroud herself from prying eyes, just in case Monica brought any unexpected visitors. I shook my head at her and carefully embraced her, mindful not to disturb her hungry daughter.

“I never celebrate them anyways. I didn’t expect you all to do anything.” I admitted truthfully, the redhead scoffing sadly before nudging my father forward who warmly embraced me, pressing a kiss into my hair, wishing me a warm ‘happy birthday’ before pulling away.

“We got pasta, a bunch of different types, I didn’t know which type was your favorite, so I got all of them.” Mulder shrugged, making me giggle at his clear effort to try and make this meal perfect, topped off with a basket of burnt garlic bread.

“Oh thank god, you should’ve smelled what she was going to eat- it was tofu stir fry!” Monica cried, wrinkling her nose at the thought of the meal that she had promptly tossed into my apartment. Dana just raised a smirking eyebrow at me before removing a wriggling Penelope from her body.

“ _Was_ she?” 

“Oh shut up, I’ve had a hard day.” I scoffed, the weight of it ebbing at me, but I refused to let it sulk on the moment that they had clearly put so much thought into after realizing it was indeed my birthday. 

“It reminds me of home, sue me.” My voice a mutter as my hand trailed to the still soft skin of my stomach, the memory strong and warm in my head, how things had changed since then.

Dana just grinned and set Penelope into her swing, motioning for all of us to grab our plates and pile on the mountains of pasta. I could see my father out of the corner of my eye, mixing his different piles of noodles together into one disgusting pile of mush. 

Once everyone gathered at Dana’s small table we all stared at one another uncomfortably, unsure if there should be some words shared with one another before eating. My father cleared his throat and folded his hands before glancing at everyone, wrapping his hand around the sweating glass of water.

“I just wanted to say a quick word,” he began, making me nervously duck and stare down at my hands, unsure of what to do or say in the moment, “Marisol and I haven’t been in each other’s lives for very long, she found me about a year and a half ago, but despite our lack of each other’s presence, she went out to find Scully, and to save my life, and reunite all of us when we needed it most.”

He paused and took a breath, glancing over in my direction to flash a smile, unsure of what to say next in order to tie in the rest of his speech to something meaningful.

“We all used to just exist in each other’s lives, but she taught us all to how to be a family, reminding me of what that means, by never giving up on us.” Dana nodded, smiling at me from across the table, the finality in her voice urging all of us to begin eating.

We all scarfed the food down, our appetites increased exponentially upon the arrival of the newest little Scully in the family. Although the tofu brought back nostalgic memories of our life on the run, I was so happy that Monica had discarded it and insisted on dinner, the food incredibly satisfying.

“I, um, well we all hope that you like yellow boxed cake because that is all that I know how to bake, and chocolate frosting…from a can.” Monica shrugged while hastily clearing our plates before any of us could protest, making me blush at the thought of her struggling to bake a cake solely for me.

“I love yellow cake, I told you none of this…”

“Marisol Lucia Mulder of course we are going to make you a birthday cake, we want to celebrate you and all of the wonderful things that you are to us. You don’t have to protest it, we enjoy doing this for you.” Dana urged, grabbing my hand momentarily while Monica emerged from the kitchen with a bundt cake covered in multi-colored sprinkles and sparkling candles.

_“Happy Birthday to you_

_Happy Birthday to you_

_Happy Birthday Marisol_

_Happy Birthday to you”_

I awkwardly shifted and felt my eyes well up with touched tears while staring at the burning candles, taking a moment to sit in this pocket of time with Dana on one side of me, Monica singing happily, my father cradling Penelope while softly reciting the words against her downy cheek. 

“Make a wish!” Monica cried, normally the comment would produce an eye roll out of me, but in this moment I knew that the warm feeling of family was enough to produce touched tears after the horrendous day I had.

I knew I was nothing like the wretched woman who had died earlier that day, because unlike her I had my small family who deeply loved me in every way, and would in turn teach me how to continue that cycle of love as a mother. I had mourned, was still actively grieving Franklin, whereas I was just a blip in her life that needed abandonment without batting an eye. 

“Marisol, hon, you need to blow out the candles.” Monica urged, snapping me out of my trance, I nodded emotionally and blew until the fire went out, the three of them clapping happily, clicking the lights on, much to Penelope’s discontent squeal.

“Oh my gosh, come here you little bear.” I cried, immediately holding my hands out to take my sister from Mulder’s burly arms, pulling her close to my chest while slowly rocking her, feeling her settle immediately into the crook of my elbow. 

“I’ve missed you.” I found myself weeping softly over the squirming newborn who always seemed to cure my sour moods and wretched days, her rosy cheeks and wiggling form enough to insight joy into my heart.

“How was your day?” I whispered, rocking her with one arm while Mulder brought over a large gift bag and a card, setting them in front of me, making me blush once more but keep my mouth shut. “I can take her if you want to open your gifts with both hands?” Dana offered, but I just shrugged and held her tightly in my arm.

“I’m okay, but thank you. She’s helping me.” I smirked, pulling the tissue paper out before tilting the bag down to peek in and see a large, heavy blanket wrapped on the inside with a bow, making me grin at Dana, knowing that she was responsible for this without even glancing at the card.

“You are always cold, and I just want you to feel warm and safe while you sleep, if I can’t be there to help.” She smiled, her reasoning warming the inside of my heart, recalling how she’d promptly wrap her arms around my shoulders whenever she felt like I needed it.

“Thank you, but I will always take the real thing.” I grinned, feeling Penelope wriggle once more, squeaking out a whimper as a reminder to press the green pacifier into her pouty lips. My father then handed over the card, allowing me to open the envelope to reveal an old, vintage card with a large rocket ship on the front, opening the flap to find a small wad of cash paired with a scribbled note on the inside.

_Thank you for being the unifying heart of this family. I love you more than you will ever know, thank you for coming into my life and being such an incredible daughter. I can’t wait to get to know you._

_Love, Mulder (or dad, if you want, but everyone calls me Mulder)_

I smiled and closed it before mouthing a ‘thank you’ in his direction, noticing how he was trying to make himself busy, quite bashful that I was reading his card in front of him. Out of all the things about Fox Mulder, I would never peg him to be someone who got bashful.

“I loved it you guys, thank you for celebrating my birthday. I love you all so much.” I cried, glancing at all of them, leaning down to kiss Penelope’s peachy little head. The small group grinned back, Monica offering me a glass of wine, along with some fizzy water for Dana.

“We loved celebrating you.”

…

I sat quietly on the silent porch watching the ran drizzle down over the awning, breathing in the clean air. A soft knock on the glass door caused me to spin around to find Dana standing in the doorway with a small bag and envelope in her hands, a knowing grin on her face.

“How was your birthday?” She asked softly, making me grin tiredly and motion for her to join me on the swinging bench, lifting the throw blanket that I was comfortably perched under. She happily took her spot and allowed me to yawn and rest my head on her shoulder, her fingers scratching at my head.

“It was an amazing night. I loved it.” I smiled, but she stopped her scratching and glanced down at me, waiting for the notorious ‘but’ that she could sense in my voice.

“My…mother, she died today. I went down to the hospital because the hospital called me, and I told them to do a DNR and then I told her to rot in hell because she said I was just like her for wanting to give up Franklin.” I sighed, not wanting to cry over her anymore, but Dana just smacked her lips and pressed a kiss into my hair.

“You are nothing like her.” She reiterated, her clear distaste for my now late mother apparent as she comforted me.

“But I hope you find some peace.” She wished before placing the small bag and envelope in my lap, urging me to sit up.

“I have one final gift for you, and a…card.” She muttered, instructing me not to open the envelope around her. I raised an eyebrow at her and agreed, pulling the tissue paper out of the tiny bag, revealing the beloved necklace that I had lost, what seemed like ages ago, a lump rising in my throat.

“Dana…” I found myself whimpering, my eyes immediately flooding with an indescribable relief and wave of love that I couldn’t seem to place. Looking over at the older woman I noticed the tears that were in her eyes as well, the shared experience that we unfortunately had placed in our history together, was something that she carried as well.

“I found it, it was packed away in Penelope’s things. I cleaned it for you, and figured this would be the perfect day to give it to you.” She whispered, taking the locket from me and snapping it around my neck, giving me the familiar feeling that brought my son back to his designated spot in my heart.

“I love you, Dana. Thank you.” I cried, glancing down at the letter that was tempting me, feeling her wrap her arms around my shoulders, her signature embrace that filled me with familiar love.

“I love you too. Now I can see you eyeing the envelope, so I’m going to head inside, it’s raining and Monica is asleep so you can take your room if you want.” She shrugged, giving my hand a squeeze before returning inside.

I breathed and flipped open the envelope, revealing a folded piece of paper that she had fashioned inside, her signature handwriting penned on the inside.

_Happy Birthday Marisol,_

_Even as I’ve gotten older, I still seem to struggle with words when it comes to these things, so I figured writing it down might be easier and more eloquently put. You came into my life when I thought it would be only loneliness, drawing me into an adventure that turned into something life changing._

_You became my family, let me lean on you, you loved me when I needed it, and saw me as your equal. You helped me bring my daughter into the world, and made me safe and protected when I couldn’t protect myself, and for that I will always be grateful for you being present for that time in my life._

_I am so grateful that I got to spend this past year with you, watch you become a mother, and share in your loving presence. I love that our family has grown, and that you are an integral part of it._

_There is so much more that I could say, but just know that I love you._

_Love always,_

_Dana_

I folded it back up and blinked my falling tears away, her words perfectly her, filling me with warmth and love for my little family that I had made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This has been MONTHS in the making!! Please leave any comments if you have any!


	17. Movement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to msgilliana for being the best beta out there!

Marisol

I yawned as I quietly readied myself in the bathroom, taking a few glances back into the master bedroom where the sleeping mass was residing. My stomach twisted at the thought of the night before, how I had gone against everything that I had been telling myself, working towards, promising to myself.

With a nervous exhale I slipped out of the bathroom and into the hallway where the idle coffee maker waited. Normally it was prepped the night before, but in the heat of the moment, coffee was the last thing on either of our minds.

My skin felt fiery against the soft material of my robe, pulling it tighter as I poured the water into the machine, letting my eyes fall shut.

Sex.

It was nothing more than that. 

Not love making. Not a consummation. Just fucking.

I worried, if I was ready for such an intimate act of melding bodies, sharing love, becoming one with someone. But I quickly learned that sex was something that I could handle.

That is at least what I told myself.

Just some mind numbing sex, getting fucked and fucking until kingdom come.

I had caught a cab home from Dana’s following my birthday, needing a shower and a fresh pair of clothes, but when I returned to Gibson dropping off a birthday cake, I figured it would be enough for the both of us to take some time together.

Two consenting adults.  _ Friends _ . Nothing more, nothing less.

Before I could get the coffee out of the mug and stirred with the hazelnut creamer, a bang on my door rang through the house, nearly causing a mess. I took a centering breath and shuffled across the floor in my bedroom slippers, pulling the chained door open to reveal a whimpering Dana with Penelope strapped into her car seat, wailing loudly for all the neighbors to hear.

I gasped softly and slammed the door to unhook the latch, pulling it open to allow her in, swiftly taking the car seat from her, safely setting it inside. Dana stumbled into the room and nearly dropped herself into my arms, wailing harshly with the diaper bag slung on her shoulder.

“My  _ god _ , what happened?!” I demanded, instinctively cupping the back of her head, embracing her warmly as she sobbed. She sat for a moment, the noise rousing Gibson from the bedroom to see what was happening, the sight making his eyes widen as he vanished into the guest room.

“Dana…” I whispered, making eye contact with my sister angrily crying for something, but her mother couldn’t seem to hear it. I exhaled and placed a kiss onto the top of her head before pulling away, glancing at her expression.

“Did you drive here?” I tried once more, my voice coming off more chastising than I had intended, however my stomach tightened at the sight of her car keys stuffed in her pajama pants, poking painfully into my leg. I sighed and slipped the keys out of her pocket and slid them safely on the counter before glancing down at her again, a hand carefully lingering on her cheek.

“Another bad night?” I questioned, wondering where my father or Monica were, they had been home when I left, but I also knew tons could change in just the mere span of a few hours.

She nodded softly and brushed her tears away, taking a shaking breath before moving towards the car seat, but I set a gentle hand on her arm, motioning that I could take her. Crouching slowly, I carefully lowered the shade of the seat and removed Penelope’s pink blanket, unbuckling her flailing body from the confines of the straps.

Pulling her carefully against my shoulder, my hand found the pink blanket and draped it over her, carefully swaying back and forth to try and soothe her.

“I- I think she has colic, she won’t stop crying! Your dad, he- I know I can’t expect him to just jump in one hundred percent right off the bat-!” She sobbed, but I just shook my head and moved towards her, draping my available arm around her shoulder.

“He told you he would, so that is the expectation.” I sighed, reminding her that she wasn’t setting any bar too high. With the removal of her robe I felt my breath hitch at the sight of blood droplets splattering on her nightgown where her nipples were obviously lactating painfully.

“I snapped, I yelled at him and told him terrible things, and I came here, I didn’t know- I didn’t know what to do!” she cried, making me purse my lips and help her into the comfortable confines of the sofa, sitting myself down on the coffee table across from her.

“You can always come here, you know that.” I sighed, glancing around the room for something to try and help, my heart dropping slightly as I recalled the items left in the spare bedroom.

“She just won’t stop crying- I know it’s only been one night but, I’m at my end! She won’t latch on, my nipples are cracked and now they’re bleeding! I said he was a bad father, that he was no help! I normally don’t snap like that but she’s just so loud!” She sobbed hysterically, dropping her face into her hand, sobs shaking out of her chest. Biting down on my bottom lip I exhaled softly and nodded, feeling Penelope calm down slightly against my shoulder.

“Dana, I’m going to put Penelope down in the other room, Gibson is here, he will keep an eye on her.” I whispered, watching her nod at me and wave us away tiredly, allowing me to scurry away from the living room and into the master bedroom with the car seat.

“What…what’s going on?” He questioned nervously, emerging from the guest room upon hearing my mentioning of his presence. I sighed and promptly passed the baby off to him, watching him awkwardly hold her in his arms, allowing me to reposition his arm to support her limp neck.

“It was a bad night. Just keep an eye on her, she should fall asleep soon, just put her in the car seat when she goes down. Make sure to buckle her in. Then go into the guest room and there is a big box with a stroller in it. If you can assemble it, then she can sleep in that and we can walk her around if she fusses.” I rambled quickly, rushing into the bathroom to gather antiseptic and more aloe.

“I’m going to help Dana , .  i If you can help it, let us be, I’ll come back in to see how you’re doing. But if it’s an emergency, come out. She just needs a minute.” I breathed, his eyes wide as he juggled my now mewling sister in his arms, awkwardly bouncing her back and forth while pushing his glasses against his face.

“Uh- okay?”

With his agreement I was bustling back into the living room where Dana remained curled on the sofa, still sobbing her eyes out into her hand. I pursed my lips and carefully joined her, setting a gentle hand on her shoulder to catch her attention.

“Dana, does Mulder know that you’re here?” I questioned softly, watching her shrug in my direction before leaning against my shoulder.

“I told him that if he wouldn’t be helpful then I’d go to someone who would.” She shuddered, making me note mentally to let him know that she was okay and safe once everything was handled.

“Dana, are you still struggling with feeding?” I asked carefully, helping her sit back with a careful ease that she allowed, the question catalyzing a whole other burst of tears. I watched her visibly deflate in front of my very eyes, her hand reaching up to cover her mouth while she cried.

“Sometimes, but it wasn’t this hard with Will- why isn’t my body doing it!” She demanded in frustration, her hand reaching down to cover her pajama shirt with her robe, shuddering in embarrassment from the red stains.

“Dana, your body changes, and what may have been easy with William could be hard this time around, and vice versa. You’re not doing anything wrong.” I reminded, gathering the ointment that Valerie had purchased for me as a joke upon sharing what was once joyous news.

“If you want, I can help you…” I offered, catching her attention with the tube of nipple cream and aloe gel, making her sniffle carefully and pause.

“You don’t have to.” She deflected, making me chuckle at her comment and sit back.

“Dana Scully I watched your vagina push a baby out, if you need help with your boobs I have no problem.” I reminded carefully, the comment causing her to exhale slowly and release some of the tension from her shoulders at the acknowledgement.

“Then, yes please. They hurt.” She exhaled, carefully unbuttoning the front of her shirt to reveal her aggravated breasts from the constant feedings. The sight made my insides turn from the thought of such a sensitive area getting mangled in such a way.

“Okay, I’m going to put the ointment on…” I declared, carefully helping her with the small amount squeezed onto my fingers. She winced slightly before relaxing at the contact, settling further into the sofa.

“Now just sit here while I warm up some heating pads.” I urged, planting a gentle peck onto her temple, pushing myself off of the couch to place two material bags of rice into the microwave, heating it up enough until it was soothing enough without burning my skin.

“Okay, now follow me.” I whispered with both bags in one hand, leading her down the hall where Gibson slipped out upon hearing my voice and Dana’s still unbuttoned shirt, bouncing Penelope up and down the short corridor.

Without question she climbed under the duvet of my side of the bed, not fighting me for once while I carefully placed the heating compress against her chest while helping her lie back.

“Try and rest with these, we’ll watch Pen while you sleep.” I vowed, watching her nod hastily at my words before squeezing my hand tightly.

“Thank you.” She croaked, her eyes falling heavily as I spread my new weighted blanket on top of her, instantly getting her to sleep within seconds.

I noted the made stroller in the corner, along with the empty car seat, making me chuckle that Gibson hadn’t yet put Penelope down. With a sigh I padded outside and watched as he quietly swayed with her in one arm, the other pointing to random frames and photos hung on the wall.

“Well you two found a way to keep each other occupied.” I whispered with a smirk, making him turn and promptly pass her off into my arms bashfully.

“She enjoys fine art, and the ceiling fan.” He reported, fixing his round glasses before wiping his shirt off with a wash cloth where she had spit up, making me giggle at the sight.

“I think she was just a bit upset that her mama was stressed. Normally she’s a pretty calm baby. Even when she was born she didn’t scream like most babies do.” I cooed, leading him into the living room where her diaper bag sat, digging her pacifier out to wiggle into her mouth.

“She likes you. Were you with Dana when she was born?” He asked softly, settling into the sofa beside me as I positioned her onto my thighs, watching her glance around and take in her surroundings.

“Mm yeah, she went into labor while we were at the house, and she came later that night. She was so tiny, but stubborn, Jesus Christ I thought she’d never come. Then she did and barely cried. So yeah, she’s normally pretty mild with the both of us, until we get upset.” I chuckled softly, brushing a hand over her now darkening locks.

“Do you miss him…when you see her? Hold her?” He questioned quietly, making me swallow thickly and wait for a moment, unsure how to address that question accurately.

“I always miss him.” I began, the answer sounding crass and sarcastic, making me exhale slowly and glance up at him, noticing the similar pains that he felt over losing our son.

“It’s different. Penelope isn’t my daughter, she’s my sister. However I think about him and what he’d look like at this age. Whether or not he’d hate baths like her, or if he’d let me breastfeed him. When he was born he was so tiny, I wonder if he managed to make it to full term, if he’d be small like her, or if he’d be tall and bulky.” I whispered, swaying my legs from side to side to softly rock her, noticing her big eyes focusing on me.

“When she was born it was all so different. When Franklin came…it was all so fast, they ‘helped’ me deliver him with forceps to save my life, so it wasn’t anything beautiful like when she came. I was by myself with the doctors and nurses and then I passed out from blood loss, so I didn’t get to have a true experience that most do.” I explained calmly, feeling her stomach rumble against my hands, her diaper blowing out before I even got the chance to lift her off of me.

“Fuck!” I exclaimed under my breath, lifting her off of my now ruined pajama pant legs, promptly passing her over to Gibson who visibly recoiled at the sight, holding the now gurgling baby away from his body.

In one swift motion I slid my pants off and tossed them aside, dragging the diaper bag onto my shoulder before urging him into the bathroom, closing the door behind the both of us as to not wake Dana from her much needed rest.

“We need to bathe her, it’s all up her back.” I groaned, gathering two fresh towels, setting one on the surface of the sink, along with the baby soap that I had purchased before leaving to find my father. Swiftly the sink was plugged and began to fill with warm water.

“How-?! How do you bathe a newborn!” Gibson cried, panic laced in his voice as I carefully took her from his hands, peeling her onesie off and discarding it onto the floor behind me. Next came the dirty diaper, carefully folding it and tossing it into the bin that I knew I’d have to take out.

“Fuck, there is shit all up her back, take a wipe from the bag and try to get most of it while the sink fills up.” I requested, his nose wrinkling as he pulled a wipe out and gagged, the draft on her bare skin making her face scrunch as she threatened a cry.

“Gibson- hurry. We are trying to prolong her crying as long as possible.” I warned firmly, watching as he nodded and began cleaning her up, much to her disliking. With a silent prayer that her pacifier would soothe her, I set her onto the towel spread out on the counter top.

Reaching over with a fresh wash cloth, I moved the warm material against her soft skin, the soap shockingly cold for her. With a deep breath I noticed her beginning to squirm angrily, her limbs wiggling in protest as she stretched her toes.

“I know you hate this, I do, but you can’t have a poopy back.” I reasoned, turning her gently with one hand, cleaning her off with the washcloth as she flinched and wiggled, her trusted pacifier falling out and into the water with a soft tap, resulting in an eruption of cries.

“Gibson- get it and wash it off now.” I demanded, hurrying up my process while making sure to clean her off completely, hearing him rinse the rubber with hot water before pressing it back into her wailing mouth.

“Mari, uhh she’s angry.” He warned, making me bite my lip before finishing up.

“Hand me the towel on the radiator.” I instructed, feeling the warm material against my back as I lifted her wet, flinching body against my chest, Gibson instantly draping the soft material across her back while I bounced her.

“All better. Shhh. Let’s get you changed and dressed.” I breathed, swaying back and forth as her wet little body squirmed against my shirt. As she calmed down the both of us quietly sighed in relief, feeling her tiny fist press against her lips as she began to suckle on it, rooting around for a source of food on me.

“Oh god I do not want to wake your mother, she’s going to lose it. Let’s see if she packed you any formula.” I sighed, glancing at Gibson who stared quietly, grabbing the door for me while following with the diaper bag.

“Toss her onesie and pink blanket into the wash for me please.” I requested, setting her onto the sofa beside my thigh while I dug through the bag, exhaling in relief at the sight of a small container of white powder, each section measured off equally with a bottle beside it.

“I can make it.” Gibson offered from behind, taking the items from me before I could answer, making himself busy in the kitchen, the microwave turning on while I carefully began to diaper Penelope, rubbing her baby lotion onto her wrinkly skin.

“See, I told you it’s not that bad.” I reminded while slipping her into another onesie, holding her tiny feet in my hands to warm them up before scanning the room, hastily yanking on the soft throw blanket that I used while watching movies, carefully setting her on top before gathering it around her.

“Perfect.” I breathed, turning towards Gibson who returned with a warm bottle, testing it on my wrist before hastily worming it into her mouth. Feeding greedily I sunk back onto the sofa, propping my feet onto the coffee table, noticing the wet spots, blood stains, spit up, and everything in between that had stained my shirt, chuckling lightly.

“Who would’ve thought.” I muttered, making Gibson perk up and glance towards me, urging me to repeat myself so he could hear.

“Who would’ve thought that a night of sex would result in this?”

  
  
  


…

  
  


The afternoon sun rose to it’s peak and slowly began to set as the winter season began to shorten our days. With two feedings and many more diaper changes, Penelope was finally down for a nap, along with Gibson who made himself comfortable on the perch of my sofa.

I yawned as I pushed the stroller up and down the hallway, the sound of rustling from the bedroom causing me to pause and turn the pram around and park it in the living room before poking my head into the bedroom.

Dana stirred momentarily before slowly opening her eyes, focusing on me as I retrieved a pair of socks, now dressed in a new pair of sweats as my others washed in the machine. She smiled tiredly and sat up, letting the now lukewarm compresses fall to her lap before buttoning her shirt up bashfully.

“Hi.” I smiled, but I just watched her cheeks blush with embarrassment as she draped her legs over the side of the bed, rubbing at her temples that seemed to be throbbing with a post nap ache. 

“How long…” She questioned nervously, but I just shrugged and glanced at my watch, counting the hours.

“About four and a half hours.” I shrugged, making her eyes brim with hot tears as she glanced in my direction with what could only be described as guilt and shame.

“Sorry…Jesus, I slept forever.” She tried to brush off, falling into another bout of tears, carefully brushing her tears away before chuckling. I slid beside her and nudged her shoulder with my own, prying a mischievous smirk out of her.

“If it were me, or Monica, or one of your patients in a situation like that, feeling how you did, would you tell them to just stick it out when they had a support system in place to help them?” I questioned evenly, making eye contact with the older woman who sighed and shook her head.

“It’s okay to need help. We’ve gone through this before with one another, and I’m glad you came so we could help you.” I pointed out, recalling the same conversation that she had with me while I sat in bed crying over Franklin.

Our postnatal experiences had been worlds apart, but both needing an abundance of love and care for not only the little lives that we harbored, but for one another who just needed support and love. 

“You’re right.” She sighed, tenderly cupping her breasts that seemed to have calmed down since she had arrived. I exhaled in satisfaction and handed her the robe that I had helped her out of before her nap, holding it open for her to slip into before climbing out of bed.

“How was she? How did you get her to stop crying?” She questioned in exasperation, sinking slightly as she noticed the lack of lactation in her breasts, the frustration evident as she scrunched her brow at me.

“I think you both were a little overwhelmed and needed a moment to breathe. Plus she blew out her diaper and I think that helped.” I shrugged, the comment making her giggle momentarily before tying her robe with the belt.

“Dana, I think maybe bottle feeding her would be the best bet for the both of you. I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but maybe to just help with the sleep deprivation since others would be able to help feed her,  _ and _ to give your body a break.” I suggested carefully, knowing how touchy this could be if handled poorly.

However I watched in shock as she nodded and sunk beside me on the bed, the both of us sitting in silence before she agreed.

“I just- with William, I breastfed him, and then I gave him up. I was always gone when I did have him and that was our only true time together. I guess I still worry that the same is going to happen with her.” She shrugged, allowing me to squeeze her hand firmly.

“She’s not going anywhere, and you can still bond with her while you bottle feed her or even pump, it doesn’t hurt as much and if you do it enough your milk might come easier. Cut yourself some slack.” I reminded, making her exhale slowly and nod.

“So why is Gibson here?” She questioned, abruptly changing the subject from her aching boobs to the man sitting in my living room. I swallowed and dropped my gaze, wondering how I’d explain this to the woman that I had sworn up and down to that I wouldn’t be doing this.

“Adult activities…” I confessed, making her nod at my innuendo and glance down at my hands, the both of us sitting in silence.

“Because of what happened to Diana…?” She questioned, making me sigh at the reality of it all and nod.

“He was bringing me a birthday cake…I wanted to fuck, you know…I didn’t think we’d be playing house all day.” I smirked, sighing heavily at the realization of the day, glancing over at Dana warily.

“Did you enjoy playing house?” The question lingering in the air before the sound of Penelope’s wails cut us off, thankfully keeping me from answering the question. I sighed in relief and slid off of the bed, the avoidance making Dana scowl playfully before following me out.

  
  


…

  
  


The apartment was quiet as Gibson slid his jacket and jeans on, smiling softly in my direction. I puffed out a slow breath and smirked back at him, handing him his glasses that he had removed while changing.

“Thank you for the birthday cake…and the birthday  _ cake _ …” I grinned, pursing my lips together as he chuckled at the statement.

“Anytime, I mean it.” He nodded back at me, giving me a goofy salute before turning to leave, turning back to face me as he palmed the doorknob.

“I uh, had fun today, even if I am exhausted, and am covered in spit up.” He smiled, making me scoff at the comment, raising an eyebrow at him to see if he was truly meaning what he said or lying to impress me.

“Getting pooped on?” I laughed, but he just shook his head at me and grabbed one of my hands, the contact catching me off guard, the act something more intimate than everything we had done together the night before, making my breath catch in my throat.

“I mean that was a plus, but just spending time with you, getting back into our groove together. Even if it was just as…friends.” He smiled, the words warming my insides unexpectedly as I stared at his intensely blue eyes that gazed back at me.

“I enjoyed it too, as friends…” I insisted, giving his hand a squeeze back, noticing the slight glow of his eyes at my comment, leaning in slowly before pecking my cheek, leaving it read and burning.

“I’ll see you around. Don’t be a stranger.” He winked, slipping out of the apartment with a wide grin, shutting the door behind him as he jogged off. I couldn’t help the flush that rushed through my face at the action and the comment, leaning my back against the door.

My mind wandered to thoughts of our son, the ache that was now a dull reminder that washed over me, versus the sharp, icy pain that invaded every piece of me after coming home from the hospital without him. How different our lives would be if I had him around, if Franklin had lived, if I never went on the road to find my father.

Would our reality be something similar to what I had experienced today. My head ached and I needed a drink, shuffling into the kitchen where my wine was kept, pulling a bottle of rosé out that I had purchased upon returning home.

Dana appeared from the back and raised an eyebrow at me, glancing up at the bottle with a tired expression.

“Here,” I offered, handing her a glass full of the wine, pouring myself another one before joining her on the sofa which was covered in baby socks, burp cloths, and miscellaneous items from the diaper bag. Penelope slept soundly in her pram attachment to the stroller, content with the day she had endured.

“Want to talk about it?” Dana questioned, her lips pursed as she sipped on her drink, leaning her head back on the cushion, but I just chuckled and bit down on my lip, unsure.

“Not really.” I declared, the automatic response falling off of my lips naturally. However I paused and took a breath, knowing that thousands of thoughts flooded my mind, prompting me to address the one that was lingering the most.

“How long do I wait?” I questioned, making her scoff at the nature of the question, going in for another sip before clearing her throat.

“Until you’re ready. Then when you’re ready, when you know that it’s right.” She shrugged, making it sound as easy as can be.

“Gee, thanks.” I sighed, leaning my cheek onto the top of her head, the night oddly nostalgic to our time spent in old motels, just the two of us, harboring our own secrets and pasts, back when the only person we had was the other. Now a bit more open with one another, the trust natural and thick between us, allowing her to link her arm around mine before tilting her head onto my shoulder.

“You’ll figure it out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! As always if you have any thoughts or comments feel free to leave them below:)


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